Korea-Japan Relation Saga, Part I: Background

Hello The Korean!

In the past I had heard that the Japanese look down upon Koreans. Recently, I heard that now in Japan everything Korean is "cool" and "hip". So, my questions are 1) Why the bigotry in the past? and 2) Why the heightened status now? Thank you and I love your website.

Curiouser and Curiouser

Hey, Korean!

Love your blog, it’s funny and informative… when you are draft age, do you have an option of which branch to join? If so why didn’t you become an ROK Marine? I hear they kick ass.
My favorite local sushi bar is owned by a Korean; he also makes great teriyaki; when I went to Seattle I had some good sushi (much more expensive, though) but really no better than the Korean’s. The chef (Japanese) asked me where I was from and I told him, then I described how great the Korean’s sushi & teriyaki bar is, and he was really offended, couldn’t hide it. If I was Korean I’d have punched him out for putting on such airs and acting so superior, but since I’m white I just left a crummy tip. So my question is this: What’s this continuing animosity between Koreans & Japanese? Do the Japanese really think they’re superior to other Asians?

Drunken Psycho,

USMC Ret.

Greetings and Happy New Year, Korean,

I'm a newbie to your site, and am having a grand time reading and learning. Thank you.
I'm 48, caucasian, and my girlfriend is 47, Korean, and we have lived together and I have loved this woman with all my passion and heart for the past 4 years. My question is, I tend to enjoy Japanese restaurants. She absolutely abhors anything Japanese, citing the abysmal treatment of the Korean peoples in WWII and before, and probably after. What is her block against the Japanese? Yes, I did some studies in college about the treatment, but the Japanese basically treated EVERY country, nation, people very badly. The Chinese, the Philippines, etc. So what is her problem?

Michael

Dear Alice in the Wonderland, Drunken Psycho, and Michael,

What a group of questioners, and how hilarious that this is the question that ties them all together! The virulent hatred between Koreans and Japanese is well-documented, and the Korean, although trying to rise above it, is not an exception to the trend. (See here for the evidence.)

Let’s take care of some tangents first. Drunken Psycho, yes one can choose one’s placement in the military at draft age, although with a lot of limitations. The regulations are too complicated to describe in detail, but in general “desirable” spots (desk jobs, close to home, etc.) require some tests and lottery (and often, some connection to pull the strings,) and “undesirable” spots (on the front, first to be summoned to combat, etc.) has less requirements, generally height, weight, and physical fitness. ROK (Republic of Korea) Marines certainly kick ass – they are generally known as the “ghost-catching marines,” and they take immense pride in their elite status. In fact, they are the most insufferable among all insufferable Korean men who went through military (described here.) The Korean left Korea before draft age so he didn’t have to worry about which branch to serve.

Michael, you can’t be serious about your second to last sentence. Suppose your girlfriend was raped, then the rapist would have the nerve to say, “Don’t get mad at me, your girlfriend is not the only one that I brutally raped!” Doesn’t quite work, does it? Readers, I cannot stress this enough: whatever you send to the Korean WILL BE ON THE INTERNET FOR EVERYONE TO SEE!! THINK TWICE BEFORE CLICKING “SEND”!!

Alright, onto business. Korea and Japan were placed near each other for literally thousands of years, so their history of interaction is very long and complicated. So this epic saga will be in four parts: background, pre-modern, WWII, and post-war. After everything, it would be easy to see why Koreans so violently hate the Japanese.

Of course, since this is the age of people not reading anything too long, the Korean will give a summary in today’s edition. Here goes the historical relation of Korea and Japan, in one paragraph:

In early history, Japan owed much (but not all) of its cultural heritage through Korea. During 15th and 16th century, after Japan was unified after centuries of civil war, Japan relentlessly invaded Korea; this was the last large-scale conquest campaign that Korea suffered until the 20th century. In the early 20th century, Japan once again invaded Korea, annexed it, and committed atrocities that rivaled Holocaust, such as Unit 731 and Comfort Women. After the war, many Japanese leaders would continue to pay tribute to the war criminals of WWII, claim that Japanese Imperialism was beneficial to the invaded countries, and deny the existence of their atrocities. Currently, Korea and Japan still have territorial disputes stemming from the annexation era. But recently, as Korea began to produce highly popular cultural products that Japanese consumers enjoy, Korea-Japan relation is entering a new era.

Whew! That is way too condensed, and doesn’t really help understanding anything. But if you are the type who are content with the most basic of knowledge, then there it is. Others, more details will be forthcoming. Keep on reading!

(Note: The Korean chose the above map because it must have been made by a Korean person. Guess why. The answer will be on the next part.)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

On Diddling Foreign Beings

Dear Korean,

I am a gringa who recently visited Korea with a teaching group and spent time with some Korean college students. Of course, all of our cracker boys had huge crushes on the small, dainty, ultra-feminine Korean women. I never expected the reverse to be true. Compared to the cute little Korean girls, us Americans felt like huge amazon women. But, one of the Korean guys told me that they all lusted after western girls. Since returning to the US, I have heard from other Korean men that western girls are too big and hairy for them. Was the first Korean telling the truth or was he just trying to take advantage of a stereotypically loose American?

Gringa

Dear Gringa,

All the Koreans you spoke to told 100 percent truth. You made a classic mistake in dealing with immigrant minorities -- thinking that those in America are the same with those in the motherland. Korean Americans are a very different species from Koreans in Korea, and the same principle applies to every minority in the U.S. who immigrated from somewhere else.

Korean American men, after all, live in America. They have seen, dated, and (hopefully) had sex with all different kinds of women. Majority of Korean American men, in the Korean's experience, do prefer Korean or Asian women. The Korean thinks it's really more about familiarity; the first people that all of us ever see are our parents, so we are more used to people who look like us. (Disclaimer: The Korean is an equal opportunity dater, although the Korean Girlfriend is, in fact, Korean.) But certainly, plenty of Korean men say they don't like white women because they are too big and hairy.

