The Korean is in the news. (The article is in Korean.)
-EDIT 5/2/2008- FINE, the Korean will give an English translation.
The article was on Korea Daily, a Korean-language newspaper in New York. The interview was done in Korean, so the translation (especially the Korean's quotes) is kind of awkward.
Ask A Korean!
"Ask A Korean" Answers Korean Cultural Questions Posed by Second-Generation Koreans, non-Koreans/ Half of the questions come from 1.5-2nd generation, also from Southeast Asia/Non-Korean Ask about Korean Men the Most
"Is it ok to marry a Korean man?" "What does Andong Kim mean?"
These are the questions submitted to "Ask a Korean", a blog to which people can ask about Korean culture. The questions of course come from the U.S., but they also come from Canada, Korea, Australia, Southeast Asia.
"The Korean", who has been writing the blog since 2006, hides his identity behind a mask. All that is known is that he has lived in Korea until he was 16 when he moved to California, and he is a Korean man in his late 20s living in New York. This reporter met "the Korean" on the condition of anonymity.
*Understanding Misunderstood Culture - "I try to answer all questions from second generation Koreans."
The Korean always try to answer questions from second generation Koreans, who comprise about half of all questioners.
"For second generation Koreans who do not live in Los Angeles or New York, their parents are the only window into Korean culture. So there are many things that they misunderstand a lot about it."
Because the parents often say "this is how Koreans do things" without thinking, he said there are many cases in which the particularities of a family is confused with characteristics of all Koreans.
Korean adoptees ask as well. They would give the Korean their Korean name, asking for its meaning; they would also ask about Korean spelling of their name, intending to tattoo their name. A mixed-heritage Korean also asked "my mother keeps on saying I am Andong Kim, what does that mean?"
One non-Korean asked, "I have a Korean neighbor -- what's wrong with Korean culture?" The Korean replied, "it's not Korean culture, it's your neighbor."
The variety of the questions is infinite, including hojeok, family relations, Korean grammar. Many questions require weeks and months of study and reflection.
"I really learn a lot. All the different areas like Korean culture, history, and society all connect through the blog."
* What are Korean men like? - "I am trying to meet a Korean man through a broker. Is that ok?"
The most common question is about Korean men. The question is especially frequent from Southeast Asian women.
There was a case in which a Filipina who lived in Korea through marriage asked for the Korean's help. The woman, who was being abused by her husband in a country without any acquaintance, found the Korean on the Internet and told her circumstances. The Korean introduced her to an organization that helped abused Filipinas in Korea.
Other non-Korean women who are dating or married to Korean men ask similar questions. One non-Korean woman said "my boyfriend's mother is too cold to me," and asked how to be more recognized from Korean parents.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
The Korean's alma mater (that he dropped out after a year,) described with horror in New York Times. Make no mistake, the Korean educational system is deeply flawed. But once Koreans figure out the right way to invest all those hours from their students, they will leave Americans in the dust.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Super Special Korean Emotions?
Dear Korean,
I used to live in Korea and was recently reading something about a description for Korean emotion called ‘Chung’. I am not sure of the spelling of this, so am hopefully not confusing you. I skimmed through the article and saved it for later, only to discover I saved the wrong thing. Do you know anything about this? I asked a Korean friend, and didn’t get very far on account of his English not being ‘all that’.
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth,
The spelling was good enough, since the Korean got the idea. Technically the correct Romanization rule would make the word transliterated as jeong, but not even Korean people are fully versed in Romanization rules anyway. Jeong is a word that denotes a mixture of affection and attachment.
Especially with pets, jeong is closer to “attachment”. The word is frequently used in parents’ attempt to get their child let go of a stray cat – as in, “get rid of it before you develop jeong for it.” It is equivalent to “get rid of it before you get attached.” In a similar sense, a person with a lot of jeong is a person who gets attached to people/animals easily.
With other situations, jeong is closer to “affection”. Various actions are considered to be “with” or “without” jeong. For example, when you are serving rice from the pot into the bowl, you are supposed to serve it in two small scoops instead of one large scoop, because serving only once does not show affection. It is an action without jeong.
But beyond the ordinary use of the word, what Koreans believe to be unique about jeong is largely in two ways: (1) to describe random acts of kindness between people who barely know each other or total strangers; (2) to describe Korean people’s preference for informal processes.
In the first sense, jeong is especially used to describe the action of giving small, gratuitous gift – such action is full of jeong. A particularly close neighborhood is described as full of jeong, in which the neighbors act in a way that displays jeong – i.e. helping out and being nice to each other.
In fact, this is the marketing pitch for one of the most successful Korean exports, namely Choco-Pie. Vintage Choco-Pie commercials would show various situations where a small packet of Choco-Pie is given as a gift. (For example, a “good job” gift from teacher to student; “keep up the good work” gift from a passerby to a hard-working street sweeper, etc.) The last second of the commercial would give this line in a soft tone: “Choco-Pie is jeong.”
Another way in which Koreans claim that jeong is special to Koreans is that, compared to America and other Western societies, Koreans are more likely to rely on informal processes. For example, if a Korean person screws up in a job, the boss would yell at him first. But later the boss would take the employee out for dinners and drinks, to establish a bond (= jeong) and show that nothing personal was involved.
Whereas in America and other Western societies, (at least in the images in Korean people's head,) your performance would be evaluated on a dry piece of paper, and you are fired mercilessly if you cannot measure up, no matter how well you built a personal bond with your boss and coworkers. The entire process is heartless, and no jeong is involved.
But the Korean disagrees that jeong is anything particular to Koreans. The fact that Koreans believe so only highlights how narrow-minded stereotypes (about themselves no less!) continue to live on.
Jeong in the first sense can be found almost anywhere in the world. Anyone who traveled extensively would know that random acts of kindness are not particularly difficult to find. Even in New York, which has a reputation to be brusque city, the Korean has no difficulty finding strangers helping each other out. In short, jeong is not anything specific to Koreans; it is human nature.
Jeong in the second sense is even less defensible as uniquely Korean. In an example that the Korean gave, top-flight Korean companies like Samsung already employs the same heartless system that any American firm would. Formal process is a natural outcome of a society that pursues greater economic efficiency. It is also a natural outcome of a society that is increasingly individualized because of economic growth. After all, when people are forced to interact with complete strangers all the time, formal process is the only process people can turn to.
More broadly, the Korean believes that there is no such thing as “uniquely [insert culture’s name here] emotion”. Humans are all the same, and they are all capable of the same range of emotions. The only difference is the circumstances in which a particular group of humans are placed that generate such emotions. Then only thing that is unique about a “uniquely Korean emotion” is the experience that generated that emotion.
