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Dear Korean,
I recently dated a Korean guy who was impressed with my knowledge of Korea/Korean pronunciation/Korean culture. One day we were talking and he asked me if I knew what I would call him and I responded, "oppa." (He was older than me.) He seemed to really like it, especially because I pronounced it correctly.
My question is, what would be your/an average reaction to a white girl calling you "oppa"? (Sparingly, of course. I do not plan on running up to all older Korean men with a greeting of, "oppa~!" just because I can, haha.) Would you like it? Would you think it's weird? Would it upset you? Catch you off guard?
Megan, She Who Loves the Oppas.
Dear Megan,
The Korean has previously written that Korean men are men before they are Korean, and there is no super-secret way of seducing them. But you just might have something that disproves the Korean. For some Korean men, the term oppa is known to act like a kryptonite.
Oppa means "(a woman's) older brother", but now it has evolved into a term of familiarity used by a woman for men who are older than the woman. Because the majority of relationships involve older men and younger women, the woman in the relationship frequently calls the man oppa. Such term has carried over even after marriage, eliciting frowns from traditionalists/purists (such as the Korean). Passionate girl fans for a male celebrity are often referred to as oppa budae ("oppa troopers"), because whenever a celebrity appears, a horde of girls run after him screaming "Oppa! Oppa!! Oppa!!!!!"
Personally, oppa totally works on the Korean, perhaps because being called by that term is a rare occurrence for the Korean since he has no younger sister. (Knowing this, however, the Korean's non-Korean dude friends sometimes call the Korean oppa, stirring up murderous rage.) So far, it has not made a difference if the term came from a Korean or a non-Korean. However, the Korean has also heard from other Korean American men that hearing oppa from a non-Korean is actually a turn-off.
This probably just means that the Korean is easy, but Korean men readers, have your say at it. Does oppa work on you?
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Monday, June 08, 2009
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44 COMMENTS:
I'm not a Korean male at all, rather a mixed (american/filipina) female, and I call a lot of my older Korean male penpals "oppa." I'm not trying to flirt with them or anything, it just kind of happens. But none of them seem to be put off by it, rather, they like the idea that I am interested enough in the culture and language to actually try to put it into use.
Though I have to admit, I think I would feel funny saying it in public, especially around other Koreans that I don't really know. In letters and in private is how I prefer to use it.
Doesn't really work for me. My girlfriend never calls me it because I prefer she doesn't and we're both Americanized Korean-Americans.
Some of the FOBs at my church call me oppa, but that's no big deal. I think if a girl is trying to cozy up a guy by calling them oppa, it just comes off as kind of gross. If it's a dongseng, no big deal.
I'm a gal whose Korean fiance's balls recede back into his body when he hears that word with more than the usual two syllables (as it is commonly whined by young Korean lasses for about five, almost invariably followed by a command like "hold my bag" or "buy me these shoes").
I exaggerate. However, I believe that this is partly why he was destined to end up with a non-Korean, though he doesn't believe me on that point.
Other Korean guys go absolutely wild when a non-Korean girl calls them "oppa." Watch StarKing for some fine examples.
Personally, it creeps me out that such a familiar, supposedly neutral, term is so flirtatiously sexual. So I don't use it anymore except with one friend who is practically Australian so it doesn't count.
Call me Nuna and you die. Hyeong-su-nim has also begun to bother me.
I prefer Oppa-Loompa.
I like my girlfriend to call me 오빠 (even though the current one is the same age as me, so I never hear this anymore), though it is definitely NOT a turn-on with non-Koreans. It's weird. To me, it's like seeing white foreign men carrying the handbags of their Korean girlfriends--it's like: Hey, you're better than that!
That said, I didn't go to Korean church or anything, so sadly, the only person I hear 오빠 from growing up, was my younger sister. So to derive some flirtatious vibe is, well, sorta awkward.
I'm also a non-Korean girl with a Korean fiance,and I won't be able to call him oppa.That would be just as horrible,as to call him daddy!
I don't know,why this is so popular in Korea...it has anything to do with confucionism?Or it's referring to togetherness,like we are all the children of one nation?
Corean American male here and, for me, context is important. I don't mind being called oppa by Corean women in Corea (provided that we are friends) or Corean American women in the US (provided that they are well engrossed in the Corean American community). But hearing oppa from anyone outside of the Corean context would be a little off-putting.