Koreans men in Korea are a different story, and the lesson here is this: men are the same everywhere. When you visit any American porn site (No link. Find your own.) there is always a separate category for "Asians". Well, guess what? If you visit any Asian porn stie, they always have a tab that says "white". In fact, the Korean is convinced that if we met an extraterrestrial being tomorrow, there will be alien porn on the Internet the day after. Men are fascinated by the idea of dipping their pen into all kinds of different inks, and this runs true across time and space. As much as there is yellow fever in America, there is white fever in Asia.

Jesus Loves Koreans

Dear Korean,

Why are Koreans so devoutly Christian, more so than other Asian cultures? Just about every Christian club on my university campus is run by Korean students. Did Korea have a lot of missionaries in the past?

Curious Chinese Chick

Dear CCC,

The first thing that the Korean thought was that maybe CCC was a play on word for CCCP, Chinese Central Communist Party. Remember readers, clever pen name gets a bonus point from the Korean!

Onto the question. Like always, there are two sides we must look at: Koreans in Korea and Korean Americans. Let's look at Koreans in Korea first.

Although it may not seem that way, the history of Christianity in Korea is over 200 years. The first Catholic church in Korea was set up in 1784, and the first Protestant church in Korea was established in 1866. Protestant missionaries were quite influential in 19th century Korea, setting up schools and hospitals that would later become the premier institutions of the country. (For example, Yonsei and Ewha Universities, as well as Yonsei Severance Hospital.)

Christianity began on the same path with respect to East Asian countries (Korea, China, Japan), but the result was quite different for each country because of their particular histories. China, obviously, was communized, and communists don't care for religions. (Karl Marx said religion was opium of the people; CCCP must not have read that passage all that carefully, since Chinese people love opium. They fought a war for it!) Christianity reached Japan much earlier, but it was always seen as a foreign religion, and not too many people caught on. When Japanese nationalism was on the rise, all things foreign were vigorously persecuted, including Christians. (One of Japan's famous treasure-hunting stories involve the hidden treasures, like golden crosses and holy paintings, of kakure kirishitan, the hidden Christians.)

But after an initial period of persecution, Korean Christians did not really have any impediments to proselytizing. It also helped that in the early days, Christian missionaries were not simply the bringers of a new religion, but the bringers of new modernity as well. Many of them brought books on modern science such as astronomy, mathematics or medicine. American missionary Horatio Allen served as the doctor for the Emperor Gojong, for example. In other words, Christianity was associated with cutting-edge technology, which made it even more popular among Koreans.

As a result, currently roughly 4 percent (very rough guess, since no one knows for sure) of Chinese are Christians. About 1 percent of Japanese are Christians. Koreans? Whopping 25 percent, with roughly 16.5 percent Protestants and 8.5 percent Catholics.

But Korean Americans add onto this already (relatively) high ratio, for many reasons.

First, one criterion for being allowed to immigrate is if you're a refugee for political, religious, or other reasons. During the 1960s (which was when Korean immigration to America began in earnest), when Korea was under military dictatorship, many Korean Christians were involved in Christian Socialism, which called for the end of exploiting workers and a democratic government. The Korean government obviously did not take these folks too kindly, and a good number of Christians fled to America and set up churches here.

(-EDIT: 1/20/07- The above explanation is not really accurate, so here is an addendum. Under immigration law, there is a separate category for religious workers to immigrate. The category is under a quota, but it certainly puts religious workers at an advantage to immigrate to America than, say, a doctor. As the Korean said above, there were already many pastors and priests in Korea, so plenty of them immigrated under the "religious worker" category. Once they were here, they set up churches. The Christian Socialism movement certainly existed, but the number of Christian Socialists immigrating to the U.S. was a pittance compared to regular pastors and priests.)

Second, another criterion for being allowed to immigrate is if you have a family member in the U.S. In other words, once a certain number of Koreans were here, the next wave of Korean immigrants were the family members of the first group. More Christians!

Third (and probably the most important reason), since churches became where Koreans congregate, even non-Christian Koreans had to be involved with a church somehow, or they would not know any other Korean. Remember that immigrant life is full of hazard; even the most ordinary problem could be insolvable for an immigrant. Korean churches, in effect, became Korean community centers, which helped recent immigrants deal with those problems. This function of Korean churches is going very strong, and it puts Korean immigrants who are Christians at a distinctive advantage.

For example, one day (about a year into the Korean Family's life in America,) the Korean's house flooded because the toilet backed up, and the carpet got completely wet. The Korean Mother spoke about this at her church, and a church member who was a carpet cleaner brought the proper equipment to get the water out. That was the first time the Korean Family ever had to deal with this kind of problem. (Being from Korea, the Korean Family always had hardwood floors.) If the Korean Mother did not go to church, the Korean Family would have been sitting on wet carpet for days, since no one in the Korean Family ever even heard of such a machine that cleans out water from carpet.

Fourth, remember that thing about Korean Americans out-white-ing white people that the Korean always talks about? Here is another example of that. Like it or not, there are a ton of Christians in America. If you are a minority living in a racist society, being able to say "I believe in the same god as you" to the majority race is a huge advantage.

(Disclaimer: The Korean believes that, on a relative scale, America is actually the least racist country in the world. The reason why the Korean thinks so will take up another entry, so the Korean won't get into it now unless there is a question about it. But on an absolute scale, American society is still pretty racist.)

This wave of Korean Christians is even stronger on the second generation, because these are the kids who began going to church when they were young. Tobacco companies had the right idea all along - you gotta get'em when they're young. So there you have it, Communist Chinese Chica.

Sweet and Sour Emotions

Dear Korean,

please explain the reason why Koreans don't smile as much as those of us born in the ole U.S.?