But a student of world history knows that, at the end of the day, the experience of the Korean people is not truly unique. Sure, Koreans were historically oppressed; but that oppression is nothing compared to the oppression suffered by, say, the Irish. And sure enough, Irish literature has a flavor that is strongly like Korean literature.
Bottom line: There is no point discussing a “uniquely Korean emotion”. A Korean who talks about that nonsense is someone who has not traveled or read enough to realize that it is all crap. It is a meaningless label in an attempt to distinguish Koreans from others somehow.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
I used to live in Korea and was recently reading something about a description for Korean emotion called ‘Chung’. I am not sure of the spelling of this, so am hopefully not confusing you. I skimmed through the article and saved it for later, only to discover I saved the wrong thing. Do you know anything about this? I asked a Korean friend, and didn’t get very far on account of his English not being ‘all that’.
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth,
The spelling was good enough, since the Korean got the idea. Technically the correct Romanization rule would make the word transliterated as jeong, but not even Korean people are fully versed in Romanization rules anyway. Jeong is a word that denotes a mixture of affection and attachment.
Especially with pets, jeong is closer to “attachment”. The word is frequently used in parents’ attempt to get their child let go of a stray cat – as in, “get rid of it before you develop jeong for it.” It is equivalent to “get rid of it before you get attached.” In a similar sense, a person with a lot of jeong is a person who gets attached to people/animals easily.
With other situations, jeong is closer to “affection”. Various actions are considered to be “with” or “without” jeong. For example, when you are serving rice from the pot into the bowl, you are supposed to serve it in two small scoops instead of one large scoop, because serving only once does not show affection. It is an action without jeong.
But beyond the ordinary use of the word, what Koreans believe to be unique about jeong is largely in two ways: (1) to describe random acts of kindness between people who barely know each other or total strangers; (2) to describe Korean people’s preference for informal processes.
In the first sense, jeong is especially used to describe the action of giving small, gratuitous gift – such action is full of jeong. A particularly close neighborhood is described as full of jeong, in which the neighbors act in a way that displays jeong – i.e. helping out and being nice to each other.
In fact, this is the marketing pitch for one of the most successful Korean exports, namely Choco-Pie. Vintage Choco-Pie commercials would show various situations where a small packet of Choco-Pie is given as a gift. (For example, a “good job” gift from teacher to student; “keep up the good work” gift from a passerby to a hard-working street sweeper, etc.) The last second of the commercial would give this line in a soft tone: “Choco-Pie is jeong.”
Another way in which Koreans claim that jeong is special to Koreans is that, compared to America and other Western societies, Koreans are more likely to rely on informal processes. For example, if a Korean person screws up in a job, the boss would yell at him first. But later the boss would take the employee out for dinners and drinks, to establish a bond (= jeong) and show that nothing personal was involved.
Whereas in America and other Western societies, (at least in the images in Korean people's head,) your performance would be evaluated on a dry piece of paper, and you are fired mercilessly if you cannot measure up, no matter how well you built a personal bond with your boss and coworkers. The entire process is heartless, and no jeong is involved.
But the Korean disagrees that jeong is anything particular to Koreans. The fact that Koreans believe so only highlights how narrow-minded stereotypes (about themselves no less!) continue to live on.
Jeong in the first sense can be found almost anywhere in the world. Anyone who traveled extensively would know that random acts of kindness are not particularly difficult to find. Even in New York, which has a reputation to be brusque city, the Korean has no difficulty finding strangers helping each other out. In short, jeong is not anything specific to Koreans; it is human nature.
Jeong in the second sense is even less defensible as uniquely Korean. In an example that the Korean gave, top-flight Korean companies like Samsung already employs the same heartless system that any American firm would. Formal process is a natural outcome of a society that pursues greater economic efficiency. It is also a natural outcome of a society that is increasingly individualized because of economic growth. After all, when people are forced to interact with complete strangers all the time, formal process is the only process people can turn to.
More broadly, the Korean believes that there is no such thing as “uniquely [insert culture’s name here] emotion”. Humans are all the same, and they are all capable of the same range of emotions. The only difference is the circumstances in which a particular group of humans are placed that generate such emotions. Then only thing that is unique about a “uniquely Korean emotion” is the experience that generated that emotion.
But a student of world history knows that, at the end of the day, the experience of the Korean people is not truly unique. Sure, Koreans were historically oppressed; but that oppression is nothing compared to the oppression suffered by, say, the Irish. And sure enough, Irish literature has a flavor that is strongly like Korean literature.
Bottom line: There is no point discussing a “uniquely Korean emotion”. A Korean who talks about that nonsense is someone who has not traveled or read enough to realize that it is all crap. It is a meaningless label in an attempt to distinguish Koreans from others somehow.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
The Korean is being crushed at work, so this comes a bit late... but check it out below, fellow soju drinkers:
Dear Korean:
We are a NYC marketing consultancy seeking soju drinkers of legal age for a research project. If you know of anyone who may be interested (yourself included) please refer them to Craigslist--marketing/pr/advertising-section--listed on 4/11/08 and featuring the above headline. Thank you.
Dear Korean:
We are a NYC marketing consultancy seeking soju drinkers of legal age for a research project. If you know of anyone who may be interested (yourself included) please refer them to Craigslist--marketing/pr/advertising-section--listed on 4/11/08 and featuring the above headline. Thank you.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Korean Women are Special Creatures (Not)
Dear Korean,
The Korean is Californian. So what? Next time, just say you are white. The white guilt has reached to such a degree that white people no longer say, “I am white.” They instead say things like “I am a Texan”, “I am a New Englander”, etc, which is even more insulting for non-white Texans and New Englanders.
The same goes to other Asian medicines such as herbal extracts, acupuncture, or diagnosis by pulse (picture). Asian medicines in fact have a very complex theory
behind it; it’s just that it is completely different from the theories behind Western medicine. Any explanation that involves the chi flow in the body would only invite scoffs from Western doctors as rank superstition. But Koreans know from experience that they all work.
My wife is Korean. I am Texan. She claims that there are many physiological differences between Asian and Caucasian women, and that is why they have to take care of their bodies in different ways when preparing for pregnancy, during pregnancy, and just after giving birth. How is it that information from mom and eonni is better than information from a doctor who has been to school for 8+ years and have years of experience on top of that?
There are just short of 13 million Asians in America, which is roughly a quarter of the population of South Korea. I am sure we would have some findings regarding racial differences on the Internet somewhere. Albeit, I have searched high and low on the Internet for information regarding any physiological differences between Asian and Caucasian women and men and have found squat. I think she is full of ddong, but just doesn't realize it.
Can you point me in any direction regarding information on physiological differences among Asians and Caucasians?
