Oh, and the Korean is hoping that everyone is following the story of New York Philharmonic in North Korea.

New York Times article today talks about how some schools in Germany now uses comic book-style textbooks to teach its students about Holocaust. The Korean is not sure how to feel about this; it feels like sometimes, Germans are trying a bit too hard. But one thing is for sure: the harder Germany tries to atone for its past crimes, the worse Japan looks in comparison.

Help the Korean Destroy a Family

[The Korean's note: the following email has been edited for privacy and other concerns.]

Dear Korean,

My name is [REDACTED], Filipina and I've been in Korea for almost three years. Yes, three years of hardships in understanding your culture through the family of my husband.

I met my Korean husband through a Wedding Match in the Philippines. I don't actually know about "Wedding Match". I passed all the questions and answers. My husband, with the help of an interpreter, told me that he has a mother (73 yrs. old), and 4 kids from his first wife. Only 3 children (twin girls of 19 years old and a son of 10 years old) are with him because the first born chose to live with her mother. He is divorced since 2003. So his mother is the one who takes care of the 3 while he is the one who provides for their needs.

I didn't have any second thought of not choosing this man (46 yearrs old at that time), since he got older kids who (I thought) knew already how to take care of themselves and have responsibilities and initiatives.

My struggles started when I woke up the next morning. There were many garbages in their veranda, used cups/plates on the floor. Used towels/clothes in front of the bathroom door. Even panty with blood was left inside the bathroom (would you believe?). That's not all--when I visited the twins room (they went out already), GOSH! the clothes were scattered on the floor, even their makeup, everything as in EVERYTHING! Is this a house of responsible people?

I didn't know their language then and my husband inculcated on my mind, "What you see here is Korean style." I told to myself, "AHH, KOREAN STYLE - LAZY AND DIRTY PEOPLE!" I just shrugged my shoulders and did all the household chores. His mother was the one who cooked the food and I was the one who cleaned. But after cleaning, laundrying, and throwing the garbage, the dirtiness started again when the kids (actually they are not kids anymore) arrived home. I was waiting for their halmoni to say a word, but my waiting was futile.

The scene in that house was the same everyday. As days passed by, little by little, I learned the language and met some Korean people. So, a good chance to confirm if the style in our house was their style also. They all said, "NO, ARE YOU A FOOL? WHY ARE YOU DOING THOSE THINGS! YOU ARE THE WIFE AND NOT THEIR MAID! Remember, they still have their mother."

From those words, I began to change my being "maid" to them for almost two years and I let their halmoni do all their things: laundry, throwing the garbages, washing their plates, etc. Because of my "rebellious" ways, my husband and I are always fighting. He said, why do I let his mother do all those things, she's old already and has a backache. I retaliated, "If that so, why she doesn't she command her grandchildren to help her?"

And with that, I will close this letter with a question, "Why some Korean men beat their wives (my husband beat me twice).

Dear [REDACTED],

I am not joking when I say this: LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND. NOW.

I'm terribly sorry to tell you, but Korean men (in Korea -- I am a Korean-American myself) would never marry a Southeastern Asian like yourself if they had a choice. Your husband went to Wedding Match because NO KOREAN WOMAN WOULD MARRY HIM. There's probably a reason for that, and what you described shows the reason.

Again, I'm sorry to be crude, but your husband went to Wedding Match exactly because he needed a maid whom he can have sex with. That's all he wants out of you, and he will continue to treat you that way.

Please see an older post of mine. Your husband is basically the same type of guy in the article. He thinks he spent a good amount of money bringing you into Korea, and he will get mad when he thinks he is not getting his "money's worth."

Don't believe any of the bullshit your husband says about "Korean style". As you know already, it is a lie. The same goes for his violence -- he is not beating you because he is a Korean, he is beating you because he is a bad person who thinks he can buy people.

You must leave your husband. If you need help finding any battered women shelter or free counseling service, I would be happy to help. Best of luck, and keep in touch.

The Korean

Dear Korean,

Thank you very very much for giving attention to my letter, and also for offering a help.

I want to bring my baby in the Philippines and go back here to work. Is that possible? I'm not a Korean citizen yet. We filed our citizenship a year ago. And some of my friends who got their citizenship already told me that I have to wait this year (November) for the release of my citizenship. Is it possible to divorce him because of the reasons I've mentioned to you? Can I get an alimony for that? How about the beatings?

If I stay here more, there is a possibility that he can do that again if I don't want to embrace their Korean "style" in our house. You advised me to leave him. If you give me answers to my above-mentioned reasons, I will leave him AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

Thank you and waiting for your reply.

[REDACTED]

---------------------------------------

Okay folks, if you read this far, the Korean needs your help. The best that the Korean can do sitting in New York is some Google searches, and that is not enough. The Korean knows that some of you guys live in Korea. Be a good person and boost your karma. Please send the Korean any information about free legal clinic, battered women shelter, etc., etc., in Korea. Thank you in advance.

[Note: The Korean hesitated putting this up on the blog, but realized that this poor woman probably found this blog by searching for "why do Korean men beat their wives" or "Korean Philippines marriage" type things. This post will probably pull this blog up closer to the top of the search list if any other person who needs help searches for those terms in the future.]

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

-EDIT- Can anyone who speaks Tagalog quickly help out the Korean? Promise this will be quick and easy -- just need to read two emails.

