How to Hold Jesa

Dear Korean,

I came across your blog while doing a search for 제사 procedures. I can't seem to find anything in detail in English, and the Korean is way over my head. We are coming up on the 4th year since my mother passed. In the past, we have done the ceremony at a local temple that set everything up for us and we just paid and attended the ceremony. This year though, we have moved and there is no temple near us. I am thinking we are going to have to do it at home, but have no idea how or what I even need to do!

Any tips as far as food-wise, table settings, and anything else that we're supposed to do?

Thanks,

Alicia

P.S. I am the only child - and a girl by the way. It would just be me and my husband doing the ceremony.

Dear Alicia,

First off, a quick explanation on what jesa (제사) is -- jesa is a memorial ceremony for the dead. In fact, there are many different types of jesa, because technically it is a general term for memorial ceremonies of all types. The types include: myoje (묘제), held at the grave; sije (시제), held every season; charye (차례), held on major holidays like Lunar New Year's Day and Chuseok, etc. But currently when Korean people speak of jesa, they are mostly talking about gijesa (기제사) -- the kind held once a year, on the day the person passed away.

Jesa is very, very important in Korean culture. It is one of the few traditional ceremonies that Korean people still follow faithfully, often without regards to particular religion. For example, one of the reasons why Catholicism was able to make inroads with Korea faster than Protestantism is that Korean Catholics are allowed to hold jesa, per decree from Pope Pius XII in 1939. (Protestants of Korea held out longer -- while majority of Protestants in Korea do not hold jesa, a significant number still holds jesa or a modified form of one.) In fact, in a family life jesa is as important as a birthday. After all, it only makes sense that if there is a birthday, there also is a deathday.

The Korean will describe a model way of jesa below, be mindful that this ceremony is both highly adaptive and geography specific. Each family of different regions of Korea holds things with different food and different order. In fact, the Korean had to pause about whether this would be applicable to Alicia at all, because she mentioned that her jesa was held at a temple -- which could mean that her mother was a Buddhist, who have slightly different procedures.  Also, because of the convenience of modern Koreans, certain things are abbreviated. But for the sake of everyone who might be interested in a model jesa, here is one model that is fairly common.

Logistics of Jesa

First of all, who is honored by jesa? As of today, the common practice is to hold jesa (i.e. gijesa, the "deathday") for up to your (paternal) grandparents. The ancestors beyond the grandparents level are honored through the other kinds of jesa, namely the ones held on major holidays, etc. If both of one's parents passed away, a single jesa is held for both of them together, on the jesa day of the father. (You will soon notice that much of this process is pretty sexist, but that's how traditions generally are.)

Who holds a jesa? The oldest male heir does. For a jesa for parents, the oldest male heir is the oldest son. For a jesa for grandparents, assuming there is no surviving male child of the grandparents, the oldest male heir is the oldest male child of the oldest male child of the grandparents. So for example, if the Korean Parents were to pass away, the Korean -- the oldest male child of the Korean Parents -- would hold the jesa for the Korean Parents. The Korean Grandfather has already passed away, and his jesa is held by one of the Korean Uncles, who is the oldest male child among the five that the Korean Grandfather had. If the Korean Uncle passes away, the grandfather-jesa duties would go to the oldest son of the Korean Uncle, i.e. the Korean Cousin. Just to trace back a little bit further, just for fun -- the Korean Grandfather was the last child among the three brothers, so the jesa for the Korean Great-Grandfather is held at the Korean Father's Cousin's house -- who is the oldest son of the Korean Grandfather's oldest brother.

Alicia's parents apparently passed away without a son, so technically her parents do not receive a jesa because only men are allowed to hold jesa. This is one of the major reasons why having a son in traditional Korea was such a huge deal. But in modern Korea, especially in cases when parents die without a son, daughters with their husbands hold jesa nonetheless.

When exactly is the date and the time of the jesa? The correct answer is "the earliest possible time on the day the person passed away," which means the midnight of the date of death. (A common threat in Korea is "Today is your jesa day," i.e. today is the day you die.) Practically, this means that people actually gather for jesa on the day before the date of death, so that jesa may begin exactly at 12 midnight of the next day. One tricky part is that because Korea traditionally has used a lunar calendar, jesa date is also traditionally determined by lunar calendar as well -- which means it changes from year to year on a solar calendar. But in modern Korea, following only the solar calendar is acceptable.

Be sure to be dressed properly. No need to go crazy with traditional garbs, but men generally wear a suit and women wear conservative dresses. 

More after the jump.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com

Korean Language Series – Writing and Reading

WARNING: You should be able to see typed Korean language in order to fully read this post. If you are a Windows user, you can go to Microsoft's website and download the "East Asian Language Support". Ask your local computer nerd. Entice him with a woman and it will be easy.

-EDIT 14 June 2007 11:52 a.m.- If you would prefer a more interactive guide, try this link: http://langintro.com/kintro/ Thank you, J. David Eisenberg!

Dear Korean,

I'm interested in learning Korean although nobody encouraged me to do so! I wonder if you can help me explain Korean pronunciation, I've bought 2 different "teach yourself Korean" books but I can't seem to understand the pronunciation sections.

Amna

Dear Amna,

The Korean must warn everyone that he had never received formal education as to how to teach Korean to non-Korean speakers. Therefore, all the technical terminology that the Korean uses in this post (as well as in other Korean Language Series) are made up by the Korean. Additionally, the Korean will often be wrong about things. But hey, that’s the price you pay if you try to learn a foreign language from an amateur off a blog.

Korean alphabet, called Hanguel, was created by King Sejong and his scholars in the 15th Century, and it is extremely innovative. The entire alphabet has 40 characters, with 19 consonants and 21 vowels. (Technically it is 14 simple consonants, 5 compound consonants, 10 simple vowels, and 11 compound vowels.) First, let’s go over the basics of how a Korean letter is written. It sounds odd that you are learning to write before you can read, but it will make sense in the end.

Characters v. Letters

It’s important to distinguish between “characters” and “letters.” Each character alone cannot stand independently, because each character is either a single consonant or a single vowel. Instead, either two or three characters combine to form a pronounceable block, i.e. a “letter.”

So this is how a letter is formed: it is other “consonant + vowel”, or “consonant + vowel + consonant”. (Some of the letters are actually “consonant + vowel + consonant + consonant” in relatively rare cases. They are dealt in Advanced Stuff section.)

It sounds complicated written out like that, but the idea is simple. Think back to Sesame Street and how two shadowy people form a word. “H” plus “a” is “Ha”. “H” plus “a” plus “t” would be “Hat”. (The “A”s in the two words are pronounced differently in the two words, but you get the picture anyway. The Korean can’t help the fact that English alphabet is a screwed up one.)

The table of characters is linked later in the post. But hold your horses, and finish reading the post first.

“Okay, how do I write a letter?”

In order to form a letter out of the characters, pay attention to whether the vowel position is vertical, horizontal, or combined. It is really simple to do actually – vertical vowels stand tall, horizontal vowels are flat, and combined are vertical + horizontal vowels.

Step 1. Imagine filling up a square block. Write the consonant is the left half if the vowel is vertical; write the consonant on the top half if the vowel is horizontal. Write the consonant in the top left quarter if the vowel is combined.

Step 2. Write in the vowel.

Step 3. If there is a consonant following the vowel, that consonant goes on the bottom of the “consonant + vowel” combination that you just formed.

Let’s take a Korean word like “미국” (“America”). 미국 is made up of two letters, each letter making up one syllable. The letter 미 is made up of the consonant ㅁ and the vowel ㅣ. You can see that ㅣ is vertical, so write ㅁ in the left half the imaginary box, and put ㅣ next to it to form 미. The next one is trickier – it involves a second consonant. Since the vowel is ㅜ, you can see that it’s shaped flat and therefore has a horizontal position. So write the consonant ㄱ on top, put the vowel ㅜ on the bottom. Then put the last consonant ㄱ underneath the vowel. And there you have it, your first Korean word – God bless America!!

As an aside, notice that in Korean, there is never a free-standing consonant without a vowel attached to it. That’s why Korean people have such a hard time pronouncing such words like “school”. “s” in “school” does not have a vowel attached to it – “school” is one syllable in English. But Korean person trying to pronounce that word cannot process a consonant that does not have a vowel. So usually the best the Korean person can do is to pronounce it like “seu-kool”, in two syllables.