For example, if a non-Corean woman, that lived in Corea, who I became familiar with called me oppa, I'd be all right with that, because the dominant context around our relationship would be Corean. But if I make friends with a non-Corean woman in the US and she calls me oppa (barring unusual circumstances like adoption into a Corean family), it would seem out of place and more than a little creepy.
That said, I think that Corean men from Corea and Corean men who grew up in another country might also see the use of the term differently. For me, it's not kryptonite as I see it a somewhat neutral descriptive term, with connotations of endearment.
"...the Korean's non-Korean dude friends sometimes call the Korean oppa, stirring up murderous rage."
Haha...that's just plain creepy.
I absolutely love it when a girl calls me oppa. Its a really subtle word that can transcend relationship. I would much rather someone call me oppa than John, Hojin, or Mike.. blah!!!
Why do purists frown on younger women calling their husbands oppa?
Adeel
It's cuz patriarchal tradition in korea dictates that husbands are supposed to be treated with utmost respect by their wives, and the term "oppa" (big brother) insinuates too much familiarity and similar rank with the person being referred to. Of course, this formality doesn't apply as strictly nowadays anymore.
You gotta love this one, too. When I was in Korea, many non-gyopo, foreigner guys would learn "oppa" from their girlfriends or female friends, and they wouldn't know that guy-to-guy and girl-to-girl language is different, so I'd say on three or four occasions, I got, usually after we'd share what year we were born:
foreigner friend: Hey, so you're older than me right?
me: yep.
ff: So, does that mean, I call you older brother, oppa, right? (in a high-pitched tone straight out of what you'd see on a street, in a Starbucks when a girl changes her pitch when her boyfriend calls, or in any Korean movie) Oppaaaaaaaaaaa??
Interestingly, I saw an obviously gay Korean couple in Itaewon one night and the dude look at the other, and no joke, said: onni!
I let out a conservative, primal scream I thought had become extinct three generations ago on the rice farms.
whoops:
guy-to-guy and girl-to-guy (not girl-to-girl)
JW,
That's too many big words. Here is a simple explanation: Don't call your husband your brother! That's disgusting!
Oops, I guess that works too! I was just doing what I can to sub in for you TK, however ridiculous that may sound. =)
My girlfriend and I are Korean enough that it would probably be acceptable for her to call me "oppa," at least during about half of our conversations that are carried out in Korean. Unfortunately, Korean sentences can be completed without a subject. So the only time she uses that term is when she's making fun of me, after which she cringes and makes a vomiting motion. It's such a turn on. I wish she'd do it more. I'd even be OK if maybe one out of ten times she didn't act like she were going to throw up.
If a non-Korean girl referred to me as "oppa," it might come off as trying too hard.
Ladies, learn to say it right and you won't need money.
I'm chinese american and used to date a korean. I admit I didn't know much about korean culture, so he explained that girlfriends usually called their boyfriends "oppa".
At the time, I interpreted as a term of endearment, like "honey" or "sweetie". But after reading this post, I didn't realize that some guys actually cringed at it.
So now I'm wondering if it was weird to have a korean boyfriend specifically ask a non-korean girlfriend to call him oppa? Or if there was some other meaning behind it?
I'm a mixed Korean/White, and currently dating a Korean girl. She asked me if she could call me oppa, I said I would love it if she did. I've also been called oppa by a fellow Korean language student, and amusingly enough, by my Korean language teacher, who is a few years older than am I. I don't mind it, I think it's sweet. But then I'm not a full blood Korean from Korea, so take it for whatever it's worth.
I did find it a little disconcerting to have a waiter call me hyung-nim in the restaurant, but I got used to it. of course maybe that's just cause I'm getting old ;)
This was amusing. :)
I've found that Koreans raised in Korea are generally ok with it, and the gyopos are usually put off by it.
Hey PaulC
Maybe you'd better find another language teacher. That really is odd. Or maybe not. What I mean is, even Koreans use these types of words in what seems to be confusing ways. For example, my aunt who runs a restaurant calls one of her younger female employees "un-ni" -- which is normally reserved as a term used by females to refer to *older* females -- because apparently it's a more affectionate way to refer to her than straight up using her name. Also, strangers I run across often call me "ajusshi" even though I don't look anywhere near as old as your typical adjusshi because I don't look young enough to be called "haksaeng" (student). I'd hate to be a first time learner of korean trying to figure these things out.
When I was in Korea, I had my hair quite long and as I walked into the haircut place, one of those ajummas distributing those little business card/candy mint packages in plastic wrapping, called me ajosshi.
