The Korean recently noticed that many people from above countries (presumably women) are getting to this particular post through Googling for "Korean men". Your situation tends to be somewhat different from regular dating, so please read this carefully.If you are considering dating/marrying a Korean man, look out for the following:
1. Remember that majority of Koreans are racists. That means that they despise people whose skins are darker than them. Southeastern Asians are darker than Koreans. You do the math. It's safe to say that in many cases, your relationship will not be based on respect.
Even if your guy is not racist, his parents, relatives, and friends are going to be racist. That makes a long-term relationship or marriage extremely difficult. At some point, your guy will be forced to choose between you and everyone else he knows. Guess which one he is more likely to choose?
2. The same principle applies everywhere: Korean men are exactly the same as all men. And all men lie, beg, manipulate, and do other despicable things to have sex with women. Korean men are no different. The fact that they have less respect for you would make this more likely.
3. Are you going through some type of a broker? Be EXTREMELY careful about these services. Korean men who come to Southeast Asia through a marriage broker do so because NO KOREAN WOMAN WOULD MARRY HIM. There is a reason for that. Of course, some men are just unlucky -- Korean women tend not to marry divorced men or men living in rural areas as farmers. But many men are your classic, stuck-in-the-1960s type of Koreans whose hobbies include beating their wives.
4. Regardless of going through a broker or not, watch out for older Korean men (in 30s~40s as opposed to in early 20s), for the simple reason that older Korean men are more likely to be racist, manipulative, and disrespectful to women. Remember, there is a strong pressure for Koreans to get married in their early 30s at the latest. So if there is a single Korean who is older than, say, 33, either s/he went through some unusual circumstances, or something is wrong with that person.
5. Lastly, do not fall for the two classic mistakes that all women make about men at some point in their lifetime: "He is different from everyone" and "He will change for me." The first one is correct only about 20 percent of the time, and the second one is never correct.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Posts
This is soooo true, embarrassing but true. Don't think all Korean men are like those actors in Korean dramas.
ReplyDeleteKorean,
Don't you think Koreans are also racist toward Chinese and Japanese?
My experience is that, if you weren't born and raised in Korea, you are not considered equal to Koreans.
I kinda agree with you. It's a sad thing though. Korean culture is not yet actually open to interracial marriage, and they view foreigners as lowly...my professor in anthropology back in Korea said that it is the manifestation of the effects of the poverty and cruelty they've received back to the war era. So don't be delusional in having a good relationship with them. Maybe in the early stage of being in a relationship w/ a young korean let say 20 to 25, you would find him like your perfect and one true love but at some point, maybe after he gets what he wanted from you you'll become nothing. And about the old korean man marrying woman from SEA, sad to say but it's true my friend's dad told me that in the place where he works there were so many people who are married to koreans working in the farm (low profile). And told me I was lucky to be well educated. Sure they are racist towards Chinese too...My roommate before even said ah Chinese are not foreigners they are just Chinese, and they are dirty...well if you live with Chinese (not mixed) you'll really find them dirty (physically). Hmmm with Japanese, its just they have a grudge with Japanese (read history).
DeleteOf course they are -- Koreans are racist toward all non-Koreans. But with whites and Japanese, Koreans at least have some begrudging respect towards them. Koreans dislike them, but Koreans don't think they are beneath them. Koreans feel that Southeastern Asians are beneath them.
ReplyDeleteHi Korean,
ReplyDeleteI know where you are getting at with your post, but I find the term "southeast asia" too general. How about people from Malaysia and Singapore? I'm a Singaporean chinese and I don't find myself any "darker" than any Koreans. Although I wouldn't say we are superior but certainly we are not "beneath" them. I hope you acknowledge that there are some exceptions.
aout4
you know what's funny is that i am reminded of a korean friend here in the Philippines who told me that there are no gays in Korea. if at all, they are treated as psychologically problematic.
