We Did Nothing Wrong, and They Destroyed Our Stores

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I.

If you don’t tell your own story, someone else will.

Your story, told through someone else, is stolen. The stolen story is no longer yours; it is theirs, twisted and disfigured to augment their story, like a piece of metal hammered into form a small piece of a suit of armor. Our story can only be ours if we tell it. Only then can we imbue our own experience with the sovereignty that it deserves.

So here is our story.

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II.

Last month, a black man named Freddie Gray died in Baltimore while being arrested by the police. Gray suffered multiple fractures in his spine in the course of the arrest. Gray’s death was a tragedy; he should not have died.

People got angry at this senseless death—the latest one of the many senseless deaths of black men at the hands of the police. The anger turned into protests. The protests turned violent. In the course of the protests, numerous Asian American businesses were destroyed:

What the rioters didn’t steal from Hyo Yol Choi, they destroyed, or tried to. When it was over, Beauty Fair, in a squat, unattached brick building that Choi leases, was ankle-deep in ruined inventory—in torn-down shelves, racks and counters; in stomped-open bottles, jars and tubes. The marauders took wigs, leaving dozens of bald mannequin heads scattered along the walls. Brushes and mirrors, ribbons and barretts, costume jewelry and women’s hosiery were strewn from front to back, and the floor was a swamp of bergamot grease, argan butter, tea tree oil and leave-in hair mayonnaise.

The story of West Baltimore can be told through life at one intersection [Washington Post]

At least 42 other Korean American businesses were destroyed. When the store owners tried to defend their business, they were beaten. Were Asian businesses targeted for being Asian-owned? There are some indications pointing that way. Witnesses say black-owned businesses were spared from looting. But that doesn’t matter. The fact that other businesses remain standing doesn’t magically pick up the destroyed merchandise from the floor and put it back on the shelves, fully restored.

Really, who cares about those other stores? For immigrants, your store is your universe. It is everything you own in the world, everything you experience about the world, rolled into a dingy strip mall storefront. You poured down all the money you had, plus a staggering amount of debt, just to own that shitty store. There, in that store, you spend your entire life—sixteen hours a day, seven days a week, for ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty years. You barely know what other stores exist around the block, much less around the city. You barely know the weather outside. The only people you see are the customers, who don’t give a shit about another chink, another dot head, another Ay-rab manning the cashier at yet another deli, liquor store, nail shop, beauty shop, bodega. The store, its inventory, the people who come in and out of it, are the only things the immigrant knows about the world.

The Baltimore rioters destroyed our universes. Forty-two of them, at least. That’s our story.

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III.

Please, if you can just shut the fuck up. Didn’t I just say we will tell our own story? Our story is not yours. It is certainly not for you to pick up as a rhetorical cudgel, used to beat up people who are justifiably indignant with all the shittiness around them.

Nor will we countenance the well-intended, but tone-deaf, counsel to shut our story down for some kind of greater good. We did nothing wrong, and our stores were destroyed. And we are mad as shit about it.

Yes, I know Asian Americans enjoy privileges that African Americans do not. I’m not stupid. We did not go through the same historical suffering; we don’t have the same disadvantages today. I also know that when it comes to racial discrimination, Asian Americans hardly have clean hands. I know all about the petty racism that Asian Americans engage in, against whites, blacks, Latinos—better than you will ever know. It's a stain on our people. I have invested my own time and money addressing that, while you lazily decry Asian racism in the cesspool that is the Internet comment section.

I am still waiting to hear why any of that justifies the fact that our stores were destroyed. 

Don’t bother telling us that the riots were some kind of “forest fire,” a natural reaction to the greater oppression, because this disaster was no fire. This disaster had human faces, human hands that smashed the bottles, human feet that kicked us into submission when we were desperately trying to protect our stores. Don't ask us to extend understanding to those humans while we are still nursing our burning injuries. Bearing the brunt of this disaster gives us a view of those humans that are not kind and understanding. Because when our stocks are spilled on the ground, when a punch to our gut knocks our wind out, when our world is disintegrating before our eyes, we cannot understand how, just how, we deserve any of this punishment that those humans are raining down upon us, because the police killed a black man. We cannot understand why we deserve to watch our lives burn, helpless.

IV.

We have to tell our own story. Because if you don’t tell your own story, someone else will. And this is our story: we did nothing wrong, and they destroyed our stores.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

Brand New Koreans!

Dear Korean,

What is the tradition for new babies? My son and daughter in law live in Seoul and are expecting their first child. When they married the bride’s mother bought items and set up their household for them. Does this carry over to babies as well or is there a different tradition. Do they have baby showers?

Vicki S.

A quick tangent first:  TK usually tries to put a relevant picture in the post right away. Then he went to Google and found that people keep Tumblr and Pinterest pages titled "Korean babies." Uh, no. Creepy people.

