The Korean is not a vain person, so he does not Google himself or any of his pass-time. But every so often he indulges, so he googled "Ask A Korean". Imagine his shock and amusement when he saw this shit: www.askakorean.com.
$29 per question?! You would be better off spending that money on Miss Cleo! And the Korean loves their disclaimer:
Our answer to your question will not involve significant research on our part, but it will include as much information as we can reasonably provide. We do not provide a money-back guarantee, so there are no refunds.
So, I won't really research anything, but I'll just write whatever bullshit I can think of. If you don't like that, well, your $29 is in my pocket anyway, and I'm not giving it back.
Well readers, the vastly superior product is at www.askakorean.net. Come for the questions, and stay for the answers! Best of all, it will always be free.
Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Friday, March 28, 2008
The Mexican of Ask A Mexican! is calling it quits. For all the inspiration he gave to the Korean, gracias and gamsahapnida.
-EDIT 4/3/08 3:37 p.m.- The sly wab dog has fooled us all, with an April Fool's joke planted early.
-EDIT 4/3/08 3:37 p.m.- The sly wab dog has fooled us all, with an April Fool's joke planted early.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
North Korea is acting up again. It acts up every now and then so it may not be a big deal. But given that this is the first reaction after the new administration was elected in South Korea, the events following this could be a nice signal as to where the North-South relationship will move in the near future.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
SPECIAL ADVISORY TO LADIES FROM PHILIPPINES, VIETNAM, AND OTHER SOUTHEAST ASIAN COUNTRIES
Note: This is an addendum to the post about "How do I attract Korean men?" It is goddamn embarrassing that the Korean has to post something like this, but one can hide the truth for only so long.
The Korean recently noticed that many people from above countries (presumably women) are getting to this particular post through Googling for "Korean men". Your situation tends to be somewhat different from regular dating, so please read this carefully.If you are considering dating/marrying a Korean man, look out for the following:
1. Remember that majority of Koreans are racists. That means that they despise people whose skins are darker than them. Southeastern Asians are darker than Koreans. You do the math. It's safe to say that in many cases, your relationship will not be based on respect.
Even if your guy is not racist, his parents, relatives, and friends are going to be racist. That makes a long-term relationship or marriage extremely difficult. At some point, your guy will be forced to choose between you and everyone else he knows. Guess which one he is more likely to choose?
2. The same principle applies everywhere: Korean men are exactly the same as all men. And all men lie, beg, manipulate, and do other despicable things to have sex with women. Korean men are no different. The fact that they have less respect for you would make this more likely.
3. Are you going through some type of a broker? Be EXTREMELY careful about these services. Korean men who come to Southeast Asia through a marriage broker do so because NO KOREAN WOMAN WOULD MARRY HIM. There is a reason for that. Of course, some men are just unlucky -- Korean women tend not to marry divorced men or men living in rural areas as farmers. But many men are your classic, stuck-in-the-1960s type of Koreans whose hobbies include beating their wives.
4. Regardless of going through a broker or not, watch out for older Korean men (in 30s~40s as opposed to in early 20s), for the simple reason that older Korean men are more likely to be racist, manipulative, and disrespectful to women. Remember, there is a strong pressure for Koreans to get married in their early 30s at the latest. So if there is a single Korean who is older than, say, 33, either s/he went through some unusual circumstances, or something is wrong with that person.
5. Lastly, do not fall for the two classic mistakes that all women make about men at some point in their lifetime: "He is different from everyone" and "He will change for me." The first one is correct only about 20 percent of the time, and the second one is never correct.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
So, How about Them Crazy Neighbors on the North?
Dear Korean,
What is the general attitude in South Korea towards their cousins in the North? Do they have nightmares of North Korea suddenly pulverizing Seoul with an artillery bombardment and sending their army marching south? Or do they perhaps see Kim Jong-il and the North Korean state as basically harmless and are more or less indifferent towards it? I'm sure there are people who subscribe to either of those views (as well as many others) but what is the majority opinion?
On a related note, how are North Korean defectors seen in the South? Are they considered uneducated peasants, opportunistic job-stealers, benighted peoples struggling to be free, or what have you?
Ezra
Dear Ezra,
The Korean knows that you are a frequent contributor on the comments, so he apologizes for having your question finally answered after sitting in the inbox for 8 months. And the line is only getting longer.
North Korea issue is one of the hottest political issue in South Korea, and everyone has an opinion about them. Your description is not very far off, but the opinions are generally divided into three groups. The divide tends to be along the generational lines.
First set is a mixture between rage and fear. This group tends to be older Koreans who personally experienced the war. (Usually mid-50s and above.) Korean War, as all modern wars are, had very high number of civilian casualties. This is especially the case from North Korean-occupied places, where the richer people were literally taken out and shot by the People's Army in the hopes of creating the proletariat paradise. Because North Korea was initially victorious, many people in South Korea were killed as well.
For people who have seen this event, a war is a very real possibility at any moment. (It does not help that there were many assassination attempts and terrorist attacks against South Korea by North Korea up to late 1980s.) North Korea--personified as Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jong-Il, instantly turned everything they knew into rubble.
Therefore, they set a very hard line against North Korea. It's not that they hate North Koreans; it is more precise to say that they hate the North Korean government/dictatorship. Since dealing with North Korea necessarily means dealing with the North Korean government, they generally would not deal with North Korea, period.
The second group is relatively favorable to North Korea. They feel that the division in Korea should not continue, and would try to engage with North Korea as much as they can. These tend to be in the younger generation (30s~40s), those who feel the tragedy of the division through their parents but did not see the war themselves.
Furthermore, they feel that the danger of communist takeover has been exaggerated and manipulated, which is certainly true to some degree. One of the ways in which military dictatorship in South Korea justified their existence was that without a strong (= dictatorship) government in South Korea, the dictatorship in the North would obliterate the South and take over. Using this excuse, the military dictatorship suppressed and oppressed legitimate labor and democratization movements in South Korea. Since the younger generation was largely the driving force behind democratization, they often just roll their eyes at the mention of North Korean threat, much like the way liberals in America roll their eyes at the mention of "the necessity for national security."
These people do not have much qualms about dealing with North Korea, even though it means it has to legitimize the dictatorship in the North by talking to them. After all, it is the only realistic way of reducing the military tension on Korean peninsula and bring about the remotest hope for reunification.
As you might have noticed, the "dealing with North Korea" part is a real spark point between these two groups -- let's just call them Hawks and Doves as a shorthand. For example, Doves wanted to set up a cruise tour of a famous mountain in North Korea, even though the North Korean government would control every aspect of it and charge higher-than-market price. For Doves, getting North Korean government out of its hole, and getting South and North Koreans to actually meet each other, would be an achievement in and of itself. For Hawks, the money is sure to fill the coffers of Kim Jong-Il and enable him reign longer, which cannot be tolerated.
For the last ten years, the South Korean administration leaned towards Doves. It did achieve certain important things, such as reducing military tension, regular communication between governments, and eliciting better-than-before openness from North Korea. However, it has been severely criticized for allowing North Korea to have nukes despite giving so much aid and money. (It can be disputed whether the aid and money truly amounted to much given the strength of South Korean economy, but it was definitely much in the Hawks' mind.)
So as of now, there is almost an even split among Hawks and Doves in Korea. But the third, very important group still remains: the group that does not care. This is the group that grew up without seeing any of the scars of the Korean War, or any memory of North Korea being the same country.