ReplyDeletei personally believe that that can not true. the probability of having gays in a given population is not at all close to zero %, disregarding cultural factors.
here in Southeast Asia, or at least my clan here in the Philippines, we believe that if a man reaches his 30's and he has not married, or not even impregnated anyone even outside of marriage, he most probably is gay. (this of course is not to say that those who are married could not be gay).
so if you see a korean, or any other human being who is not yet married in his 30's, you should be willing to accept that there's a good chance that the man you're going to marry could have been hiding in the closet all these years.
(i think Filipinas are getting interested with Koreans because of the unusually high number of Koreans living in the Philippines today. and hundreds of thousands of Koreans flock Philippine soil year to year. and there's really a very high number of YOUNG Korean men marrying YOUNG Filipinas and staying here. maybe because Filipinas are very empowered people, it would turn a gay guy around.)
aout4,
ReplyDeleteTo Koreans, there are only four kinds of Asians: Korean, Japanese, Chinese, and the rest, in that order.
world,
Women believing that Korean men are like what you see in Korean dramas is equivalent to men believing that Japanese women are like what you see in Japanese porn.
not all asians are from the east,, cmon wake up. :(,,, so poor thinking, theres from the west too. :D,not all Asians are YELLOW monkeys. cmon.
DeleteI give you credit, because your theories are mostly based on generalizations, which can be true for most Asians. These basic theories can be applied to all cultures and races not just koreans. In other words it’s called "ignorance". My Bf, who is Korean…told me about your blog.
ReplyDeleteI find it very interesting; I guess you’re just being honest.
But, lets be realistic...does it matter where you are from! As long as you’re pretty, you can get the attention of pretty much any guy.
Because, what you are saying is:
I a south-east Asian/half Chinese girl born in Thailand would never grab the attention of most Korean guys.
Hmmm!..See this is interesting, because Koreans who are known for being “plastic fantastic” (a lot of my friends got eye surgery and such) look down on other south-east Asian races.
I'm truly sorry that my eyes are really big and my nose is defined and that I have a thin face and high cheek bones, and that my teeth are perfectly straight. Ohh yeah! And that I didn't have to get a single surgery to get this face or porcelain veneers. I guess I should thank my parents! Oh wait my dad is from south-east Asia! No Korean guy would accept me. Like I care!
Look I do understand what you are saying is some what true, but don't generalize it for all.
I get told that I'm really pretty by all types of Asian guys. However, it’s usually the Japanese and Koreans that can't tell it to my face. I have my girlfriends telling me that, "oh hey, he thinks you’re pretty". I can only give Chinese guys some credit, because they can at least tell me that they think I’m cute to my face, especially when I’m at work. I even have a fan base of little Korean boys come in my café, stare at me and play arcade games all day. Even Hyolee is darker than me and she is considered one of the hottest Korean women ever. Also, the younger Korean girls I mentor often our envious, because I have large eyes for an Asian girl. Okay! I know, I sound really conceited, but I’m just trying to make a point that people are more vein than they are racist. What I mean is if you’re pretty, you’re pretty to all types of guys.
But, maybe I’m so wrong and you truly are right…considering everyone tells me a look Japanese!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSee? I told you all hot girls are dumb.
ReplyDeletemaisun,
ReplyDeleteI found the honesty of this post refreshing. I'm a white 24 year-old male and I'd say that men are men the world over. While you are correct that "As long as you’re pretty, you can get the attention of pretty much any guy." you are sorely missing the point. It may be looks that gets people together but it certainly isn't looks that keeps them together. Invariably, if a man doesn't respect you as a person you will be mistreated, disrespected, and unhappy in the relationship.
The reference to how dark someone's skin is, is not literal as much as it is a comment about a class of people. You may be a "dark Korean" or a "light south-east-asian" and it just doesn't matter. Even if you look exactly like a Korean woman, a racist man will still dislike who you are even if he can't see it in your face.
"...people are more vein than they are racist." is only true initially. In a long term relationship all the fake layers will be stripped away and who you are as a person will be the defining factor between a bad relationship and a lasting one.
You don't want to date a guy who might be raciest against you -or- a guy only in it for your looks.