Jim B.


Hi, dong-seng!

I myself am Korean-American but still can't figure out this cultural phenomena. What's up with all the yelling with Korean people when they converse casually? I see it on Korean TV drama and in real life. I once heard 2 ah-juh-shee shouting really loud outside my window. I thought they were fighting but it turned out they were just talking...."I CAN'T GO GOLFING WITH YOU THIS WEEKEND!" I'M GOING TO ARIZONA!" And as much I love my family, it is rather embarrassing to hear my dad and his friends' raised drunk voices reverbrating throughout the whole restaurant. Is there a particular reason why Korean people tend to YELL when they're merely carrying on a normal conversation? ghoom-ghoom hah-da. mi-gook sah-rham han-tae yi-sang-ha-da.

Diana P.



Dear Mi-gook Sa-rahm-deul ("Americans"),

First, about the picture. The Korean searched Google Image for "yelling Korean" and four pictures of this girl showed up first. Having never cared for Korean pop culture even when he lived in Korea (except in certain contexts), the Korean has no idea who that is. But she's pretty hot, so why not? This blog could use some sprucing up anyway.

The last sentence by Diana P. was meant to say "I'm curious. It's strange to an American," but she mangled it. It should have said goong-geum hae-yo, mi-gook sah-rahm eh geh yi-sahng-hae-yo. (Or drop the two yo's since she called the Korean dong-saeng, "little brother". But she misspelled the romanization of that too.)

Alright, enough extra stuff. What's with Koreans facial expression and voice?

Couple of things out of the way first. In Korea, smiling is not the best thing a Korean can do for her reputation. People who smile a lot are traditionally considered too "light". A grave countenance is to be maintained at all time, in order to show that you are a serious person to be taken seriously. But this cultural factor is fading away as Korea has become more westernized, and only old school Koreans in their 50s and up truly follow it. (What is interesting, however, is that Korean Americans often retain old Korean habits that went out of fashion in their homeland. On the whole, Korean Americans are a heck of lot more conservative than Koreans in Korea because of this. More on this topic later.)

Another thing is that yelling in Korean dramas fall into a different theory than what the Korean is about to suggest. Characters in Korean dramas yell for the same reason characters in Bollywood movies sing - it's a cheap way to convey emotional content without relying on sophisticated dialogues or acting. Not that all Korean producers and actors are incapable of using such things: many Korean movies excel in conveying emotion through the subtlest subtleties. (One of the Korean's favorites is Waikiki Brothers.) But Korean dramas appeal to, shall we say, a less sophisticated audience. The Korean has a feeling that this may change at some point: there has got to be a market in Korea for artfully made television series, like Six Feet Under or Friday Night Lights in the U.S. But as long as there will be ajummas who sit on their asses doing nothing but watching dramas in Korea, there will be yelling in Korean dramas.

So, what about Korean people not smiling or yelling? They may seem like two different things, but they both have the same answer: Koreans are straightforward folks, and they feel absolutely no compunction to engage in social phoniness.

Like the Korean said before, Koreans are efficient folks and they do not like to waste time and energy. All the frills must go, and included in the frills is the need to hide emotions and engage in pleasantries. Life alone takes enough effort already anyway; why waste energy making shit up, and then waste time trying to figure out how people are really feeling? So Koreans smile only when they are truly happy, and Koreans talk up a storm when they are in a good mood. (It's not surprising, therefore, that the nicest Korean restaurants in Korea always have private rooms and very little public space.)

Immigrant life is full of drudgery already; would that load of dry-cleaned clothes be any lighter if you smiled at it? Save them smiles, dispense them when they count, and you don't cheapen them like those of a car salesman's. And if you're having a good time, why kill it by trying to be hush-hush about it? Surely a loud party is a happening party; the opposite cannot be true. We know all this in America already, but somehow we made up this phony rule of appearing to be happy and appearing to be having a bad time. What's the point?

There is no reason to be embarrassed, Diana noo-na ("older sister", for calling the Korean "dong saeng"). Your father is just having a good time, and there is no reason to hide it. If anyone complains, tell him to remove the stick up his ass and yell his conversations too. As anyone who's familiar with no-rae-bang ("karaoke") knows, yelling one's head off is pretty fun.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Who Knew Restauranteurs and Customers were Mortal Enemies?

Dear Korean,

Why so many Koreans so hot-tempered? I work as a waiter at a Korean restaurant. Even though I am obedient, non-complaining, and always smiling, (my grandparents were REALLY Japanese and instilled similar values in me) the customers (ajummas in particular) do not seem to care, and only demand more water, more pori-cha, and lose their heads when an empty panchan plate is not removed from their tables. I have seen Korean waitresses at other restaurants and their rude behavior toward the customers (and me), and would think that my generosity would have them turning a new leaf, but it does not. I just want to know why there are so many that have such abbrasive personalities that do not respond well to a pittling little college student trying to make next semester's tuition payment and his tendency to treat everybody with respect.

Tofu Master Extraordinaire

Dear Tofu Master,

It’s the Japanese blood in you. Koreans can smell it. Koreans cannot wait for the giant earthquake to come and sink all those islands into the depths of hell. (I’m not making this up. There is a Japan-made movie that describes this scenario exactly, and it did pretty well in Korea by all accounts, although everyone who has seen it agrees that it was a shitty movie. ) The Korean will soon do a series on Koreans’ well-documented hatred for Japanese, so this discussion will be saved for later. Or maybe they are mad because you keep on misspelling things. It’s bori-cha (“barley tea,” delicious) and banchan (“side dishes,” an essential part of any Korean meal). Those two are understandable, but misspelling “abrasive”? Come on.

Just kidding Tofu Master, the Korean should be the last person to tease anyone for their nationality or their spelling skills. You got the correct impression of a very interesting phenomenon that occurs in any service industry run by/patronized by Korean people. Why does this happen?

