Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Glow-in-the-Dark Koreans

Dear Korean,

My boyfriend is half Korean and we’ve visited some of his relatives. On one occasion, there was a great deal of soju drinking and one of his cousins (who is 100% Korean) turned purple. As I was about to administer CPR, my boyfriend stopped me and told me that it was just Asian glow and that it happens to some Asians when they drink. Why does drinking cause Asian glow? Secondly, as it turns out, I LOVE soju. What are some good brands of soju that can be found in the States?

Crissy from Cleveland

“Once you go Asian, you’ll never do Caucasian”

Dear Crissy from Cleveland,

Glad you enjoyed yourself. Soju really is great. It's 21% so it goes down smoother than most other liquors; it fucks you up so fast because you just keep on drinking it. It is somewhat like
watered-down vodka, so you can mix it just like you would mix vodka (although soju traditionalists would be aghast at the idea.)

Soju is such a staple for Korean drinkers that they always come up with new and different types every few months. So it's hard to pick out what the best type is. The most "classic" type would be "cham iseul" from Jinro company. "Ipsaeju" is good if you like your liquor slighly sweet. Lately, the most popular type is "chum-churum".

(The picture is not the Korean's fridge, but it's not a bad depiction of what he would like.)

As to the cause of Asian glow, Wikipedia does a better job explaining the scientific bases than an amateur like the Korean can. (Link here.) If the big words confuse you, this is an easy way to understand it. Basically, many Asians lack the capacity to process a certain portion of alcohol, which manifests itself in reddened face. Although the Wikipedia article describes a lot of scary symptoms like "dizziness, nausea, headaches, an increased pulse, occasional extreme drowsiness, and occasional skin swelling and itchiness", most of these things are just symptoms of drunkenness. Generally, how red an Asian gets has no relation to how drunk he is.

(Here is a shout-out to Margaret Cho, in the form of one of her jokes: "Being an Asian is tough, because you could be at a party, and this ditzy girl could come up to you and ask, 'oh, are you sunburned?' And I have to say, 'No, I'm fucked up.'")

Asian glow is not the only physical thing that manifests predominantly with Asians. Many Asians are lactose intolerant, condemned to paying extra for Lactaid milk, or having the shits all day for having a bowl of cereal. The Korean himself has both Asian glow and lactose intolerance -- another reason why the Korean is a such a representative Asian, deserving to write columns like this.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Now THAT's a stupid question

Dear Korean,

I find it strange that you use the star with the circle around it, which is the symbology on North Korea's flag. Isn't your heritage from South Korea?

Chaz



Dear Korean,

What does the orange star represent?

Sae

Dear Chaz and Sae,

The Korean must praise your astute observations. Yes, the Korean is indeed from South Korea. Yet he always had a yearning for a system of government that causes rampant starvation. So he secretly declares his allegiance to North Korea on the blog, just like the Illuminati makes its presence known through the Seeing Eye on a dollar bill.

The design is just one of the default things from blogger.com. It means nothing.

For those of you who sent smarter questions, a real post will come soon. I promise.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Ask A Korean! News: America, Make It Yours.

(Screw it, here is the post. No one cares about old news anyway.)

-EDIT- Check out this week's Mexcian. There are some real doozies.

This is a bit old, but the demise of the immigration bill was disappointing to the Korean, so we will talk about it a little here. If you have no idea what this is about, here is an LA Times article.

In order to get a typical attitude of a person who opposed the bill, let us bring out an old friend, TexasFred, who wrote this steaming pile of crap about the Korean folks who drowned in Trinity River near Dallas because a 911 operator hung up on them multiple times:

Call me hard-hearted, but if you come to MY nation and spend over 20 years of YOUR life here, making money, enjoying the fruits of this land and ALL it has to offer and you don’t have the motivation to learn to speak English, or you don’t entertain the idea that after all that time you SHOULD become an American, to hell with you, I don’t care WHAT happens to you, you’re nothing but a leech on MY nation."

The Korean wanted to destroy that above sentence for some time, and now is as good a time as any.

The Korean’s point is simple: What makes America YOUR country, TexasFred?

Generally, if something is yours, you have worked for it. A car is yours if you paid for it. Same goes for anything that we own. What did you pay to get your American citizenship? Let me guess – you paid NOTHING. No effort was made on your part to make America “your” country. You were just lucky. Your mother was in America when you were born.


You paid taxes? Don’t be stupid. You didn’t pay taxes to get born, did you? IRS can do a lot of things, but it can’t come after you while you’re sitting your mother’s womb. Plus, if paying taxes were a valid criterion for citizenship, all illegal immigrants would get an amnesty right now. They pay taxes when they receive their pay, and they also pay sales tax when they buy anything. Heck, if taxes were enough, the amount of tax paid by Samsung Electronics and Hyundai Motors would be enough to turn every single Korean national into an American citizen.


On the other hand, immigrants always pay in order to make America theirs. They put up money, labor, and often their own lives (as we can see from the increasing number of Hispanics in the military in exchange for American citizenship.) Even the people who jump the border put more work to make it to America than you ever did. So how is your claim of ownership possibly better than an immigrant’s?


You may object this way (actually the Korean is certain that you do not have the wherewithal to make an objection like this, but he is being nice here): “It’s not ‘my’ country like ‘my’ car. It’s ‘my’ country like ‘my’ parents – an accidental inheritance to be sure, but there is a spiritual connection between me and the country in which I live.”