“Now I can write some exotic stuff I can’t read. Thanks, genius.”

Alright, we are finally ready to read. The chart of characters has pronunciation attached to it, but read this first. We are going to try reading 미국. First letter first: consonant ㅁ sounds like “m”. Vowel ㅣ sounds like “ee” as in “seek”. Therefore, 미 is pronounced like “mee”. Then the next letter: consonant ㄱ sounds like “g” as in “gate”. Vowel ㅜ sounds like “oo” as in “zoo”. So the pronunciation is: g + oo + g = goog. So “America” in Korean is mee-goog. Simple, right?

One more caveat – what the Korean just wrote above is not the standard Romanization of Korean characters. The chart below includes how each character is Romanized as well. For example, the correct Romanization of 미국 is “miguk”. From this point on, all Korean words will be in standard Romanization format.

Okay, you can take a look the chart now. The Korean will be waiting right here. (If your browser automatically re-sizes the image, save the image on your computer and read along.)

-EDIT- Here is the link for a pdf form of the chart. The earlier link is in a jpeg format in order to make sure that people without East Asian Language support can read it, but it does not print properly. If you wish to print the chart out, use the pdf link to print. Thank you Bonnie B. for pointing this out.

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Welcome back. Your head spinning yet? Print the chart out and keep it next to you as we read on.

Let’s do one more example, the Ask A Korean! favorite – how to read 왕자. Consonant ㅇ is silent before the vowel, and sounds like “ng” after the vowel. The vowel ㅘ is a compound vowel, combining ㅗ (“o”) and ㅏ (“a”), so it sounds like “oa”, or “wa”. Consonant ㅈ sounds like “j”, and ㅏ sounds like “a”.

Put them all together: wa + ng / j + a = wangja, i.e. Prince Fielder’s neck tattoo.

Parting Words

The Korean would like to finish up with two points.

First, notice how fucked up English alphabet is. The Romanization of Korean is so complicated only because English alphabet is so messed up, and the Korean scholars who came up with it were trying to make Korean language to readable to English-speaking people somehow. English consonants and vowels often change sound randomly, although the letters – representation of the sound – never change. Thus we have the famous example of spelling “fish” as “ghoti” – “gh” from “tough”, “o” from “women”, and “ti” from “nation”.

Take a common Korean last name like 김. Under proper Romanization, it would be written as “gim”, and pronounced as such. But English speakers would pronounce it like “gym”, so Koreans had to adapt and bastardize the sound to the next closest sound, which is “kim”. The last name 박 is even worse. It would be properly Romanized as “bak”, but English speakers would read it like “back”. So Korean people added an “r”, turning it into “bark”. Then the connotation of the word became negative, so they switched it to next closest sound, which is “park”. So in reality, there are no Kims and Parks in Korea – only Gims and Baks.

Second, appreciate how beautifully designed Hangeul is in contrast. It is the only alphabet system in the world that has been designated as UNESCO World Heritage. The Korean can write 50 pages about the genius of Hangeul, but he will just give one example here: the amazing adaptability of the compound vowels. Although currently only 11 compound vowels are used in Korean language, technically any of the 5 horizontal vowels can combine with any of the 5 vertical vowels to form a new sound – 25 new sounds created in a snap, plus 4 exceptions where a vertical vowel combines with another vertical vowel. So out of 40 possible vowel sounds that Hangeul can represent (10 simple vowels + 30 compound vowels), nearly half of them (19) are not even in the Korean language!

In other words, Hangeul vowel characters can cover almost any vowel sound made in the world. (A big exception is vowel tones in tonal languages, for example Chinese.) No other alphabet in the world has a system that enables it to record a sound that does not exist in the language it represents. If aliens landed on Earth tomorrow, Hangeul would be the only reliable alphabet in the world that can consistently represent the vowel sounds that they make.

Advanced Stuff: Read Only If You Are Hardcore

Here are some more tips as to correctly pronouncing Korean characters and letters. The Korean is certain that he missed a lot of stuff, and wrong about some of the things here. Please email or comment if you notice anything.

Extremely useful tip for English speakers – whenever you read a Korean letter, pretend there is an “h” behind the vowel to get the consonant sound right. For example, if an English speaker read “sa”, she would pronounce the “s” like the “s” in “sin”, which is incorrect. (“s” in “sin” is Romanized as “ss”.) But if she tried to read “sah”, she would pronounce the “s” like the “s” in “snake”, which is the correct way. This rule applies across the board, no matter what the letters are.

Additional Romanization rule 1 – Under standard Romanization, one word in Korean is written as one word Romanized. So a sentence like 날씨가 좋습니다 (“the weather is good”) is Romanized as: “nalssiga jotseupnida”. However, if writing as one word is likely to produce a wrong pronunciation, hyphen can be added to separate the Korean letters. So the word 씨앗 (“seed”) is Romanized as “ssi-at”, since writing it as “ssiat” is likely to be pronounced wrong. Another example is the word 항아리 (“jug”), which is Romanized as “hang-ari”, since “hangari” would be pronounced like “han-ga-ri”.

Additional Romanization rule 2 – If the pronunciation is different from the way a word is spelled (following one of the “Advanced pronunciation rules” below”), the word is Romanized as it is pronounced, not as it is written.

Romanization exceptions – The current standard Romanization rule was introduced in 2000; prior to that, Korea used something called McCune-Reischauer Romanization System, which involved a lot of complicated additional notations on top of regular English alphabets to faithfully represent the Korean pronunciation. But outside of governmental and scholarly papers, McCune-Reischauer system was never popular in Korea because it was so complicated. Regular Korean people and Korean businesses Romanized their names more or less arbitrarily. Therefore, people’s names, if Romanized before 2000, stayed the same. Also, people may Romanize their name in any way they please.

For example, former president/dictator 박정희 would be written as “Bak Jeonghui” under the current Romanization system. But since he was born long before 2000, the Romanization of his name is “Park Chung-hee”. This rule also applies to well-established names of locations, like 서울 (which should be “Seo-ul” to prevent it from being pronounced like “soul”, but written as “Seoul”, merrily carrying on the mispronunciation.)

How to pronounce difficult sounds – let’s go over them one by one.

ㄹ – deceptively hard, because it’s neither L or R. Try pronouncing “Lola” very carefully. You will notice that you are actually sounding out “lol-la”, adding an extra consonant. Remember that ㄹ is Romanized with “r” in the first position and it’s easier to pronounce.

ㅅ and ㅆ – you have to realize that English “s” makes two different sounds. ㅅ is like “s” in “snake”. ㅆ is like “s” in “soon”.

ㄲ, ㄸ, ㅃ, ㅆ, and ㅉ – if you know how to pronounce Spanish correctly, these should come pretty easily. As you can tell from their shapes, they are related to ㄱ, ㄷ, ㅂ, ㅅ, and ㅈ respectively. Let’s try with ㄸ first. Try sounding 다 (da) very carefully. Say it like da-da-da-da… and notice your tongue is touching the roof of your mouth. Now, stiffen your tongue a little harder when it touches the roof, and hold it for half a second longer, and “burst” the sound out. It should be 따. ㄲ and ㅉ can be sounded out in a similar way. ㅃ is different because the sound only involves your lips, but same mechanism. Say ba-ba-ba-ba… and stiffen your lips a little harder as they come together, hold it a bit longer, then burst out the sound.

ㅡ – this vowel sound is most easily made by the following way: clench your teeth and make a guttural noise. It’s not the right sound, but it’s pretty close. Alternatively, pull your lips out as if you are smiling, and make the sound that’s least difficult to make.

Advanced pronunciation rule 1 – The Korean said some Korean letters are “consonant + vowel + consonant + consonant”. Here is an example: 뷁. How do you read this? The rule is: Ignore the last consonant, and only pronounce the first bottom consonant (called “batchim” in Korean, meaning “bottom piece”). So the letter 뷁, standing alone, would be pronounced like 뷀, i.e. b + ue + l = buel. But letters of this kind rarely stand alone, and the second batchim usually affects the sound of the next following consonant. Read below.