The Indifferent group simply does not care about North Korea. Having lived under the "threat" of North Korea for all their lives but seeing no death or destruction, they are not moved by the possibility of war like Hawks. No longer having anything in common with North Koreans, they do not recognize North Koreans as brothers like Doves.
Right now, this group is politically inactive because they tend to be fairly young -- late 20s, tops. But this group has a strong potential to change the political landscape of North-South relation in the next 10 years or so. And that is the Korean's biggest concern about the North-South Korean relation in the future: at some point, South Koreans are going to stop caring about reunification. And one of the greatest historical injustice created by the colonialism of the 20th century will be allowed to live on.
What do South Korean people think about North Korean defectors? At this point, the number is too low to truly gauge. Up to 1980s, North Koreans who escaped to the South were headline-makers, partially because of their rarity, partially because of the South Korean dictatorship's necessity to advertise its superiority. But now we arrived at a point where there small but steady stream of North Korean defectors, so they longer really make the news. But the future will probably hold something unpleasant for those people, if the South Korean treatment of Korean-Chinese is any indication.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
What is the general attitude in South Korea towards their cousins in the North? Do they have nightmares of North Korea suddenly pulverizing Seoul with an artillery bombardment and sending their army marching south? Or do they perhaps see Kim Jong-il and the North Korean state as basically harmless and are more or less indifferent towards it? I'm sure there are people who subscribe to either of those views (as well as many others) but what is the majority opinion?
On a related note, how are North Korean defectors seen in the South? Are they considered uneducated peasants, opportunistic job-stealers, benighted peoples struggling to be free, or what have you?
Ezra
Dear Ezra,
The Korean knows that you are a frequent contributor on the comments, so he apologizes for having your question finally answered after sitting in the inbox for 8 months. And the line is only getting longer.
North Korea issue is one of the hottest political issue in South Korea, and everyone has an opinion about them. Your description is not very far off, but the opinions are generally divided into three groups. The divide tends to be along the generational lines.
First set is a mixture between rage and fear. This group tends to be older Koreans who personally experienced the war. (Usually mid-50s and above.) Korean War, as all modern wars are, had very high number of civilian casualties. This is especially the case from North Korean-occupied places, where the richer people were literally taken out and shot by the People's Army in the hopes of creating the proletariat paradise. Because North Korea was initially victorious, many people in South Korea were killed as well.
For people who have seen this event, a war is a very real possibility at any moment. (It does not help that there were many assassination attempts and terrorist attacks against South Korea by North Korea up to late 1980s.) North Korea--personified as Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jong-Il, instantly turned everything they knew into rubble.
Therefore, they set a very hard line against North Korea. It's not that they hate North Koreans; it is more precise to say that they hate the North Korean government/dictatorship. Since dealing with North Korea necessarily means dealing with the North Korean government, they generally would not deal with North Korea, period.
The second group is relatively favorable to North Korea. They feel that the division in Korea should not continue, and would try to engage with North Korea as much as they can. These tend to be in the younger generation (30s~40s), those who feel the tragedy of the division through their parents but did not see the war themselves.
Furthermore, they feel that the danger of communist takeover has been exaggerated and manipulated, which is certainly true to some degree. One of the ways in which military dictatorship in South Korea justified their existence was that without a strong (= dictatorship) government in South Korea, the dictatorship in the North would obliterate the South and take over. Using this excuse, the military dictatorship suppressed and oppressed legitimate labor and democratization movements in South Korea. Since the younger generation was largely the driving force behind democratization, they often just roll their eyes at the mention of North Korean threat, much like the way liberals in America roll their eyes at the mention of "the necessity for national security."
These people do not have much qualms about dealing with North Korea, even though it means it has to legitimize the dictatorship in the North by talking to them. After all, it is the only realistic way of reducing the military tension on Korean peninsula and bring about the remotest hope for reunification.
As you might have noticed, the "dealing with North Korea" part is a real spark point between these two groups -- let's just call them Hawks and Doves as a shorthand. For example, Doves wanted to set up a cruise tour of a famous mountain in North Korea, even though the North Korean government would control every aspect of it and charge higher-than-market price. For Doves, getting North Korean government out of its hole, and getting South and North Koreans to actually meet each other, would be an achievement in and of itself. For Hawks, the money is sure to fill the coffers of Kim Jong-Il and enable him reign longer, which cannot be tolerated.
For the last ten years, the South Korean administration leaned towards Doves. It did achieve certain important things, such as reducing military tension, regular communication between governments, and eliciting better-than-before openness from North Korea. However, it has been severely criticized for allowing North Korea to have nukes despite giving so much aid and money. (It can be disputed whether the aid and money truly amounted to much given the strength of South Korean economy, but it was definitely much in the Hawks' mind.)
So as of now, there is almost an even split among Hawks and Doves in Korea. But the third, very important group still remains: the group that does not care. This is the group that grew up without seeing any of the scars of the Korean War, or any memory of North Korea being the same country.
The Indifferent group simply does not care about North Korea. Having lived under the "threat" of North Korea for all their lives but seeing no death or destruction, they are not moved by the possibility of war like Hawks. No longer having anything in common with North Koreans, they do not recognize North Koreans as brothers like Doves.
Right now, this group is politically inactive because they tend to be fairly young -- late 20s, tops. But this group has a strong potential to change the political landscape of North-South relation in the next 10 years or so. And that is the Korean's biggest concern about the North-South Korean relation in the future: at some point, South Koreans are going to stop caring about reunification. And one of the greatest historical injustice created by the colonialism of the 20th century will be allowed to live on.
What do South Korean people think about North Korean defectors? At this point, the number is too low to truly gauge. Up to 1980s, North Koreans who escaped to the South were headline-makers, partially because of their rarity, partially because of the South Korean dictatorship's necessity to advertise its superiority. But now we arrived at a point where there small but steady stream of North Korean defectors, so they longer really make the news. But the future will probably hold something unpleasant for those people, if the South Korean treatment of Korean-Chinese is any indication.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
A Truly Momentous Announcement that Will Change the Landscape of Democratic Primaries
The Korean probably missed the boat on this topic by about 2 months, but here it is: The Korean endorses Hillary Clinton. Her healthcare plan is unparalleled, and it will change the lives of Americans to a degree unseen since Social Security and Medicare.
Haters, let it rip. The Korean loves Barack Obama; when the Korean grows up, he wants to be just like Barack Obama. But right now Obama is slowly turning into Boston Red Sox; the Korean loves the team, but he is beginning to really hate its fans.
Haters, let it rip. The Korean loves Barack Obama; when the Korean grows up, he wants to be just like Barack Obama. But right now Obama is slowly turning into Boston Red Sox; the Korean loves the team, but he is beginning to really hate its fans.
For the last fucking time, the Korean is going to blow a fucking gasket if he is asked anything about whether a group of Koreans outside of Korea is from North or South Korea. NO NORTH KOREAN CAN TRAVEL OUTSIDE OF THE COUNTRY! THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS TO LIVE UNDER A DICTATORSHIP! These are the moments when the Korean's faith in humanity waivers.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Oh The Pain of Being Older
Dear Korean,
I’m dating an American-born Korean guy. He’s the oldest son of the family and often refers to all of the “responsibilities” which he and any future wife of his would have. Could you explain what these duties/responsibilities are?
Thank you,
Trying to Learn
Dear Trying to Learn,
The Korean himself is an eldest son, and the responsibilities of his and his wife are significant. At least the Korean’s father is not the eldest son – if that were the case, the Korean would not be living in the U.S. Here is why.