Calvin,
ReplyDeleteAre you a Korean? It's so sad to hear comments like "and the rest, in that order" and to know that "I am" in that last order. I know it maybe the truth, but it hurts, as I have Korean friends. Now I'm thinking whether if they do really treat me as "friend" or just "someone in that lower order". Rest assured, under normal circumstances, I don't think I'll marry any Koran guy.
hahahah... they all thought that darker skin is inferior. those yellow monkeys are all crazy of being a white race. :D wants to have bigger eyes and whiter skin all the time. gross thinking and culture...
Deleteaout4,
ReplyDeleteI hope you realize that I was trying to be funny in a mean way.
The root cuase of the whole "Koreans are racists" issue is the fact that Koreans have been historically trapped inside the peninsula. Now, with the invention of airplanes, things have changed alot. Most of the racism issue we have to deal with is from the older generation who didn't have the luxury of travelling overseas for broader cultural exposure(notice The Korean warning us specifically about older people). I'm sure that your friends are better than that.
But in any case, don't marry a Korean guy haha
Well to this I can only say...if those brave 1400 Filipino soldiers decided to retreat like the Americans, UK, Turkish trops because they're overwhelmed with the 40,000 Chinese troops.yup the Filipino soldiers stayed to fight without winter clothing because they didn't have winter in the Philippines so they didn't expect the weather. They were the only ones there until US reinforcement came. They lost more than a hundred soldier while china lost 7000.. I guess you call that a miracle.. They fought a battle where the odds and weather is agaist them. If they retreated like the others there would be no south Korea. It would just be Korea and it will be a communist one that will be united and threaten the world now. Superiority is not in the color of the skin. And there will always be Racist in places where you have a specific group of people. They will always makes comment about other ethnic groups or nationality. Filipinos features and colors varies greatly. They can look like any ethnic background from european to latin to Indian to black to typical Asian. They can look average to really beautiful to below average. And you're saying that koreans think like that. Maybe there are some who does but so does some Filipinos . I would go ahead and say that I am lighter than most Filipinos and I prefer opposite sex with light skn also. That's not being prejudice . that's just a preference. As to why I prefer because to me they look good. But that's my opinion and preference. Koreans are mostly light skinned. So I understand why they would prefer someone like that also. But some Filipinos regardless of kpop being popular and all ,some do not prefer Koreans ,they like either Filipino or white. I have a Filipino coworker who look down on Koreans . she thinks appearance wise they're lacking because she doesn't like their eyes. So in both sides and other cultures. You will find people like these. But as to dating it really depends on that specific person.
Deletei'm not sure why you are writing this post. it's kinda detrimental and generalizes a lot, perhaps too much. i don't think it really helps to explain that much or clear up any misconceptions of korean culture or people. i think you're just having a reaction to all these women (probably a bunch of 15 year old girls) who are interested in korea because of men they see in the media.
ReplyDeleteas a female, i don't find what you wrote necessarily true, for the younger generation at least. but then i'm not one to take crap from guys either.
i don't think only korean men are racist, or that koreans are racist. i think you should be a little careful about what you say about koreans being racist just because of the homogenous population and geographical location.
i think people from han extraction have a kind of superiority complex to indo-asian (that is, southeast asian) people. basically, people who have darker complexion in general. i have met chinese, korean, and japanese people from all over the world who are racist. the first time i was exposed to blatant racism was two of my (attractive light skinned) female chinese friends were talking about how they would NEVER date a southeast asian man. i don't think they knew i overheard, but i don't think they cared because i am part of their "camp"- i'm korean.
but basically, i think the rule really goes "if you are attractive, it doesn't matter what your extraction is".
i would say more of the korean men i have met who are over 25 fit your descriptions. most of the korean men (there are not many from korea, but from other places in the world, i admit) i have associated with just don't fit your description. i find that many of the younger crowd are different because much of the girls they have associated with just won't take that crap. the guys i have met basically know that they can't act like chauvinistic pigs because they won't get any if you do.
that was a bunch of rambling, but i think you should be a little more careful about what you post, especially because i imagine people who don't know anything about korean culture will be reading your blogs. as a korean female, this entry probably made me never want to date a korean man ever again, even though i know it isn't a blanket truth. maybe you could write about the good things about a korean man, too?