On a fundamental level, Korea is a country that transitioned from being an agricultural society to being a post-industrial society waaaaaaay too fast. (In fact, entire East Asia is like this.) So the mismatch between how people behave and where the society actually is begets many hilarious consequences, including this one.

It happens in any service industry, but take restaurants for example. In the good old days when Korea was poor and everyone was hungry, restaurant owners was doing a huge favor for their customers. Ever driven through some parts of the country where you don’t see a gas station for hundreds of miles, then found a place that sold gas for four dollars per gallon? Do you care if the place is shady or the owner gives you an attitude? That’s exactly the restaurant situation in Korea in the old days. In an agricultural society, who the hell would eat out when it’s a huge challenge already to get some eating out of the ground? Only those who were traveling (and can afford things) would purchase food, and they absolutely would not care how shitty the food or the service was. Without that restaurant at that place, the travelers would have starved anyway. So service providers in Korea traditionally assumed this attitude of “Be grateful that I’m doing business here,” and did away with all the frills like smiling or not throwing food on the table. Cooking and serving food are hard work already; people expect the server to smile as well? Jokka. (“Go fuck yourself.” Literally, it translates to "peel a dick.")

Later (in fact, much later), Korea got richer and competition among restaurants finally emerged. But the attitude survived, since Koreans know that (being practical as they are,) they eat the food, not the service. But action calls for an equal and opposite reaction, so react Korean consumers did. Sensing that now the customers were the king of the market economy, Korean customers decided to toss out all the pleasantries against service providers as well. After all, being polite to everyone is tiring. (The Korean thinks that it’s the stress from being polite all the time that drives some Japanese people to go on mass-murdering rampage a few times each year. But that’s another story.) The singular force in this movement, of course, is the ajummas, whose irrepressible energy constantly seeks out for new advantages they can exploit.

So, Tofu Master, you are caught in a race toward the bottom. Customers don’t care about shitty service because they expect them. And customers are shitty toward you because they expect shitty service anyway. The Korean advises you to join the race, since you will find that the bottom will be quite lively and fun. Who doesn’t enjoy a good shit-flinging fight? Except for the Japanese I guess.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask A Korean! News: Met Opera Attendees to be Suffocated by a Pair of Garlic Breaths

To the delight of classical music-loving Koreans everywhere, (the Korean included, having no choice as the Korean Girlfriend is a classical musician,) the Metropolitan Opera in New York will feature two Korean headliners in this year's production of La Traviata. Hei-Kyung Hong will play Violetta, the main heroine, while Wookyung Kim will play Alfredo, her suiter. (Photo picked up from Dong-A Ilbo.) The Korean finds it hilarious that Hong and Kim, playing lovers, are 47 and 29 years old, respectively. Not since Anna Nicole Smith and her late oil tycoon husband did a relationship so twisted and gross exist. This will be Met Opera debut for Kim. According to Dong-A Ilbo article, this will be the first time Asians take both male and female leading roles on the same stage in the Met's 127 year history.

As the Korean sees it, this is one of the examples of Koreans out-white-ing white people in an effort to emulate them. (Here is an earlier post about this topic.) At any venerable conservatory in the U.S., (and perhaps in the world,) Koreans are bursting out of seams singing, dancing, or playing some sort of instrument. As Margaret Cho remarked, she was the first Korean who stood on the stage of Carnegie Hall without a violin. But that by no means takes anything away from Hong and Kim's accomplishments as artists, and kudos from the Korean goes to them. If you are in New York and interested in opera sort of thing, please go watch since La Traviata is a classic. Since the Korean already saw La Traviata, he is more excited about the First Emperor, with Placido Domingo as Emperor Qin.

Rapid Fire of Bad Manners

Hey Korean,

4. Is it true that a Korean man's ga gee is smaller than other races?

6. How come Koreans have table manners of a rabid badger? i.e. my uncle lifted a butt cheek and let one rip at the dinner table and everyone continued to slurp away (in Korea not US).

8. What can a Korean man do to prevent the loss of life burping after a good Korean meal? Mints don't help.

R

Dear R,

4. "ga gee" means an eggplant. It is true that eggplants grown in Korea are smaller than American ones. As to what you were trying to say --ja ji ("penis")--speak for your ssibal self. The Korean would show his to prove otherwise, but there is a court order against such an act.

6. First, the meal was within a family, and there is a certain leeway. Nonetheless, that might have been just your family....

8. .....and you just proved the Korean's theory. Why the hell would you burp? Gargling with [INSERT PRODUCT NAME HERE] tends to help.

The Korean really needs some product placement credit - that could have been a free bottle of Listerine or something. Oh, and sending in 12 questions does NOT help. The Korean appreciates it, but one at a time people.

Off the Boat, but not Landed

Dear Korean,

I went to college in New York and had hung out with 1 1/2 generation immigrants from all over Asia. In my experience Koreans tend to be the slowest to assimilate and to learn English, compared to other East Asians. I'm talking about people who came when they're less than 10 years old who still spoke English in incomplete sentences with a heavy accent. Is that something you have noticed too? If so, what do you think is the reason for that?

Fellow AA

Dear Fellow AA,

“Compared to other East Asians”? That’s a bit misleading, isn’t it? There are only three East Asians – Koreans, Japanese, and Chinese. Japanese people stopped immigrating en masse long time ago, so there are no Japanese FOBs. (“Fresh off the boat,” Asian equivalent to “wab”) So you’re basically comparing Koreans and Chinese. And the Korean did not really notice the difference between those two. (or three, if you want to get technical and separate Mainlanders and Taiwanese.) There are always some group of FOBs among Koreans or Chinese that are always slow to assimilate, no matter how early in their lives they move to the U.S.