LA Times had an article about something that all of us knew already -- that Koreans now live all across Southern California, not just K-town.

This week at work for the Korean looks really bad... Please sit tight and continue the discussion. The Korean will get to all the comments and emails at some point.

Discussion Topic: Authenticity

Dear readers:

The Korean so far has been faithfully answering your questions. (If you are wondering what happened to your questions, well, the Korean is now going through questions that he received in May 2007. But the Korean admits that he answers questions that he likes almost right away.)

Now it's time for the Korean to ask a question. It's a topic that the Korean has been struggling with for a while, and he would appreciate some input. We can discuss either through the comment section, or through emails.

The question is: "How much authenticity can one demand in a transplanted culture?"

The question underlies many of the posts that the Korean has written so far, and recently it implicitly surfaced in posts about Korean food. In the post, the Korean bitterly complained that people simply don't know what is the right way to cook Korean food in America. In reply, one of the commentors suggested that it was irrational for the Korean to demand everything to be completely authentic.

So one side of the debate can be elaborated thusly: In any piece of culture, there is a perfectly authentic form of that piece -- sort of like the perfect forms of all matters envisioned by Plato. Any deviation from that authenticity renders that piece to become something else entirely. Therefore, a person who enjoys the imperfect piece of culture cannot be said to be enjoying the foreign culture, for that imperfect piece does not actually exist in the authentic culture.

The particular example in the previous post was sullungtang, a creamy Korean beef soup. The "authentic" way to make the dish is to boil cow's legs for at least 8 hours, until the bone marrow produces the white broth. But since this is not efficient enough to be commercially profitable, many Korean restaurants (and almost all Korean restaurants in America) uses a trick to imitate the flavor. They use regular beef broth, and add coffee creamer (!) to imitate the creaminess.

According to the first perspective -- let's call it "cultural purist" -- anyone who thinks sullungtang in America is delicious simply does not know what he is talking about. It's a fake thing! It's not a real sullungtang! If you say you enjoy Scotch whiskey but all you ever drank in your life is Jack Daniel's (a Tennessee whiskey), is it not obvious that you don't know what you are talking about?

The other side of the debate -- let's call this one "cultural evolutionist" -- would retort: How does it make sense to demand a crystallized, perfect form in every piece of culture you enjoy? Cultural pieces evolve and change over time and place. If many people like the way the cultural piece has evolved, why does someone with the knowledge of "authenticity" have a monopoly over the question what is the superior? I like my Korean food in America just fine, no matter how different it is from Korean food in Korea. Can't we just call it American-style Korean food and be done with it? Why do you have to ruin my appetite by screaming "bastardization?

Moreover, how do you pinpoint the time of history when something became "authentic"? For example, the cultural purist would be aghast if Americans made a version of kimchi with less red pepper because Americans like it better that way. No "true" Koreans would condone such a travesty! But wait - kimchi only turned red in the 18th century, because red pepper was not introduced to Korea until then. In fact, red pepper originated in the Americas, and it was a distinctively foreign element in the food. Is it not completely arbitrary for a cultural purist to say that 19th century kimchi is authentic, while 17th century kimchi is not?

This debate can go into all kinds of different areas. Take Engrish t-shirts, for example. The cultural purist would simply laugh at the dumb Chinese/Japanese/Koreans who would sport such ridiculous things. In English, those things say really dumb or inappropriate things! They are ignorant for wearing such a thing.

On the other hand, the cultural evolutionist would say that, if those folks like the way their shirts look, who are we to judge? It is clear that the English alphabets on those shirts do not serve the function that English-speaking people presumes that they have. The alphabets on the shirts are purely decorative, like an elaborate pattern. From the perspective of the child in the picture, it would make little difference if he was wearing a t-shirt that had race cars. So who are we to laugh?

Wanna try to take this debate into a less-PC (and more odious) area? How about the idea of "white man's Asian woman"? Lucy Liu is the most popular Asian American actress in America at this point, but the Korean has never met a single Asian man who found her attractive. In the Korean's experience, near-universal reaction of all Asian men who saw a picture of Lucy Liu for the first time was "What the hell is wrong with her eyes?"

It is true that Liu's eyes are extra-squinty, and hardly anything like an average Asian's eyes. Based on that, many Asian American men consider Liu the prototypical "white man's Asian woman" -- someone who fits the image of an exotic creature, which has no basis in the "authentic" reality. Because of this perception, the Korean is positive that most Asian Americans would believe a movie like House of Flying Daggers would be ruined if Liu replaced Zhang Ziyi, because Liu would ruin the authenticity of the vision of ancient China.

Underlying the idea of "white man's Asian woman" is a cultural purist attitude. "White man's Asian woman" is someone who is clearly inferior to "Asian man's Asian woman", because after all, who is a better judge of Asian beauty than Asians themselves?

But -- a cultural evolutionist would point out -- Lucy Liu is a real person! She did not choose the way she would look. What is wrong with people liking her for the way she looks? How does white people liking her make her "less real"? Is she supposed to decline the fame and fortune because she is not "authentic" enough?

On the whole, cultural evolutionist view is closer to reason, and cultural purist view is closer to gut reaction. We would all like to say that we are reasonable people who are not swayed by unreasonable gut reaction, but admit it -- you are a lying liar if you say you did not laugh at the picture of the child whose shirt said "Wake Up! Mother Fucker." If you have more knowledge on a topic, it's difficult for you not to mock those who flaunt less knowledge.