call me fait,
ReplyDeleteIf you have been following this blog for at least a month, you would've found two articles on family violence, specifically Korean husbands beating/killing Southeast Asian wives: one two
Here's the summary of those two articles since you won't bother to go read them:
There's a trend in Korean men to buy mail order brides from Southeast Asia. In almost all cases, these men are paying to buy a maid that they can have sex with. There have even been cases exposed where Korean brokers were bidding on a boat full of unclothed Vietnamese women in a slave-trading style. When these women are sold to brokers, then to the actual buyers, the men who buy them treat them with so much violence and abuse that many of them were sent back dead(I can think of at least two in last few months).
The current article is a direct reaction to those cases, and it is written intentionally with skewed perspective. You said, "this entry probably made me never want to date a korean man ever again", and that is the exact purpose of this article. Harsh words -> less women sold -> less women dead. Capiche?
And please, don't be a dumbass bitch with shit like [but basically, i think the rule really goes "if you are attractive, it doesn't matter what your extraction is"] or [Because, what you are saying is: I a south-east Asian/half Chinese girl born in Thailand would never grab the attention of most Korean guys.]
You're completely off topic.
call_me_fait,
ReplyDelete1. Any meaningful discussion about a culture involves extensive generalization. So far the Korean has been operating on the assumption that the readers are aware that a description of a cultural phenomenon does not fully characterize each individual within that culture. The Korean does this because adding "generally but not always" in every sentence is paralyzing to write.
The Korean finds the whole "I know it, but other people might be mistaken" attitude objectionable because 1. such attitude insults an average person's intellect, and 2. if there are persons who are truly ignorant to take everything on this blog at the face value without adding "generally but not always" in their head (and the Korean has no doubt there are some,) they are too stupid to talk to me anyway.
2. The Korean receives a ton of emails every week from women in Southeast Asia, ranging from 15-year-olds Korean-drama-addicts to women who are considering marrying through Korean mail-order bride service. (Sometimes one and the same.) Many of them are unaware that there are significant challenges ahead because of racism in Korea. In addition, the Korean is also aware of the fact (supported by personal anecdotes as well as journalistically reported accounts) that many Korean men travel in the region with an expectation to have sex with numerous local women.
3. The Korean dares you to find the phrases "only Koreans are racists", "only Korean men are racists", or their functional equivalent, in this blog. To characterize what I wrote into such a stupid position is incredibly insulting.
4. I don't think you, as well as some commentors on this post, understand the subtleties of how racism manifests itself. It is simplistic and entirely incorrect to think that a Korean man who is racist toward Southeast Asians would never date Southeast Asian woman.
Because Korean man is a man first and Korean second (the point I repeatedly made in all caps in the original post about Korean men), even a racist Korean man would date Southeast Asian woman, especially if she is attractive. He might even be nice to her, by and large.
But as long as the racist attitude lives deep down, every aspect of the relationship will be tinged with disrespect. It may not be apparent in the beginning of the relationship, but it will surely show up as the relationship goes on.
Again you characterize "Korean men are racists against Southeast Asians" (= what I wrote) as "Korean men would never date Southeast Asians", and proceed to argue against the reduction, which is a patently idiotic proposition. Please, I'm not that stupid.
Hm. I just got a thought. So you think Siwon is only being nice to Pia?
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCalvin,
ReplyDeleteYeah I see your point now I guess, I think I take everything too personally. And thanks for reassuring that I shouldn't marry a korean guy hee....
Oh yeah, I think what I wanted to say is that I'm ok with the comment about koreans being racist towards non-koreans as I'm also guilty of being biased sometimes.
What I'm not so pleased is that the title says that the post is for ALL other S.E.A countries, but I think NOT ALL S.E.A countries are in that category.
Actually you're talking about bad men in general. I don't think it has anything to do with being Korean.
ReplyDeleteaout4,
ReplyDeleteI don't understand what you have problems with. What is wrong with the description "other SE Asian countries"? Are you saying you don't appreciate the implication that women from other SE Asian countries need this kind of advice?