Advanced pronunciation rule 1.1 – Take the word 넓다 (“broad”). Now we know the first letter is read as n + eo + l = neol, ignoring the last consonant ㅂ. But the last consonant doesn’t stand pat. Instead, it changes the sound of the next following consonant into the “stronger” sound, if possible. ㄱ changes into ㄲ; ㄷ into ㄸ; ㅂ into ㅃ; ㅅ into ㅆ, and; ㅈ into ㅉ. All other consonants’ sounds stay the same. So the word 넓다 is pronounced like 널따, i.e., n + eo + l / dd + a = neoldda. Make sure you follow this rule, because the same word without this rule would sound like 널다, which is a different word whose meaning is “to hang clothes to dry.” Conceptually, this rule is similar to the “batchim slide-over rule” described in Rule 2. Read on.

Advanced pronunciation rule 1.2 – There is one exception to this rule, and it’s when the last consonant is ㅎ. Instead of getting a “stronger” sound, the following consonant becomes “harsher” if possible. ㄱ turns into ㅋ; ㄷ into ㅌ; ㅈ into ㅊ, and ; ㅂ into ㅍ. So the word 많다 (“many”, “much”) is pronounced like 만타, which is m + a + n / t + a = manta.

Advanced pronunciation rule 2 – Remember consonant ㅇ was silent in the first position? So take a look at this word: 놀이 (“game” or “play”). Based on what you learned so far, it would be pronounced: n + o + l / i = nol-i. But that is incorrect. What happens is the batchim of the first letter slides over to the second letter, and takes over the empty space created by ㅇ. So the actual pronunciation of the word 놀이 is exactly the same as that of the word 노리, i.e. n + o / r + i = nori.

The rule: If the first character of a word has a second consonant after the vowel (batchim), and if the first character of the second letter in a word is ㅇ, the batchim slides over to the second letter and pronounced as if it is attached to the vowel of the second letter.

Advanced pronunciation rule 2.1 – Take a look at the chart, and you will realize that some of the consonants have different sounds depending on the position. For example, ㅊ is “ch” in the first position and “t” in the second position. So what happens if the sound-changing type of consonant slides over? Answer: That consonant recovers its first position sound.

Example: Take the word 볶음 (“stir fry”). The batchim ㄲ is pronounced identical to ㄱ as a batchim. But when it slides over, the word is pronounced like 보끔, i.e. b + o / kk + eu +m = bokkeum. This is important because the word 복음, pronounced like 보금, i.e. b + o / g + eu + m = bogeum, means “gospel”. Try not to order the gospel of chicken at a Korean restaurant.

Advanced pronunciation rule 2.2 – What about those pesky double batchim letters? Answer: only the last batchim slides over to the next word. So the word 넓이 (“breadth” or “width”) is pronounced like 널비, n + eo + l / b + i = neolbi.

Advanced pronunciation rule 3 – if a batchim is followed by ㅎ, the batchim is pronounced “harsher”. ㄱ turns into ㅋ; ㄷ and ㅈ into ㅊ, and ; ㅂ into ㅍ. (Technically, the “harsher” sound for ㄷ is ㅌ, but it turns into ㅊ in this situation only.) So the word 닫힌 (“closed”) is not pronounced like dat’hin, but like dachin, as if reading 다친.

Advanced pronunciation rule 4 – This rule is super-advanced, and Koreans themselves often get it wrong. The rule is: If two words combine to form a single new word, the first consonant of the second original word is pronounced “stronger” if possible (in order to signal that it is a compound word.) So again, ㄱ changes into ㄲ; ㄷ into ㄸ; ㅂ into ㅃ; ㅅ into ㅆ, and; ㅈ into ㅉ.

Example: the word 김밥 (Korean seaweed roll, variation of Japanese sushi roll) is made up of two words, 김 (“laver”, a type of seaweed) and 밥 (“steamed rice”). But the word 김밥 is not pronounced as “gim-bap”. Since it is a compound word made up of two words, it is properly pronounced “gim-bbap”. (Although many Koreans, including the Korean Father, pronounces is as gim-bap, forgetting the compound word rule.) Another example is the word 물병 (“water bottle”). It is not pronounced as “mul-byeong”; since the word is made up of the words 물 (“water”) and 병 (“bottle”), it is pronounced “mul-bbyeong”.

What if the stronger sound is not available for the following consonant? Then the following consonant is pronounced the same way. Thus, 물항아리 (“water jug”), although it is made up of the words 물 and 항아리, is pronounced as mul-hang-ari.

Last last words – The Korean has to warn you just one more time that he is just an amateur! If you see something wrong or missing, please tell him so that he can correct it.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Here Comes the Sun -- Run Away!

Dear Korean,

I noticed many Korean women do not like to sunbathe, and I noticed that many of them often wear very wide brimmed hats, and avoid getting tan in general. Is having fair and light skin a big factor in beauty for many Korean women?

Jack in California


Dear Jack,

Yes.

The Korean will even answer a follow-up question. Why do Korean beauty standards involve pearly white skin? Simple -- because dark skin means that you are one of the peasants, out in the field and working all day under the sun. Light skinned people are the nobility – they can afford to stay at home and out of the sun.

The fact that this attitude survived for so long is an indicator of how slowly people's frame of mind changes, even as the circumstances that surround those people change rapidly. Korea began industrializing in mid-1960s, and by 1970s Korea could no longer be called an agrarian society. By then the majority of the lower class of Korea no longer worked on the field, but worked in a factory indoors. To be sure, the factory workers had their own appellations to denote their low station in the society. But aversion to tanning is clearly based on the agricultural economy and field work. How long did Korea to take shed a paradigm based on its agrarian past?

Answer: between 30 and 40 years. Tanned face did not become an acceptable form of beauty until early 2000s, when this woman came along:

Her name is Lee Hyori, whose sheer force of hotness made Koreans accept that tanned skin could indeed be beautiful.

But aside from the delay in changing beauty standards in Korea, there is another level of delay that operates among Korean Americans, such as the ones that Jack saw in California. Simply put, Korean Americans have their own paradigm that either very slowly follows the paradigm of Koreans in Korea, or often does not follow at all. And the way beauty standards have been changing provides an interesting example of this phenomenon.

Take Hyori for example. For about a stretch of 3 to 5 years, she was the biggest star in Korean pop culture scene, about equivalent to Britney Spears' peak in terms of popularity and exposure. (Remember the stretch between around 1999-2002 when Spears was the only female celebrity who mattered?) Wherever you went in Korea, Hyori's (hot, hot, hot) images were plastered everywhere in the forms of TV shows, music videos and advertisements. An average Korean living in Korea, seeing such images, could slowly accept that tanned body can be beautiful as well.

But what about Koreans who live in the U.S.? Most Korean Americans immigrated to the U.S. prior to early 2000s. There has not been any massive exposure of Hyori in America. (In fact, there basically has been no exposure at all.) Korean Americans generally knew who Hyori was, but were not perfectly aware of the ground-breaking nature of her celebrity, exactly because Korean Americans did not see Hyori everywhere like Koreans in Korea did. Therefore, while Koreans in Korea moved onto a new standard of beauty, Korean Americans retained the pre-2000 standard of Korean beauty, as if being stuck in a time warp.

There will be another time to more fully discuss the "immigrant time warp", but the Korean thought this was a great example. The Korean has found that understanding the immigrant time warp is most helpful to the second generation Korean Americans who have a hard time understanding their parents. In most cases, they do not know that their parents think not just like Koreans, but more like Koreans of the 1970s (or whenever they immigrated). But more discussion on this later.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Ask a Korean! News: Japan Pays 99 Yen Pension to Former Forced Laborers

First, the Korean must give credit when credit is due. Recently, Korea-Japan relation has been markedly better ever since Japan elected a new prime minister, Yukio Hatoyama. In a meeting with Korean president Lee Myeong-Bak, Prime Minister Hatoyama said, “We have the courage to face up the history and resolve our issues.” He also said in a seminar in Singapore, “Now, even after more than 60 years since Japan has caused great damage and pain to many Asian nations and their people, one cannot think that true reconciliation has been achieved.” Given these remarks, the Korean had high hopes for what Mr. Hatoyama would achieve.