Nope. Make that argument if you are intent on giving America back to Native Americans. The “spiritual connection to the land” idea is shaky to begin with -- Koreans do this all the time, talking about how Korea deserves a bigger land mass because older Korean kingdoms occupied northeastern China for about 1000 years. Well, what about the other 1000 years when China occupied the same land?
But even if one accepts the idea, the longest that any American (except Native Americans) has ever lived in this country is about 3 centuries, which is not nearly enough for anyone to seriously make a claim on the land. Most people in the world can claim their heritage in the same land for at least a millennium and a half, and a lot of those people don’t have their own country. (Take for example Kurds, Basques, Chechens, and Tibetans, not to mention Native Americans.)

Still another objection might be that immigrants might fundamentally change the “American culture”. So let’s look at American culture. Most of American music—jazz, rock and roll, R&B, and hip-hop—does not exist without immigrants (albeit forced) from Africa. The representative American foods such as hamburger, French fries and pizza are from Germany, Belgium, and Italy. The point is simple – what is left of American culture if we take away the immigrant influence? On the flip side, if something as wonderful as jazz and burger is waiting for us in the future by virtue of immigrant influence (like salsa and galbi, perhaps?), how is that not a reason to welcome more immigrants?

In fact, rejection of immigrants offends one of the core values of America: free market, and by corollary, free competition. Here is a really simple way of getting rid of all illegal immigrants—work harder than them! The Korean would love to see immigration opponents put their money where their mouth is, and line up to take all the jobs that immigrants tend to do. Nothing would be more delightful than Lou Dobbs climbing a tree to pick an orange, or being dragged through two years of bullshit lawsuit as a hapless drycleaner. Do you not like Mexicans mowing lawns? Do the same thing cheaper and better than Mexicans, and they will go away. Do you not like Asians dominating the engineering and medical fields? Maybe you should have done better during high school. You are no better than the little brat who takes the ball and goes home just because he keeps on losing, except the ball is not yours to begin with.

The proposed immigration bill isn’t bad because it does too much; it’s bad because it doesn’t do nearly enough. America belongs to those who recognize the country as the blessing and treasure that it is. If people are not committed to making America better, they don't belong in America. So here is the Korean’s proposal for immigration and citizenship policy.


It starts simple. All children born in U.S. or into American parents get a provisional citizenship until age 18. Their status won’t change much from as it is right now. At the age of 18, every child as well as everyone in the world is eligible for the citizenship test, which asks basic questions about American history, geography, and civics. Anyone who passes will receive a full citizenship for two years. Full citizenship entails the same rights as the current American citizenship.


Anyone who fails to pass, or any full citizenship holder who commits a felony, receives a basic citizenship. Basic citizenship is similar to what illegal immigrants go through right now. Basic citizenship holders may stay in the U.S., and must pay taxes. (That’s right, illegal immigrants pay taxes too.) Basic citizens are generally eligible for full citizenship every time there is a citizenship exam. But they cannot receive any higher education, nor can they receive any medical insurance, publicly or privately. Constitutional rights are not quite suspended, but they operate at a lower level. For example, basic citizens can be searched for any reason whatsoever. They can also be detained for an extended period of time without b
eing told the reason for detention. Medical care is of course not provided in detention. If you die while being locked up, too bad. (Check out the link. It’s really something.)

But here is the beauty of the Korean's proposal -- ANYONE in the world can come to America and immediately obtain basic citizenship, and they are eligible for the full citizenship exam just as much as anyone who is born in the U.S. Competition can sort out the rest. Full citizenship Americans will be the best and the brightest, and the basic citizenship Americans will be there to tend the gardens and flip burgers.

The proposal is still rough around the edges, but you get the idea. Do you want to call America YOUR country? You better earn it, pal. If you don’t know who John Roberts is or the fact that the President can’t cut taxes under the Constitution, (just a couple of things that all immigrants who take the citizenship exam know, and so many xenophobic "Americans" don't,) you probably don’t deserve to “
come to MY nation and spend over 20 years of YOUR life here, making money, enjoying the fruits of this land and ALL it has to offer[.]” Idiot.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

A Quickie Post

Okay fine, the Korean doesn't really want to study right now. Here's a short one.

Dear Korean,

My mom was telling me about the way that Koreans describe an ugly woman as a "호박꽃," but she didn't know where it originated from. Could you possibly find out how it came about? She hates the metaphor because she thinks it's contradictory to describe any flower as ugly. She also had me take a picture of one in our backyard to show people that it's really a beautiful flower.


Zucchini flower fan


Dear Zucchini flower fan,

Your mother is right: zucchini flowers are pretty (like the one in the picture you sent), and it would make no sense to use the word to describe ugly women. Truth is hobak-kot (that's what the hangeul in the question says) is not a zucchini flower at all.

The correct euphemism is neulgeun hobak, rather than hobak-kot. The word hobak is somewhat confusing because it means both pumpkin and zucchini. (Often Korean people use the term ae-hobak for zucchini to distinguish the two.)

For the euphemism, the correct meaning is pumpkin, not zucchini. The word neulgeun means "old". So now the euphemism makes sense -- ugly women are like old pumpkins, because old pumpkins are fat, bumpy, and wrinkled.