Floored,
Chris
Dear Chris on the Floor,
But onto your question. The short answer is yes, your wife is indeed full of ddong (=shit. Hey, you said it, not the Korean.) One caveat going forward: The Korean is not a doctor, so this may be wrong in some ways. However, as far as the Korean knows, there is no real physiological difference between Asian woman and Caucasian woman. Asian women, by and large, tend to be smaller, have narrower hips, and they tend to be prone to osteoporosis. However, such characteristics are no different from a small white woman.
(As an aside, by eliminating “doctor” from the possibilities of the Korean’s occupation, he may have given away what he does for living. After all, all Koreans are either doctors or …?)
Then the question is: why does your wife (and her mother and sister) say such a thing? It is because many American doctors, with their 8+ years of training and experience, are nonetheless full of shit as well. Over 50 centuries of history, Koreans (along with Chinese and Japanese) developed their own approach to personal health that is seldom understood by doctors of Western training.
Take the post-birth seaweed soup, for example. New Korean mothers’ having only seaweed soup for three weeks has a strong scientific basis – namely, seaweed is extremely rich in iron and iodine. Iron is necessary to replace the blood lost during childbirth, and iodine kick-starts hormone production that enables breastfeeding. The broth is usually made of beef or fish, which provides protein and calcium.
However, an average Korean does not know the scientific basis behind having only seaweed soup for three weeks after birth; they only know that, after thousands of years of trial-and-error, it works. Imagine telling the doctor: “I don’t need the iodine and iron supplements; I will be having seaweed soup for three weeks in a row.” Very few doctors in America would approve of that, since most do not understand the nutritional value of seaweed soup.
The same goes to other Asian medicines such as herbal extracts, acupuncture, or diagnosis by pulse (picture). Asian medicines in fact have a very complex theory
behind it; it’s just that it is completely different from the theories behind Western medicine. Any explanation that involves the chi flow in the body would only invite scoffs from Western doctors as rank superstition. But Koreans know from experience that they all work.So how do Koreans reconcile the tension? Often, they rationalize by saying that Western and Oriental medicines have different foci. While Western medicine focuses on getting rid of specific illness, Oriental medicine focuses on changing the composition of the body so that it will be more resistant to illness in general.
Another way of rationalization is saying exactly what your wife says: Koreans/Asians are just different. If a white doctor insists that a traditional remedy does not work, but self-experiment shows over and over again that it does work, it is one of the possible conclusions to say that Koreans are just different from white people in their physiology. It is especially easy to arrive at this conclusion given that, again, many Koreans are racists.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Korean Drama Queen
Thanks to reader Shirley, here is a smattering of questions about what goes on in Korean dramas.
Lest there should be any misunderstanding, the Korean FUCKING DETESTS KOREAN DRAMAS. The Korean hates the inanely twisted plot lines; identical faces enabled by plastic surgery; sub-par acting; and so many other reasons. The Korean will never understand people’s obsession with them. Never. Not ever.
But the Korean promised to answer any question, and he is a man of his word. So here it goes.
Dear Korean,
I have several questions regarding Korean family rules, legal matters and behaviors . . .
Regarding marriage:
Regarding the Korean TV Show, Daughters-In-Law why is the Yi family up in arms over Yi Boknam's relationship with Inu who is Boknam's brother-in-law by marriage? Is dating taboo between in-laws in Korea: i.e., especially when Boknam's brother, Yi Boksu married Inu's sister, Minji?
I just do not understand what the fuss is about between two Korean people not related by blood, but only related by marriage. Why do Korean families get heart attacks over this type of relationship and why is this considered unacceptable marriage?
To be sure, dating in-law is certainly not against Korean law, nor is it necessarily against Korean custom. There is in fact a historical precedent, when King Taejong of Shilla Dynasty was married to a sister of Gim Yushin, his lord chamberlain. In turn, Gim Yushin married Taejong’s sister, i.e. his sister-in-law. However, for most older (=very conservative) Koreans, relation by marriage is relation nonetheless. The in-laws have a certain obligation of respect toward each other, and a romantic relationship definitely flies in the face of that obligation.
But the drama (like all Korean dramas) probably overstated the conflict. A quick Internet search on the topic reveals that in this day and age, Korean people do not really care whether someone dates his or her in-law.
Why is it so vulgar or uncouth to show affection to your spouse such as kissing your spouse good-bye at the front door outside the bedroom as in the TV Show, Likeable Or Not?
Traditionally for male Koreans under 50, any show of affection is vulgar. It compromises the male authority to put himself in a position to be dictated by the actions of a subordinate, namely women and children. Korean culture apologists would say love is implied, without the physical gesture. The Korean’s opinion is that there was in fact little love in a traditional Korean marriage.
Although such is no longer the case in modern Korea, kissing is still considered a bit too racy to be done in public. However, this is changing very rapidly, and you can very easily see younger married couple exchanging pecks at the front door.
Why do Kings in the TV Show, Six Martyred Ministers get to choose th
eir own spouses through a courtesan line-up when a typical Korean family tradition rules the parents must choose the spouse for their sons and daughters? Is a King above the Korean traditional custom alleviating the need for the Mother Queen to choose the King's spouse?
Are you kidding? He is the king! He is the living dragon! The king gets to do anything he damn well pleases, and that includes defying his parents. Also, the rule that parents choose their children’s spouses is not strictly enforced, not even in the most traditional times in Korea. It is more of a trend than a rule.
(By the way, Six Martyred Ministers was the first TV series in which TV studios from North Korea and South Korea collaborated.)Is it against Korean Law to date or see a married individual on a constant basis despite the fact the other individual had no prior knowledge the person whom they were dating is married?
No. However, it would be against the law for the married person to have a sexual relationship with a person other than the spouse. Korean laws of adultery are arcane and complex. Therefore, it is the favorite weapon of cuckold husbands and jilted wives, who do not hesitate to exaggerate and lie about the reach of the law. The adultery law itself is a subject of a heated debate; there are currently three pending cases in the Constitutional Court of Korea asking to declare the law unconstitutional.
Regarding family registry documentation:
In the TV Show, Ajumma the divorced husband goes to the marriage clerk's office with both his officiating stamp and his ex-wife's stamp to enter into remarrying his ex-wife. Why isn't it necessary for both parties to be physically present in Korea when officiating marriage documentation before the marriage clerk?
Also, while the ex-husband is at the marriage clerk's office, why at the last second is the ex-wife notified by phone about the re-marriage certificate when the ex-wife should have been present initially? Why is a verbal phone call accepted by the marriage clerk accepting or declining the remarriage certificate as legally acceptable documentation?