To understand any Korean tradition, you must place yourself in traditional Korea. The economy of traditional Korea (or even in modern Korea, until the 1960s) was based on agriculture. The most valuable human resource in an agricultural society is people with upper body strength. Now, what is a group of people in a society that do not to have upper body strength, or a potential for it? Simple – old people.
In other words, old people are nearly useless in an agricultural society (as well as on modern freeways.) Therefore, someone needs to take the burden of taking care of them, because human decency overrides the economically efficient alternative of, well, you know, the “eu” word.
(In fact, there are some accounts that traditional Koreans did engage in a type of euthanasia for the elderly. There are stories of a Korean tradition, called Goryeojang, in which Koreans carried their old and infirm parents into a remote mountain with a small amount of food, eventually letting them die from starvation or exposure to elements. However, current consensus among Korean historians, based on ruins and artifacts, is that such custom is essentially a myth, and never truly existed.)
Over time, a bargain was made between old people and their eldest sons. The old folks will take care of their eldest sons, and the sons will take care of the old folks. Specifically, eldest sons are guaranteed to have a lion’s share in everything their parents have.
This is very significant in a world of scarce resource – and Korea has always been in that world. First sons are fed better; the Korean has always been served first in a family meal, and always received more food. First sons always receive new clothes and toys, while younger ones are relegated to hand-me-downs. If the family only has enough money to send one child to college, there is no question as to who goes. And most importantly, when the parents can no longer work, eldest sons receive the largest portion of the parents’ estate.
What must eldest sons do to deserve the benefits? Largely two things. First, they are expected to support their elderly parents as long as they live. Old folks always live with their first son, and all costs involved in taking care of the parents fall on the first son. Second, they are expected to support their elderly parents after they die, in the form of funeral, taking care of their graves, and yearly jesa.
(Jesa is basically a yearly memorial service, and the firstborn son is supposed to conduct it every year. If a grandfather dies, the first son of the grandfather’s first son is in charge of holding jesa for the grandfather, and so on. The first son among all first sons in an extended family is called jongson, and he is in charge of holding jesa for every dead male ahead of his generation, as well as tending the graves. This is why the Korean would have been stuck in Korea if the Korean Father were the first son of the Korean Grandfather. The Korean’s family is extremely traditional, and takes the jongson idea very seriously.)
Of course, in modern Korea, traditions are usually moderated into a reasonable degree. Instead of old folks living with eldest sons and driving them crazy, they often live nearby but in separate houses. Expensive hospital bills tend to be shared among all children, with well-off children shouldering a larger burden. But traditions in Korea die hard, mostly because those traditions were very much alive and kicking only two decades ago.
How would the wives of the eldest sons fit in the picture? Following the sexist Korean tradition of keeping the wives indoors, bare feet, and pregnant, a large chunk of the eldest sons’ responsibility to support the parents actually falls on the eldest sons’ wives. They are the ones who actually stay at home to take care of the old folks. Often it is not a pleasant task, because a lot of old folks are just like babies, except far less cute.
The tension is especially high between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. The old lady often follows her daughter-in-law around, criticizing every bit of housework. They compete for the attention of their son/husband. In addition, because the old lady went through the same process when younger, she feels entitled to make her daughter-in-law’s life miserable. (Here is an old post touching upon this subject.)
After the parents kick the bucket, the firstborns’ wives are still not off the hook. Guess who needs to cook all the traditional food required for jesa and host all the relatives to hold the ceremony at least once a year, and often several times a year? Hint: It is not a man.
(Just look at a typical jesa set – can you imagine cooking all that? It takes all day, and you get scolded if you mess up anything.)
This burden is so bad that Korean women actually avoid dating and marrying a firstborn if they can. Widespread rumor says when matchmaking services in Korea (somewhat like eHarmony, but more focused on getting married,) evaluate a client, a male client who is a firstborn son loses several points simply for having the temerity to be born first.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
I’m dating an American-born Korean guy. He’s the oldest son of the family and often refers to all of the “responsibilities” which he and any future wife of his would have. Could you explain what these duties/responsibilities are?
Thank you,
Trying to Learn
Dear Trying to Learn,
The Korean himself is an eldest son, and the responsibilities of his and his wife are significant. At least the Korean’s father is not the eldest son – if that were the case, the Korean would not be living in the U.S. Here is why.
To understand any Korean tradition, you must place yourself in traditional Korea. The economy of traditional Korea (or even in modern Korea, until the 1960s) was based on agriculture. The most valuable human resource in an agricultural society is people with upper body strength. Now, what is a group of people in a society that do not to have upper body strength, or a potential for it? Simple – old people.
In other words, old people are nearly useless in an agricultural society (as well as on modern freeways.) Therefore, someone needs to take the burden of taking care of them, because human decency overrides the economically efficient alternative of, well, you know, the “eu” word.
(In fact, there are some accounts that traditional Koreans did engage in a type of euthanasia for the elderly. There are stories of a Korean tradition, called Goryeojang, in which Koreans carried their old and infirm parents into a remote mountain with a small amount of food, eventually letting them die from starvation or exposure to elements. However, current consensus among Korean historians, based on ruins and artifacts, is that such custom is essentially a myth, and never truly existed.)
Over time, a bargain was made between old people and their eldest sons. The old folks will take care of their eldest sons, and the sons will take care of the old folks. Specifically, eldest sons are guaranteed to have a lion’s share in everything their parents have.
This is very significant in a world of scarce resource – and Korea has always been in that world. First sons are fed better; the Korean has always been served first in a family meal, and always received more food. First sons always receive new clothes and toys, while younger ones are relegated to hand-me-downs. If the family only has enough money to send one child to college, there is no question as to who goes. And most importantly, when the parents can no longer work, eldest sons receive the largest portion of the parents’ estate.
What must eldest sons do to deserve the benefits? Largely two things. First, they are expected to support their elderly parents as long as they live. Old folks always live with their first son, and all costs involved in taking care of the parents fall on the first son. Second, they are expected to support their elderly parents after they die, in the form of funeral, taking care of their graves, and yearly jesa.
(Jesa is basically a yearly memorial service, and the firstborn son is supposed to conduct it every year. If a grandfather dies, the first son of the grandfather’s first son is in charge of holding jesa for the grandfather, and so on. The first son among all first sons in an extended family is called jongson, and he is in charge of holding jesa for every dead male ahead of his generation, as well as tending the graves. This is why the Korean would have been stuck in Korea if the Korean Father were the first son of the Korean Grandfather. The Korean’s family is extremely traditional, and takes the jongson idea very seriously.)
Of course, in modern Korea, traditions are usually moderated into a reasonable degree. Instead of old folks living with eldest sons and driving them crazy, they often live nearby but in separate houses. Expensive hospital bills tend to be shared among all children, with well-off children shouldering a larger burden. But traditions in Korea die hard, mostly because those traditions were very much alive and kicking only two decades ago.
How would the wives of the eldest sons fit in the picture? Following the sexist Korean tradition of keeping the wives indoors, bare feet, and pregnant, a large chunk of the eldest sons’ responsibility to support the parents actually falls on the eldest sons’ wives. They are the ones who actually stay at home to take care of the old folks. Often it is not a pleasant task, because a lot of old folks are just like babies, except far less cute.