But problem for the Japanese government has not been that it was unwilling to apologize. Contrary to what many Koreans mistakenly believe, Japan did apologize several times for its imperial past, most notably in Murayama Danwa issued by then-Prime Minister Tomiichi Murayama in 1995. The problem has been that the Japanese government, and the Japanese society as a whole, had trouble maintaining that stance of contrition.

Well, same ol’ story now – Japan went one step forward with Mr. Hatoyama, and two steps backward:

The Japanese government fanned anger among Koreans after news came this week that it sent 99 yen ($1.08), or 1,280 won, in welfare pension refunds to Koreans who were used as forced laborers during the Japanese colonial occupation of the Korean Peninsula.

Japan offers $1.08 to the laborers it conscripted

More information is available in the Korean version of the Dong-A Ilbo article. Additional analysis is available here and here, all in Korean.

Former South Korean forced laborer Yang Geum-Deok, 81, who worked at Mitsubishi Heavy Industries, cries during a rally in front of the Japanese Embassy in Seoul.

First, in a controversial issue like this one, it is very important to get all the facts straight. The women who claimed the pension refunds were forcibly conscripted to work for Mitsubishi Heavy Industries during World War II in Osaka, Japan for about a year when they were 13 to 14 years old. They were not paid for their labor, but they were automatically enrolled in a pension fund. In 1998, they claimed for the pension from Japan’s Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, which oversees pension plans. Eleven years later, MHLW recognized that these women were indeed enrolled in a pension plan, and paid them 99 yen each – the absolute amount to which they were entitled in 1945, when World War II ended.

“Wait” – history buffs and reflexive Japan apologists might say – “what about the 1965 Treaty on Basic Relations between Japan and the Republic of Korea? Does it not ban individual claims of compensation for the wrongs committed by Imperial Japan during war time?” Indeed, the Japanese government takes the position that the unpaid wages were considered paid under the Basic Treaty. But MHLW thought about this for eleven years, and apparently decided that the Basic Treaty does not cover unpaid pension funds, which is governed by Welfare Pension Insurance Act. And because that law does not provide for indexing to the inflation rate, it decided to pay 99 yen – about a dollar – to the claimants.

Those are the facts. Now, let us sift through the moral aspect of this story. First, a fair share of the blame must be assigned to the dictator-president Park Chung-Hee who sold out his people and signed the Basic Treaty, and the subsequent Korean governments that failed to uphold its obligation under the Basic Treaty to be in charge of distributing the funds that Japanese government provided.

But irrespective of the merits of the Basic Treaty, the overriding fact remains very clear – Japan committed the original wrong of annexing Korea and put Korean people through a war not of their making, causing immense suffering through war time conscription, forced labor, comfort women and human experimentation. And simply signing the Basic Treaty does not make Japan appear to be a reformed character by any stretch of imagination – not when Korea was under duress for any modicum of aid; not when the signor on the Korean side is a dictator who came to power illegitimately through military coup and rigged elections; not when hundreds of thousands of Koreans protested in opposition to the Basic Treaty such that the Park dictatorship had to declare a martial law; not when the Japanese government got off the hook simply paying $200 per survivor ($1,351 in 2009 dollars) and $2,000 per injury, while the German government pays a lifetime pension to survivors of the Holocaust.

Picture from Unit 731, a Japanese military outfit that conducted live human experimentation. Various weapons were tested on more than 3,000 prisoners and civilians. This test subject went through a biological weapons testing. More Unit 731 pictures can be seen here.

Consider O.J. Simpson, for example. By now, we are more or less certain that he killed two people. But in 1995, a lawful process found that under criminal law, he was not guilty of the two murders that he was alleged to have committed. Another lawful process found he was responsible for the wrongful death of one of the two murders that he was alleged to have committed, and he paid a large sum of money because of that verdict. Are Americans not outraged because a lawful process found Simpson somewhat responsible for the murders and Simpson paid a substantial sum of compensation? Of course not. If O.J. now said, “Don’t look at me! I did everything that I was legally supposed to do. If anything, you should be blaming Lance Ito, Chris Darden or Mark Fuhrman for not doing their job right,” would any of us be any less outraged at him? (Does anyone even remember who Ito, Darden or Fuhrman are anymore?)

The same here. It is fair, and may even be fashionable, to blame the Korean government and/or Park Chung-Hee to some degree for the fact that the Korean people who suffered under the Japanese rule were not compensated. But at the end of the day, it is the party that committed the original crime that deserves the most outrage. Japan was never supposed to annex Korea and subject the Korean people to the aforementioned suffering, period. Regardless of what the Korean government/Park Chung-Hee did, there is no denying that Japan got off laughably easy, considering that in both Japan and Korea, wrongful death claims settle at much, much higher cost than around $11,000 per each death – which is what Japan paid under the Basic Treaty in 2009 dollars.

Having said all that, let us fire up the outrage afterburner. What is truly outrageous is that the Japanese government does not seem to care at all about the optics of their actions regarding its colonial past, much less the feelings of the victims involved. To its credit, the Japanese bureaucracy found that those who were enrolled in a pension plan deserved their pension money, regardless of the Basic Treaty. But the crass amount of 99 yen – not even enough to get one bus ride in Tokyo – instantly made a mockery of whatever credits it would have deserved. It really should not have taken a rocket scientist to figure out that paying out 99 yen after eleven years would look terrible. Eleven years! Couldn’t they have spent just one day of those eleven years to think about how to make this decision look better?

What is amazing to the Korean is that over and over again, Japan does not seem to understand how terrible it looks as this decades-old saga goes on. It is as if the country as a whole suffers from some type of brilliant autism, creating beautiful machines and arts while being completely oblivious to how others perceive its actions. And this historical autism is clearly causing harm. We need not even discuss the obvious human tragedy – namely, the anguish of those who suffered under Imperial Japan who have never received any meaningful compensation – because that is too obvious, and the Japanese government has shown time and again that it really does not give a shit about causing that harm. This historical autism is hurting Japan in another measurable way – by discouraging partnership with a rising regional economic power that is Korea. (And China, for the same reasons.)

This damage to Japan is not an idle imagination. It is a mistake to think that Korea’s nationalism causes Koreans to hate Japanese people or Japanese products. Koreans are nationalists like Americans are Christians – in their everyday lives, they generally do not give much thought about whether or not their action violates their ideological/religious principles. And while no Korean will admit this in a direct answer, Koreans are actually ready to love Japan. Koreans already consume Japanese products in droves despite incredibly high tariffs. Japanese cartoons are so popular in Korea that they essentially merged in as a part of Korean culture. You cannot have a conversation with hipster Koreans without watching the latest Japanese movies and dramas. The only thing – literally, the last possible thing – that is holding Koreans back from completely embracing Japan is that Japan is constantly provoking their nationalist sentiments that Koreans are generally happy to ignore otherwise.

Lexus dealership in Gangnam, Seoul. In 2009, Lexus ES is the second most popular imported car in Korea, trailing only BMW 528.

In fact, this is the perfect time for Japan to make a Godfather offer regarding its past history to Korea – an offer that Korea can’t refuse. What if the Prime Minister of Japan offered this to the President of Korea next year, at the 100th anniversary of the annexation?

“Mr. President, Japan wishes to have a fruitful partnership with Korea toward the future, and we recognize that Japan’s handling of its historical issues so far has been a roadblock for that partnership. Now that a century has passed since the annexation, we wish to resolve the historical issues once and for all. To that end, I propose the following:

(1) Japanese government will establish a pension fund for all surviving Koreans who suffered during the Imperial Japanese rule, which will pay pension to all survivors and their children until they die. Korean government can name the price as to how much each individual will get.

(2) The Prime Minister will re-issue an even stronger worded apology than Murayama Danwa, and will be made available to personally deliver a letter of apology and personal visit to every Comfort Women survivor. Each survivor can name her own form of apology desired from me. I will kneel and bow as long as it takes.

(3) Japanese government will pass a hate speech law similar to those existing in Germany where Holocaust denial is a crime. Anyone who denies the damages caused by Japan’s imperial past will be punishable by fine.

(4) No one who is in the cabinet of the Japanese government will be allowed to visit the Yasukuni Shrine. Instead, the Japanese government will fund and maintain a memorial museum dedicated to displaying Japan’s war crimes, and the Prime Minister will make a yearly visit. There will also be a scholarship established to fund students who study Japan's occupation of Korea.