The key is the “officiating stamp”. Instead of a signature, Koreans use an officiating stamp to show the legal effect of a document. The stamp is usually a person’s name in calligraphic Chinese characters. Each Korean adult MUST have an officiating stamp, and the shape of each stamp is filed in the government records.
For many legal instruments in Korea, the presence of the person is not required, because each person is assumed to have an exclusive control over his or her officiating stamp. In other words, your officiating stamp is a portable power-of-attorney; you are supposed to guard it with extreme care. In the Korean Parents’ case, the stamp is securely placed in the Bag-To-Be-Taken-Out-First-In-Case-Of-A-Fire.
Of course, it is entirely possible for someone to steal the stamp and misuse it. Legal actions are required to rectify the damage in such a case. It’s not much different from being on the hook for a loan because someone forged your signature.
Whereas in Happy Woman why isn't both mother and father present during family registry documentation registration at the clerk's office when adding or removing a child from a family registry?
That part is just incorrect. Adding or removing a child from family registry requires litigation before the court; it cannot be done at the clerk’s office.
Is it legal in Korean Law for a grandparent to abscond a grandchild living with the mother without legal documentation and force the child to live with the grandparents?
Yes. If there is no documentation, technically the birth mother has no legal relation to the child. Then the child belongs to the next of kin, which may be his or her grandparents. Of course, under the current system of family registration, the mother would always have documentation; if she does not, creating documentation is a simple matter.
However, in the bad old days when women could not be a “head of household” for family registration purposes, the following scenario would force the woman into a legal non-relation with her child:
Father has an illegitimate Child with Mother. Child is registered under Father’s registry; however, Mother raises Child, having little contact with Father. Father dies. (Paternal) Grandfather assumes Father’s registry, thereby assuming the relation with Child. In this case, Mother has no legal relation with Child, and Grandfather is Child’s next-of-kin. Therefore, Grandfather would be the only legal guardian for Child.
But please note that this no longer happens. Mother is now allowed to have her own registry; she would simply put Child under her registry, and no more complications.
Asking for forgiveness:
Is it mandatory to fervently rub your hands together asking for forgiveness? What happens if you do not make this physically dramatic gesture when begging for forgiveness? Why is it not necessary to rub your hands together when you say you are sorry? What is the difference between sorry and asking for forgiveness? Should being sorry be the same as asking for forgiveness?
No, it is not mandatory. It is an old gesture that is not really done anymore. But far be it from Korean dramas to conform to reality. Also, saying sorry and asking for forgiveness are two different things in Korean language – the difference is a matter of degree. You say sorry when you stepped on someone’s foot; you beg for forgiveness if you damaged someone’s valuable heirloom or worse. In the latter instance, you literally beg by rubbing your hands. But again, such gesture is rarely done in modern Korea, except in drastic and dramatic situations.
Grandmother as Matriarch in Family:
Daughters-In-Law depicts the Yi's Grandmother as the true head of the Yi household. Why is the Grandmother the matriarch of the family rather than the Grandmother's son, Yi Suggil, not the Patriarch of the Yi family? Why does the Grandmother have the last say in the Yi family and why is the entire Yi family fearful of Grandmother?
Shirley, it’s a goddamn drama. People always make the mistake of attributing culture to an exotic population’s every behavior, when in fact they act mostly according to the same principles that govern our own behavior. Family power structure entirely depends on the particular family. The cultural norms of favoring males and old people are valid forms of power within a Korean family, but so is money and social status.
For example, the Korean Father’s family consists of father (before he passed last year at the age of 92), mother, three sons and two daughters, with the Korean Father being the middle son. If custom is followed strictly, father would have the most say, then the first-born son, second son, third son, followed by mother, then daughters.
However, because father (=the Korean Grandfather) was a wastrel who pissed his life away, he had almost no say in the family matters. The Korean Father, the youngest son, and the youngest daughter had the most power in the family because they turned out to be the wealthiest. In fact, this situation would have made a fine Korean drama, because there was a constant struggle between father and the oldest son (who had to support his parents according to his duty) on one side and younger sons and daughter on the other side.
Discipline:
Why is there an excessive amount of yelling and hitting in the families I see on Korean TV Shows? Is hitting and yelling considered normal in a Korean family's behavior?
No and yes. One big reason why the Korean hates Korean dramas is because there is excessive yelling that hurts the Korean’s ears. The amount of yelling and hitting shown in Korean dramas is usually reserved for a truly dysfunctional family – but there is no shortage of yelling and hitting within any dysfunctional family in the world.
In addition, this is what the Korean previously wrote about yelling in Korean dramas:
“Characters in Korean dramas yell for the same reason characters in Bol
lywood movies sing - it's a cheap way to convey emotional content without relying on sophisticated dialogues or acting. Not that all Korean producers and actors are incapable of using such things: many Korean movies excel in conveying emotion through the subtlest subtleties. But Korean dramas appeal to, shall we say, a less sophisticated audience. The Korean has a feeling that this may change at some point: there has got to be a market in Korea for artfully made television series, like Six Feet Under or Friday Night Lights in the U.S. But as long as there will be ajummas who sit on their asses doing nothing but watching dramas in Korea, there will be yelling in Korean dramas.”
However, there is definitely more yelling and hitting in an average Korean family compared to an average American family, although the amount of yelling and hitting hardly reaches the level displayed in Korean dramas.
Why more yelling? Contrary to popular images of calm, stoic Asians, Koreans are very liberal with their emotion, especially when it comes to excitement and anger. Both emotions are conducive to a lot of yelling. Also, physical discipline is commonplace in Korea, from very young age. So it is very normal see physical discipline extend to older age. In fact, the Korean thinks Americans are made soft because they shy away from physical discipline.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
April Fools!
Boy, did the Korean have fun writing that post.
David Bryant is NOT the Korean; as a Lakers fan, the Korean imagined what he would be like if he were a step-brother of Kobe Bryant. In fact, the picture is a result of a Google image search under "David Bryant". The Korean is definitely an ethnic Korean, born and raised by ethnic Korean parents who can trace their ancestry to the beginning of Korean history. In fact, this blog had numerous references to that fact, which commentor Elena pointed out. Can't believe she felt that those posts were fake, and not the post on April 1. :)
The rest is also straight up April 1 material. Unfortunately, no book deal is forthcoming... yet. The Korean also caused a minor ruckus with the good people at Time Out New York magazine, who sent the following panicky email:
Hello David,
Your blog says that you are a staff writer at TONY.
Please advise.
[NAME REDACTED]
--
[NAME REDACTED]
[POSITION REDACTED]
Time Out New York
475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor
NYC, NY 10018
Lastly, the Korean will never get tired of speaking in the third person. So there.
Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
David Bryant is NOT the Korean; as a Lakers fan, the Korean imagined what he would be like if he were a step-brother of Kobe Bryant. In fact, the picture is a result of a Google image search under "David Bryant". The Korean is definitely an ethnic Korean, born and raised by ethnic Korean parents who can trace their ancestry to the beginning of Korean history. In fact, this blog had numerous references to that fact, which commentor Elena pointed out. Can't believe she felt that those posts were fake, and not the post on April 1. :)
The rest is also straight up April 1 material. Unfortunately, no book deal is forthcoming... yet. The Korean also caused a minor ruckus with the good people at Time Out New York magazine, who sent the following panicky email:
Hello David,
Your blog says that you are a staff writer at TONY.
Please advise.
[NAME REDACTED]
--
[NAME REDACTED]
[POSITION REDACTED]
Time Out New York
475 Tenth Avenue, 12th floor
NYC, NY 10018
Lastly, the Korean will never get tired of speaking in the third person. So there.
Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
The Korean Revealed
Dear Readers,
Today marks a momentous day -- the Korean will step out of his anonymity, in anticipation of his upcoming book deal with Random House.
My name is David Bryant. As you might have guessed from my name, I am actually not an ethnic Korean. From the looks, I look about as white as any corn-fed Midwestern
boy. However, I did spend most of my life in Korea. I was born in Camp Humphries in Pyeongtaek, near Seoul, and went up to one year of high school in Korea. After attending college and journalism school, I am currently a staff writer for Time Out New York magazine. Here is a not-particularly-flattering picture of me at a Museum of Confederacy in Huntsville, Alabama.
But onto the good news! Thanks to all of your support, Ask A Korean! is going off-line and onto a collection of paper. We just finalized a book deal with Random House, and the book is due to hit the stores at the end of the year. I gotta say, it's nice to have a dream come true. It is also nice to not speak like a dumb pro wrestler by staying in the third person voice all the time. I was getting really tired to writing "the Korean's" when I really wanted to just say "my".
Once again, thank you all for reading. It could not have happened without you guys.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Today marks a momentous day -- the Korean will step out of his anonymity, in anticipation of his upcoming book deal with Random House.
My name is David Bryant. As you might have guessed from my name, I am actually not an ethnic Korean. From the looks, I look about as white as any corn-fed Midwestern
boy. However, I did spend most of my life in Korea. I was born in Camp Humphries in Pyeongtaek, near Seoul, and went up to one year of high school in Korea. After attending college and journalism school, I am currently a staff writer for Time Out New York magazine. Here is a not-particularly-flattering picture of me at a Museum of Confederacy in Huntsville, Alabama.But onto the good news! Thanks to all of your support, Ask A Korean! is going off-line and onto a collection of paper. We just finalized a book deal with Random House, and the book is due to hit the stores at the end of the year. I gotta say, it's nice to have a dream come true. It is also nice to not speak like a dumb pro wrestler by staying in the third person voice all the time. I was getting really tired to writing "the Korean's" when I really wanted to just say "my".
Once again, thank you all for reading. It could not have happened without you guys.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Ask A Korean Shall Remain Free
The Korean is not a vain person, so he does not Google himself or any of his pass-time. But every so often he indulges, so he googled "Ask A Korean". Imagine his shock and amusement when he saw this shit: www.askakorean.com.
$29 per question?! You would be better off spending that money on Miss Cleo! And the Korean loves their disclaimer:
Our answer to your question will not involve significant research on our part, but it will include as much information as we can reasonably provide. We do not provide a money-back guarantee, so there are no refunds.
So, I won't really research anything, but I'll just write whatever bullshit I can think of. If you don't like that, well, your $29 is in my pocket anyway, and I'm not giving it back.
Well readers, the vastly superior product is at www.askakorean.net. Come for the questions, and stay for the answers! Best of all, it will always be free.
Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
$29 per question?! You would be better off spending that money on Miss Cleo! And the Korean loves their disclaimer:
Our answer to your question will not involve significant research on our part, but it will include as much information as we can reasonably provide. We do not provide a money-back guarantee, so there are no refunds.
So, I won't really research anything, but I'll just write whatever bullshit I can think of. If you don't like that, well, your $29 is in my pocket anyway, and I'm not giving it back.
Well readers, the vastly superior product is at www.askakorean.net. Come for the questions, and stay for the answers! Best of all, it will always be free.
Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
The Mexican of Ask A Mexican! is calling it quits. For all the inspiration he gave to the Korean, gracias and gamsahapnida.
-EDIT 4/3/08 3:37 p.m.- The sly wab dog has fooled us all, with an April Fool's joke planted early.
-EDIT 4/3/08 3:37 p.m.- The sly wab dog has fooled us all, with an April Fool's joke planted early.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
North Korea is acting up again. It acts up every now and then so it may not be a big deal. But given that this is the first reaction after the new administration was elected in South Korea, the events following this could be a nice signal as to where the North-South relationship will move in the near future.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
SPECIAL ADVISORY TO LADIES FROM PHILIPPINES, VIETNAM, AND OTHER SOUTHEAST ASIAN COUNTRIES
Note: This is an addendum to the post about "How do I attract Korean men?" It is goddamn embarrassing that the Korean has to post something like this, but one can hide the truth for only so long.
The Korean recently noticed that many people from above countries (presumably women) are getting to this particular post through Googling for "Korean men". Your situation tends to be somewhat different from regular dating, so please read this carefully.If you are considering dating/marrying a Korean man, look out for the following:
1. Remember that majority of Koreans are racists. That means that they despise people whose skins are darker than them. Southeastern Asians are darker than Koreans. You do the math. It's safe to say that in many cases, your relationship will not be based on respect.
Even if your guy is not racist, his parents, relatives, and friends are going to be racist. That makes a long-term relationship or marriage extremely difficult. At some point, your guy will be forced to choose between you and everyone else he knows. Guess which one he is more likely to choose?
2. The same principle applies everywhere: Korean men are exactly the same as all men. And all men lie, beg, manipulate, and do other despicable things to have sex with women. Korean men are no different. The fact that they have less respect for you would make this more likely.
3. Are you going through some type of a broker? Be EXTREMELY careful about these services. Korean men who come to Southeast Asia through a marriage broker do so because NO KOREAN WOMAN WOULD MARRY HIM. There is a reason for that. Of course, some men are just unlucky -- Korean women tend not to marry divorced men or men living in rural areas as farmers. But many men are your classic, stuck-in-the-1960s type of Koreans whose hobbies include beating their wives.
4. Regardless of going through a broker or not, watch out for older Korean men (in 30s~40s as opposed to in early 20s), for the simple reason that older Korean men are more likely to be racist, manipulative, and disrespectful to women. Remember, there is a strong pressure for Koreans to get married in their early 30s at the latest. So if there is a single Korean who is older than, say, 33, either s/he went through some unusual circumstances, or something is wrong with that person.