The tension is especially high between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. The old lady often follows her daughter-in-law around, criticizing every bit of housework. They compete for the attention of their son/husband. In addition, because the old lady went through the same process when younger, she feels entitled to make her daughter-in-law’s life miserable. (Here is an old post touching upon this subject.)
After the parents kick the bucket, the firstborns’ wives are still not off the hook. Guess who needs to cook all the traditional food required for jesa and host all the relatives to hold the ceremony at least once a year, and often several times a year? Hint: It is not a man.
(Just look at a typical jesa set – can you imagine cooking all that? It takes all day, and you get scolded if you mess up anything.)This burden is so bad that Korean women actually avoid dating and marrying a firstborn if they can. Widespread rumor says when matchmaking services in Korea (somewhat like eHarmony, but more focused on getting married,) evaluate a client, a male client who is a firstborn son loses several points simply for having the temerity to be born first.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Oh, and the Korean is hoping that everyone is following the story of New York Philharmonic in North Korea.
New York Times article today talks about how some schools in Germany now uses comic book-style textbooks to teach its students about Holocaust. The Korean is not sure how to feel about this; it feels like sometimes, Germans are trying a bit too hard. But one thing is for sure: the harder Germany tries to atone for its past crimes, the worse Japan looks in comparison.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Help the Korean Destroy a Family
[The Korean's note: the following email has been edited for privacy and other concerns.]
Dear Korean,
My name is [REDACTED], Filipina and I've been in Korea for almost three years. Yes, three years of hardships in understanding your culture through the family of my husband.
I met my Korean husband through a Wedding Match in the Philippines. I don't actually know about "Wedding Match". I passed all the questions and answers. My husband, with the help of an interpreter, told me that he has a mother (73 yrs. old), and 4 kids from his first wife. Only 3 children (twin girls of 19 years old and a son of 10 years old) are with him because the first born chose to live with her mother. He is divorced since 2003. So his mother is the one who takes care of the 3 while he is the one who provides for their needs.
I didn't have any second thought of not choosing this man (46 yearrs old at that time), since he got older kids who (I thought) knew already how to take care of themselves and have responsibilities and initiatives.
My struggles started when I woke up the next morning. There were many garbages in their veranda, used cups/plates on the floor. Used towels/clothes in front of the bathroom door. Even panty with blood was left inside the bathroom (would you believe?). That's not all--when I visited the twins room (they went out already), GOSH! the clothes were scattered on the floor, even their makeup, everything as in EVERYTHING! Is this a house of responsible people?
I didn't know their language then and my husband inculcated on my mind, "What you see here is Korean style." I told to myself, "AHH, KOREAN STYLE - LAZY AND DIRTY PEOPLE!" I just shrugged my shoulders and did all the household chores. His mother was the one who cooked the food and I was the one who cleaned. But after cleaning, laundrying, and throwing the garbage, the dirtiness started again when the kids (actually they are not kids anymore) arrived home. I was waiting for their halmoni to say a word, but my waiting was futile.
The scene in that house was the same everyday. As days passed by, little by little, I learned the language and met some Korean people. So, a good chance to confirm if the style in our house was their style also. They all said, "NO, ARE YOU A FOOL? WHY ARE YOU DOING THOSE THINGS! YOU ARE THE WIFE AND NOT THEIR MAID! Remember, they still have their mother."
From those words, I began to change my being "maid" to them for almost two years and I let their halmoni do all their things: laundry, throwing the garbages, washing their plates, etc. Because of my "rebellious" ways, my husband and I are always fighting. He said, why do I let his mother do all those things, she's old already and has a backache. I retaliated, "If that so, why she doesn't she command her grandchildren to help her?"
And with that, I will close this letter with a question, "Why some Korean men beat their wives (my husband beat me twice).
Dear [REDACTED],
I am not joking when I say this: LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND. NOW.
I'm terribly sorry to tell you, but Korean men (in Korea -- I am a Korean-American myself) would never marry a Southeastern Asian like yourself if they had a choice. Your husband went to Wedding Match because NO KOREAN WOMAN WOULD MARRY HIM. There's probably a reason for that, and what you described shows the reason.
Again, I'm sorry to be crude, but your husband went to Wedding Match exactly because he needed a maid whom he can have sex with. That's all he wants out of you, and he will continue to treat you that way.
Please see an older post of mine. Your husband is basically the same type of guy in the article. He thinks he spent a good amount of money bringing you into Korea, and he will get mad when he thinks he is not getting his "money's worth."
Don't believe any of the bullshit your husband says about "Korean style". As you know already, it is a lie. The same goes for his violence -- he is not beating you because he is a Korean, he is beating you because he is a bad person who thinks he can buy people.
You must leave your husband. If you need help finding any battered women shelter or free counseling service, I would be happy to help. Best of luck, and keep in touch.
The Korean
Dear Korean,
Thank you very very much for giving attention to my letter, and also for offering a help.
I want to bring my baby in the Philippines and go back here to work. Is that possible? I'm not a Korean citizen yet. We filed our citizenship a year ago. And some of my friends who got their citizenship already told me that I have to wait this year (November) for the release of my citizenship. Is it possible to divorce him because of the reasons I've mentioned to you? Can I get an alimony for that? How about the beatings?
If I stay here more, there is a possibility that he can do that again if I don't want to embrace their Korean "style" in our house. You advised me to leave him. If you give me answers to my above-mentioned reasons, I will leave him AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
Thank you and waiting for your reply.
[REDACTED]
---------------------------------------
Okay folks, if you read this far, the Korean needs your help. The best that the Korean can do sitting in New York is some Google searches, and that is not enough. The Korean knows that some of you guys live in Korea. Be a good person and boost your karma. Please send the Korean any information about free legal clinic, battered women shelter, etc., etc., in Korea. Thank you in advance.
[Note: The Korean hesitated putting this up on the blog, but realized that this poor woman probably found this blog by searching for "why do Korean men beat their wives" or "Korean Philippines marriage" type things. This post will probably pull this blog up closer to the top of the search list if any other person who needs help searches for those terms in the future.]
Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
-EDIT- Can anyone who speaks Tagalog quickly help out the Korean? Promise this will be quick and easy -- just need to read two emails.
Dear Korean,
My name is [REDACTED], Filipina and I've been in Korea for almost three years. Yes, three years of hardships in understanding your culture through the family of my husband.
I met my Korean husband through a Wedding Match in the Philippines. I don't actually know about "Wedding Match". I passed all the questions and answers. My husband, with the help of an interpreter, told me that he has a mother (73 yrs. old), and 4 kids from his first wife. Only 3 children (twin girls of 19 years old and a son of 10 years old) are with him because the first born chose to live with her mother. He is divorced since 2003. So his mother is the one who takes care of the 3 while he is the one who provides for their needs.
I didn't have any second thought of not choosing this man (46 yearrs old at that time), since he got older kids who (I thought) knew already how to take care of themselves and have responsibilities and initiatives.
My struggles started when I woke up the next morning. There were many garbages in their veranda, used cups/plates on the floor. Used towels/clothes in front of the bathroom door. Even panty with blood was left inside the bathroom (would you believe?). That's not all--when I visited the twins room (they went out already), GOSH! the clothes were scattered on the floor, even their makeup, everything as in EVERYTHING! Is this a house of responsible people?