(5) All history textbooks in Japan will be written by a joint committee consisting of both Japanese and Korean scholars. I hope Korea will do the same.

(6) And lastly, just to let you know I am serious, right here is a declaration from the Japanese Parliament that says Dokdo belongs to Korea. Take those islets – they are yours. And think about our offer.”

Dokdo/Takeshima/Liancourt Rocks

This truly is an offer that Korea cannot refuse. It more or less addresses all of Korea’s complaints’ about Japan’s treatment of its history. And it would be an incredibly daring gambit that, in the end, would cost Japan very little in practical terms. Even if Japan were to pay enough money to the survivors and their children to make them not lack anything for the rest of their lives (around $200,000 a year will do the trick,) most of Korea’s wartime survivors are dead and even their children are old. Building a museum and maintaining a scholarship, in the grand scheme of things, cost next to nothing. The fishing rights by gaining Dokdo/Takeshima could potentially be significant, but there is no way Japan can have them in the foreseeable future at any rate.

But what Japan will gain from it is incredibly significant. This will not be an easy offer to make without offending the Japanese nationalism, but that is exactly the point. By disarming Japanese nationalism, Japan can legitimately claim the moral high ground for the first time since the end of World War II. On that high ground, Japan can finally put Korean nationalism on trial. Because really, the dirty little secret in the Korea-Japan relation is that some Korean politicians just love having a whipping boy in Japan to stir up nationalist sentiments that serve as an instant support/distraction. If the Korean government waffles even just a little bit facing this offer, the Japanese government can finally claim legitimately that it has done everything it could, and it is Korea’s political opportunism that is getting in the way of true reconciliation.

If the Korean government accepts the offer – and it can’t not accept, if it is offered this – the payoff for Japan is massive. The japanophiles in Korea will finally have the guilt-free conscience to indulge in Japanese products. Allied with Korea, Japan can be a much more meaningful counterbalance against China. By jointly writing history books, Japan can directly influence the way Koreans think about the occupation and the aftermath. In the long run – when the memories of the occupation fades enough for Koreans not to have a gag reflex over the idea – Japan and Korea can enter into a free trade agreement or even a NATO- or EU-like alliance.

The benefit for Korea under this offer should be obvious. Its people can be finally compensated adequately without the embarrassment of hashing out the terms of the Basic Treaty. It can finally have a historical closure, and move on. At this point, Korea no longer has to worry about being annexed or otherwise controlled by Japan because its position is incomparably stronger relative to that at the turn of the 20th century. Given this, a close partnership with Japan could lead to Korea's being a world power, at last -- something that Korea has dreamed of since the independence.

Will this happen? Of course not. File this under “The Korean’s Cockamamie Proposals That Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time,” next to the Korean’s preferred immigration policy. But the Korean’s larger point is this: at this point, Japan really needs to do something about its past. Year 2010 will be the perfect time to do something. Missing this opportunity will not only be a moral outrage (again), but also a huge cost to the future of Japan.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

A Retrospective on Identity: State of a Gyopo at Age 30

Thirty is probably the age that causes the most trepidation among Koreans. Thirty means much more than the pressures for a job and marriage from your parents. It is an occasion for a deep reflection about your life. It is not a coincidence that one of the most iconic Korean pop songs is titled "Around Thirty." For Koreans around thirty, Kim Gwang-Seok's soft voice, singing "Another day drifted away/Like exhaled smoke," rings truer than ever.

Confucius said that thirty is the age at which he established himself. By saying this, Confucius is not simply saying that you should move out of the basement of your parents' home by the time you are 30. He means that by 30, you should have a good idea of who you are. You should establish yourself, your identity.

Today, I turn 30 years old. Also, I have lived in America for 13 and a half years. Given that I spent the first few years of my life in Korea without much awareness, I would say the time I spent in Korea and the time I spent in America are approximately equal. All this makes a great time for me to reflect on how I came to establish my own identity as a Korean American.

More after the jump.

Best of the Worst 2010 - Part III: Worst Email of the Year Revealed! (And it is VERY NSFW)

And here we go into the grand finale -- the worst email of the year! But first, some very worthy runners-up.  Again, all emails are real, and are copied/pasted verbatim except for people's names.

Strange Tasting Spams

re: Booking for a dance class

would like to book for 2 weeks classes for 3 hours each day Monday to Saturday for a group of 10. We are asking for 3 hours per day for 2 weeks - Monday - Saturday. A total of 36 hrs. We would be coming over for holiday and as part of our plans we need dance classes/private lessons in ANY of the following area Ballet, belly dance and Pre-Dance as well as Salsa, Swing,Ballroom and Tango. Do you have a training studio/facility where you conduct the classes? Do you have rooms or is there any hotel close to your facility? DATE: 6TH February 2010 TO 20TH February 2010.
The group would be performing for a group of family members over there. I would love to get the total cost or a quote/estimate. What are your payment options? Do you accept credit cards? I would be grateful if you will be willing to do the work to teach quality classes and make us happy.

Regards,

Amanda Nichole

The Korean misses the good old days when spams were about an African millionnaire dying in a plane crash.

re: Your prompt response will be appreciated

Hello,

I am Davis klean i would like to book reservation for accommodation and lunch for 10 workers that will be coming for vacation on the 12th April to 22th july 2010.

If you have vacancy for the specified period, give me the total cost of 10 single or 5 double rooms for 10 nights for the 10 guests. Please give us your rates,for the entire period, and get back to me with the grand total for the period of time i requested.

Your prompt response will be appreciated.
Thanks for your co-operation.

Regards.
Davis klean

Sure, the Korean has five double rooms for your workers ... in your mama's ass.

re: Coach Brazilian Football

Hi Mr,
Please check my resume the football.

Coach Brazilian Football - Claudio Roberto Silveira.

Along with the resume, these pictures were also attached.

The Korean would have thought fake Brazilian reporters would be hotter than that lady.

re: hello am jennifer can we meet pls

hello
My name is Jennifer Peter.I am 27yrs old,i graduated At (Arizona State University)ASU where i studied banking and finance and now am planning to work in any of the bank.I am leaving with my uncle in Liverpool, but I have been happily single,It is time to move on. Family is very important to me. I can cook, clean, I am attractive and outgoing. I consider myself to be balanced, well-rounded,and from a close family.I Believe life is not a spectator sport - Because life is short, I work hard and play hard Am a happy person, and believe happiness comes from within Find good conversation more stimulating than a strong cup of coffee Family is very important to me - Love to dance,Am a creative and good cook Volunteer because it warms my soul My favorite cities: New York, Los Angeles,London,Chicago Favorite Movies: When Harry Met Sally, James Bond movies,The Godfather, Love Story, and films that "move me" Wouldn't survive without frequent and generous doses of laughter Appreciate "marvelous imperfections", and believe we all love imperfectly Believe true love is unaffected by time,space and distance...

My love life is very real and i try to take my time to acquire one.My being single introduced me to internet dating because it worked so well for a good friend of mine. I belief in true love as it develops. Am very romantic and I enjoy dancing and dining out at least once a week especially with a partner who understands true romance. I actually love romantic men..I haven't been doing that too much lately since i have been single for a while now. I hope I found him already.

I am the only child of my family,I am looking for a man who is gentle, warm, sensitive, kindhearted, compassionate, generous, supportive,loving, understanding, honest, trustworthy, open, adventurous, strong,courageous, spontaneous, outdoorsy kinda guy, funny, playful,passionate, sensual, sexy, attractive, witty, charming, physically fit, emotionally stable, financially stable, caring, loves animals, his family,friends. Someone who is spiritual and believes in helping others. Someone who I can share my thoughts, feelings ideas with and he shares his with me.A man who is strong, yet tender; supportive, yet doesn't mind being supported and cared for. A man who wants to Love me & be Loved by me. I hope you are an honest man because the most important characteristics to me are compatibility and friendship. I'd like to know if you are an open minded person, honest and easy going. A sense of humor is a big plus. I hope we'd have some shared interests and goals, as well as some similarities in opinion about what's important in life. I would love to find out if you are a true caring someone that I could have a very deep relationship with and be able to just feel the Light when we are together. I'm hoping you would be a like minded partner to share life with. Well, I think that gives you a little idea of who I'm looking for.

