Saturday, January 09, 2010

Ask a Korean! News: North Korean Jokes

In addition to incredibly insightful posts on North Korea, Mr. Joo Seong-Ha at Nambuk Story also puts up hilarious North Korean jokes. Here is a translated selection.

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A:   There is a new power plant in Hamheung-si.
B:   No, I'm just coming back from there, but I didn't see a power plant.
A:   And there is a new chemical factory in Kimjeongsuk-gun.
B:   I was there a week ago but I didn't see any factory...
A:   Comrade! Stop running around and read the newspaper once in a while.


*                     *                       *

During a lecture, a Kim Il-Sung University professor asked: "What is the difference between mathematics and scientific communism?"
A student stood up and said: "Mathematics requires proof through evidence. But because everything about scientific communism is proven, no evidence is necessary."


*                      *                      *

The representatives from Zimbabwe visited North Korea, and asked for North Korean experts to build a Department of Navy. The North Korean officials were befuddled, and asked: "Why would you need a navy? Your country is landlocked!"

Zimbabwean representative replied: "What do you mean why? Then why does your country have a Department of Culture?"

(Source)

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Looking at a painting of Adam and Eve holding an apple in an art gallery, an Englishman said: "They are English, because the man shares delicious food with a woman."

A Frenchman said: "They are French, because they are walking in the nude."

A North Korean said: "They are North Korean. They have no clothes and little food, but they think they are in heaven."


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Kim Jong-Il visited a commune farm, and saw a number of healthy pigs. Kim became pleased at the sight, and took a photo with the pigs.

The Rodong Shinmun [newspaper] had to carry the picture, and the editor agonized over the caption: "Hm... 'Comrade Kim Jong-Il stands with pigs.' No... 'Pigs with comrade Kim Jong-Il.' No..."

Finally, the caption on the newspaper said: "Comrade Kim Jong-Il is the third one from the left!"


*                      *                      *

Reporter:   How did you live and stay healthy for so long?
Old man:   I have lived so long because, under the loving care of the Great Leader and Dear Leader, I eat rice and meat all the time in a warm, beautiful house.
Reporter:   So you still read newspaper and watch television?
Old man:   If I didn't read newspaper and watch television, how would I know that I live in a warm, beautiful house eating rice and meat?


*                      *                     *

A CNN reporter visited Pyongyang and met North Koreans.

"America is a free country. If the president is not doing a good job, you can go out to Times Square and say out loud, 'Down with Barack Obama!'"

A North Korean gave that a lot of thought, and proudly replied:

"North Korea is a free country as well. We North Koreans can also go to the Kim Il-Sung Square and say out loud, 'Down with Barack Obama!'"


*                       *                     *

A North Korean farmer caught a fish in a river. He returned home happily and told his wife:
"Look! We can have fried fish tonight!"
"But we have no oil."
"Then we can have steamed fish."
"We have no pot!"
"Then broiled fish?"
"We have no wood."
"Sashimi?"
"We have no knife either."

The farmer angrily went back to the river and tossed the fish back in the river. The fish made a circle in the water, stuck out its head, raised its right fin and exclaimed:

"All hail Dear Leader!"


*                      *                       *

Kim Jong-Il and Vladimir Putin were having a summit meeting at a 20-story building. During a break, the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards. First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said: "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears: "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son." Putin explained that he was only joking, and let Ivan out.

Then Kim Jong-Il called his guard Lee, and told him to jump. Lee started running toward the window. Putin grabbed him and said: "Are you crazy? You will die if you jump!"

Struggling, Lee replied: "Let me go! I have a wife and a son!"


*                      *                        *

A teacher of a North Korea elementary school took her class to the field trip to a farm, and saw a rabbit. The children who grew up in the city have never seen a rabbit before.

The teacher asked: "Does anyone know what this is?" No child knew. She gave a hint: "This is something you hear about it all the time from the stories you read and the songs you learn in school. It is on television a lot, too."

A child, after much thought, proudly replied: "Oh, I see. This is General Kim Jong-Il."


*                        *                           *

A leftist agitator from South Korea visited North Korea. To welcome him, there was a grand feast at Pyongyang Mokran-gwan. The feast had an amazing selection of rare food and drinks: roasted eel, a whole roasted calf, ginseng liquer...

The agitator was impressed and said: "I am very surprised. I have never seen this kind of feast."

The North Korean representative, in a quivering voice, replied: "Same here. Thank you so much, comrade. We will never forget this."


*                     *                       *

North Korean fishermen went out to the sea and got lost in a storm. They radioed SOS, but everyone was in despair because they knew that no help was coming in the storm just to save a few fishermen. But somehow the radioman was convinced that the help was on the way. The captain yelled: "Forget your stupid hope! Why would they brave this weather?"

The radioman replied: "They are coming. For each SOS, I added 'Kim Jong-Il is a motherfucker.' The Security Bureau will surely come to get us."


*                    *                      *

Kim Il-Sung University professor asked the students: "How many different economic systems exist in the world today?"

A student replied: "There are three. Our juche economic system, the capitalist economic system and the Chinese-style hybrid economic system."

The professor asked again: "Then among the three, which system will be victorious in the end?"

The student replied: "Um... I can't really answer that..."

The professor was outraged: "What do you mean? The answer is clear! Our juche economic system is the only system that will prevail over all other existing economic system and become victorious in the end!"

The student stammered and replied: "Yes, I learned that... but when that happens, which country will give us food aid?"


*                         *                           *

The United States and North Korea were having a meeting at Panmunjeom. At the meeting, an American officer stretched his leg and mistakenly touched the foot of a North Korean lady interpreter sitting on the other side.

"Excuse me, miss."

The interpreter blushed, and whispered to a lieutenant sitting next to her. The lieutenant then whispered to the colonel next to him. The colonel then whispered something to the general who was heading the North Korean delegates. The general got up, left the room, and called Pyongyang.

30 minutes later, the general returned to the conference room and whispered to the colonel, who whispered to the lieutenant, who whispered to the interpreter. The American officer was puzzled, because he did not understand Korean.

After all the whispering was over, the interpreter smiled at the officer and said in English:

"That's ok."


*                   *                      *

Kim Il-Sung went on a tour of the countryside and met an old man. Kim Il-Sung asked:

"When were you happier, before the revolution or after the revolution?"
"I was happier before the revolution."

Kim Il-Sung was displeased, but asked again:

"Why is that?"
"Before the revolution I had two pieces of clothes, but now I only have one."

Kim Il-Sung laughed and said: "That's it? Just because of clothes? There are many in Africa who walk around with no clothes at all."

The old man widened his eyes and said: "Africa had two revolutions already?"


*                        *                         *

A North Korean defector survived over all kinds of hardship, and finally entered South Korea. The National Intelligence Service searched his meager belongings, and found a well-kept photograph of Kim Jong-Il. The NIS agent asked: "Are you a spy? What is this picture?"

The defector replied: "I had to bring it just in case I became homesick."


Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

8 comments:

  1. Most of those are actual Soviet jokes with "USSR" replaced with "NK" all over and so on.

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  2. Possibly... but they're still hilarious :)

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  3. I liked all the jokes that didn't have to do with starving...

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  4. rofl! My neighbor is going to think I'm crazy for laughing so loud

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  5. These are hilarious. Even more so if North Koreans told these jokes to each other when agents of their "Dear Leader" aren't listening (even if most of them are on loan from the Soviet era) :P

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  6. What do North Korean zombies like to eat?

    grains...Grains...GRAINS!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Very tragi-comical....
    I want to hear jokes FROM North Korea, btw.

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  8. I am laughing my head off ! Somebody help !

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