By the way, the euphemism is the same in Japanese as well, which contributed to a subtlety that was understood by few in Memoirs of a Geisha. A friend of the main character Sayuri is called "Pumpkin". That doesn't mean that she was cute, as Americans might understand it. (Al Bundy always calls his daughter Kelly "pumpkin" in the sitcom Married with Children, which always cracks the Korean up.) Basically Sayuri's friend was called "Ugly" her whole life, which makes her actions after the war a little more understandable.

How did we get to hobak-kot from neulgeun hobak? First, the neulgeun part is often dropped, and calling an ugly woman hobak is enough to convey your less-than-good intent. But calling someone a hobak straight up is a little too mean. So the euphemism is softened up a bit into hobak-kot, the "pumpkin flower," since women are associated with flowers. So the euphemism is not really a knock against the actual pumpkin flower -- it's just a derivation from calling someone a "pumpkin".

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

Sunday, July 08, 2007

The Korean is on a break

The Korean needs to take a very important exam in the coming weeks, and his attentions are necessarily diverted to that direction. The Korean did work out a draft in the meantime, but this one will definitely piss off a lot of people. Publishing the draft is not a problem, but the Korean does not have enough time to address the shitstorm that will surely follow the post.

If you are new to the blog, welcome, and please enjoy the archives. If you are waiting on a new post, please bear with me. Thanks for coming, as you always do.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Japanese' Incredible Ability to Forget Their Past - Update 4

Today, Committee on Foreign Affairs of the House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed H. Res. 121, urging the Japanese government to formally apologize for Comfort Women. Here is the link to the text of the resultion, and here is the remarks of Chairman Lantos. The resolution will now go to the full house for vote.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Guide to Attracting Korean Men

Dear Korean,

Out of curiosity, I'd like to ask - how do I make a Korean man love me?

Imaforeignergirl


Dear Korean,


There is a Korean guy at my job that I talk to a lot during the day. We both seem to have the same interests and we seem to like being around one another. He's very sweet, smart as hell, a little shy and geeky and I've developed quite a crush on him.


I know that this may be a gross overgeneralization, but what qualities do Korean men look for in woman?


In longing.


Dear Ladies,


The Korean thinks the next mail is going to be pretty illustrative. Read on.


Dear Korean,


What is your take on the lack of domesticated Korean American women these days? I am finding that more and more Korean American girls strongly oppose any domestic work. Maybe it’s just all the K-town hoochies I've been meeting, but some can't even cook rice with a rice cooker. I consider myself to be rather progressive and in no way implying that women should do all the housework. I don't mind sharing in the chores, but is a denjangchigae once in a while too much to ask? What are your thoughts on this?


Sans DenJangChiGae


There you have it, ladies. Wanna win the heart of a Korean man? COOK FOR HIM. This is actually true with any man – the shortest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.


Cooking Korean food has another function. To an unaccustomed nose, some Korean dishes smell rancid. Korean people are pretty self-conscious about this – they are always concerned that non-Koreans would not understand their eating habits. So if you cook a particularly rancid-smelling (yet delicious) food for your Korean man, the Korean man would realize that he doesn’t have to be self-conscious around you about the type of food he likes. And that goes a long way towards getting comfortable with each other. The recipes at the end are two such dishes, as the Korean, taught by the Korean Mother, makes them. Try them out – she’s a good cook. The first one is slightly easier than the second one.


As to Sans Doenjang-Jjigae, the Korean has no compassion for you. It’s Korean guys like you who make many Korean girls repudiate dating all Korean men, narrowing the field for the rest of us. Read the following recipe at the end and cook for your own ass. Ladies will appreciate it if you cook for them as well.


Kimchi-Jjigae (Kimchi soup/stew)


Ingredients:
Sour kimchi (available at local Korean markets)
Gochujang (red pepper paste – available at Korean markets)
Pork belly, or solid white tuna
Tofu


Cooking:
Make sure the kimchi is fully fermented and sour – kimchi-jjigae made with fresh kimchi is pretty weird. If the markets don’t have any sour kimchi (they often don’t), buy a bottle and put it at a warm place for a day or two. Do NOT close the bottle, and put a plate underneath the bottle, because if kimchi ferments quickly, the juice tends to bubble up.


Put some oil in a pot and stir-fry sour kimchi with either pork belly or tuna. Cook until kimchi becomes soft and pork belly gets fully cooked. (Obviously, no need to worry about that with respect to tuna.) Assure the neighbors that nothing is dead in your house.


Pour water into the pot, about triple the amount of kimchi. Stir in a spoonful or two gochujang. Slice tofu into bite-size cubes and put it in the soup. Boil until everything is fully mixed and hot. Serve with white rice.


Doenjang-Jjigae (Spicy miso soup/stew)


Ingredients:
Doenjang (spicy miso – available at local Korean markets.)
Large dried anchovies (ditto)
Gochugaru (red pepper powder – you know where to find them.)
Tofu
Zucchini
Potato


Cooking:
Boil water with dried anchovies in it for about 15~20 minutes to make the anchovy broth. When the water turns into slightly yellow broth and you can taste the anchovy in the broth, use a strainer to take out all anchovies and toss them.


Take doenjang by a spoonful and stir it into the broth. Continue putting doenjang in until the broth is sufficiently salty. Put enough gochugaru until the broth is sufficiently spicy. (This step takes some trial and error. The Korean can’t really give any measurements – it entirely depends on whether you like your soup more or less salty or spicy. It does have to be somewhat salty, since it’s served with rice.)