After I got my hair cut, quite short, she yelled at me: 학생 학생!
Proudest moment ever.
I agree with t_song and the others that've said it's really "trying too hard" when an American girl tries to use it with a Korean guy. That said, despite being a white American girl, I've used it in two circumstances. However, I'd argue that I'm one of the unusual cases 장지훈 mentioned because I lived in Seoul for two years and will be moving back in less than a month.
1. In a drunken state one night, my Korean (ex)boyfriend and I started a conversation in Korean. "Oppa" slipped out of my mouth and he nearly fell over from joy--literally speechless for a good minute before he could stammer, "Say it again, please?". Reading The Korean's description of "oppa" as Kryptonite made me snort with laughter because it so accurately described the situation.
2. A friend asked if it would be alright with me to call him "oppa". He's a few years older than me and took interest in helping me with my fluency, so I assumed he meant it in the literal "big brother" context. Apparently, he took my agreement as a sign that we were dating, leading to an awkward situation not much later.
Is that normal? To assume a relationship just by use of "oppa"? Do Koreans use that as some kind of idiomatic "Will you go out with me?" type question, or was this situation just an awkward misunderstanding?
BRB Korea
My best guess, as a korean american thoroughly schooled in the ways of korean drama and movies, is that it was stupidity on his part. Korean dudes usually do not ask potential bedmates to call them oppa in order to signal interest. Sure, when the relationship gets going the younger girl's supposed to call them oppa, but in the beginning stages, it's just not how it's done most of the time.
Actually, BRB, now that I think about it, maybe you are the one assuming too much about the fact that he asked you to call him that. It was probably him just saying -- at the time -- "Can we move on to friendlier terms"?
JW
Wow, prompt!
It's entirely possible that I misinterpreted. A bit later in the conversation, he asked if we could go out on a dinner-and-a-movie date that weekend, so I might have read too much into his request, associating the "oppa" thing as a "boyfriend-oppa" instead of a "brother-oppa".
Hum, on the whole question of oppa, I'm always weird about using hoching when speaking English because it's just weird. My parents never made my brothers call me noona when we were growing up. (Ignoring the fact that I spent most of my life getting lectured about how I was a bad noona.) In Korean, it makes sense to use hoching, cos of the whole culture informing language. Calling someone oppa in English is weird to me.
I dunno, I think in Korea, people have gotten looser with hoching in a fun way. With the gay community, there is a lot of gender switching--males couples calling the other counterpart oppa or unni. Same with lesbians. Clearly not a traditional use, but still kind of fun.
I think I skew a little more on the traditional side about the use of oppa in a relationship. There is also a sense that if you are using oppa, there is more familiarity/intimacy. Also, I think there is a smidge of flattery, since I always feel like there is a youth component to using oppa, i.e. "You're not so old, cos you're an oppa!" Or I could be wrong and that's just my take on it. I have sort of a screwy sense of Korean culture/language anyways.
It all depends on how you say it.
Definately works for me.
As a korean, I will like a white girl calling me oppa. But if i am
not that close with her, it will be
burdensome after a while...so
it depends on how you are close with your 'oppa'.
One of my ex's, who is a white girl, used to call me "oppa". Her aunt heard her calling me that and asked what it meant. Whereupon, her aunt started calling me "oppa" too. But on some days it was "oppie" and once it was "opus".
Oppah totally works for me if it comes from a Korean context. I had two yuhakseng (Koreans who came to the states with a student visa) girl friends and they said "oppah" in a very cutsy way. Totally and completely worked.
However, when bananaish Korean American girls said oppah to me it just wasn't working for me. They were just too Americanized I guess. On the other had, I had a couple of Korean hapa girls say "oppah" to me also and for some strange reason it was totally alluring. I mean, think about it. A girl who is Korean, yet not Korean, but wanting to make that connection, totally putting in the effort to act Korean cute. It's sexy.
Diana,
Yes I would agree. The word oppah has a bizzarly wide rage of contexts for a supposedly neutral, family oriented term. Yes, my younger sister calls me oppah and that's fine. Completely sexually neutral. However, if a girl I like says it that *special* way, wow, my blood temperature rises.
I'd say it's kind of like catholic school girl uniforms. Not designed to illicit sexual excitement, but put it in the right (or wrong) context then it can be. A completely unintended consequence of being both cute and adolescent at the same time...