The Korean cannot speak for the Chinese folks with any sort of authority, but as far as Koreans go, there are several reasons why this happens. First, these are usually the people who immigrate later than age 8, when the “language instinct window” closes and language learning has to be forced, not automatic. And there are enough Koreans in the U.S. (particularly in big cities) to live a life pretty comfortably without speaking any English, provided that the person has no ambition to make anything out of himself in the American society.

Second, a significant number of Koreans who move to U.S. are precisely of that sort. Many, many Korean students (as young as second graders) come to U.S. because their parents fear that they won’t make it in the brutal educational system in Korea. (And it is brutal indeed, but that’s another story.) But the inevitable truth is that some of those Koreans are too dumb to make it in any educational system, especially the system that runs in a different language. If these kids stayed in Korea, they would be the types who huddle in the back of the class, doing just enough to get by in school, and smoking, drinking, and partying out of school. It’s not all that different from American kids who do the same, because dumbness is evenly distributed across countries, cultures, and languages. It’s just that dumbness manifests itself in a different form—not learning English—for those dumb kids who are stuck in a different culture and language, since, as the Korean said previously about learning language, assimilation is not a walk in the park.

-CORRECTION- The Korean is currently reading The Language Instinct by Steven Pinker, which is a fascinating book. According to the Language Instinct, an average American six-year-old commands 13,000 words (or to be precise, listemes, the term include idioms like “cutting the cheese” whose meaning has nothing to do with “cut” or “cheese”,), and an average American high school graduate knows roughly 45,000 words. My previous entry said 6,000 words to carry a conversation, and 10,000 words to read newspapers. The Korean got the numbers out of memory, which was wrong. The Korean stands corrected.

The Korean's Holiday Season

A quick recap of how the Korean has been doing:

1. Had a grand ol' time with a couple of the Korean's junior high school friends visiting from Korea.

2. Attended Holiday Bowl at San Diego, CA to watch the Korean's alma mater destroy Texas A&M by the score of 45-10.

3. Visited the Korean Cousin - Colorado at Colorado Springs, then traveled around Colorado, skied, checked out sulphur baths, and got snowed in and barely made it back to Los Angeles 16 hours after the Korean Family was supposed to be back.

And the Korean is finally back in New York, sitting through the first day of his last semester at the graduate school. Since the Korean Email Account has a lot of emails stashed away, the blog will be updated vigorously until they are all gone.

Okay, so...

the Korean won't be back just yet. Right now the Korean Family is stuck in Denver, covered in snow. The update will come whenever the Korean can get back to his computer.

Sae-hae Bok Mah-ni Baht-u-se-yo!

Happy New Year everyone! The above is "Happy New Year" in Korean. The literal translation is "Receive many good fortunes in the new year."

Ask a Korean! will be back on the first week of January. If you got some spare time, shoot the Korean an email.

Watch Out for that Nasty Cold! (and Happy Holidays too.)

Dear Korean,

Why is it that I've always heard Koreans (i.e. my dad and a cousin from Korea or even those Korean celebrities on those random TV shows) end conversations with some variation of "Be careful/Dress warmly/get a flushot so you don't catch a cold." I mean, I haven't heard this kind of cautionary phrase from Americans too often...is this customary among Koreans back in Korea?

Not-So-Cold-in-Cal

Dear Fellow Golden Bear,

Not only are you a Korean, but you are a Golden Bear! You must be one of the finest species that ever walked this earth.

As to your question, your hunch is right; it's just an expression. Think of it as a seasonal good-bye, like some beer companies make seasonal brew. (Times like this the Korean wishes he had some contacts in the market, since right there would be a nice product placement. Free beer for the Korean!) During winter, instead of saying Annyong, you can say gam gi jo sim hae. ("Watch out for cold," as in don't catch a cold.) What's really funny is that even Koreans in Los Angeles say the same thing during winter, although it never falls below 50 degrees in LA.

Koreans have a lot of great expressions and the Korean will share them as we move along. Just among the greetings, the Korean's favorite is siksa ha sheot so yo? ("Have you eaten?", a shout out to the good old days when most Koreans did not eat every day -- but you're not supposed to say "no.") Another very common way of saying good-bye is sugo ha sip si yo. ("Work hard" or "carry on." Used only when you are speaking to someone on duty, like a policeman on the street, or maybe a prostitute.)

Since this is going to the last post before Christmas, the Korean feels like an explanation about Christmas in Korea is necessary. Obviously, Christmas is not a native holiday to Korea, but thanks to the American influence over the world as well as the relentless marketing machine that operates upon gift-giving, Christmas is widely celebrated in Korea. But instead of being a nice family affair as it is in America, Christmas basically is the second Valentine's Day in Korea. (It makes sense, because Koreans have their own family-centered holidays like New Year's Day and Chusok.) Happy couples walk around brightly lit streets and exchange gifts, while singles hide somewhere and drown their sorrows.

And with that, the Korean wishes every one Happy Holidays! The Korean will visit the Korean Family back in Los Angeles, and the Korean Family will take a ski trip to Colorado. It will be exciting. The Korean will try to update the blog next Friday, but no guarantees. Thank you every one for supporting this modest blog, and keep on sending in questions! If yours hasn't been up yet, don't give up! The Korean is trying his best to get all the answers out chronologically, unless there is a pressing theme that the Korean wants to address. So all the answers will come sooner or later.

And here's the Korean's gift for everyone (the Korean took it himself; it's Union Square in San Francisco, in December 2002):

Reason Why Life as a Minority is Difficult, No. 5098

(Note: If you're curious about the sudden deluge of posts, it's because 1. nice people like you guys keep on sending questions, and 2. the Korean is in his finals period, and he doesn't want to study. Keep them coming!)

Dear Korean,

Why do Korean and other Asian business owners seem to guard their individual parking spots like Ninjas? There is usually a crummy sign that says "liquor store only".