So, the question again: "How much authenticity can one demand in a transplanted culture?"

The Korean awaits your response.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

The Korean saw a Life cereal ad on TV that featured a white mother, an Asian father, and three beautifully mixed boys. Did anyone else see this? It used to be the case that whenever there was a relationship between an Asian and a non-Asian, it always involved an Asian woman and a non-Asian man. Nowadays the Korean is noticing a lot more Asian man-non-Asian woman relationship, and now it's on TV. Somehow, it feels like the world became a better place.

-EDIT Feb. 11, 2008 5:54 p.m.- You can see the ad on www.lifecereal.com. ("The Oh Family") Apprently there were four boys, and the father is indeed Korean. Thank you, brandonsmom!

Oh, and happy Lunar New Year everyone. Just don't call it Chinese New Year. Here's an old post of what Koreans do on seolnal.

Ask A Korean! News: Pandas in Super Bowl Ad? Sound the Racism Alert!

Apparently after the Super Bowl, some people are up in arms about one particular commercial:




Here is the Korean's reaction to those people: Get the fuck over yourselves.

Making a fuss over this ad takes the focus away from the real issue of the ad: It sucks. It's dumb. It shows not a shred of originality that people have come to expect from a Super Bowl ad. Talking about the ad gives it a longer life than the 30 seconds it deserves.

Pandas are from China. There is no dispute about this. So why is it so weird to have Panda speaking Chinese accent? And if a cartoon Panda speaks in Chinese accent, why must we demand it to speak in grammatically correct, complete sentences? No one whines when a leprechaun sings the grammatically incorrect sentence of "Catch me Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!" in a decidedly un-masculine high pitch Irish accent. (The Korean has no way of truly knowing how good that Irish accent is, but he suspects that it is not much better than the pandas's Chinese accent.)

In fact, this little episode reveals more about Asian Americans themselves than the supposed racism in America. The Korean cannot help but notice that this type of episode tends to happen whenever there is a cartoon description of Asians on television or print media. (e.g. the Pat Oliphant cartoon incident a few years back.) The complaint is always the same too: the image invokes racially stereotypical caricatures. "How dare you depict my people with small eyes and yellow skins," they would say indignantly, "when I myself as well as many other Asians I know don't look anything like that caricature?"

News flash: No one looks like a caricature! How are cartoonists supposed to depict Asians when they need to depict Asians? Asians, as a race, have a distinctive look. We generally have yellow skin, small eyes, and small nose. We are on average shorter. Of course individually Asians all look different, and the Korean pointed it out repeatedly. But cartoonists are not portrait artists -- they are SUPPOSED to pick defining physical characteristics of a person to draw a representation of that person.

If Asians as a race share certain defining physical characteristics, how can a cartoonist NOT use such characteristics to depict Asians? George W. Bush cannot complain that cartonnists repeatedly make his ears appear big and jutted forward. The president's ears are a little large, and the cartoonists exaggerate that feature to make the pictoral representation recognizable. But just because a cartoonist depicts and exaggerates a physical feature that is common to a race, he instantly becomes a racist?

The fact that some Asian Americans get worked up over such portrayals of themselves means a very significant thing for Asian Americans: some Asian Americans DON'T LIKE THEIR OWN LOOKS. Why are they outraged at small-eyed cartoon characters when they themselves have small eyes? Why are they outraged at accented cartoon characters when many Asian Americans (especially their first-generation immigrant parents) speak with an accent?

The answer should be simple: they don't want to be seen as having small eyes and Asian accents. They are embarrassed of their own Asian characteristics, so they are outraged when someone points them out. It's the same affliction that drives Asian Americans into invisibility. They would rather blend in; they would rather be white, or black. Anything but Asian. They would rather not be different.

But not this Asian. The Korean, for one, is proud of his yellow skin, proud of his small, squinty eyes, and proud of his parents' accented, broken English that they built up from no English skill. Asian American live in a country in which the color of your skin matters the least in your success; a country where accented English speakers like Henry Kissinger and Arnold Schwartznegger have achieved dazzling success. Difference is nothing to be embarrassed about -- not in America.

So Asians, please just leave the stupid panda alone. There are plenty of issues that deserve your outrage other than a failed commercial.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Korean Funeral Tradition

Dear Korean,

I just found out that my boss's mother has died in Korea. I've heard that it's customary to give money to the person who has lost a loved one, but I've known my boss for 2 years and it just seems insensitive to me if all I did was give him some money. Why do Koreans do that? Is there something else that I can do that is more personal?

Little White Girl

Dear Little White Girl,

It may seem insensitive, but Koreans are practical folks. Sad fact of life, or the end thereof, is that funerals cost money. The nice thing to do would be to help out with the costs. Of course, nothing stops people from doing things more personal, like writing cards or helping the funeral preparation. But as far as Korean folks are concerned, money in a white envelope that says 謹弔 is enough. (The Chinese characters roughly mean “I am sorry for your loss.”)

A side effect of the custom of giving money (the money itself is called bujo) is that the family of the deceased should only give the official notice of the funeral (called bugo) to those close to the deceased and the family. Because those who received the notice is expected to attend the funeral and give money, it is bad manners to give the notice to mere acquaintances.