Slice tofu, zucchini, and potato into bite size cubes. Put them in the broth and boil until the potato cubes are fully cooked. Serve with steamed rice.


Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: June 25, 1948

Tomorrow will be the 59th Anniversary of the beginning of the Korean War. Korean War never affected America in the way that Vietnam War did, so it is often neglected in the annals of 20th century war efforts by the U.S.

But it certainly had a profound impact on all Koreans’ lives, including the Korean himself. So let us all take a moment to reflect, and be grateful.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.


Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Ask A Korean! News: Environmental Damage Caused by U.S. Army in Korea

First of all, a disclaimer: the Korean admires our men and women in services. It sounds incredibly made up, but it’s true. Any job in which one risks one’s life to protect others is noble, and deserves all the praise in the world.

That doesn’t mean the Korean can’t criticize the decision-making of the policymakers who tell those men and women what to do. I’m sure this distinction is unnecessary for most of you, but this being the Internet, just had to clarify that.

A little background first. After the Korean War, United States left many of U.S. army troops in Korea in order to protect it from future North Korean attacks. Until very recently, U.S. army had roughly 40,000 soldiers stationed in 66 camps located all over South Korea.

Ever since Korea became rich enough to start thinking about something other than staving off starvation, and especially since the 1990s, there has been a tension between Korean people and the U.S. army in Korea. The loudest voice against the U.S. army is that of the left-leaning college students who see the army as an instrument of U.S. imperialism and the obstacle against immediate Korean unification; but they are just loud, and not very many or smart.

On the other hand, more Korean people were aggravated by the fact that U.S. army personnel seems to do whatever they please. Every month you can guarantee that some idiot American soldier gets drunk and beats up a cab driver, or worse yet, kill a prostitute or two. Instead of receiving justice from Korean courts, those GIs are court-marshaled, where they receive punishments which appear to Korean people as a mere slap on the wrist.

[-EDIT 9/9/2008 7:15 p.m.- The above statement is struck because, upon further education on the topic prompted by a commenter, the Korean considered it to be incorrect, not to mention disrespectful in tone.]

The relation between Korean people and the U.S. military in Korea reached the rock bottom in the days following the events of June 2002, when two Korean middle school girls were run over by a U.S. armored vehicle. Whether it was a pure accident, or if there was any negligence on the part of the drivers, was unclear. But the American soldiers were court-marshaled, and found not guilty on all counts. And the entire Korea erupted in anti-U.S. sentiments. The current Korean president, who was elected in 2003, rode the tide of those sentiments into victory; in order to reciprocate to his constituents, he moved for gradual reduction of American troops in Korea. In April and May of 2007, 25 U.S. military camps were returned to Korea.

The Korean himself was not very keen on the anti-U.S. military sentiment in Korea. After all, most of the offenses of the soldiers are to be expected around a military camp. It is arguable that the justice system dealing with such soldiers was inequitable, but it appeared that the system was making progress.

But the following news was really distressing. This is what Dong-A Ilbo reported on June 14.

“Can they just abuse it like this just because it’s someone else’s land? Look at this oil. It’s like an oil field”

The seven National Assemblymen (note: same as Congressmen in U.S.) lamented as they smelled petroleum from the black, dead soil of Camp Edwards and Camp Howes of Gyeonggi-do Paju-si and Camp Kyle of Uijeongbu, whose process for return from the U.S. military was recently completed.

….

When the investigatory team dug 3 meters into the ground 20 meters away from petroleum storage tank, the petroleum odor arose, disgusting enough to automatically turn one’s head. Apparently the oil leaked as petroleum storage tank and the underground pipes corroded … the thickness of oil floating on top of ground water was measured to be 1 meter. … Assemblyman Woo Wonsik said “this oil is diesel; apparently if you put it in a car, it would drive. It’s incredible that they say the return process is completed when there is this much oil left in the ground.” As Woo lit the oil on the ground it soon grew into a flame. “Did we discover an oil field?” asked Woo with a chagrined expression.

[At Camp Kyle, around 70 air conditioning units] were seen with pipes cut off without processing the coolant, confirming that ozone-destroying Freon gas was released into the atmosphere.

To cure the 14 camps returned in April and the 9 camps returned in May into an orchard/crop field level would cost $40.77 million and $78.85 million respectively, and it is estimated that curing all 66 camps’ environmental damage would case over $400 million.

Full story, if you can read Korean, is here.

Now, this is particularly upsetting not just because the Korean is a huge tree hugging hippie. (He isn’t really – he drives an SUV.) This is upsetting because it shows the level of respect and care that the U.S. military has for its host country. Simply put, it shows that the U.S. army stationed in Korea truly does not give a shit about the well-being of Koreans, or their own image to the Korean people.

This is often the point when the idiotic left-winger screams about how American military is good for nothing. That is not true. American military liberated South Korea, and without the American military, communized unified Korea would have been closer to the level of sub-Saharan African countries. This much is undeniable, and South Koreans should be grateful for it.