Unsigned.

Dear Korean,

Last year, my neighbor of 30 years sold his house to a Korean couple. They've come to the house maybe 10 times and had a contractor pour a new concrete slab in the basement. The contractor also tore half of the roof off and left it that way, even in the rain. Is it traditional for Koreans to buy a home that is OK to live in and not move in? Is that new basement where they brew the Kim-Chi? What are the words to the "Welcome to the Neighborhood" song in Korean and when is it a good time to sing them?

So Many Questions-Too Little Information
*Hollywood, CA*

Dear Anonymous-Liquor-Shop-Frequenting Coward and Many-Questions from Hollywood,

You might wonder why these two emails are put up together. It's because they have something in common. Guess what it is. I'll give you 10 seconds.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Time's up.

Answer: They both see a curious behavior by person(s) of a certain race, and they are trying to figure out some race- or culture-based explanation.

There are many reasons why life as a minority in the U.S. (or anywhere else in the world for that matter) is difficult, and this is one of them. Whenever a minority individual displays an odd behavior, the first thing that jumps to a non-minority person's mind is "I wonder what it is about his culture that makes him do that," rather than thinking "well, that's just a weird guy."

Of course this difficulty is hardly life-threatening to minorities (given that lynching was very popular in the good old days), but it sure is highly annoying. It's annoying because it shows that you are still looking at the color of the skin first. It's annoying because one weird guy can bring down the reputation of an entire race/ethnicity. Worst of all, it's so fucking annoying that I have to care about what that weird guy does so that he doesn't bring down the reputation of my ethnicity.

Remember William Hung, the short, ugly Chinese dude who had 15 seconds of fame for singing and dancing horribly on American Idol? The Korean would not have to give a shit if he were any other race. But because he's an Asian, the Korean cannot help but watch him and see what other stupid shit he would pull, because the Korean KNOWS that there will be many idiots around the country who are thinking, "Gee, he's really stupid and ugly, but maybe it's an Asian thing."

Put another way, it's unfair and tiresome for one to be a representative of one's race all the time. And it's frustrating to see another one of your race failing at that representative function, which would not even be assigned to that moron if people learned to look beyond a person's race!

Drunken Coward, has it ever occurred to you that it would hurt the business if a customer came to the store and couldn't find a parking spot right away? Or that it would be really annoying for the owner/employees to find a parking spot far away from the store every day? Questions from Hollywood, the Korean has no idea why your Korean neighbors did what they did with the house. Maybe they were trying to renovate it, then ran into a financial trouble or something. What kind of culture would possibly condone leaving such a massive economic asset unexploited and in disrepair?

There are many things that people don't understand about other people, and cultural differences can explain some of them. That's what this site is for. But dear readers, whenever you observe an oddity by a minority, please use give it a little thought and see if you can find a non-cultural reason for it. If you are stumped, please ask the Korean, but at least take a guess.

More relevant questions will be coming later.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

You're not a Man until You Survived Military

Dear Korean,

Why is it that every time I see a Korean at the rifle range he has at least one assault rifle? Is there some sort of rule that if a Korean owns a gun it has to be an AK-47?

Unsigned

Dear Anonymous Coward,

The Korean is one of those people who think the 2nd Amendment became obsolete when the U.S. government began to own tanks and fighter jets. So naturally the Korean does not have much experience in guns; the Korean fired a gun only in one occasion, at the LAPD Police Academy. But that's another story.

Here's a guess: (almost) all Korean men have been through the military, and that experience makes them more familiar with assault rifles rather than puny handguns.

You cannot talk about how Korean men are without talking about their military experience. Currently, standard length of the military draft in Korea is 2 years and 4 months. If one is assigned at a non-combat position (i.e. JAG officer, medics, secretarial duties, etc.,) the length is 3 years. I can try to explain what the usual military experience entails, but I'll let the following picture do the talking.

I'm sure you get the idea. (That pose is called Wonsan pok-gyok, which translates to "bombing of Wonsan." Wonsan is a port city in North Korea. This punishment is applied liberally for various causes, such as being slow in marching, losing a soccer game, or overcooking sarge's ramen.)

Having been through this experience for more than 2 years, post-military Korean men become completely insufferable. Imagine your most insufferable Red Sox fan (pre-World Series win) bitching about his misery and multiply by 100, that's your typical Korean man. I have had the worst experience! My ssibal ("fucking") sarge made me eat food out of a trash can! I ran 10 miles a day wearing full gear every day! Of course, attendant to the horror stories are their own stories of heroics. I may be out of shape now, but I was fucking fast when I was in the military. I was the striker for our platoon soccer team, and I once caught a wild boar with my bare hands! Put some Korean men together with some booze, and goondae ("military") will be ALL they will talk about. (All the stories above are the real ones that the Korean heard with his own ears.)

Do you have a good goondae story? The Korean would absolutely love to hear it. If you send in a good one, it will be posted.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Special Two-Question Edition

Dear Korean,

A while back I helped a Korean get elected to public office. His Korean supporters were constantly amazed that a normal white dude would be willing to help him. Any thoughts on the older folks and their white worship? What gives? These were all wealthy successful businessmen who ostensibly bought into the bullshit American dream story - why'd they care so much that a white guy would help (read: be paid to) get one of their own elected?

Spicy BBQ

Dear Can't-be-All-that-Spicy-if-You're-White BBQ,

Why the white worship? Two words: Korean War. In the minds of the generation of people who went through the Korean War, the fact that Americans (which is equivalent to white people) saved them from the incoming bbal-geng-i ("commies") never, NEVER leaves their mind. You have to keep in mind how primitive Korea was at that stage, when the older folks were mere children. (At 1953 when the Korean War ended, Korea was poorer than such economic powerhouses as Paraguay, Ethiopia, and Nigeria. Per capital GDP? Around $35.) In their minds, white people saved them and brought Korea to modernity. Even to this day, the only thing that a homeless man in the streets of LA has to say is "I fought in the Korean War" for the Korean Mother to hand him a $20 bill. In the minds of older Korean folks (especially those who came to America), white people were elevated to the all-knowing, all-powerful demi-god status, and it would indeed be a shock if one of such demi-gods lowered himself to help out the primitive and backwards Korean people.