My hobbies are listening to music,reading,playing table tennis,cooking and hanging out with friends and relatives,watching movies and traveling.
I was born in Illinios, my Dad was killed in a construction accident when I was quite young. When I was still a teenager, my Mother had cancer and I took care of her until she passed away. I was still under 27 before both were gone.I am presently residing with my uncle in Liverpool,UK does it sound familiar?

So I guess thats that about me you can as well ask me any other thing you want to know i will be more than glad to answer any of your questions as for you please tell me more about yourself lets start with your full name?location?kind of work you do for a living?about your family?hobbies and tell me about your dream woman,seeeking casual or serious relationship?Do you have any Pic you can email to me?

My pics is attached below..

Would love to hear from you soon.....

Here are some pictures of Jennifer Peter.

The Korean might have cheated on his wife and flew over to Liverpool if Jennifer Peter did not name her pics "Graphic 1" and "Graphic 2".

Korean Wave Hit You in the Head

re: Hello

How can I find someone who look like Gu Jun Pyo of Boys Before Flower?

Maria G.

Two words: human cloning. It will only take 20 some odd years to grow a Gu Jun Pyo.

re: from Brittany

Hi, my name is Brittany, nice to meet you. I have a questiion. I'm think of meeting SUper Junior Sung Min and wanted to ask him out on a date secretly, What should I do to keep a secret so people I trust won't scandalize about all over the public? It scares me and makes me very angry when people do that. What should I do to date Sung Min secretly when people don't know nothing about it. I can meet Eun Hyuk and Lee Tuek and ask EUn Hyuk to go with him to his dorm and meet Sung Min.

Brittany, do you see this nice little cart here? You do? Good. Now look back. The tiny dot waaay behind that cart is a horse. And inside that horse's behind, there is your head.

re: HI

Do you know how to get ahold of Rain? The man in Ninja Assassin?

Gigglez Rose

Sure, the Korean will just look through his speed dial... Dammit, never mind. That number is for Rainn Wilson.

More ridiculousness after the jump. (WARNING -- R-rated materials ahead.)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

"What's his name? I don't know, I can't read his neck."

Dear Korean,

I'm planning on getting a tattoo in Korean. I'm Korean so its legit, but I just want to know why most Koreans find tattoos so offensive. My mom is totally against it and will kill me if she finds out.

Lina

Dear Korean,

I recently earned my Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do. I am very proud of my accomplishment, and was also considering getting a tattoo to commemorate the years of perseverance and hard work it took to acheive that goal. I thought it would be fitting for the symbol to be in Korean, as I understand Tae Kwon Do originated in Korea. I don't, however, want to be one of those fools who has 'dumbass' tattooed on their body when they think it means 'indomitable spirit'!! What are your thoughts on this trend, and do you think it would be offensive or shocking to a person if Korean heritage? I don't mean to be a Korean 'wannabe', just proud of my accomplishment. The tattoo definitely won't be on my neck!!

C

Dear Lina and C,

This post about Prince Fielder's neck tattoo in Korean is really what made this blog take off (and not any of the Korean's erudite and well-reasoned observations on culture -- sad, but the Korean will take whatever he can get.) "Korean tattoo" is one of the most common Google search terms for this blog, along with "ask a korean", "korean men" and "korean porn."

First, a little bit about tattoos in Korea generally. Simply put, tattoos are just not a Korean thing to do. Traditionally (starting from 15th century or so), Korean people strictly followed this Confucian teaching: "Keep your body whole, for it is given to you by your father and mother." Even cutting hair or shaving was forbidden in an effort to keep your body whole. (Women put their hair in various decorative braids; men put their hair in a single knot that was tied at the top of their head, and wore a headgear that kept the knot in place.)

Korea was modernized eventually, but attitudes about making marks on one's body did not change much. (Except, of course, for plastic surgery lately.) Yet tattooing was in fact fairly common in a nearby country that all Koreans hate more than anyone else -- you guessed it, Japan. Organized criminals in Japan used extensive tattooing in order to mark the "families" to which they belonged, and organized criminals in Korea began to mimic such practices. As a result, until very recently, only people who had tattoos in Korea were thugs. Below is a picture of freshly arrested organized criminals in Korea.

So it really should not be surprising that Koreans have a very negative attitude toward tattooing. How negative is it? Being of a non-doctor tattooist is actually illegal in Korea, and carries roughly $3,000 of fine because tattooing is "unlicensed medical practice." (This law is not very often enforced, but it's in the book.) Excessive tattoos on a body is one of the ways to get out of the mandatory military service for men, along with torn ACL, missing index finger and schizophrenia, because excessive tattoos "create disharmony in the unit."

But like everything, attitude toward tattooing in Korea is changing recently. Henna tattoos are very available near any college campus, just like the U.S. It is not difficult at all to find tattooists in the middle of Seoul -- although they still mostly operate in the shadow. Fashionable tattoos are generally accepted among the young generation of Korea -- but don't expect older Korean folks to like you if you got sleeves.

What about Korean tattoos in the U.S.? Would a tattoo in Korean on a non-Korean person be offensive? In the Korean's opinion, probably not. For Koreans, non-Koreans operate in a separate plane of reality -- "our" rules don't apply to "them". After all, these foreign barbarians don't bow to their elders and keep their shoes on in a house -- who cares if they want to look like criminals? If anything, a tattoo in Korean would be mildly amusing to an average Korean, since Korean people don't expect non-Koreans to know anything about Korea. A Korean tattoo would signal your interest in Korean culture, however minimally, so it would not necessarily be a bad thing.

What does the Korean think about all this? That's a tough question. The Korean himself has no objection to tattoos in general. The Korean hates it when people get Asian letters just for the sake of their "exotic" appearance, because that's the precisely the type of attitude that keeps Asian Americans from feeling comfortable in America. But recently, like C, tattoos in Asian lettering often show a genuine attempt in understanding more about Asian culture -- the Korean welcomes that.

And then there's the "gut reaction" problem. Americans generally don't get a tattoo in plain English because plain words are not cryptic enough -- it's just not interesting. The gut reaction of an average American, if she saw the words "perseverance" tattooed on one's chest in Times New Roman font, would be that it looks silly. Well, the Korean can read Korean and Chinese, so tattoos in Korean and Chinese are not cryptic at all. So the Korean's gut reaction toward such tattoos are that they just look stupid. This is what the Korean wrote when he first saw Prince Fielder's neck tattoo: "It is as if some regular Korean dude was hanging out and drinking with Prince Fielder one night, then Fielder passes out, and the Korean dude picked up a marker and wrote it on his neck as a joke." The Korean can never shake that feeling whenever he sees a tattoo in Asian characters.

At any rate, what the hell do you care about what the Korean thinks? If you want a tattoo in Korean, go nuts. Just make sure it doesn't say "dumbass".

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.

Live Blogging Winter Olympics: February 25, 2010

Some more impressions...

- Ditched work early, came home at around 9:15 p.m. Was nearly blown away from the insane snow and wind. Did the Korean mention New York weather sucks?

- Damn near had a heart attack to find the DVR was not working. Fortunately, regular TV worked, and figure skating did not happen yet. In fact, it would not happen for more than an hour.

- Instead of watching Nordic Combined again, the Korean opts for California v. Arizona basketball on ESPN while having dinner. Menu: kimchi jjigae and pajeon, courtesy again from the Korean Mother.

- Bears own the Cats. Go Bears! Jerome Randle is a stud. Too bad we will be killed the moment we run into any team with interior size in the Tourney.

- Flip the channel right on time for figure skating. Time to get nervous.

- This is rare. NBC seems to know that Kim Yu-Na vs. Mao Asada is a big freakin' deal. The introduction plays this up to the max, showing cross-clips of Yu-Na and Asada and repeatedly mentioning how significant the "rivalry" is between Japan and Korea. The Korean is not sure if "rivalry" is the right term. Cal-Stanfurd is a rivalry. Kobe-LeBron is a rivalry. Korea-Japan... that's something else, whatever it is.

- A lady with a super long last name from Georgia takes the ice. Proceeds to fall four times during the show. Slightly comforted by the fact that Yu-Na probably won't be this bad.

- Shit. Did the Korean just jinx Yu-Na? Unthink! Unthink!