5. Lastly, do not fall for the two classic mistakes that all women make about men at some point in their lifetime: "He is different from everyone" and "He will change for me." The first one is correct only about 20 percent of the time, and the second one is never correct.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
So, How about Them Crazy Neighbors on the North?
Dear Korean,
What is the general attitude in South Korea towards their cousins in the North? Do they have nightmares of North Korea suddenly pulverizing Seoul with an artillery bombardment and sending their army marching south? Or do they perhaps see Kim Jong-il and the North Korean state as basically harmless and are more or less indifferent towards it? I'm sure there are people who subscribe to either of those views (as well as many others) but what is the majority opinion?
On a related note, how are North Korean defectors seen in the South? Are they considered uneducated peasants, opportunistic job-stealers, benighted peoples struggling to be free, or what have you?
Ezra
Dear Ezra,
The Korean knows that you are a frequent contributor on the comments, so he apologizes for having your question finally answered after sitting in the inbox for 8 months. And the line is only getting longer.
North Korea issue is one of the hottest political issue in South Korea, and everyone has an opinion about them. Your description is not very far off, but the opinions are generally divided into three groups. The divide tends to be along the generational lines.
First set is a mixture between rage and fear. This group tends to be older Koreans who personally experienced the war. (Usually mid-50s and above.) Korean War, as all modern wars are, had very high number of civilian casualties. This is especially the case from North Korean-occupied places, where the richer people were literally taken out and shot by the People's Army in the hopes of creating the proletariat paradise. Because North Korea was initially victorious, many people in South Korea were killed as well.
For people who have seen this event, a war is a very real possibility at any moment. (It does not help that there were many assassination attempts and terrorist attacks against South Korea by North Korea up to late 1980s.) North Korea--personified as Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jong-Il, instantly turned everything they knew into rubble.
Therefore, they set a very hard line against North Korea. It's not that they hate North Koreans; it is more precise to say that they hate the North Korean government/dictatorship. Since dealing with North Korea necessarily means dealing with the North Korean government, they generally would not deal with North Korea, period.
The second group is relatively favorable to North Korea. They feel that the division in Korea should not continue, and would try to engage with North Korea as much as they can. These tend to be in the younger generation (30s~40s), those who feel the tragedy of the division through their parents but did not see the war themselves.
Furthermore, they feel that the danger of communist takeover has been exaggerated and manipulated, which is certainly true to some degree. One of the ways in which military dictatorship in South Korea justified their existence was that without a strong (= dictatorship) government in South Korea, the dictatorship in the North would obliterate the South and take over. Using this excuse, the military dictatorship suppressed and oppressed legitimate labor and democratization movements in South Korea. Since the younger generation was largely the driving force behind democratization, they often just roll their eyes at the mention of North Korean threat, much like the way liberals in America roll their eyes at the mention of "the necessity for national security."
These people do not have much qualms about dealing with North Korea, even though it means it has to legitimize the dictatorship in the North by talking to them. After all, it is the only realistic way of reducing the military tension on Korean peninsula and bring about the remotest hope for reunification.
As you might have noticed, the "dealing with North Korea" part is a real spark point between these two groups -- let's just call them Hawks and Doves as a shorthand. For example, Doves wanted to set up a cruise tour of a famous mountain in North Korea, even though the North Korean government would control every aspect of it and charge higher-than-market price. For Doves, getting North Korean government out of its hole, and getting South and North Koreans to actually meet each other, would be an achievement in and of itself. For Hawks, the money is sure to fill the coffers of Kim Jong-Il and enable him reign longer, which cannot be tolerated.
For the last ten years, the South Korean administration leaned towards Doves. It did achieve certain important things, such as reducing military tension, regular communication between governments, and eliciting better-than-before openness from North Korea. However, it has been severely criticized for allowing North Korea to have nukes despite giving so much aid and money. (It can be disputed whether the aid and money truly amounted to much given the strength of South Korean economy, but it was definitely much in the Hawks' mind.)
So as of now, there is almost an even split among Hawks and Doves in Korea. But the third, very important group still remains: the group that does not care. This is the group that grew up without seeing any of the scars of the Korean War, or any memory of North Korea being the same country.
The Indifferent group simply does not care about North Korea. Having lived under the "threat" of North Korea for all their lives but seeing no death or destruction, they are not moved by the possibility of war like Hawks. No longer having anything in common with North Koreans, they do not recognize North Koreans as brothers like Doves.
Right now, this group is politically inactive because they tend to be fairly young -- late 20s, tops. But this group has a strong potential to change the political landscape of North-South relation in the next 10 years or so. And that is the Korean's biggest concern about the North-South Korean relation in the future: at some point, South Koreans are going to stop caring about reunification. And one of the greatest historical injustice created by the colonialism of the 20th century will be allowed to live on.
What do South Korean people think about North Korean defectors? At this point, the number is too low to truly gauge. Up to 1980s, North Koreans who escaped to the South were headline-makers, partially because of their rarity, partially because of the South Korean dictatorship's necessity to advertise its superiority. But now we arrived at a point where there small but steady stream of North Korean defectors, so they longer really make the news. But the future will probably hold something unpleasant for those people, if the South Korean treatment of Korean-Chinese is any indication.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
What is the general attitude in South Korea towards their cousins in the North? Do they have nightmares of North Korea suddenly pulverizing Seoul with an artillery bombardment and sending their army marching south? Or do they perhaps see Kim Jong-il and the North Korean state as basically harmless and are more or less indifferent towards it? I'm sure there are people who subscribe to either of those views (as well as many others) but what is the majority opinion?
On a related note, how are North Korean defectors seen in the South? Are they considered uneducated peasants, opportunistic job-stealers, benighted peoples struggling to be free, or what have you?
Ezra
Dear Ezra,
The Korean knows that you are a frequent contributor on the comments, so he apologizes for having your question finally answered after sitting in the inbox for 8 months. And the line is only getting longer.
North Korea issue is one of the hottest political issue in South Korea, and everyone has an opinion about them. Your description is not very far off, but the opinions are generally divided into three groups. The divide tends to be along the generational lines.
First set is a mixture between rage and fear. This group tends to be older Koreans who personally experienced the war. (Usually mid-50s and above.) Korean War, as all modern wars are, had very high number of civilian casualties. This is especially the case from North Korean-occupied places, where the richer people were literally taken out and shot by the People's Army in the hopes of creating the proletariat paradise. Because North Korea was initially victorious, many people in South Korea were killed as well.