I didn't know their language then and my husband inculcated on my mind, "What you see here is Korean style." I told to myself, "AHH, KOREAN STYLE - LAZY AND DIRTY PEOPLE!" I just shrugged my shoulders and did all the household chores. His mother was the one who cooked the food and I was the one who cleaned. But after cleaning, laundrying, and throwing the garbage, the dirtiness started again when the kids (actually they are not kids anymore) arrived home. I was waiting for their halmoni to say a word, but my waiting was futile.
The scene in that house was the same everyday. As days passed by, little by little, I learned the language and met some Korean people. So, a good chance to confirm if the style in our house was their style also. They all said, "NO, ARE YOU A FOOL? WHY ARE YOU DOING THOSE THINGS! YOU ARE THE WIFE AND NOT THEIR MAID! Remember, they still have their mother."
From those words, I began to change my being "maid" to them for almost two years and I let their halmoni do all their things: laundry, throwing the garbages, washing their plates, etc. Because of my "rebellious" ways, my husband and I are always fighting. He said, why do I let his mother do all those things, she's old already and has a backache. I retaliated, "If that so, why she doesn't she command her grandchildren to help her?"
And with that, I will close this letter with a question, "Why some Korean men beat their wives (my husband beat me twice).
Dear [REDACTED],
I am not joking when I say this: LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND. NOW.
I'm terribly sorry to tell you, but Korean men (in Korea -- I am a Korean-American myself) would never marry a Southeastern Asian like yourself if they had a choice. Your husband went to Wedding Match because NO KOREAN WOMAN WOULD MARRY HIM. There's probably a reason for that, and what you described shows the reason.
Again, I'm sorry to be crude, but your husband went to Wedding Match exactly because he needed a maid whom he can have sex with. That's all he wants out of you, and he will continue to treat you that way.
Please see an older post of mine. Your husband is basically the same type of guy in the article. He thinks he spent a good amount of money bringing you into Korea, and he will get mad when he thinks he is not getting his "money's worth."
Don't believe any of the bullshit your husband says about "Korean style". As you know already, it is a lie. The same goes for his violence -- he is not beating you because he is a Korean, he is beating you because he is a bad person who thinks he can buy people.
You must leave your husband. If you need help finding any battered women shelter or free counseling service, I would be happy to help. Best of luck, and keep in touch.
The Korean
Dear Korean,
Thank you very very much for giving attention to my letter, and also for offering a help.
I want to bring my baby in the Philippines and go back here to work. Is that possible? I'm not a Korean citizen yet. We filed our citizenship a year ago. And some of my friends who got their citizenship already told me that I have to wait this year (November) for the release of my citizenship. Is it possible to divorce him because of the reasons I've mentioned to you? Can I get an alimony for that? How about the beatings?
If I stay here more, there is a possibility that he can do that again if I don't want to embrace their Korean "style" in our house. You advised me to leave him. If you give me answers to my above-mentioned reasons, I will leave him AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
Thank you and waiting for your reply.
[REDACTED]
---------------------------------------
Okay folks, if you read this far, the Korean needs your help. The best that the Korean can do sitting in New York is some Google searches, and that is not enough. The Korean knows that some of you guys live in Korea. Be a good person and boost your karma. Please send the Korean any information about free legal clinic, battered women shelter, etc., etc., in Korea. Thank you in advance.
[Note: The Korean hesitated putting this up on the blog, but realized that this poor woman probably found this blog by searching for "why do Korean men beat their wives" or "Korean Philippines marriage" type things. This post will probably pull this blog up closer to the top of the search list if any other person who needs help searches for those terms in the future.]
Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
-EDIT- Can anyone who speaks Tagalog quickly help out the Korean? Promise this will be quick and easy -- just need to read two emails.
LA Times had an article about something that all of us knew already -- that Koreans now live all across Southern California, not just K-town.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Discussion Topic: Authenticity
Dear readers:
The Korean so far has been faithfully answering your questions. (If you are wondering what happened to your questions, well, the Korean is now going through questions that he received in May 2007. But the Korean admits that he answers questions that he likes almost right away.)
Now it's time for the Korean to ask a question. It's a topic that the Korean has been struggling with for a while, and he would appreciate some input. We can discuss either through the comment section, or through emails.
The question is: "How much authenticity can one demand in a transplanted culture?"
The question underlies many of the posts that the Korean has written so far, and recently it implicitly surfaced in posts about Korean food. In the post, the Korean bitterly complained that people simply don't know what is the right way to cook Korean food in America. In reply, one of the commentors suggested that it was irrational for the Korean to demand everything to be completely authentic.
So one side of the debate can be elaborated thusly: In any piece of culture, there is a perfectly authentic form of that piece -- sort of like the perfect forms of all matters envisioned by Plato. Any deviation from that authenticity renders that piece to become something else entirely. Therefore, a person who enjoys the imperfect piece of culture cannot be said to be enjoying the foreign culture, for that imperfect piece does not actually exist in the authentic culture.
The particular example in the previous post was sullungtang, a creamy Korean beef soup.
The "authentic" way to make the dish is to boil cow's legs for at least 8 hours, until the bone
marrow produces the white broth. But since this is not efficient enough to be commercially profitable, many Korean restaurants (and almost all Korean restaurants in America) uses a trick to imitate the flavor. They use regular beef broth, and add coffee creamer (!) to imitate the creaminess.
According to the first perspective -- let's call it "cultural purist" -- anyone who thinks sullungtang in America is delicious simply does not know what he is talking about. It's a fake thing! It's not a real sullungtang! If you say you enjoy Scotch whiskey but all you ever drank in your life is Jack Daniel's (a Tennessee whiskey), is it not obvious that you don't know what you are talking about?
The other side of the debate -- let's call this one "cultural evolutionist" -- would retort: How does it make sense to demand a crystallized, perfect form in every piece of culture you enjoy? Cultural pieces evolve and change over time and place. If many people like the way the cultural piece has evolved, why does someone with the knowledge of "authenticity" have a monopoly over the question what is the superior? I like my Korean food in America just fine, no matter how different it is from Korean food in Korea. Can't we just call it American-style Korean food and be done with it? Why do you have to ruin my appetite by screaming "bastardization?
Moreover, how do you pinpoint the time of history when something became "authentic"? For example, the cultural purist would be aghast if Americans made a version of kimchi with less red pepper because Americans like it better that way. No "true" Koreans would condone such a travesty! But wait - kimchi only turned red in the 18th century, because red pepper was not introduced to Korea until then. In fact, red pepper originated in the Americas, and it was a distinctively foreign element in the food. Is it not completely arbitrary for a cultural purist to say that 19th century kimchi is authentic, while 17th century kimchi is not?
This debate can go into all kinds of different areas. Take Engrish t-shirts, for example. The cultural purist would
simply laugh at the dumb Chinese/Japanese/Koreans who would sport such ridiculous things. In English, those things say really dumb or inappropriate things! They are ignorant for wearing such a thing.
On the other hand, the cultural evolutionist would say that, if those folks like the way their shirts look, who are we to judge? It is clear that the English alphabets on those shirts do not serve the function that English-speaking people presumes that they have. The alphabets on the shirts are purely decorative, like an elaborate pattern. From the perspective of the child in the picture, it would make little difference if he was wearing a t-shirt that had race cars. So who are we to laugh?
Wanna try to take this debate into a less-PC (and more odious) area? How about the idea of "white man's Asian woman"? Lucy Liu is the most popular Asian American actress in America at this point, but the Korean has never met a single Asian man who found her attractive. In the Korean's experience, near-universal reaction of all Asian men who saw a picture of Lucy Liu for the first time was "What the hell is wrong with her eyes?"
