Monday, June 06, 2011

Very nice New York Times article about interracial dating featuring a Korean American man, his parents, and Diane Farr, the star of Numb3rs on CBS. A sample:
Once seated, I began to dissect my burrito, looking to expel anything that might singe my half-Irish, half-Italian and wholly American palate. While running my fork through the black beans, I asked my Korean-American suitor, “Do you intend to leave me for an Asian girl someday?”

Seung paused for just a moment too long.

As my smile began to wane, he finally replied, “I’m supposed to marry a Korean girl.”

My mind raced: What? Do you have another girlfriend? And was that her friend outside?

Seung added, “My parents have been clear about this my entire life.”


I told him that as a 35-year-old woman who had already made my way in the world, I didn’t need his parents to accept me. They lived far away, we were not financially dependent on them, and I could be respectful to them no matter what, because I respected the man they’d made.

Seung then smiled and said, “That’s good to know because I have a plan.”

He explained that, weeks before, he had begun a campaign to make his parents like, accept or at least not hate me, and to not disown him. This campaign included systematic leaks of information to his parents by family members who were sympathetic to his affection for someone outside of their race.

“Terrific strategy, honey,” I said, trying to hide how unsettled I felt.
Bringing Home the Wrong Race [New York Times]


  1. My parents are also like this. They won't mind us being friends with people of any race but when it comes to dating we are only allowed to date Chinese people. It is obviously irrational and when you try to argue the point with them this is very clear. They somehow feel like Chinese people are somehow better than other people, as if Chinese people can't be criminals, or do not have affairs.

  2. It's sad that some parents feel this way, but at the same time I highly doubt the reason to parents wanting their children marrying someone of the same ethnicity is because their race is somehow superior to others (most of the time). It's probably to keep the tradition within the family and for the parents to communicate easier with their children's spouses (if first generation immigrants).

  3. I hate to say this happened to me but it did. This is how I actually came to find this blog. I was dating, then living with, and then raising the children of a korean man I loved. I was good enough for years to be the adoptive mom and long term fiance but the time came when he parents said flat out they would never accept me and would not pass on the family business unless she was korean. He was not a strong man and complied. He married the girl they picked out, the one they said would help further the family and business, and every day I still hear how miserable he and the kids are. Not to mention me :(


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