Some more about what Korean funerals look like. Korean funerals traditionally had a very long and elaborate procedure, but modern Korean funerals are simplified, and often adjusted for religious beliefs, especially among Christians.

Korean funerals generally last three days. When a person dies, first the body is set in a straight position and covered in a white sheet. Then it is put behind a partition. In front of the partition, a small table is set up with a photo of the deceased and incenses. Then the person’s death is announced. Official notice of the funeral is sent out, and a sign is hung on the front door of the house.

First son of the deceased assumes the role of sangju, basically the master of ceremonies. Traditionally the sangju would wear clothes and hat made out of hemp, but nowadays they simply wear a black suit and the hemp hat. The relatives of the dead are also supposed to wear the hemp clothes, but that part is now generally omitted. Both sangju and the relatives are supposed to wear a black ribbon either on the chest or on an arm, but now only sangju wears it. (Picture came from a Korean funeral house, which advertises that it rents the traditional garb.)

On the second day, sangju arranges for cleaning of the body, which is usually done at a funeral home. Koreans don’t embalm the dead. The body is cleaned and dressed – there is a traditional garb for the dead, but suits are commonplace in modern Korea.

After the body is dressed, it is put in a casket. The casket is again set behind a partition or a black curtain, and a table with the photo of the deceased, candles, and incense is set up. A black ribbon is put on the photo at this time. Sangju sits next to the table on a coarse mat – the mat is coarse because sangju must atone for the sin of allowing his parent to die.

Then is the time for visitors. Visitors wear black suits as American mourners would. Mourners first light a stick of incense at the table, bow at the table, then sangju and the guest bow at each other. Traditionally sangju, as a sinner, is supposed to remain quiet for the entire proceeding, but now they are allowed to say brief thanking words to the guests. As they are leaving, visitors leave the envelop with money in a designated box.

On the morning of the third day, the casket leaves the house. Before it leaves, a short ceremony is held in the honor of the dead – if you were trying to find one ceremony called “funeral” in a Korean death ritual, this would be it. The personal history of the deceased is told, and people eulogize and offer incense.

Traditionally, sangju and his relatives carried the casket all the way to the burying ground, but now Koreans use a hearse. The casket is taken to a pre-arranged burial ground, which is near other family members' burial sites. (See picture.) Typically, an extended family owns a small mountain and sets up burial sites for the entire family, past, present and future. The Korean himself already knows where he will be buried when he dies. Believe it or not, the thought is somewhat comforting.

After the casket is lowered, sangju throws dirt on the casket three times. Then the grave is fully filled, and a little mound is built on top of the grave. The mound is then covered in grass. On the right bottom side of the mound, a small stone with the name of the dead is buried so that the grave can be identified even though the mound is eroded away. The tombstone is set up in front of the grave, and brief ceremony is held once again.

But technically, the official funeral is not over after 3 days. Sangju keeps wearing the black ribbon for 100 days; traditionally everyone who had to wear to hemp garb had to keep them on for 100 days, but that does not happen anymore. After 100 days, a memorial ceremony for the dead is held, and the funeral is finally over.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Super Bowl 2008

Super Bowl is once again here. As a person with sworn allegiance to all Los Angeles sports (except college sports -- according to the rules of sports fandom, the Korean must follow the college he attended,) the Korean demands to Commissioner Roger Goodell once again:

BRING AN NFL FRANCHISE TO LOS ANGELES!! An NFL franchise in Los Angeles would do a lot more good for spreading football to the world than 10,000 New England Patriots exhibition games in China. (The idea was canned in favor of an NFL game in London, but that muddy shitfest between Miami Dolphins and New York Giants did even less to spread football to the world.)

Ask A Korean! is a blog devoted to topics of culture and immigration, but as Will Leitch of Deadspin.com said, Super Bowl is for sports tourists. So Ask A Korean! will make its annual foray into making a Super Bowl pick.

Now, New England is a prohibitive favorite of this match. They are 18-0, the perfect record fitting a team for the ages, with the glamourous quarterback who made it his mission to create a race of beautiful people for the future. On the other hand, New Jersey Giants look overmatched. Its star TE is injured for the season (the Korean was actually at the Giants stadium when Shockey went down), and its miraculous streak of 8 wins in a row in away games has to end at some point. Plus, its QB's defining moment of youth is going antique shopping with his mom.

However, the highly scientific guide of the Korean begs to differ. The Korean actually dreamt last night that Giants won the Super Bowl. The Korean was not even thinking about football as he went to sleep; he has no particular allegiance to the Giants, despite the fact that he currently lives only 20 minutes away from Meadowlands. This has to be a sign. The dream prominently featured the scoreboard, and that shall be the Korean's pick.

Giants 27, Patriots 20.

Let the hate mails begin.

Last year's pick: Colts 24, Bears 21
Last year's result: Colts 29, Bears 17

-EDIT: Feb. 4, 2008 8:24 a.m.- My goodness, what a game that was. The Korean loves it when he is right. Giants 17, Patriots 14.

-EDIT: Feb. 4, 2008 11:43 a.m.- Best reaction belongs to the Korean Father, with whom the Korean had this exchange before the game:

KF: Did you know today was the Super Bowl?
TK: Yes, I'm at a party to watch it.
KF: I'm watching it now too. Where is NE? Nebraska?