- Mao looks determined during warm-up. Yu-Na looks relaxed. Don't know which one is the good sign.

- Rachel Flatt takes the ice. Seems to do everything well. Somehow could not buy into her facial expression that was anything other than smiles.

- Apparently Flatt is going to Stanfurd. No wonder the facial expression is terrible.

- Ooh, Flatt got her jumps downgraded and does not even lead with better skaters ahead of her. Not good. Shouldn't have gone to Stanfurd.

- Ando Miki comes on with a hideous ancient Egyptian-themed dress. Half-expected the fashion police would swoop in on a Zamboni. Rare feat to be offensive with a costume that belongs to people who no longer exist.

- There is no energy in Ando's performance. The Korean thought maybe he was missing something, but the announcers immediately say that Ando is just "going through the motions." Well then.

- Yu-Na comes on. Apparently her pre-show routine includes cleaning boogers -- she did the same before the short program as well. Further proves that pretty girls can do basically anything in public and get away with it.

- Again, just don't fall. Please.

- The dominance of Yu-Na is really obvious. She goes into her jumps so fast that the entire routine appears much more natural. She also has the perfect physique with long limbs.

- Yes! No falling! Yu-Na is happy with herself, and the announcers are practically unconscious with praise. Now, the score...

- HOLY CRAP!! 150.06!!!!! 228.56 OVERALL!!!! EVEN YU-NA CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! IT'S ALL OVER!!!!

- Salieri Charles Barkley Mao takes the ice.

- The Korean Mother: "She needs to play within herself and just do the best she can instead of trying to do more than that."

- Everything about Mao at this moment is about intensity. Music, dress, facial expression, everything. Even her smile looks like it could kill someone.

- Triple axel, and another one. Damn amazing, no matter how many times the Korean sees it.

- Disaster! Mao's skate gets caught in the ice, and she can't jump the way she intended to. Now it's really over.

- Mao waits for her score. The graphic says: "154.79 to lead." It looks ridiculous, as if someone told the Korean: "With only $ 59 billion, you will be richer than Bill Gates."

- Yu-Na leads Mao by TWENTY-THREE POINTS. Unbelievable. Just unbelievable.

- Joannie Rochette's turn. Don't remember anything about this. Still delirious from TWENTY-THREE POINTS.

- Mirai Nagasu comes on. Again with the single-lines-for-eyes smile, but now a little scary how she could go there from a look of serious intensity in an instant, on command.

- Nagasu has some of the qualities that make Yu-Na great. Smooth, artistic, a little bit of magnetism. She finishes fourth, and looks happy. She will be great in Sochi. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

- It's official, Yu-Na is the champion. Tears of joy from Yu-Na. High-five between the Korean and the Korean Mother. The Korean Fiancee's victory text message: "228.56= Gold medal for Yu-Na Kim. I've never been so happy to be a Kim!!!!"

- Medal ceremony. Rochette looks happy. Mao looks pissed. Looked like she did not even want to touch Yu-Na when they hugged.

- Aegukga, until East Sea and Mt. Baekdu dries and wears down flat. Flags raised, Taegukki on top. Winning feels so great.

- Congratulations Yu-Na, and thank you. You did all of us proud.

Got a question or comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

The Ultimate Korean Looks List – How to Pick Koreans from Other Asians Just by Looking at Them

Dear Korean,

So many people tell me they can tell the difference between Asian groups (i.e. Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc). I can't. Are there REALLY distinctive physical features that can instantly tell a person's nationality, and what are they?

Joanne

Dear Joanne,

Are there really distinctive features among Asians? Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes.

It is a skill that requires subtle differentiation. It is like tasting for difference in Merlot and Shiraz. If you were a first time wine drinker, you may not notice. However, once you get the difference, you would not be able to tolerate the philistines who do not see the obvious differences.

While the Korean has his own way of telling apart all Asian ethnicities, he will only write about how to tell Koreans apart from other Asians, since he only claims to be an authority on Koreans and no other ethnicity.

To be clear, this is an attempt to distinguish various Asians just by looking at them. More obvious indicators like looking at people’s last names or listening to their languages/accents are omitted for the purpose of this post.

Many, many thanks to our great associate editor who provided brilliant points that the Korean missed.

Disclaimer

But first, the Korean must put out some important disclaimers, since the Korean has a feeling that this post is going to get him into a lot of trouble. Here it goes:

1. The Korean already knows that broad, stereotypical generalizations are often incorrect, and insulting to those who do not fall into that generalization. But please realize that this post does NOT contain that type of generalization.

In other words, the Korean is never saying that “All Koreans are X or Y.” Rather, he is saying that “People who have X or Y traits tend to be Koreans.” The Korean thinks this is a fair statement, as there are certain things that Koreans do that few other Asians do. Although the list may seem to sound otherwise at times, please know that the Korean never intends to say "All Koreans are X or Y."

2. The Korean also realizes that on the blog, it is sometimes difficult to tell if the Korean is serious or joking. Well, there should be no question about it in this post: THIS POST IS MEANT TO BE IN HUMOR. Please do not get upset.

How to Use the List

1. With many Asians, there is no single feature that gives away their ethnicity. Often, it is multiple factors adding up. Therefore, the Korean assigned “Confidence Level” to each category, ranging from 1 through 5. Weigh different confidence levels to calculate the probability, and make the most probable prediction.

2. This list would show that the strongest indicators are related to fashion and style. Therefore, it may not be very applicable with Asian Americans, because Asian Americans slowly assimilate their style into the mainstream American fashion. How far assimilated depends entirely on the individual; one Korean American’s fashion would be indistinguishable from Koreans in Korea, and another Korean American’s fashion would be indistinguishable from your boy/girl next door. Therefore, this list is most applicable to: Korean tourists, older Korean Americans (because they tend to retain more from their original country), and recently immigrated Korean Americans (ditto). With many Asian Americans, this list would be of little help.

3. Even when everything seems to point to one direction using the list, and the sum of confidence level is totaling in 100, you will often be wrong nonetheless. Just think how ridiculous it is to characterize the looks of 73 million Koreans worldwide! The Korean considers himself to be as good as anyone, but his success rate is about 75 percent, tops. Again, please don’t take this exercise seriously.

Enough chitchat—onto the almighty list!

The Ultimate Korean Looks List – How to Pick Koreans from Other Asians Just by Looking at Them

The Big Distinction – Let’s first make sure that you can tell East Asians (= Chinese, Japanese, Korean) and Southeast Asians (= Indonesian, Malaysian, Vietnamese, Cambodian) apart. Pushing the wine analogy a little further, the distinction between East Asian and Southeast Asian is the distinction between red and white wine. If you can’t even do this, there is no way you can apply the rest of the list. Stop reading now.

Throwing a wrench in this distinction (like Rose wine maybe) is that there are many Southeastern Asians who are ethnically Chinese who migrated to the region many centuries ago. (The Hmongs) These people, appearance-wise, are indistinguishable from regular Chinese, although they will say they are Vietnamese, Indonesian, etc., when asked. There is no way to predict this population other than geographic concentration. As far as the Korean knows, ethnic-Chinese-Southeastern Asians in America tend to be concentrated in Central California and around Minneapolis somehow. (Confidence Level = 1). There may be other regions; the Korean just doesn’t know.

Numerical Inference – In America, Korean- and Chinese-Americans outnumber Japanese Americans. Therefore when you see an Asian person in America, assuming you can make the “big distinction”, the choice is usually 50-50: Korean or Chinese. (Confidence Level = 4) Since Koreans physically look most similar to Japanese, if you can narrow a person down to either Korean or Japanese, the numerical inference says the person is likely to be Korean.
This indicator, however, loses strength in areas where tourists are prevalent, such as Times Square, Disneyland, and major airports.

General Physique – with respect to body types, on average, Koreans tend to be taller and bigger than other Asians. Asians who are on the taller side (between 5”11” and 6’3” for men, between 5’7” and 5’10” for women) tend to be Korean. (Confidence Level = 2).