I think if really depends on the face of the girl for me.
If she is hot and pretty enough it would work like kryptonite if she said "oppa" to me. If she happens to be a fat or ugly girl then I would be put off if she called me "oppa" even if she was Korean/
I used to have this white girl in my class when I used to live in America that would call me "Ain" (애인) as a joke which means Lover or husband. The only thing is she probably looked up the word for boyfriend in an online translator or dictionary and didn't know that it wouldn't make sense in the context she put it in. I had to stop her from calling me that...
Now that I live in Korea, I have had girls refer to me as oppa in neutral terms. Even complete strangers. It seems normal to me. Like I had a girl ask "oppa can I borrow your pencil?" in class and I didn't even know her that well.
i hate it when one of my female collegues -- just because she's younger than i am -- calls me oppa. it gives me goose bumps because i think girls open up the 'potential' for a romantic relationship when they call someone oppa (not blood-related ones of course)
I don't want to go out with colleagues..
Haha, I'm a non-Korean/non-Asian girl, and my Korean friend/love interest pretty much told me to call him oppa, which he really seems to enjoy. I actually find it funny that it's so special. Who every knew that a suffix could make such a big difference. Oh well, if he likes it... :D
I'm a German/Irish/Arab-American female married to a native Korean and he absolutely HATES the term "oppa", especially when uttered by non-Koreans. He let me know that not long after we met. And frankly, I don't blame him. Too many skanky non-Asian girls with Yellow Fever use it to flirt.
I'm a Scottish guy living in Seoul, right now. I've dated a couple of Korean girls, both older than me. One of them would call me "oppa" whenever I was cross with her because she knew I thought it was cute. Most of the Korean girls dating Korean guys I know call them by English endearments. I teach at a university and the only time I hear "oppa" is between platonic friends.
I'm a Korean-American who lived in Seoul for 10 months. I knew that the appropriate word to call older male hu-baes was Oppa, but I couldn't do it. It felt so darn awkward to me. I only associate the word, Oppa, with my real, genetically related older brother. So I just gave my older male hu-baes American names and called them "Kevin", "James", and "David." They didn't care and I felt a lot more at ease.
I am, therefore I think:
"Oppa-loompa"?? I love it! I snorted from laughing so hard!
I've been teaching Koreans for 9 years and started teaching when I was 21. Since most of my students that time were graduates or in college; they were older than me. I'd have classes with them everyday, usually an hour per student for a 20 day program. I would have the same students for more than 6 months or so. (Students request for their teachers...)
My point is, I spent a lot of time with my students. On weekends, we would go around town and have lunch dates or drinks with other teachers and students. My older male students sometimes would ask me to call them "oppa". I think it's because we consider each other friends but the fact is, for Koreans, friends should be of the same age. They told me, it's quite disrespectful for me to call them my friend or my "chingu" so they ask me to call them "oppa".
I've noticed that, they feel more comfortable in group classes, especially if it involves a lot of debate, presentation and speaking. In specific lessons like those of IELTS, TOEIC, TOEFL and grammar, the class atmosphere is quite serious and stressing for them, but I would see them break a smile and feel more relaxed when I address them with a respectful "oppa" than their English names. I've gotten good evaluations that would have good comments related to this.
I don't think calling them "oppa" bothers them in situations like these. I don't flirt with them and vice-versa. We joke around and have fun. I guess it's just a way for us to say "we are friends"... even now that we're older...BUT they're always going to be older than me. ;p
Btw, I'm a Filipina and had those students in the Philippines. I am now in Jersey but I still talk to my good ol' "oppas".
Coming from a Korean female who uses the word "oppa/오빠" for any Korean male who is older than her but not too old (which would then be replaced with "ajuhssi/아저씨" instead), it's weird to think that that word has such strong effect on Korean males...
I just think it's a form of respect for older males, like "unni/언니" is for older females..............
This is the first time I have heard any Korean guys being turned off by nonKorean girls calling them that. My Korean guy friends at University used to make me call them "oppa." (It was weird for me at first, because I am not Korean, but they insisted so I got used to it.)
I am a Taiwanese-American married to a pure Korean husband, and he loved when I called him "oppa" since we first met, even though he has 2 younger sisters. My mom asked me once what it meant, and was disgusted that boyfriends and blood-related older brothers are called the same.
Now that we are married, he still prefers it when I call him "oppa," saying that he finds me calling him "yuhbo" awkward.
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