All the more reason to bring an NFL franchise to Los Angeles.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Mmmm.... Donuts.....

Dear Korean,

I moved to the Dallas-Fort Worth area in 1990, and every little corner/strip mall donut store I've ever seen has been run by Koreans. I love them because they make the best donuts and pastries in the world, but what gives? My brother theorizes there is an unwritten law, like the one that all Chinese restaurant buffets must be a "Super Buffet", but I need an answer from an expert.

Dumb White Donut Lover

Dear Donut Lover,

It’s really easy to understand if you see it from the perspective of an immigrant. Korean immigrants are slightly different from the images of a typical immigrant. Very few Korean immigrants come to America with the idea of working as a manual laborer, as some Mexican immigrants would, for example. Korean immigrants generally have been well off in Korea, and they immigrate with a certain amount of capital, set to run a business.

But what business? They are now in a different country, and there is little chance of financially bouncing back if they blow their nest egg. In this situation, the safest thing to do is to do what other Koreans do. If one Korean person is successful in running a certain business, it is relatively easier for another Korean to gather information about how that person succeeded. (Compared to, say, getting information about a successful business from non-Koreans over the linguistic and cultural hurdle.)

The result of this imitation, over time, is that a particular sector of business tends to be dominated by Koreans. This phenomenon is not unique to Koreans. Ever wondered why so many South Asians drive a cab or tend a convenience store? It’s the same process.

Another interesting thing is which industry immigrants take over entirely depends on the city. Of course there are some nationwide phenomena, like Korean laundromats. But New York City, for example, has a ton of Korean delis and nail salons, but it is harder to see Korean delis and nail salons in other cities. Koreans tend to own many Baskin-Robbins around Seattle area; fruits and vegetables wholesalers around Washington D.C. area, etc. So it is not entirely surprising that Koreans took over donut stores in Dallas-Ft. Worth. It is a small, manageable business that requires only a little bit of skill.

Has anyone noticed any “Korean business cluster” in other U.S. cities? The Korean would be delighted to know.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Tofu Queen

On the other side of the continent, there is an LA Times article about the restauranteur who owns a chain of wildly successful tofu restaurants across Southern California. Soondubu (spicy tofu soup) is something that is decidedly missing in the East Coast Korean food, and the Korean cannot believe that it's taking this long for the dish to make across the continent.

One odd thing that the Korean noticed: the ajumma who owns the restaurant is 48, but her husband is 70! There has to be some crazy story behind it -- that type of arrangement is not common in Koreans that age. It appears that her husband was independently wealthy, and bankrolled much of the restaurant's operation. How the hell could the lady commute from Las Vegas to Los Angeles every day otherwise, relying only on one restaurant? That sort of puts a damper on the story of small business' success through hard work, doesn't it?

(One more aside: how much would you be willing to bet that the lady drives either a Benz or a Lexus?)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Korea in New York

New York Times has an article on how to enjoy Korean food and culture in New York. It's by and large helpful if you know nothing about Korean things in New York.

The Korean's own opinion is that no Korean food is worth eating in Manhattan. Generally, only young Koreans, either students or recent graduates, live on Manhattan. Therefore, the Korean food on Manhattan caters to that group. There is no Korean food that takes effort to make - only barbecues, hot soups, snacks, and things you eat while you drink alcohol. Most of them are laced with MSG because again, young people don't know enough to make out the difference.

Worse, some Korean restaurant take the guise of some chic fusion restaurant that lures dumb white people into paying $60 for a meal that should not cost more than $10. The Korean cannot possibly despise those restaurants (and their patrons) more. On the other hand, Flushing, N.Y. and Palisades Park, N.J. are more amenable to those who want to get something more authentic.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Spin That Pen, DJ Korean

Dear Korean,

A friend of mine, a former U.S. Marine, was stationed in Korea and he once asked me why all Korean guys are able to spin pens with their fingers. Unfortunately, I do not have this ability even though I’m Korean and wasn’t able to give him an answer. However, I did attempt to do the pen-spinning trick for him, but I nearly took out his eye.

Anyway, I have noticed that many of my Korean friends can do this and I’m wondering where it stems from. Is this a sign of our incredible finger dexterity (which I’m apparently lacking) or do we just get bored easily?

The Other Korean

Dear Other Korean,

How dare you rip off the Korean’s name? We will have to settle the superiority of our Koreanness at some point – it will probably involve a drinking competition.

There are several types of pen-spinning tricks that young Koreans do. (It’s not just guys, by the way.) The Korean himself can only do the simplest one, the 360-degree turn. Other more difficult ones include the 180-degree turn and the climber. (The pen is initially held between middle and ring fingers, and the pen flips up into its normal position between index and middle fingers. Double-climber is also possible, flipping up twice starting from ring and pinky fingers.)

A 360-degree turn is really primitive compared to the difficulty and the visual effect of a double climber, but the Korean was able to amaze a lot of Americans while he was mindlessly spinning his pen, thinking about something else. Then the Korean was surprised because Americans, no matter how they tried, couldn’t do the simplest spin.

Why is that? One possibility could be the famous “chopstick dexterity” theory. The theory was that because Asian Americans are trained to manipulate chopsticks since very young, they are good at precise digit controls. In fact, this is one of the theories of the 1980s that explained why Japan could make such amazingly precise electronics.