For people who have seen this event, a war is a very real possibility at any moment. (It does not help that there were many assassination attempts and terrorist attacks against South Korea by North Korea up to late 1980s.) North Korea--personified as Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jong-Il, instantly turned everything they knew into rubble.
Therefore, they set a very hard line against North Korea. It's not that they hate North Koreans; it is more precise to say that they hate the North Korean government/dictatorship. Since dealing with North Korea necessarily means dealing with the North Korean government, they generally would not deal with North Korea, period.
The second group is relatively favorable to North Korea. They feel that the division in Korea should not continue, and would try to engage with North Korea as much as they can. These tend to be in the younger generation (30s~40s), those who feel the tragedy of the division through their parents but did not see the war themselves.
Furthermore, they feel that the danger of communist takeover has been exaggerated and manipulated, which is certainly true to some degree. One of the ways in which military dictatorship in South Korea justified their existence was that without a strong (= dictatorship) government in South Korea, the dictatorship in the North would obliterate the South and take over. Using this excuse, the military dictatorship suppressed and oppressed legitimate labor and democratization movements in South Korea. Since the younger generation was largely the driving force behind democratization, they often just roll their eyes at the mention of North Korean threat, much like the way liberals in America roll their eyes at the mention of "the necessity for national security."
These people do not have much qualms about dealing with North Korea, even though it means it has to legitimize the dictatorship in the North by talking to them. After all, it is the only realistic way of reducing the military tension on Korean peninsula and bring about the remotest hope for reunification.
As you might have noticed, the "dealing with North Korea" part is a real spark point between these two groups -- let's just call them Hawks and Doves as a shorthand. For example, Doves wanted to set up a cruise tour of a famous mountain in North Korea, even though the North Korean government would control every aspect of it and charge higher-than-market price. For Doves, getting North Korean government out of its hole, and getting South and North Koreans to actually meet each other, would be an achievement in and of itself. For Hawks, the money is sure to fill the coffers of Kim Jong-Il and enable him reign longer, which cannot be tolerated.
For the last ten years, the South Korean administration leaned towards Doves. It did achieve certain important things, such as reducing military tension, regular communication between governments, and eliciting better-than-before openness from North Korea. However, it has been severely criticized for allowing North Korea to have nukes despite giving so much aid and money. (It can be disputed whether the aid and money truly amounted to much given the strength of South Korean economy, but it was definitely much in the Hawks' mind.)
So as of now, there is almost an even split among Hawks and Doves in Korea. But the third, very important group still remains: the group that does not care. This is the group that grew up without seeing any of the scars of the Korean War, or any memory of North Korea being the same country.
The Indifferent group simply does not care about North Korea. Having lived under the "threat" of North Korea for all their lives but seeing no death or destruction, they are not moved by the possibility of war like Hawks. No longer having anything in common with North Koreans, they do not recognize North Koreans as brothers like Doves.
Right now, this group is politically inactive because they tend to be fairly young -- late 20s, tops. But this group has a strong potential to change the political landscape of North-South relation in the next 10 years or so. And that is the Korean's biggest concern about the North-South Korean relation in the future: at some point, South Koreans are going to stop caring about reunification. And one of the greatest historical injustice created by the colonialism of the 20th century will be allowed to live on.
What do South Korean people think about North Korean defectors? At this point, the number is too low to truly gauge. Up to 1980s, North Koreans who escaped to the South were headline-makers, partially because of their rarity, partially because of the South Korean dictatorship's necessity to advertise its superiority. But now we arrived at a point where there small but steady stream of North Korean defectors, so they longer really make the news. But the future will probably hold something unpleasant for those people, if the South Korean treatment of Korean-Chinese is any indication.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
A Truly Momentous Announcement that Will Change the Landscape of Democratic Primaries
The Korean probably missed the boat on this topic by about 2 months, but here it is: The Korean endorses Hillary Clinton. Her healthcare plan is unparalleled, and it will change the lives of Americans to a degree unseen since Social Security and Medicare.
Haters, let it rip. The Korean loves Barack Obama; when the Korean grows up, he wants to be just like Barack Obama. But right now Obama is slowly turning into Boston Red Sox; the Korean loves the team, but he is beginning to really hate its fans.
Haters, let it rip. The Korean loves Barack Obama; when the Korean grows up, he wants to be just like Barack Obama. But right now Obama is slowly turning into Boston Red Sox; the Korean loves the team, but he is beginning to really hate its fans.
For the last fucking time, the Korean is going to blow a fucking gasket if he is asked anything about whether a group of Koreans outside of Korea is from North or South Korea. NO NORTH KOREAN CAN TRAVEL OUTSIDE OF THE COUNTRY! THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS TO LIVE UNDER A DICTATORSHIP! These are the moments when the Korean's faith in humanity waivers.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Oh The Pain of Being Older
Dear Korean,
I’m dating an American-born Korean guy. He’s the oldest son of the family and often refers to all of the “responsibilities” which he and any future wife of his would have. Could you explain what these duties/responsibilities are?
Thank you,
Trying to Learn
Dear Trying to Learn,
The Korean himself is an eldest son, and the responsibilities of his and his wife are significant. At least the Korean’s father is not the eldest son – if that were the case, the Korean would not be living in the U.S. Here is why.
To understand any Korean tradition, you must place yourself in traditional Korea. The economy of traditional Korea (or even in modern Korea, until the 1960s) was based on agriculture. The most valuable human resource in an agricultural society is people with upper body strength. Now, what is a group of people in a society that do not to have upper body strength, or a potential for it? Simple – old people.
In other words, old people are nearly useless in an agricultural society (as well as on modern freeways.) Therefore, someone needs to take the burden of taking care of them, because human decency overrides the economically efficient alternative of, well, you know, the “eu” word.
(In fact, there are some accounts that traditional Koreans did engage in a type of euthanasia for the elderly. There are stories of a Korean tradition, called Goryeojang, in which Koreans carried their old and infirm parents into a remote mountain with a small amount of food, eventually letting them die from starvation or exposure to elements. However, current consensus among Korean historians, based on ruins and artifacts, is that such custom is essentially a myth, and never truly existed.)
Over time, a bargain was made between old people and their eldest sons. The old folks will take care of their eldest sons, and the sons will take care of the old folks. Specifically, eldest sons are guaranteed to have a lion’s share in everything their parents have.
This is very significant in a world of scarce resource – and Korea has always been in that world. First sons are fed better; the Korean has always been served first in a family meal, and always received more food. First sons always receive new clothes and toys, while younger ones are relegated to hand-me-downs. If the family only has enough money to send one child to college, there is no question as to who goes. And most importantly, when the parents can no longer work, eldest sons receive the largest portion of the parents’ estate.