This white worship, by the way, led older generation Korean Americans to emulate the white people and try to out-white the white people in all aspects. One of the results of such effort is that older Korean Americans are probably the most racist people in America. But more on that later.

-EDIT: Dec. 17, 2006, 2:30 a.m.- It just occurred to the Korean that the Korean War was the first time when racially integrated U.S. troops were deployed. But black soldiers in Korea were relatively few, and it was not enough to overcome Korean people's strong prejudice against them which would develop later. But that's a topic for another day.

Dear Korean,

Hi! I want to know why so many older Koreans refuse to learn english? My mother-in-law is very sweet but my husband and I can't talk to her unless one of his 6 sisters or brother are around to translate. What is the deal? Is she just saying that, but really knows what's going on?

Confused Whitey

Dear Pale Beast of Burden,

In the words of Chris Rock, the Korean will not hit you, but will shake you real hard and scream, "what the hell is wrong with you woman???!!!" No one refuses to learn English, like no one refuses to become a millionnaire.

But if the Korean ended at that, you would not understand why. So I will try to calm down and go through the reasons one by one.

1. Learning a second language is HARDER THAN ALMOST EVERYTHING.

Let me put this in numbers. In any language, people generally use roughly 6,000 different words and idioms/expressions to carry everyday conversations. If you want to read a newspaper, you have to at least know about 10,000 different words/expressions. (A medium-sized dictionary contains about 100,000 words.) Have you ever memorized 10,000 different things in your life? Even 6,000 different things? And then you have to arrange them in the right order (the order that you are not used to) to make sense.

All of this comes so easily and naturally when you are young, so most people take language learning for granted. (Before 10 months and 16 months old, a child usually learns about 50 words a month. Try doing that if you have spare time.) But it is, in fact, extremely difficult to do, especially if a person is advanced in age and has to work all day, as immigrants have to do (since, obviously, Americans won't do it.) In the room that the Korean used to use in LA, there are dozens of boxes full of flash cards with vocabularies written on them. There are about 8,000 cards in all. The Korean was 16, still young, and had nothing to do after school. It took 5 hours a day, every day, for a year. And it was the most difficult thing that the Korean ever had to do in his whole life.

2. You always sound stupid in the second language.

Again, language comes so easily when you are younger. Even a 7-year-old can construct a sentence in a flash. But if you tried to construct a sentence in a foreign language when you are past 20, you would be slow, and often wrong. And you know you are slow and wrong, and you see the listener getting frustrated. And you know perfectly well that this is something that a 7-year-old child can do, but you can't fucking do it. It's humiliating. Do you think a Korean mother-in-law will risk appearing stupid to her daughter-in-law? Not a chance.

3. The silent period.

Despite all this, I'm pretty sure that your mother-in-law understands more than she lets on. The linguists have something called "the silent period," where a child becomes quiet before she becomes a total chatter box. Under natural development, this occurs between age 2 and 3, when a child acquired around 2,000 words. This process has been known to happen for second-language learners as well. It basically happens because a person during the silent period would understand about 1/3 of what he hears, which is not quite enough to form a response to.

Whitey, the Korean is certain that you had no ill intention when you asked that question. But whenever people ask "Why don't immigrants just learn English?" (like this idiot,) it just INFURIATES the Korean because the Korean personally knows how difficult it is. So please be nice to your mother-in-law, although I am sure you are nice to her already. And for crying out loud, just learn some Korean. You are younger, and she outranks you.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Our First Fan Mail!

It's a truly momentous occasion in Ask A Korean! history. The Korean received a fan mail without any question attached to it! Here it is:

Dear Korean,

As an American girl married to a Korean boy (raised in Korea until age 14), I absolutely LOVE your blogspot! According to my husband, he's finished a major study in relation to amount of mean-ness vs. body mass. Apparently the Korean woman is only second to the wolverine! :D From what I hear from other ajumah I have met, this is most likely so...but I'm blessed with probably the only wonderful Korean Mother-in-law in the world.... honest!

Anyong!

Cordelia

Thank you Cordelia, your support is very much appreciated. Next time, however, please include the citation for that wonderful study done by your husband! The Korean cannot wait to read it. And your mother-in-law is wonderful? Have you also tried your luck in lottery tickets?

The prize for the first fan mail ever was going to be some spicy Korean lovin', but I see you're already getting plenty from your husband. Still, if you are ever in the New York area, drop a line to the Korean and we will arrange something. Hopefully the Korean Girlfriend won't be looking.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

The Mexican Asks the Korean

Dear Korean,

Why do Koreans repeat "Annyong Haseo!" when someone greets them with "Annyong Haseo!" Isn't it redundant? And how does the meaning change?

Salsa, the Mexican Brother of Kimchi

Dear Salsa,

The Korean would like to tell the readers that you are Gustavo Arellano, columnist for OC Weekly who is known for writing the insightful and hilarious !Ask A Mexican! If it was not obvious so far, Ask A Korean was directly inspired by the Mexican's work. Click the link to !Ask A Mexican! on the right and check it out yourselves. Welcome to the show, Mexican.

As to the question - don't gabachos say "hello!" to "hello!" as well? That's kinda redundant too, ?que no? But I can see where you're coming from. Every time I say "!Buenos dias!" to a Mec-jahk (derogatory Korean term for Mexicans; could be just an LA Korean American thing,) they always reply "Pinche chino."