But this theory is just too hokey to be true. If that were true, what are the equivalent theories for precise German optics or precise Swiss watches? That good-quality beer actually helps hand-eye coordination?

No one knows for certain, but the Korean’s own theory is that pen-spinning is developed in the same way as chip-shuffling by poker players develop. On an average poker table at a casino, there would always be a select few who put on a show without playing any hands. They would get two or more stacks of chips and bring them up into a single tower, roll multiple chips from one hand to the other, and so on and so forth. How can they do it?

First, of course, they have digit dexterity (which one does not need to master chopsticks usage to have.) But more importantly, they are in a similar situation as young Koreans – namely, they have to sit at a table/desk for a very, very long time.

The Korean will devote a post to the life as a student in Korea, but for the purpose of this post it suffices to say that the student life in Korea is pretty miserable. Until very recently, Korean students went to school six days a week, including Saturdays. High school students still have classes on Saturday. Some high schools begin very early and finish extremely late. The school that the Korean went began at 7:30 a.m. and finished at 11 p.m. No joke. The school also averaged one suicide per year. In most cases, students of all levels attend private tutoring every day for hours.

(As a side note, this makes it pretty difficult for the Korean to listen to the whining of American high school students. Whatever effort that American high school students put in to get into a good college, on average, has nothing, absolutely nothing on what average Korean high school students do.)

All this means that Korean students spend an inordinate amount of time sitting in front of a desk, easily 10 hours a day at least. But human attention span has its limits, so there has to be different ways to entertain yourself. Some students doodle, some students pass notes, and some practice spinning a pen, the only thing that can legitimately be on the desk. (The Korean supposes there could be books on the desk as well, but spinning a book is too noticeable.)

By the way, as of 2008, the Korean has lived in America for more than 10 years. The Korean heard that the way schools are in Korea has undergone some drastic changes, but doesn’t have the full details yet. Any update would be more than welcome.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Kimchi Porkchop

New York Times had an interesting article on the dining section - some adventurous soul made kimchi porkchop. Of course, she had to be a pansy and add white wine and honey to tame the kimchi flavor. Weak sauce.

The idea of combining kimchi and pork is nothing new, actually. Kimchi, with its palate-cleansing sour taste, goes very well with meat or fish with a lot of fat. For Koreans, roasted kimchi often accompanies grilled pork belly. Kimchi also goes very well with tuna, a fatty fish.

It sounds a bit odd when the writer refers to kimchi as a condiment. The Korean supposes there is no other good way to describe it, but equating kimchi with something like ketchup is simply blasphemy. But to each her own.

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There are MORE Questions about Korean Names???

Dear Korean,

This might be a silly question to ask, but why do Korean Americans have both a Korean and English name? Is it to remind them they are still Korean in a dominantly English speaking country? Are Korean names their given middle name for use in the Korean home while their English name is used for outside?

C

Dear C,

It is not a silly question to ask. This is a silly question to ask.

It is true that many Korean Americans, and even Koreans in Korea nowadays, have English names. The reason is different for each Korean, but it is mostly because Americans just can’t pronounce some Korean names.

There are some tricky sounds in Korean that English speakers just can’t emulate - the verb sound eu, for example. (See this post for the way to pronounce it.) This is a problem because a syllable like seung, meaning “victory” or “rising”, is very popular in Korean names. (The Korean has total 10 nephews and nieces, and 5 of them have that syllable in their names.)

Similarly, some Korean names appear deceptively simple to pronounce, but English way of pronouncing it would make the name sound completely incorrect. This happens mostly because English is a screwed up language. An easy example is Kim Young-Sam, the name of a former Korean president. The last syllable sam is supposed to be pronounced like “psalm”, because a in Romanized Korean should sound like a in “avocado”. But of course, Americans don’t pronounce it correctly, and it sounds ridiculous. (This was the Korean’s reason why he picked up an English name.)

From a Korean’s perspective, after you told her your name, it’s really painful to see an American person struggle, or to correct her a million times to say your name right. If an American person can’t pronounce the name, she won’t remember your name either. And socially, that has a negative consequence.

In fact, because of this, we are now seeing an increasing number of Asians who simply have an English name to go by when they talk to Americans, even if those Asians speak very little English! The Korean swears that he knows a Chinese person whose English capacity is limited to saying, “Hi, my name is Jerry” in heavy accent.

One interesting variation from this reason is instead of acquiring an English name, Koreans would just drop one of the syllables in their first name, which is usually two syllables, leaving only the more pronounceable one. So for example, there are many Koreans who go by Joon, Jin, Young, Yoon, Min, etc., except no one in Korea would call them by that name.

Your other guesses are also correct. Korean American parents recognize that in order for their children to be treated like an American, they have to have an English name, if only to save their children from the hassle of idiots complimenting their English. But they give a Korean middle name in order to remind the children of their heritage. In many cases, the parents will use the Korean name at home, and let the children use the English names outside.

So what kind of American names do Korean people tend to use? There are two biggest factors driving the name selection for Korean Americans: first, Koreans Americans tend to be Christians; second, Korean American parents need to be able to pronounce their children’s names.