General Complexion – on average, Koreans tend to be a shade lighter in complexion than other Asians, except Japanese. However, very pale skin occurs in all three ethnicities. Highly unreliable in California, where everyone is tanned. (Confidence Level = 1)

General Facial Features – on average, Korean and Japanese tend to have smaller facial features, i.e. smaller eyes, nose, lips, etc. In other words, Asians without any strong facial features (i.e. flatter face, without a strong nose or thicker lips, for example) are more likely to be Korean or Japanese. Once you narrowed it down to here, you can use the numerical inference depending on where you are. (Confidence Level = 2)

Facial Hair (Men) – Asian men who sport a strong, thick facial hair (beard, goatee, etc.) tend not to be Koreans. (Confidence Level = 4) Those who do have facial hair tend to keep it trimmed short, and beards or stubble never extend to the neck. You will never, EVER see a Korean neckbeard. (Confidence Level = 4)

Eyebrows (Women) - If an Asian woman's eyebrows have been not just plucked, but shaved and trimmed into a thin shape, she’s likely Korean. Korean women prefer to shave than pluck when styling eyebrows, because the prevailing belief is that over-plucking causes the skin around the eyebrow to sag with age. (Confidence Level = 3)

Eyes – once upon a time, the lack of epicanthic fold (i.e. “double eyelids”) tended to indicate non-Korean; with the prevalence of plastic surgery among young Korean women, this indicator lost some of its effectiveness. But among men and older people, this is still a decent indicator. (Confidence Level = 2) (Picture is from a Korean plastic surgeon website, with a somewhat NSFW name.)

Compared to other Asians, Korean eyes are set relatively shallow. To measure this, extend your index finger, and place the fingertip on your eyebrow and lower part of the finger on your cheekbone. With shallow-set eyes, your finger touches the eye. Deep-set eyes sit beneath your finger. (Confidence Level = 2)

Amongst women, Koreans are the most likely to wear colored contact lenses, or even circle lenses to make their iris (and their eye in general) look bigger. (Confidence Level = 3) Wearing glasses are uncommon for young women past high school. (Confidence Level = 3)

Nose (Women) –Due to popularity of plastic surgery in Korea, young Asian women with narrow, pointy noses tend to be Korean. (Confidence Level = 3)

Lips – On average, Koreans and Japanese tend to have thinner lips than other Asians. (Confidence Level = 1)

Teeth – On average, Koreans have a high awareness of cosmetic dentistry, and adult Koreans will have relatively well-formed, well-maintained teeth, whether it is natural or from years of wearing braces and retainers. (Confidence Level = 4) Koreans are also likely to get gold molar caps and infills – peer in when they say aaaah. (Confidence Level = 2)

Armpits (women) – Lack of armpit hair tends to indicate Korean, as Korean women are probably the only Asians who shave or wax their armpit hair. There is a lot of stigma in armpit hair, the usual lines of it being disgusting and unsightly and unladylike. Moreover, some Koreans are genetically unable to grow armpit hair. (Confidence Level = 3)

Facial Expression – in a neutral state (i.e. not talking with a friend or watching something in particular), Koreans tend to look like they are pissed off. (Confidence Level = 2)

Hairstyle (Men) – Currently, long, shaggy haircut is the trend in Korea, so a young Asian man who sports the style is likely to be Korean. (Confidence Level = 5)

Shaggy Cut - Example (Picture from a Korean shopping website that sells hair curlers.)

Hairstyle (Women) – The currently trendy haircut is the “mushroom cut” or “princess cut”. A young Asian woman with this style is likely to be Korean. (Confidence Level = 5)

Mushroom Cut - Example (Picture from a Daum.net Q&A section.)

Princess Cut - Example (From here. Please pay attention to the haircut.)

With older Asian women, the ajumma perm is a strong sign. (Confidence Level = 4) (Picture from an Empas Q&A section. The lady is Kim Hye-Ja, a very famous Korean actress.)

(Also, the Korean would be remiss if he did not link to Stuff Korean Moms Like post on perms on Korean women.)

Even when not following a trend, Korean women have expensive haircuts, and their hair looks expensive and heavily layered (there is very little hair actually hanging down). Not very reliable, as there are many non-Korean women who specifically seek Korean hair salons. (Confidence Level = 1)

Headgears (Women) – Many Korean women are big fans of caps. They like to think it keeps them fair-skinned. You should see our SPF 75+ sunscreens, sold at $50 a pop. No joke. Asian women who wear caps tend to be Koreans. (Confidence Level = 4) With older women, wearing a large visor that looks like a welding mask is a sign that they are Korean. (Confidence Level = 3)

Makeup (Women) – Korean women have acquired a mastery of cosmetics unseen in other parts of Asia. A particularly well-made-up Asian woman (e.g. with well-plucked eyebrows, good level of foundation, perfectly split mascara, well-drawn eye-liners, nice selection of lipstick colors, etc.) tends to be Korean. (Confidence Level = 4)

Depending on the woman’s propensity to wear makeup, you may occasionally see a woman who has a tan line along her face, or her face is distinctively two shades lighter than the back of her hands – meet the dreaded ‘makeup tanline’. That’s right, boys and girls, she wore so much makeup she couldn’t get sunburnt. (Confidence Level = 3)

Accessories (Men) – Asian man with a “man bag” tends to be Korean. (Confidence Level = 2) Also, due to the popularity of “couple rings” -- i.e. rings that boyfriends and girlfriends wear, akin to "promise rings" in certain parts of America -- an Asian man wearing a ring at a non-wedding-ring position tends to be Korean. (Confidence Level = 3)

Accessories (Women) – Big hoop earrings and chain-type accessories are popular among Korean women currently. (Confidence Level = 2) A perennial favorite of Korean women is the shape of a ribbon tied into a bow. (Confidence Level = 3) They will wear earrings, pendants, mobile phone charms, and even clothing randomly decorated with bows often pre-tied or pre-cast in its shape, but somehow, will never actually tie a ribbon into their hair into a bow.

General Fashion (Men) – Currently, the fashion trend in Korea for men is tight-fitting clothes, especially skinny jeans. (Confidence Level = 3) Korean men have no fashion sense of their own that can’t be vetoed by the women; they are dressed by surrounding women - like how tides are determined by the pull of the sun and the moon - the largest force usually being their girlfriends. This makes their clothing rather … uh, unisex. (Confidence Level = 4)

Socks (Men) – What if they’re all wearing business suits and you can’t tell? Check their ankles. Your authentic Korean will always wear white sports socks with his business suit, and if they’re feeling dressy, some sort of hideous carpet-patterned grey socks. (Confidence Level = 2) Bonus points if the socks have a brand decal on them, and a prize goes to anyone who finds the ubiquitous Playboy Bunny! (Confidence Level = 10++ with Playboy Bunny, though “BYC” can be substituted; 5 with socks with decals; 3 with grey socks; 2 with white socks)

General Fashion (Women) – For young women, fabrics are often extremely thin and the colours are muted (primary colours are for kids, strong pastels for older women). (Confidence Level = 5) These clothing are often layered on top of another, usually combined with leggings that end at the knees and a bolero jacket. Most blouses, tops and jackets are cut very high at the waist. Wearing halternecks and singlet tops on top of baggier, longer-sleeved clothing is very common. (Confidence Level = 5) In winter, patterned pantyhose are worn under the leggings. (Confidence Level = 5) The clothing themselves often lack sequins or fancy detailing except at the chest level. (Confidence Level = 5) The clothing itself is never dressy, but the accessories such as belts, handbags and jewelry often are over the top. (Confidence Level = 4)

Add all that, and the ensemble looks like this:

The overall look is that of a literally overdressed woman who outgrew exactly half of her wardrobe. Leggings poking out of denim skirt? Korean. Three different tops and two different bottoms on at the same time? Korean. Halterneck top on top of a t-shirt? Sadly, Korean. Is that a kid’s cardigan draped over her shoulders? Yeaaaaaaah, Go Corea!

Wintertime – Come wintertime, many Koreans wear naebok (lit. innerwear), which is a type of thermal underwear. However, unlike most thermal underwear, naebok is very thin and very, very tight-fitting. They come in hilariously unflattering colors of red, pink, peach, grey, light blue and the traditional(?) peach with white horizontal stripes (or would that be white with peach horizontal stripes?) Although naebok are much tighter-fitting than the Mormon magic underwear and are designed to be worn over normal underwear, telltale bulges and bits of naebok peeking out often gives a Korean away in winter. (Confidence Level = 4)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@hotmail.com.