(If you don't get that, go to !Ask A Mexican! and check out the glossary.)

"Annyong Haseo" is actually a question - it literally translates into "Are you well?" Let me ask you this, Mexican: don't you hate it when you have to perfunctorily say "I'm good" before you can ask back "How are you?", while fully knowing that the answer would be also "I'm well"? If you had noticed, Koreans did not rise from the ashes of the Korean War into the shining star of Asia for no reason. Korean folks are efficient people; they realized the inefficiency of saying the answer to "are you well?", so they just stopped saying it. The meaning does not change when the question is repeated.

It gets better. Koreans say "Annyong Haseo" only when they wish to be polite, usually toward an older person. When Koreans greet their peer, they simply say "Annyong," and the reply is also "Annyong." Again, this is a question - "Good?" "Good?" How efficient is that?

In Korean the polite form of "Good bye" is "Annyong-hee Gaseo." ("Go well.") The informal form is, again, "Annyong." So often Koreans will say "Annyong" twice whenever they meet; once to greet, once to say bye. And only the inefficient crackers will find that confusing. That's why Asian cars are kicking American cars' ass around the block.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Quick Announcement

In an attempt to have some semblance of professionalism, Ask A Korean! will be updated every Friday morning, at least. There may be periodic updates, depending on the Korean's schedule.

Ask A Korean! News: A Competitor????!!!!!

It has been brought to the Korean's attention that there is a competitor to this blog, and it indeed is a formidable one. Take a look.

Every post is simply brilliant, so here is a short example:

Posted November 12, 2006 (Juche 95)

Dear Mr. B,

Living under the Imperialist American Regime has wreaked havoc on my follicles!! Where does Dear Leader get his amazing hairdo?

With respect,

Tori S.

Dear Tori

We are so sorry to hear how much you suffer under the imperialist regime. We hope one day you will be set free like a flock of doves.Regarding our dear leader's amazing sense of style, he has his own official hairstylist. His name is Chon Hoon-Dae, and he has been dressing dear leader's hair since 1982. We are not too sure who had done his hair before that, but this is the man responsible for making dear leader glow like a shining light to all mankind.

Han See-Na

Citizen of Pyongyang


Man, how the hell am I supposed to compete with this? I think I am gonna send an email too...

Dear Pyongyang Citizen,

My name is The Korean, and I am the host of a very popular blog called Ask A Korean! Here is my blog - http://askakorean.blogspot.com. I am sure you won't be able to see my blog immdeiately since the imperialist America is blocking your Internet access to the world, but I am certain that your friend in the west who runs your website can tell you that both your website and my blog work for the same purpose -- enlightening the world of beautiful and brilliant Korean people.

However, I regret to tell you that I, the Korean, oppressed in thoughts and imagination by the imperialist American education, cannot even begin to match your comedic genius. There is simply no way. You are inspired by the shining light to the world that is Dear Leader and I am but a bug, blinded by being in His presence. I once heard that Dear Leader lost his virginity before his father, the Great Leader, did. Is that true? All I ever wanted to do was to give people a few laughs while they learn something about the glorious Korean people, but now I realize I am as inadequate as the South Korean economy, which may have given you the rice you are eating but could not make you as happy as Dear Leader.

How could I learn the style of great prose that you employ? I tried reading the work of the Great Leader, available freely at the library of my university, but his divine comedic genius was such that I could not read more than a sentence before bursting out belly laughs that last for hours. How do I resist the urge to laugh, and make people laugh instead?

I will be looking forward to your response. Now I must go and clean my refrigerator of my leftovers. If you are wondering, leftover is something one has when one has too much food. It's a shameful occurrence that I am sure hardly occurs in beautiful North Korea, but it happens quite frequently in the oppressed city of New York.

Sincerely,

The Korean

Fingers crossed for a response!

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

The Million Dollar Question

Dear Korean,

Why do Korean men beat their wives, and can I get any hints on how I canbeat my wife like a Korean?

Married in Manhattan

First, I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving. The Korean went home to L.A. with the Korean Girlfriend. I am proud to say that the Korean Family went so mainstream that not only do have turkey, but we actually have the entire Thanksgiving meal catered. But onto the question.

Dear Married,

Why do Korean men beat their wives?

Because the Korean wives never listen. (Rimshot.)

Okay, let's try that again. Why do Korean men beat their wives?

If you ever visit Korea, you will be amazed at how everyone looks and dresses the same. There is simply no question that the Korean people are very sensitive to trends. Nothing makes a Korean more insecure than being different from others because, well, being different is the mark that says "Please kill me next time Korea is invaded." (See the post Koreans: More Homogenized than Milk for details.) A few years ago during winter, duffle coats became really popular in Korea, and EVERY woman wore a duffle coat, although it's a coat only meant for the lean and tall. Walking down the streets of Seoul, the Korean cracked up every minute looking at the bouncy sponge balls that occupied the city. It was like Futurama episode when the Earth was invaded by bouncy balls.

What the hell does this have to do with wife beating? Well, wife beating is a worldwide trend, and the trendy Koreans are simply following the trend. We in America have now moved onto thinking that wife beating is a cowardly shit that endows a social stigma a little weaker than racism and a little stronger than drunk driving. But it was not even 20 years ago when Battered Wife Syndrome was considered to be a hocus pocus. Social trends, like fashion trends, need to run their course, and Korea is coming around to accepting that wife beating is a cowardly shit as well.

But another question is, why are Korean men singled out as wife beaters? The Korean's hunch is that it's because Korean men are compared to Chinese and Japanese men. It is well-chronicled that Chinese men are traditionally their women's bitches. (Chinese men cook and everything!) Japanese men used to have some balls, but they were neutered in the process of getting rich. That only left Korean men to carry the torch in the region.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Ask away at askakorean@hotmail.com.