Therefore, a Korean American name tends to be a biblical one without such difficult sounds for Koreans as th – so you will be hard pressed to find a Jonathan Kim. For boys, names like John, James, Paul, Daniel are very popular. For girls, the popular names are Jennifer (Jenny), Julie, Christine, Grace, etc.

The real jackpot is those Korean names that coincide with English names, most notably Hannah and Eugene. The Korean knows 5 separate Hannahs and 4 separate Eugenes, all of them Korean.

Alternatively, Korean American parents would name their children with Korean names with easier syllable for Americans to read, like Nari, Minji, etc. (These apply more toward girls’ names, because boys’ names tend to follow a more rigid rule. That will be a post for another day – how many posts can the Korean possibly do on Korean names??)

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Tragedy in International Marriage

This very sad article appeared on Dong-A Ilbo:

Cheonan Police Arrests Suspect for Vietnamese Woman's Murder

Chungnam Cheonan Police Department, investigation a murder of a vietnamese woman who immigrated for marriage, stated on the 6th that they arrested her husband Mr. Chang (46 years old) as a prime suspect.

According to police, on June 26 of last year, Mr. Chang is suspected of brutally punching and kicking his wife Ms. A (19 years old, Vietnamese) on her chest area to death, after being enraged in his house at Cheonan-si Munhwa-dong when she said "send me back to Vietnam."

At the police station, Mr. Chang stated "I spent money to bring my wife from Vietnam but she kept on trying to go back to Vietnam, so I hit her out of anger."

Mr. Chang was hiding in Daejon, and the police caught him when he called his landlord Ms. Jeon (70 years old, female) to ask if "anything was going on."

Ms. A was discovered dead in a basement room of Cheonan-si Munhwa-dong on December 4 of last year, when the police responded to a call that complained about "rotting smell."

Police plans to charge Mr. Chang with murder and other crimes.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

Ask A Korean! News: Korean-Chinese in Korea

New York Times has the perfect article that shows if people can't hate on skin color, they will hate on something else. Here is the link.

Here is the relevant part: "Much of South Korea’s economy, Asia’s fourth largest, would falter without these workers and 200,000 migrants from poorer countries, like Vietnam, Myanmar, Sri Lanka and Uzbekistan.

Because they understand the language and culture, ethnic Koreans from China are particularly favored. They find jobs as live-in housemaids and toil at farms and factories. But their distinctive accent, similar to that of North Koreans, betrays their origin.

South Koreans often call them “dongpo,” which means compatriots, or literally “people from the same womb.” But they do not always welcome them. Labor unions complain that they take jobs from Koreans and drive down wages. The government tightly controls how many are admitted each year on temporary work visas."

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America, the least racist country in the world

Dear Korean,

Why don't blacks and Koreans have a better relationship, and what can be done about the problem? It's amazing how Koreans living in Korea seem much nicer than Koreans in the United States. Do you think the U.S. has a way of dividing people?

Romulus A.

Dear Romulus,

The Korean firmly believes that America is the least racist country in the world, and this post will finally explain why that is. The Korean already wrote something about Korean-black relations here, but the second part of your question is most intriguing. Yes, the Korean does think that the U.S. has a way of dividing people of different colors – namely, U.S. is the only country where people of different colors live next to each other.

I know, I know. The Korean knows that there are minority race living in various parts of the world. But except for Europe, there is no country in which ethnic minorities, starkly different in culture and appearance from the majority (so excluding situations like Hutus and Tutsis in Congo/Rwanda,) constitute a percent that matters, something like more than 20 percent of the entire population. (In the U.S., the percentage is nearly 30 percent.) And as to Europe, well, look what’s happening to them.

Why do numbers matter? Because unless the minorities are somewhat numerous, they are not threatening to the majority. Hating takes energy; people don’t hate for no reason. Widespread hatred in the majority toward the minority takes place only if the minority is somehow threatening the majority’s position.

So if you are an African-American tourist traveling through Korea for two weeks, you will find that Korean people are generally nice to you. Why wouldn’t they be? You will leave in two weeks! But trying living there and see how you like it.

God help you if you were trying to date a Korean. Interracial relationship is a racist’s greatest fear, especially if it involves a minority-race man and majority-race woman. Ever wondered why Emmitt Till was so brutally lynched, just for whistling at a white woman? When a minority-race man dates a majority-race woman, other majority-race men feel their position threatened, because they feel that their possession is being taken. (It should not come as a surprise that racism goes hand-in-hand with sexism.)

Similarly, if all Mexicans in America were tourists, there would be no racism in America towards Mexicans. Racism towards Mexicans exists only because there is a perception (however incorrect) that Mexicans are staying in America, and are taking away things that belong to Americans – in the form of jobs, tax dollars through welfare, or literally taking away life and property through crimes.

On the other hand, Asians in America are not numerous enough to be threatening, so we have been spared from blatant racism so far. But whenever Asian Americans do appear to be threatening, the reaction is exactly the same – just look at what happened to Vincent Chin when Japanese automakers were threatening to American jobs.

Here lies the reason why America is the least racist country in the world – it’s one of the few countries that racial minorities are in a position to threaten the racial majority, and it’s the only one among those countries that is by and large successful in curbing the racist sentiments that inevitably follow from such a situation.

Notice that the Korean is not saying Americans are somehow morally superior by not engaging in the evils of racism. No inherent goodness makes Americans less racist than others – only decades of experience in an interracial society do.