It is true that Liu's eyes are extra-squinty, and hardly anything like an average Asian's eyes. Based on
that, many Asian American men consider Liu the prototypical "white man's Asian woman" -- someone who fits the image of an exotic creature, which has no basis in the "authentic" reality. Because of this perception, the Korean is positive that most Asian Americans would believe a movie like House of Flying Daggers would be ruined if Liu replaced Zhang Ziyi, because Liu would ruin the authenticity of the vision of ancient China.
Underlying the idea of "white man's Asian woman" is a cultural purist attitude. "White man's Asian woman" is someone who is clearly inferior to "Asian man's Asian woman", because after all, who is a better judge of Asian beauty than Asians themselves?
But -- a cultural evolutionist would point out -- Lucy Liu is a real person! She did not choose the way she would look. What is wrong with people liking her for the way she looks? How does white people liking her make her "less real"? Is she supposed to decline the fame and fortune because she is not "authentic" enough?
On the whole, cultural evolutionist view is closer to reason, and cultural purist view is closer to gut reaction. We would all like to say that we are reasonable people who are not swayed by unreasonable gut reaction, but admit it -- you are a lying liar if you say you did not laugh at the picture of the child whose shirt said "Wake Up! Mother Fucker." If you have more knowledge on a topic, it's difficult for you not to mock those who flaunt less knowledge.
So, the question again: "How much authenticity can one demand in a transplanted culture?"
The Korean awaits your response.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
The Korean so far has been faithfully answering your questions. (If you are wondering what happened to your questions, well, the Korean is now going through questions that he received in May 2007. But the Korean admits that he answers questions that he likes almost right away.)
Now it's time for the Korean to ask a question. It's a topic that the Korean has been struggling with for a while, and he would appreciate some input. We can discuss either through the comment section, or through emails.
The question is: "How much authenticity can one demand in a transplanted culture?"
The question underlies many of the posts that the Korean has written so far, and recently it implicitly surfaced in posts about Korean food. In the post, the Korean bitterly complained that people simply don't know what is the right way to cook Korean food in America. In reply, one of the commentors suggested that it was irrational for the Korean to demand everything to be completely authentic.
So one side of the debate can be elaborated thusly: In any piece of culture, there is a perfectly authentic form of that piece -- sort of like the perfect forms of all matters envisioned by Plato. Any deviation from that authenticity renders that piece to become something else entirely. Therefore, a person who enjoys the imperfect piece of culture cannot be said to be enjoying the foreign culture, for that imperfect piece does not actually exist in the authentic culture.
The particular example in the previous post was sullungtang, a creamy Korean beef soup.
The "authentic" way to make the dish is to boil cow's legs for at least 8 hours, until the bone
marrow produces the white broth. But since this is not efficient enough to be commercially profitable, many Korean restaurants (and almost all Korean restaurants in America) uses a trick to imitate the flavor. They use regular beef broth, and add coffee creamer (!) to imitate the creaminess.According to the first perspective -- let's call it "cultural purist" -- anyone who thinks sullungtang in America is delicious simply does not know what he is talking about. It's a fake thing! It's not a real sullungtang! If you say you enjoy Scotch whiskey but all you ever drank in your life is Jack Daniel's (a Tennessee whiskey), is it not obvious that you don't know what you are talking about?
The other side of the debate -- let's call this one "cultural evolutionist" -- would retort: How does it make sense to demand a crystallized, perfect form in every piece of culture you enjoy? Cultural pieces evolve and change over time and place. If many people like the way the cultural piece has evolved, why does someone with the knowledge of "authenticity" have a monopoly over the question what is the superior? I like my Korean food in America just fine, no matter how different it is from Korean food in Korea. Can't we just call it American-style Korean food and be done with it? Why do you have to ruin my appetite by screaming "bastardization?
Moreover, how do you pinpoint the time of history when something became "authentic"? For example, the cultural purist would be aghast if Americans made a version of kimchi with less red pepper because Americans like it better that way. No "true" Koreans would condone such a travesty! But wait - kimchi only turned red in the 18th century, because red pepper was not introduced to Korea until then. In fact, red pepper originated in the Americas, and it was a distinctively foreign element in the food. Is it not completely arbitrary for a cultural purist to say that 19th century kimchi is authentic, while 17th century kimchi is not?This debate can go into all kinds of different areas. Take Engrish t-shirts, for example. The cultural purist would
simply laugh at the dumb Chinese/Japanese/Koreans who would sport such ridiculous things. In English, those things say really dumb or inappropriate things! They are ignorant for wearing such a thing.
On the other hand, the cultural evolutionist would say that, if those folks like the way their shirts look, who are we to judge? It is clear that the English alphabets on those shirts do not serve the function that English-speaking people presumes that they have. The alphabets on the shirts are purely decorative, like an elaborate pattern. From the perspective of the child in the picture, it would make little difference if he was wearing a t-shirt that had race cars. So who are we to laugh?
Wanna try to take this debate into a less-PC (and more odious) area? How about the idea of "white man's Asian woman"? Lucy Liu is the most popular Asian American actress in America at this point, but the Korean has never met a single Asian man who found her attractive. In the Korean's experience, near-universal reaction of all Asian men who saw a picture of Lucy Liu for the first time was "What the hell is wrong with her eyes?"
It is true that Liu's eyes are extra-squinty, and hardly anything like an average Asian's eyes. Based on
that, many Asian American men consider Liu the prototypical "white man's Asian woman" -- someone who fits the image of an exotic creature, which has no basis in the "authentic" reality. Because of this perception, the Korean is positive that most Asian Americans would believe a movie like House of Flying Daggers would be ruined if Liu replaced Zhang Ziyi, because Liu would ruin the authenticity of the vision of ancient China.Underlying the idea of "white man's Asian woman" is a cultural purist attitude. "White man's Asian woman" is someone who is clearly inferior to "Asian man's Asian woman", because after all, who is a better judge of Asian beauty than Asians themselves?
But -- a cultural evolutionist would point out -- Lucy Liu is a real person! She did not choose the way she would look. What is wrong with people liking her for the way she looks? How does white people liking her make her "less real"? Is she supposed to decline the fame and fortune because she is not "authentic" enough?
On the whole, cultural evolutionist view is closer to reason, and cultural purist view is closer to gut reaction. We would all like to say that we are reasonable people who are not swayed by unreasonable gut reaction, but admit it -- you are a lying liar if you say you did not laugh at the picture of the child whose shirt said "Wake Up! Mother Fucker." If you have more knowledge on a topic, it's difficult for you not to mock those who flaunt less knowledge.
So, the question again: "How much authenticity can one demand in a transplanted culture?"
The Korean awaits your response.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Monday, February 11, 2008
The Korean saw a Life cereal ad on TV that featured a white mother, an Asian father, and three beautifully mixed boys. Did anyone else see this? It used to be the case that whenever there was a relationship between an Asian and a non-Asian, it always involved an Asian woman and a non-Asian man. Nowadays the Korean is noticing a lot more Asian man-non-Asian woman relationship, and now it's on TV. Somehow, it feels like the world became a better place.
-EDIT Feb. 11, 2008 5:54 p.m.- You can see the ad on www.lifecereal.com. ("The Oh Family") Apprently there were four boys, and the father is indeed Korean. Thank you, brandonsmom!