This is also the point when the idiotic right-winger yells about how America saved Korea and the environmental damage is nothing compared to the amount of gratitude that we must owe. That’s not true either. Suppose someone saves your life by pushing you out of an oncoming bus, and carries you home to safety because you were too shocked to walk by yourself. Of course you are grateful. But what if that same person comes into your house, rummages the refrigerator and eats all the food, flirts with your husband/wife, and leaves after taking a giant load of crap in the middle of your living room? Sure, you would still be grateful, but the next time you are in any sort of need, you would pursue other options before turning to that person again.

And that’s really the bottom line. Does America want to continue a good relationship with Korea, a country of increasing economic and cultural importance in East Asia, with a great strategic significance in dealing with China and Russia? Contaminating another's land like this is what you do if you want to burn bridges, not to remain friends. If U.S. cares about its relation with Korea at all, it should take full responsibility for any damage caused by its military, and do that in a sincere way, not grudgingly dragging feet.

The significance of this event applies far beyond Korea-U.S. relationship. Think about Iraq situation right now. Unlike Iraq, people of Korea felt genuinely liberated by U.S. army. All the things that the neo-conservatives thought would happen in Iraq actually happened in South Korea in 1945, when the flag-waving throng of Korean people greeted the American liberators no matter where they went. Until around 1980s, United States represented the absolute good to Korean people, going against the absolute evil of North Korea and Soviet Union. In the following 20 years, the U.S. military squandered away the incredible amount of good will of the Korean people (which America will almost never receive from any country for a very long time) by simply not caring enough to do the little things that matter.

Apply this to Iraq and you can easily see why the “liberation” idea was such a massive delusion. U.S. army leadership does not even have the will power to maintain an extremely favorable relationship; how can we possibly trust them to mend and improve upon a bad relationship?

All this is so little known to American people, because it’s not something that directly affects them. But if you care one bit about how America is seen in other countries, you really should care. Ask a Korean! will keep you posted on any further development on this issue.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Some Inaccurate Ancient History

Dear Korean,

First of all, congrats on your graduation! Secondly, as a second generation Korean I have to admit that my knowledge of Korean History prior to the Korean War is practically nil. On the AZN network, they keep showing this miniseries called Jumong. Being part of the MTV generation brought up by Cliff's Notes and ESPN highlights, can you give a brief description on who he is and why he's important?

Thanks,

Who the Hell is Jumong.

Dear Gyopo I-se (“second generation Korean living outside of Korea”)

Thank you for the congratulations. Yes, the Korean graduated, which means that it’s too late to fail him and take away his degree.

Onto the question. Jumong, according to ancient history, is the half-historical, half-mythological founder of Goguryeo, one of the three kingdoms that occupied the Korean peninsula from around 60 BCE all the way into 7th century. (The other two are Baekje and Silla.)

Since this is such an ancient history, the circumstances of his birth are completely mythical (and kinda cool.) His father was Haemosu, the Prince of Heavens; his mother was Yuhwa, daughter of the river god Habaek. Haemosu basically hit Yuhwa and left, running back to heaven. Disgraced, Yuhwa had to leave her home, and eventually became a concubine to King Geumwa of Dongbuyeo (East Buyeo) kingdom.

Yuwha later gave birth to a giant golden egg. (For some reason, Korean mythology always involves a legendary figure being born out of a giant egg. In Korean’s opinion, it sounds cooler than virgin birth for example. After all, you can lie about virgin birth, but it’s hard to lie about an egg being born out of a woman.) Geumwa tried to destroy the egg by smashing it, but the egg would not break. Then he left the egg in the wild hoping that animals would eat it, but the animals instead protected the egg from harm. The egg was then returned to Yuhwa, who nursed it. (How???) From the egg hatched a baby boy, who was named Jumong, meaning "skilled archer”.

Jumong’s archery skill was out of this world. His first words at age 1, apparently, were “Mother, give me a bow and arrow.” With a tiny bow, he would shoot and kill the flies that bothered him. He grew up to be an archer and warrior renowned all over the kingdom, which made other princes of Geumwa jealous. They plotted to kill Jumong, and Jumong had to flee. As he fled on his horse, he approached a fast-running river. Jumong pled his life to his father Haemosu in heaven, and turtles and fish of the river floated over the water, forming a bridge. (Being a son of the Prince of Heaven has its perks.) After he successfully fled, he was admitted to the royal court of Bukbuyeo (North Buyeo), and eventually founded Goguryeo by incorporating nearby regions into Bukbuyeo.

So that’s the story, but why is Jumong important? First, you can see that the circumstances of his life would make a good TV show. (By the way, the TV show Jumong is about as faithful to the original mythology as Gladiator was faithful to Roman history.) But secondly, the idea of Goguryeo being a part of ancient Korean history really tickles the fancy of Korean nationalists. (Which is to say that it tickles of the fancy of all Koreans.) Korea’s northern border has remained the same for about 1000 years – it’s the same as the current North Korean border against China, formed by the Yalu (Aprok) River on the west and the Duman River on the east. But Goguryeo, which existed for more than 700 years, stretched from modern Pyeongyang all the way into Manchuria in the north. If Goguryeo’s territory belonged to Korea now, Korea’s size would grow by almost 50%. It feels good for Koreans to reminisce about the fact that Korea could have been a lot bigger, and presumably stronger.