What must eldest sons do to deserve the benefits? Largely two things. First, they are expected to support their elderly parents as long as they live. Old folks always live with their first son, and all costs involved in taking care of the parents fall on the first son. Second, they are expected to support their elderly parents after they die, in the form of funeral, taking care of their graves, and yearly jesa.
(Jesa is basically a yearly memorial service, and the firstborn son is supposed to conduct it every year. If a grandfather dies, the first son of the grandfather’s first son is in charge of holding jesa for the grandfather, and so on. The first son among all first sons in an extended family is called jongson, and he is in charge of holding jesa for every dead male ahead of his generation, as well as tending the graves. This is why the Korean would have been stuck in Korea if the Korean Father were the first son of the Korean Grandfather. The Korean’s family is extremely traditional, and takes the jongson idea very seriously.)
Of course, in modern Korea, traditions are usually moderated into a reasonable degree. Instead of old folks living with eldest sons and driving them crazy, they often live nearby but in separate houses. Expensive hospital bills tend to be shared among all children, with well-off children shouldering a larger burden. But traditions in Korea die hard, mostly because those traditions were very much alive and kicking only two decades ago.
How would the wives of the eldest sons fit in the picture? Following the sexist Korean tradition of keeping the wives indoors, bare feet, and pregnant, a large chunk of the eldest sons’ responsibility to support the parents actually falls on the eldest sons’ wives. They are the ones who actually stay at home to take care of the old folks. Often it is not a pleasant task, because a lot of old folks are just like babies, except far less cute.
The tension is especially high between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. The old lady often follows her daughter-in-law around, criticizing every bit of housework. They compete for the attention of their son/husband. In addition, because the old lady went through the same process when younger, she feels entitled to make her daughter-in-law’s life miserable. (Here is an old post touching upon this subject.)
After the parents kick the bucket, the firstborns’ wives are still not off the hook. Guess who needs to cook all the traditional food required for jesa and host all the relatives to hold the ceremony at least once a year, and often several times a year? Hint: It is not a man.
(Just look at a typical jesa set – can you imagine cooking all that? It takes all day, and you get scolded if you mess up anything.)
This burden is so bad that Korean women actually avoid dating and marrying a firstborn if they can. Widespread rumor says when matchmaking services in Korea (somewhat like eHarmony, but more focused on getting married,) evaluate a client, a male client who is a firstborn son loses several points simply for having the temerity to be born first.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
I’m dating an American-born Korean guy. He’s the oldest son of the family and often refers to all of the “responsibilities” which he and any future wife of his would have. Could you explain what these duties/responsibilities are?
Thank you,
Trying to Learn
Dear Trying to Learn,
The Korean himself is an eldest son, and the responsibilities of his and his wife are significant. At least the Korean’s father is not the eldest son – if that were the case, the Korean would not be living in the U.S. Here is why.
To understand any Korean tradition, you must place yourself in traditional Korea. The economy of traditional Korea (or even in modern Korea, until the 1960s) was based on agriculture. The most valuable human resource in an agricultural society is people with upper body strength. Now, what is a group of people in a society that do not to have upper body strength, or a potential for it? Simple – old people.
In other words, old people are nearly useless in an agricultural society (as well as on modern freeways.) Therefore, someone needs to take the burden of taking care of them, because human decency overrides the economically efficient alternative of, well, you know, the “eu” word.
(In fact, there are some accounts that traditional Koreans did engage in a type of euthanasia for the elderly. There are stories of a Korean tradition, called Goryeojang, in which Koreans carried their old and infirm parents into a remote mountain with a small amount of food, eventually letting them die from starvation or exposure to elements. However, current consensus among Korean historians, based on ruins and artifacts, is that such custom is essentially a myth, and never truly existed.)
Over time, a bargain was made between old people and their eldest sons. The old folks will take care of their eldest sons, and the sons will take care of the old folks. Specifically, eldest sons are guaranteed to have a lion’s share in everything their parents have.
This is very significant in a world of scarce resource – and Korea has always been in that world. First sons are fed better; the Korean has always been served first in a family meal, and always received more food. First sons always receive new clothes and toys, while younger ones are relegated to hand-me-downs. If the family only has enough money to send one child to college, there is no question as to who goes. And most importantly, when the parents can no longer work, eldest sons receive the largest portion of the parents’ estate.
What must eldest sons do to deserve the benefits? Largely two things. First, they are expected to support their elderly parents as long as they live. Old folks always live with their first son, and all costs involved in taking care of the parents fall on the first son. Second, they are expected to support their elderly parents after they die, in the form of funeral, taking care of their graves, and yearly jesa.
(Jesa is basically a yearly memorial service, and the firstborn son is supposed to conduct it every year. If a grandfather dies, the first son of the grandfather’s first son is in charge of holding jesa for the grandfather, and so on. The first son among all first sons in an extended family is called jongson, and he is in charge of holding jesa for every dead male ahead of his generation, as well as tending the graves. This is why the Korean would have been stuck in Korea if the Korean Father were the first son of the Korean Grandfather. The Korean’s family is extremely traditional, and takes the jongson idea very seriously.)
Of course, in modern Korea, traditions are usually moderated into a reasonable degree. Instead of old folks living with eldest sons and driving them crazy, they often live nearby but in separate houses. Expensive hospital bills tend to be shared among all children, with well-off children shouldering a larger burden. But traditions in Korea die hard, mostly because those traditions were very much alive and kicking only two decades ago.
How would the wives of the eldest sons fit in the picture? Following the sexist Korean tradition of keeping the wives indoors, bare feet, and pregnant, a large chunk of the eldest sons’ responsibility to support the parents actually falls on the eldest sons’ wives. They are the ones who actually stay at home to take care of the old folks. Often it is not a pleasant task, because a lot of old folks are just like babies, except far less cute.
The tension is especially high between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. The old lady often follows her daughter-in-law around, criticizing every bit of housework. They compete for the attention of their son/husband. In addition, because the old lady went through the same process when younger, she feels entitled to make her daughter-in-law’s life miserable. (Here is an old post touching upon this subject.)
After the parents kick the bucket, the firstborns’ wives are still not off the hook. Guess who needs to cook all the traditional food required for jesa and host all the relatives to hold the ceremony at least once a year, and often several times a year? Hint: It is not a man.
(Just look at a typical jesa set – can you imagine cooking all that? It takes all day, and you get scolded if you mess up anything.)This burden is so bad that Korean women actually avoid dating and marrying a firstborn if they can. Widespread rumor says when matchmaking services in Korea (somewhat like eHarmony, but more focused on getting married,) evaluate a client, a male client who is a firstborn son loses several points simply for having the temerity to be born first.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
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