-EDIT Feb. 11, 2008 5:54 p.m.- You can see the ad on www.lifecereal.com. ("The Oh Family") Apprently there were four boys, and the father is indeed Korean. Thank you, brandonsmom!
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Oh, and happy Lunar New Year everyone. Just don't call it Chinese New Year. Here's an old post of what Koreans do on seolnal.
Ask A Korean! News: Pandas in Super Bowl Ad? Sound the Racism Alert!
Apparently after the Super Bowl, some people are up in arms about one particular commercial:
Here is the Korean's reaction to those people: Get the fuck over yourselves.
Making a fuss over this ad takes the focus away from the real issue of the ad: It sucks. It's dumb. It shows not a shred of originality that people have come to expect from a Super Bowl ad. Talking about the ad gives it a longer life than the 30 seconds it deserves.
Pandas are from China. There is no dispute about this. So why is it so weird to have Panda speaking Chinese accent? And if a cartoon Panda speaks in Chinese accent, why must we demand it to speak in grammatically correct, complete sentences? No one whines when a leprechaun sings the grammatically incorrect sentence of "Catch me Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!" in a decidedly un-masculine high pitch Irish accent. (The Korean has no way of truly knowing how good that Irish accent is, but he suspects that it is not much better than the pandas's Chinese accent.)
In fact, this little episode reveals more about Asian Americans themselves than the supposed racism in America. The Korean cannot help but notice that this type of episode tends to happen whenever there is a cartoon description of Asians on television or print media. (e.g. the Pat Oliphant cartoon incident a few years back.) The complaint is always the same too: the image invokes racially stereotypical caricatures. "How dare you depict my people with small eyes and yellow skins," they would say indignantly, "when I myself as well as many other Asians I know don't look anything like that caricature?"
News flash: No one looks like a caricature! How are cartoonists supposed to depict Asians when they need to depict Asians? Asians, as a race, have a distinctive look. We generally have yellow skin, small eyes, and small nose. We are on average shorter. Of course individually Asians all look different, and the Korean pointed it out repeatedly. But cartoonists are not portrait artists -- they are SUPPOSED to pick defining physical characteristics of a person to draw a representation of that person.
If Asians as a race share certain defining physical characteristics, how can a cartoonist
NOT use such characteristics to depict Asians? George W. Bush cannot complain that cartonnists repeatedly make his ears appear big and jutted forward. The president's ears are a little large, and the cartoonists exaggerate that feature to make the pictoral representation recognizable. But just because a cartoonist depicts and exaggerates a physical feature that is common to a race, he instantly becomes a racist?
The fact that some Asian Americans get worked up over such portrayals of themselves means a very significant thing for Asian Americans: some Asian Americans DON'T LIKE THEIR OWN LOOKS. Why are they outraged at small-eyed cartoon characters when they themselves have small eyes? Why are they outraged at accented cartoon characters when many Asian Americans (especially their first-generation immigrant parents) speak with an accent?
The answer should be simple: they don't want to be seen as having small eyes and Asian accents. They are embarrassed of their own Asian characteristics, so they are outraged when someone points them out. It's the same affliction that drives Asian Americans into invisibility. They would rather blend in; they would rather be white, or black. Anything but Asian. They would rather not be different.
But not this Asian. The Korean, for one, is proud of his yellow skin, proud of his small, squinty eyes, and proud of his parents' accented, broken English that they built up from no English skill. Asian American live in a country in which the color of your skin matters the least in your success; a country where accented English speakers like Henry Kissinger and Arnold Schwartznegger have achieved dazzling success. Difference is nothing to be embarrassed about -- not in America.
So Asians, please just leave the stupid panda alone. There are plenty of issues that deserve your outrage other than a failed commercial.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Here is the Korean's reaction to those people: Get the fuck over yourselves.
Making a fuss over this ad takes the focus away from the real issue of the ad: It sucks. It's dumb. It shows not a shred of originality that people have come to expect from a Super Bowl ad. Talking about the ad gives it a longer life than the 30 seconds it deserves.
Pandas are from China. There is no dispute about this. So why is it so weird to have Panda speaking Chinese accent? And if a cartoon Panda speaks in Chinese accent, why must we demand it to speak in grammatically correct, complete sentences? No one whines when a leprechaun sings the grammatically incorrect sentence of "Catch me Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!" in a decidedly un-masculine high pitch Irish accent. (The Korean has no way of truly knowing how good that Irish accent is, but he suspects that it is not much better than the pandas's Chinese accent.)
In fact, this little episode reveals more about Asian Americans themselves than the supposed racism in America. The Korean cannot help but notice that this type of episode tends to happen whenever there is a cartoon description of Asians on television or print media. (e.g. the Pat Oliphant cartoon incident a few years back.) The complaint is always the same too: the image invokes racially stereotypical caricatures. "How dare you depict my people with small eyes and yellow skins," they would say indignantly, "when I myself as well as many other Asians I know don't look anything like that caricature?"
News flash: No one looks like a caricature! How are cartoonists supposed to depict Asians when they need to depict Asians? Asians, as a race, have a distinctive look. We generally have yellow skin, small eyes, and small nose. We are on average shorter. Of course individually Asians all look different, and the Korean pointed it out repeatedly. But cartoonists are not portrait artists -- they are SUPPOSED to pick defining physical characteristics of a person to draw a representation of that person.
If Asians as a race share certain defining physical characteristics, how can a cartoonist
NOT use such characteristics to depict Asians? George W. Bush cannot complain that cartonnists repeatedly make his ears appear big and jutted forward. The president's ears are a little large, and the cartoonists exaggerate that feature to make the pictoral representation recognizable. But just because a cartoonist depicts and exaggerates a physical feature that is common to a race, he instantly becomes a racist?The fact that some Asian Americans get worked up over such portrayals of themselves means a very significant thing for Asian Americans: some Asian Americans DON'T LIKE THEIR OWN LOOKS. Why are they outraged at small-eyed cartoon characters when they themselves have small eyes? Why are they outraged at accented cartoon characters when many Asian Americans (especially their first-generation immigrant parents) speak with an accent?
The answer should be simple: they don't want to be seen as having small eyes and Asian accents. They are embarrassed of their own Asian characteristics, so they are outraged when someone points them out. It's the same affliction that drives Asian Americans into invisibility. They would rather blend in; they would rather be white, or black. Anything but Asian. They would rather not be different.
But not this Asian. The Korean, for one, is proud of his yellow skin, proud of his small, squinty eyes, and proud of his parents' accented, broken English that they built up from no English skill. Asian American live in a country in which the color of your skin matters the least in your success; a country where accented English speakers like Henry Kissinger and Arnold Schwartznegger have achieved dazzling success. Difference is nothing to be embarrassed about -- not in America.
So Asians, please just leave the stupid panda alone. There are plenty of issues that deserve your outrage other than a failed commercial.
Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Korean Funeral Tradition
Dear Korean,
I just found out that my boss's mother has died in Korea. I've heard that it's customary to give money to the person who has lost a loved one, but I've known my boss for 2 years and it just seems insensitive to me if all I did was give him some money. Why do Koreans do that? Is there something else that I can do that is more personal?
Little White Girl
Dear Little White Girl,
It may seem insensitive, but Koreans are practical folks. Sad fact of life, or the end thereof, is that funerals cost money. The nice thing to do would be to help out with the costs. Of course, nothing stops people from doing things more personal, like writing cards or helping the funeral preparation. But as far as Korean folks are concerned, money in a white envelope that says 謹弔 is enough. (The Chinese characters roughly mean “I am sorry for your loss.”)