This sentiment was compounded by the fact that, at the time of the drama’s airing, there was a movement among history scholars in China who were trying to incorporate the history of Goguryeo and Balhae (the successor kingdom to Goguryeo) into Chinese history. (It was recently abandoned for having no scholastic merit.) The movement was reported widely by the Korean media, and pissed off a lot of Koreans. Paraphrasing Samuel Johnson, patriotism is the last refuge of TV executives.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

10,000 visitors!

Dear readers,

As of June 12, 2007, 2:04 a.m., Ask A Korean! hosted its 10,000th visitor. The 10,000th visitor was someone from San Diego, who googled "asking a name in Korean".

Thank you so much everyone!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Korean Language Series – Writing and Reading

WARNING: You should be able to see typed Korean language in order to fully read this post. If you are a Windows user, you can go to Microsoft's website and download the "East Asian Language Support". Ask your local computer nerd. Entice him with a woman and it will be easy.

-EDIT 14 June 2007 11:52 a.m.- If you would prefer a more interactive guide, try this link:
http://langintro.com/kintro/ Thank you, J. David Eisenberg!

Dear Korean,

I'm interested in learning Korean although nobody encouraged me to do so! I wonder if you can help me explain Korean pronunciation, I've bought 2 different "teach yourself Korean" books but I can't seem to understand the pronunciation sections.

Amna

Dear Amna,

The Korean must warn everyone that he had never received formal education as to how to teach Korean to non-Korean speakers. Therefore, all the technical terminology that the Korean uses in this post (as well as in other Korean Language Series) are made up by the Korean. Additionally, the Korean will often be wrong about things. But hey, that’s the price you pay if you try to learn a foreign language from an amateur off a blog.

Korean alphabet, called Hanguel, was created by King Sejong and his scholars in the 15th Century, and it is extremely innovative. The entire alphabet has 40 characters, with 19 consonants and 21 vowels. (Technically it is 14 simple consonants, 5 compound consonants, 10 simple vowels, and 11 compound vowels.) First, let’s go over the basics of how a Korean letter is written. It sounds odd that you are learning to write before you can read, but it will make sense in the end.


Characters v. Letters

It’s important to distinguish between “characters” and “letters.” Each character alone cannot stand independently, because each character is either a single consonant or a single vowel. Instead, either two or three characters combine to form a pronounceable block, i.e. a “letter.”

So this is how a letter is formed: it is other “consonant + vowel”, or “consonant + vowel + consonant”. (Some of the letters are actually “consonant + vowel + consonant + consonant” in relatively rare cases. They are dealt in Advanced Stuff section.)

It sounds complicated written out like that, but the idea is simple. Think back to Sesame Street and how two shadowy people form a word. “H” plus “a” is “Ha”. “H” plus “a” plus “t” would be “Hat”. (The “A”s in the two words are pronounced differently in the two words, but you get the picture anyway. The Korean can’t help the fact that English alphabet is a screwed up one.)

The table of characters is linked later in the post. But hold your horses, and finish reading the post first.


“Okay, how do I write a letter?”

In order to form a letter out of the characters, pay attention to whether the vowel position is vertical, horizontal, or combined. It is really simple to do actually – vertical vowels stand tall, horizontal vowels are flat, and combined are vertical + horizontal vowels.

Step 1. Imagine filling up a square block. Write the consonant is the left half if the vowel is vertical; write the consonant on the top half if the vowel is horizontal. Write the consonant in the top left quarter if the vowel is combined.

Step 2. Write in the vowel.

Step 3. If there is a consonant following the vowel, that consonant goes on the bottom of the “consonant + vowel” combination that you just formed.

Let’s take a Korean word like “미국” (“America”). 미국 is made up of two letters, each letter making up one syllable. The letter is made up of the consonant and the vowel . You can see that is vertical, so write in the left half the imaginary box, and put next to it to form . The next one is trickier – it involves a second consonant. Since the vowel is , you can see that it’s shaped flat and therefore has a horizontal position. So write the consonant on top, put the vowel on the bottom. Then put the last consonant underneath the vowel. And there you have it, your first Korean word – God bless America!!

As an aside, notice that in Korean, there is never a free-standing consonant without a vowel attached to it. That’s why Korean people have such a hard time pronouncing such words like “school”. “s” in “school” does not have a vowel attached to it – “school” is one syllable in English. But Korean person trying to pronounce that word cannot process a consonant that does not have a vowel. So usually the best the Korean person can do is to pronounce it like “seu-kool”, in two syllables.


“Now I can write some exotic stuff I can’t read. Thanks, genius.”

Alright, we are finally ready to read. The chart of characters has pronunciation attached to it, but read this first. We are going to try reading 미국. First letter first: consonant sounds like “m”. Vowel sounds like “ee” as in “seek”. Therefore, is pronounced like “mee”. Then the next letter: consonant sounds like “g” as in “gate”. Vowel sounds like “oo” as in “zoo”. So the pronunciation is: g + oo + g = goog. So “America” in Korean is mee-goog. Simple, right?

One more caveat – what the Korean just wrote above is not the standard Romanization of Korean characters. The chart below includes how each character is Romanized as well. For example, the correct Romanization of 미국 is “miguk”. From this point on, all Korean words will be in standard Romanization format.

Okay, you can take a look the chart now. The Korean will be waiting right here. (If your browser automatically re-sizes the image, save the image on your computer and read along.)

-EDIT- Here is the link for a pdf form of the chart. The earlier link is in a jpeg format in order to make sure that people without East Asian Language support can read it, but it does not print properly. If you wish to print the chart out, use the pdf link to print. Thank you Bonnie B. for pointing this out.