To understand this, you have to see racism for what it truly is. As the Korean said several times previously (here and here,) racism is a heuristic; it’s an instinctively created survival mechanism. (On some level, it’s very easy to understand – wouldn’t there be something different about a person if he looks so different from the rest of us?) In a vacuum, racism has no moral implication. However, racism in our modern world, in which people of different races must live next to one another, it becomes an evil that it currently is.

For example, consider an act of running for your life and pushing away things that get in your way. That action, in a vacuum, has no moral implication. But what if you are a healthy young person, you are running out from a club caught on fire (and has only one narrow fire escape,) and the thing you are about to push away is a disabled man who can’t walk without his crutches, which were lost in the stampede? Pushing him away to die in fire in order to save your own skin is an evil act, but most people would do it anyway. And unless you are forced to make that moral choice by being in that situation, you can never claim that you are morally superior to the person who pushed away the disabled person to escape. Why? Because if you were actually in that situation, most likely you will do the same thing.

Similarly, a country that has no significant number of racial minorities cannot possibly claim that it is not a racist country. How can you confidently say that your morals will overcome your survival instinct, if your survival was never tested?

In fact, left alone long enough without a decisive intervention from the central government, a country will manage to find the differences within itself to hate upon each other. Northern Italians and Southern Italians bitterly hate each other; Walloon and Flemish Belgians hate each other so much that one New York Times commentator wondered how Belgium manages to stay together; Southwestern (Jeolla) Koreans and Southeastern Koreans (Gyeongsang) don’t get along to the degree that, until recently, each region would give 90 percent support to the parties representing the respective regions; the hatred between Hutus and Tutsis in Congo/Rwanda ended in genocide; same in Sudan, in Darfur.

Of course, in all the situations above, the Korean fully understands there are deeper underlying causes for the hatred – difference in wealth, colonial legacies, and so on. But regardless of the reason for the initial spark of hatred, that hatred is escalated through the same mechanism as racism – i.e., people falling into such bigoted logic as “if he is from so-and-so region, he has this-and-that characteristics.” It is hardly a leap to think that, if a significant number of racial minorities were to be introduced to a country that can be swayed by such bigoted logic, the country will inevitably fall into a heat of racist hatred. In fact, the race riots in France is exactly this. Korea is the same way, with the new wave of immigrants from China, Southeastern Asia, and the mixed-race children born in rural areas – the Korean sincerely believes that Korea will find itself in massive race riots in 20 years unless Korean government anticipates the problem (and most likely they won’t.)

America is the least racist country in the world because Americans have the longest experience in living in a truly multiracial society – more than a century. White Americans have stood in the middle of the burning club the longest. At first, they panicked like everyone else in the world. Those minority people – those chinks, wetbacks, and jungle monkeys – will take everything they had! Such fear of losing their position to the minorities is no different from the fear of fire. Just like everyone else in the world, white Americans pushed aside and oppressed the weaker, minority people, to maintain their superior position.

And then something remarkable happened. Because of an amazing collective effort, white Americans began to see that minority people were not out to get them. The fire was not real. And what they used to do in order to maintain their superior position has been unfair and evil. Here is a stark truth: most Americans renounce racism, to a degree that people of no other country in the world does. Racism has become such a social taboo that even those Americans who remain racist cannot dare speak up on their views without instantly becoming a social outcast.

Here is how much America is not racist. In 2002, then-Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott was attending Sen. Strom Thurmond’s 100th birthday party. Praising Sen. Thurmond, who ran for president in 1948, Sen. Lott said this: “When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We’re proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn’t have had all these problems over the years, either.” Problem was that the main thrust of Thurmond’s 1948 campaign was to maintain racial segregation. Controversy rose, and Sen. Lott resigned from his majority leadership.

The Korean is willing to bet the lives of his as-yet-unborn first two children that something like this would not have happened anywhere else in the world in 2002. Running for President is an achievement in and of itself, as Rev. Jesse Jackson reminds us all the time. It would be nice to be recognized on that achievement, on your hundredth freakin’ birthday. For god's sake, if someone lives until 100, he deserves to hear anything he damn well pleases. If the Korean ever lives until 100, he would like to be recognized for saving the Earth from alien attacks in the year 2046. On top of that, the presidential campaign happened in fifty-four years ago! Who the hell cares? American people did, and Trent Lott was gone.

This is, of course, not to say America is a racism-free country. Quite the opposite is true. But those who are quick to decry that America is more racist than other countries by focusing on racist incidents in America, are simply clueless. In fact, America is one of the few countries in the world where such incidents would even be recognized as racist. The first step to cure alcoholism is to recognize that you have an alcohol problem. Even if you slip and have a few drinks, you are still ahead of those who don’t even realize they have a problem.

The world is getting more diverse by day. World economy is more integrated than ever, and no single country can afford to live in racial and cultural isolation. Immigration will be a greater and greater trend. People who are not accustomed to living with different types of people will soon find themselves sharing a subway car with a strange-looking person; their sense invaded by unfamiliar smell of exotic food; their streets covered in signs of incomprehensible languages; their jobs eliminated by those willing to work harder, cheaper. And inevitably, a racist fire will build in their hearts, stoked by the fear of losing what is theirs. But even when the whole world is on fire, Americans, by and large, will remain calm.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.