The Korean,
ReplyDeleteI don't think she appreciates Singapore being seen as the same as Vietnam and Philippine =)
yes, that's correct, Calvin.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying I'm that superior than people from "the other S.E.A countries" but I just don't think ALL of us fall into your category.
Actually I know some young people have fantasies of marrying some nice guys, just like those guys from the dramas, but I just feel that they are like a different category all together.
The Korean, don't get me wrong. I appreciate your post. It serves as a warning, as many people might be clueless about what the "real" situations are, and you're the best person to give us the insight.
Ok, I guess I shall just end everything here. Actually, I enjoy your blog a lot. Keep it up!
This post is not relevant to me but i would just like to say thank you.
ReplyDeleteI hope it helps a lot of people.
Hello. Please help me translate my blogsite in Korean, English. Thanks
ReplyDeleteThanks for the warning!!!
ReplyDeleteI grew up in Australia, despite being from Philippines...
I find it sad to see ladies marry some complete stranger just escape the poverty or whatever circumstances they're in to make a better life. I find it even sadder when it turns out to be a bigger hell than the one they were in.
Racism bites, but we all have a tendency to be prejudice...in the western and ethnic world alike.
I've watched a few Korean dramas and I have to say they do give unrealistic expectations of men...but I would say the same about romantic novels.
I think you're also confusing preferences with racism. It's not wrong to have preferences... Just because someone would most likely go for a fairer skinned girl to a darker skinned girl doesn't make someone racist...
Hope that makes sense...:)
I think because all of the korean drama and kpop made all of korean men look superior and "oh so good". the reality is just blah! NOT all of them. after I've attended an Asian student dental congress in my country I realized how narrow their mind are.
ReplyDeletethey kept asking me "oh why ur people have different skin colors? some of them are dark and some of them are not?" i answered "yeah, bcause it's our diversity, we came from many races and cultures and be proud of it" and then they replied "which one is better here, darker skin or fair skin?" and they said in their country fair skin is considered more beautiful. and i just replied everyone is beautiful, not based on our skin diversity in races are beautiful u know"..
and do u all remember how Hwang Bo in her variety show we got married keep being teased coz she looks like a south east asian girl and has dark skin! argh I'm so pissed back then. It's not just trying to make some joke, they do that because it's true! they all think dark skin, South east asian = not good. even hwangbo looked ashamed. =(
that's really turned me off, BUT i think all the people in the world will think the same way. if they have something that mostly people agreed that's a good thing (let's say white skin, Caucasian feature, tall and lean body)they'll feel more superior toward others who hasn't that look.
not just physical. I am proud that mostly people in my country having no difficulties enunciate English words when they learn while korean having difficulties enunciate english with their native tongue! and sometimes hearing my fave korean artists speaking "Engrish" just make me laugh! (that's why they're so proud if one of the artist can speak clearly) I don't hate them. I adore them, they're hard working and very well-mannered to old people.
but they just have to open their eyes that not only korean people is the best race in the world. everybody has their OWN beauty! they won't survive just depending on their own, we need each other! (just like me who needs to listen to epik high and clazziquai. lol)
sorry for my bad english, ciao! =)
Totally agree about your post.I am from ph married with korean guy.Korean guy are suck's
ReplyDeletewhy do you say Korean guys sucks? I am from Phi. and have a Korean BF. He's so sweet, romantic and kind. However I need help if i should continue having relationship with him. I love him but am afraid to encounter bad consequences if we will get married in the future.
ReplyDeleteif i were u, might as well break him up because not him is racist but his relatives surely are racist. :D... think about that. even my korean friends told me that 90% of them are racist of the color.
Deletehey.. Im Filipina thanks for this blog actually. this past few days Im getting obsess watching korean drama like I cannot sleep and keep thinking about the korean actor in the film maybe because I found him attractive and the role he was playing. but It was great to know though painful that koreans are racist. In my university a korean guy said that he likes me I liked him too but I dont know what might happen next and this blog makes me realize that a drama is drama and reality is reality. so from now on I'll end my day dreaming that I will meet my idol ji changwook ,, hahahaha!! thanks for the blog :)
ReplyDelete