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Welcome back. Your head spinning yet? Print the chart out and keep it next to you as we read on.

Let’s do one more example, the Ask A Korean! favorite – how to read 왕자. Consonant is silent before the vowel, and sounds like “ng” after the vowel. The vowel is a compound vowel, combining (“o”) and (“a”), so it sounds like “oa”, or “wa”. Consonant sounds like “j”, and sounds like “a”.

Put them all together: wa + ng / j + a = wangja, i.e. Prince Fielder’s neck tattoo.


Parting Words

The Korean would like to finish up with two points.

First, notice how fucked up English alphabet is. The Romanization of Korean is so complicated only because English alphabet is so messed up, and the Korean scholars who came up with it were trying to make Korean language to readable to English-speaking people somehow. English consonants and vowels often change sound randomly, although the letters – representation of the sound – never change. Thus we have the famous example of spelling “fish” as “ghoti” – “gh” from “tough”, “o” from “women”, and “ti” from “nation”.

Take a common Korean last name like . Under proper Romanization, it would be written as “gim”, and pronounced as such. But English speakers would pronounce it like “gym”, so Koreans had to adapt and bastardize the sound to the next closest sound, which is “kim”. The last name is even worse. It would be properly Romanized as “bak”, but English speakers would read it like “back”. So Korean people added an “r”, turning it into “bark”. Then the connotation of the word became negative, so they switched it to next closest sound, which is “park”. So in reality, there are no Kims and Parks in Korea – only Gims and Baks.

Second, appreciate how beautifully designed Hangeul is in contrast. It is the only alphabet system in the world that has been designated as UNESCO World Heritage. The Korean can write 50 pages about the genius of Hangeul, but he will just give one example here: the amazing adaptability of the compound vowels. Although currently only 11 compound vowels are used in Korean language, technically any of the 5 horizontal vowels can combine with any of the 5 vertical vowels to form a new sound – 25 new sounds created in a snap, plus 4 exceptions where a vertical vowel combines with another vertical vowel. So out of 40 possible vowel sounds that Hangeul can represent (10 simple vowels + 30 compound vowels), nearly half of them (19) are not even in the Korean language!

In other words, Hangeul vowel characters can cover almost any vowel sound made in the world. (A big exception is vowel tones in tonal languages, for example Chinese.) No other alphabet in the world has a system that enables it to record a sound that does not exist in the language it represents. If aliens landed on Earth tomorrow, Hangeul would be the only reliable alphabet in the world that can consistently represent the vowel sounds that they make.


Advanced Stuff: Read Only If You Are Hardcore

Here are some more tips as to correctly pronouncing Korean characters and letters. The Korean is certain that he missed a lot of stuff, and wrong about some of the things here. Please email or comment if you notice anything.

Extremely useful tip for English speakers – whenever you read a Korean letter, pretend there is an “h” behind the vowel to get the consonant sound right. For example, if an English speaker read “sa”, she would pronounce the “s” like the “s” in “sin”, which is incorrect. (“s” in “sin” is Romanized as “ss”.) But if she tried to read “sah”, she would pronounce the “s” like the “s” in “snake”, which is the correct way. This rule applies across the board, no matter what the letters are.

Additional Romanization rule 1 – Under standard Romanization, one word in Korean is written as one word Romanized. So a sentence like 날씨가 좋습니다 (“the weather is good”) is Romanized as: “nalssiga jotseupnida”. However, if writing as one word is likely to produce a wrong pronunciation, hyphen can be added to separate the Korean letters. So the word 씨앗 (“seed”) is Romanized as “ssi-at”, since writing it as “ssiat” is likely to be pronounced wrong. Another example is the word 항아리 (“jug”), which is Romanized as “hang-ari”, since “hangari” would be pronounced like “han-ga-ri”.

Additional Romanization rule 2 – If the pronunciation is different from the way a word is spelled (following one of the “Advanced pronunciation rules” below”), the word is Romanized as it is pronounced, not as it is written.

Romanization exceptions – The current standard Romanization rule was introduced in 2000; prior to that, Korea used something called McCune-Reischauer Romanization System, which involved a lot of complicated additional notations on top of regular English alphabets to faithfully represent the Korean pronunciation. But outside of governmental and scholarly papers, McCune-Reischauer system was never popular in Korea because it was so complicated. Regular Korean people and Korean businesses Romanized their names more or less arbitrarily. Therefore, people’s names, if Romanized before 2000, stayed the same. Also, people may Romanize their name in any way they please.

For example, former president/dictator 박정희 would be written as “Bak Jeonghui” under the current Romanization system. But since he was born long before 2000, the Romanization of his name is “Park Chung-hee”. This rule also applies to well-established names of locations, like 서울 (which should be “Seo-ul” to prevent it from being pronounced like “soul”, but written as “Seoul”, merrily carrying on the mispronunciation.)

How to pronounce difficult sounds – let’s go over them one by one.

– deceptively hard, because it’s neither L or R. Try pronouncing “Lola” very carefully. You will notice that you are actually sounding out “lol-la”, adding an extra consonant. Remember that is Romanized with “r” in the first position and it’s easier to pronounce.

and – you have to realize that English “s” makes two different sounds. is like “s” in “snake”. is like “s” in “soon”.