A side effect of the custom of giving money (the money itself is called bujo) is that the family of the deceased should only give the official notice of the funeral (called bugo) to those close to the deceased and the family. Because those who received the notice is expected to attend the funeral and give money, it is bad manners to give the notice to mere acquaintances.
Some more about what Korean funerals look like. Korean funerals traditionally had a very long and elaborate procedure, but modern Korean funerals are simplified, and often adjusted for religious beliefs, especially among Christians.
Korean funerals generally last three days. When a person dies, first the body is set in a straight position and covered in a white sheet. Then it is put behind a partition. In front of the partition, a small table is set up with a photo of the deceased and incenses. Then the person’s death is announced. Official notice of the funeral is sent out, and a sign is hung on the front door of the house.
First son of the deceased assumes the role of sangju, basically the master of ceremonies. Traditionally the sangju would wear clothes and hat made out of hemp, but nowadays they simply wear a black suit and the hemp hat. The relatives of the dead are also sup
posed to wear the hemp clothes, but that part is now generally omitted. Both sangju and the relatives are supposed to wear a black ribbon either on the chest or on an arm, but now only sangju wears it. (Picture came from a Korean funeral house, which advertises that it rents the traditional garb.)
On the second day, sangju arranges for cleaning of the body, which is usually done at a funeral home. Koreans don’t embalm the dead. The body is cleaned and dressed – there is a traditional garb for the dead, but suits are commonplace in modern Korea.
After the body is dressed, it is put in a casket. The casket is again set behind a partition or a black curtain, and a table with the photo of the deceased, candles, and incense is set up. A black ribbon is put on the photo at this time. Sangju sits next to the table on a coarse mat – the mat is coarse because sangju must atone for the sin of allowing his parent to die.
Then is the time for visitors. Visitors wear black suits as American mourners would. Mourners first light a stick of incense at the table, bow at the table, then sangju and the guest bow at each other. Traditionally sangju, as a sinner, is supposed to remain quiet for the entire proceeding, but now they are allowed to say brief thanking words to the guests. As they are leaving, visitors leave the envelop with money in a designated box.
On the morning of the third day, the casket leaves the house. Before it leaves, a short ceremony is held in the honor of the dead – if you were trying to find one ceremony called “funeral” in a Korean death ritual, this would be it. The personal history of the deceased is told, and people eulogize and offer incense.
Traditionally, sangju and his relatives carried the casket all the way to the burying ground, but now Koreans use a hearse. The casket is taken to a pre-arranged burial ground, which is near other family members'
burial sites. (See picture.) Typically, an extended family owns a small mountain and sets up burial sites for the entire family, past, present and future. The Korean himself already knows where he will be buried when he dies. Believe it or not, the thought is somewhat comforting.
After the casket is lowered, sangju throws dirt on the casket three times. Then the grave is fully filled, and a little mound is built on top of the grave. The mound is then covered in grass. On the right bottom side of the mound, a small stone with the name of the dead is buried so that the grave can be identified even though the mound is eroded away. The tombstone is set up in front of the grave, and brief ceremony is held once again.
But technically, the official funeral is not over after 3 days. Sangju keeps wearing the black ribbon for 100 days; traditionally everyone who had to wear to hemp garb had to keep them on for 100 days, but that does not happen anymore. After 100 days, a memorial ceremony for the dead is held, and the funeral is finally over.
Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
I just found out that my boss's mother has died in Korea. I've heard that it's customary to give money to the person who has lost a loved one, but I've known my boss for 2 years and it just seems insensitive to me if all I did was give him some money. Why do Koreans do that? Is there something else that I can do that is more personal?
Little White Girl
Dear Little White Girl,
It may seem insensitive, but Koreans are practical folks. Sad fact of life, or the end thereof, is that funerals cost money. The nice thing to do would be to help out with the costs. Of course, nothing stops people from doing things more personal, like writing cards or helping the funeral preparation. But as far as Korean folks are concerned, money in a white envelope that says 謹弔 is enough. (The Chinese characters roughly mean “I am sorry for your loss.”)
A side effect of the custom of giving money (the money itself is called bujo) is that the family of the deceased should only give the official notice of the funeral (called bugo) to those close to the deceased and the family. Because those who received the notice is expected to attend the funeral and give money, it is bad manners to give the notice to mere acquaintances.
Some more about what Korean funerals look like. Korean funerals traditionally had a very long and elaborate procedure, but modern Korean funerals are simplified, and often adjusted for religious beliefs, especially among Christians.
Korean funerals generally last three days. When a person dies, first the body is set in a straight position and covered in a white sheet. Then it is put behind a partition. In front of the partition, a small table is set up with a photo of the deceased and incenses. Then the person’s death is announced. Official notice of the funeral is sent out, and a sign is hung on the front door of the house.
First son of the deceased assumes the role of sangju, basically the master of ceremonies. Traditionally the sangju would wear clothes and hat made out of hemp, but nowadays they simply wear a black suit and the hemp hat. The relatives of the dead are also sup
posed to wear the hemp clothes, but that part is now generally omitted. Both sangju and the relatives are supposed to wear a black ribbon either on the chest or on an arm, but now only sangju wears it. (Picture came from a Korean funeral house, which advertises that it rents the traditional garb.)On the second day, sangju arranges for cleaning of the body, which is usually done at a funeral home. Koreans don’t embalm the dead. The body is cleaned and dressed – there is a traditional garb for the dead, but suits are commonplace in modern Korea.
After the body is dressed, it is put in a casket. The casket is again set behind a partition or a black curtain, and a table with the photo of the deceased, candles, and incense is set up. A black ribbon is put on the photo at this time. Sangju sits next to the table on a coarse mat – the mat is coarse because sangju must atone for the sin of allowing his parent to die.
Then is the time for visitors. Visitors wear black suits as American mourners would. Mourners first light a stick of incense at the table, bow at the table, then sangju and the guest bow at each other. Traditionally sangju, as a sinner, is supposed to remain quiet for the entire proceeding, but now they are allowed to say brief thanking words to the guests. As they are leaving, visitors leave the envelop with money in a designated box.
On the morning of the third day, the casket leaves the house. Before it leaves, a short ceremony is held in the honor of the dead – if you were trying to find one ceremony called “funeral” in a Korean death ritual, this would be it. The personal history of the deceased is told, and people eulogize and offer incense.
Traditionally, sangju and his relatives carried the casket all the way to the burying ground, but now Koreans use a hearse. The casket is taken to a pre-arranged burial ground, which is near other family members'
burial sites. (See picture.) Typically, an extended family owns a small mountain and sets up burial sites for the entire family, past, present and future. The Korean himself already knows where he will be buried when he dies. Believe it or not, the thought is somewhat comforting.After the casket is lowered, sangju throws dirt on the casket three times. Then the grave is fully filled, and a little mound is built on top of the grave. The mound is then covered in grass. On the right bottom side of the mound, a small stone with the name of the dead is buried so that the grave can be identified even though the mound is eroded away. The tombstone is set up in front of the grave, and brief ceremony is held once again.
But technically, the official funeral is not over after 3 days. Sangju keeps wearing the black ribbon for 100 days; traditionally everyone who had to wear to hemp garb had to keep them on for 100 days, but that does not happen anymore. After 100 days, a memorial ceremony for the dead is held, and the funeral is finally over.
Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.
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