, , , , and – if you know how to pronounce Spanish correctly, these should come pretty easily. As you can tell from their shapes, they are related to , , , , and respectively. Let’s try with first. Try sounding (da) very carefully. Say it like da-da-da-da… and notice your tongue is touching the roof of your mouth. Now, stiffen your tongue a little harder when it touches the roof, and hold it for half a second longer, and “burst” the sound out. It should be . and can be sounded out in a similar way. is different because the sound only involves your lips, but same mechanism. Say ba-ba-ba-ba… and stiffen your lips a little harder as they come together, hold it a bit longer, then burst out the sound.

– this vowel sound is most easily made by the following way: clench your teeth and make a guttural noise. It’s not the right sound, but it’s pretty close. Alternatively, pull your lips out as if you are smiling, and make the sound that’s least difficult to make.

Advanced pronunciation rule 1 – The Korean said some Korean letters are “consonant + vowel + consonant + consonant”. Here is an example: . How do you read this? The rule is: Ignore the last consonant, and only pronounce the first bottom consonant (called “batchim” in Korean, meaning “bottom piece”). So the letter , standing alone, would be pronounced like , i.e. b + ue + l = buel. But letters of this kind rarely stand alone, and the second batchim usually affects the sound of the next following consonant. Read below.

Advanced pronunciation rule 1.1 – Take the word 넓다 (“broad”). Now we know the first letter is read as n + eo + l = neol, ignoring the last consonant . But the last consonant doesn’t stand pat. Instead, it changes the sound of the next following consonant into the “stronger” sound, if possible. changes into ; into ; into ; into , and; into . All other consonants’ sounds stay the same. So the word 넓다 is pronounced like 널따, i.e., n + eo + l / dd + a = neoldda. Make sure you follow this rule, because the same word without this rule would sound like 널다, which is a different word whose meaning is “to hang clothes to dry.” Conceptually, this rule is similar to the “batchim slide-over rule” described in Rule 2. Read on.

Advanced pronunciation rule 1.2 – There is one exception to this rule, and it’s when the last consonant is . Instead of getting a “stronger” sound, the following consonant becomes “harsher” if possible. turns into ; into ; into , and ; into . So the word 많다 (“many”, “much”) is pronounced like 만타, which is m + a + n / t + a = manta.

Advanced pronunciation rule 2 – Remember consonant was silent in the first position? So take a look at this word: 놀이 (“game” or “play”). Based on what you learned so far, it would be pronounced: n + o + l / i = nol-i. But that is incorrect. What happens is the batchim of the first letter slides over to the second letter, and takes over the empty space created by . So the actual pronunciation of the word 놀이 is exactly the same as that of the word 노리, i.e. n + o / r + i = nori.

The rule: If the first character of a word has a second consonant after the vowel (batchim), and if the first character of the second letter in a word is , the batchim slides over to the second letter and pronounced as if it is attached to the vowel of the second letter.

Advanced pronunciation rule 2.1 – Take a look at the chart, and you will realize that some of the consonants have different sounds depending on the position. For example, is “ch” in the first position and “t” in the second position. So what happens if the sound-changing type of consonant slides over? Answer: That consonant recovers its first position sound.

Example: Take the word 볶음 (“stir fry”). The batchim is pronounced identical to as a batchim. But when it slides over, the word is pronounced like 보끔, i.e. b + o / kk + eu +m = bokkeum. This is important because the word 복음, pronounced like 보금, i.e. b + o / g + eu + m = bogeum, means “gospel”. Try not to order the gospel of chicken at a Korean restaurant.

Advanced pronunciation rule 2.2 – What about those pesky double batchim letters? Answer: only the last batchim slides over to the next word. So the word 넓이 (“breadth” or “width”) is pronounced like 널비, n + eo + l / b + i = neolbi.

Advanced pronunciation rule 3 – if a batchim is followed by , the batchim is pronounced “harsher”. turns into ; and into , and ; into . (Technically, the “harsher” sound for is , but it turns into in this situation only.) So the word 닫힌 (“closed”) is not pronounced like dat’hin, but like dachin, as if reading 다친.

Advanced pronunciation rule 4 – This rule is super-advanced, and Koreans themselves often get it wrong. The rule is: If two words combine to form a single new word, the first consonant of the second original word is pronounced “stronger” if possible (in order to signal that it is a compound word.) So again, changes into ; into ; into ; into , and; into .

Example: the word 김밥 (Korean seaweed roll, variation of Japanese sushi roll) is made up of two words, (“laver”, a type of seaweed) and (“steamed rice”). But the word 김밥 is not pronounced as “gim-bap”. Since it is a compound word made up of two words, it is properly pronounced “gim-bbap”. (Although many Koreans, including the Korean Father, pronounces is as gim-bap, forgetting the compound word rule.) Another example is the word 물병 (“water bottle”). It is not pronounced as “mul-byeong”; since the word is made up of the words (“water”) and (“bottle”), it is pronounced “mul-bbyeong”.

What if the stronger sound is not available for the following consonant? Then the following consonant is pronounced the same way. Thus, 물항아리 (“water jug”), although it is made up of the words and 항아리, is pronounced as mul-hang-ari.

Last last words – The Korean has to warn you just one more time that he is just an amateur! If you see something wrong or missing, please tell him so that he can correct it.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

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