Koreans generally do not have baby showers. The hip Korean women have begun to take in the party, but it is not a general phenomenon yet. The same is true for "push presents"--although the idea is starting to trickle into Korea, it is not a widespread thing. (However, Korean euphemism for gifts for new mother is arguably more comical than the term "push present"--it's "diaper bag," as if the new mother is going to carry diapers in a shiny new Louis Vuitton bag.)

Koreans do have a strong tradition involving pre-natal care called 태교 [taegyo], i.e. education of an unborn child. Pregnant mothers are encouraged not only to eat healthy, but also look at beautiful things, listen to calming music, speak with the child, etc. But this stuff is not communal--it is between the parents and the child.

Probably the first communal baby tradition that kicks in is Geumjul [금줄]. Geumjul is a ritual twine rope that is hung on the front door when a child is born. Ordinarily, Korea's twine is created by twisting to the right, but the twine for Geumjul is twisted to the left. In the twine, white pieces of paper and charcoal is slotted in, as those items ward off evil spirit. If the baby is a boy, dried red pepper is also slotted in.

Geumjul hangs on the front door for three weeks, during which the visitors know not to enter the house. 

Geumjul
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Today, few Koreans actually hang a Geumjul. But the mystical significance of the three week period after the baby is born (much of which does have scientific basis) tends to remain in Korea. In the first three weeks, no visitors are allowed other than the immediate family, nor would the new mother and child leave the house. The house is to be quiet--no hammering of a wall, for example. Family who just had a child would not attend a funeral. The new mother would wait four or five days to take a shower. And of course, the new mother would have tons and tons of seaweed soup. (Discussed in this post.) Today, many Korean new mothers check into a kind of postpartum spa-care, in which much of these things (and other essential lessons that new mothers should know) are taken care of for them.

After a child is born, there are two significant celebrations: 100 days, and the first birthday. Both days essentially celebrate the same thing: the child survived through those days--which, in the bad old days in Korea, was hardly a given. Previously, the two celebrations were equal in stature, but in modern Korea, the 100 days celebration is much smaller and usually among the immediate family only. But the first birthday, known as 돌 [dol], remains a significant event in which a huge party is thrown, with extended families and friends are invited. The friends and family usually pitch in to give gold rings to the birthday girl/boy.

Birthday boy going through doljabi [돌잡이]
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The highlight of the first birthday is 돌잡이 [doljabi, literally "dol-grab"]. The child is set in front of a variety of objects, such as money, strings (representing long life,) bow and arrows, brush, and so on. The thing that s/he grabs is supposed to show the child's future.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

TK on Price of Nice Nails

Dear Korean, 

Could you please comment on the New York Times' article "The price of nice nails?" 

Brian N.

For those who have not read the article, here is the link. It is a great piece of journalism; TK highly recommends it.

As to TK's own impression: how is any of this a surprise? Seriously, have people never been to a nail salon? You are willfully blind if you ever stepped foot into a nail salon and did not detect the hints of rampant labor exploitation. Although the article is absolutely valuable in that it collected and curated what goes on in New York's nail salons, pretty much nothing in the article breaks new ground. Really, I'm surprised that you're surprised. 

The eternal truth of the consumer society is: if it seems cheap, someone is getting exploited for it. And that someone usually belongs to the lower rung of the social, economic, and racial ladder. In all likelihood, your shoes are made by young overworked children in a Cambodian sweatshop, and your iPhone is made by Chinese workers who work so long hours under such shitty conditions that some of them would rather kill themselves. Outsourced workers in the Philippines subject themselves to PTSD by reviewing thousands of beheading videos and pornography every day, so that you won't have to see them on your Facebook feed.

None of this is to say we should surrender our efforts to make our world better. It is definitely not to say that Korean Americans or Asian Americans are blameless because everyone does it. It is only to say that we should be clear-eyed about just how much is wrong with the things around us. 

If you are concerned about what you read, please consider donating to the Urban Justice Center. When TK was living in New York, he handled several pro bono litigation along with the UJC, suing to make sure Asian restaurants were paying their workers minimum wage. TK is proud to say that he was part of the effort that led to the shutdown of several Asian restaurants in New York. If this New York Times article leads to a wave of bankrupt Korean nail salons across New York, so much for the better.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

AAK! PSA: Support Ask a North Korean!

Among the many "Ask" blogs that AAK! inspired, TK feels the proudest of Ask a North Korean by NK News. Within the English language Internet, it is absolutely the closest to hearing the perspective of ordinary North Koreans on a regular basis. 

So TK is happy to announce the new Kickstarter campaign by NK News, which will be used for hiring two new Ask a North Korean writers. There is a number of swag available for your donation, including eBooks about North Korea, coffee mugs and custom t-shirts bearing Unha-3 rocket or Taedonggang Beer logo.

The Kickstarter page for NK News is here. 

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

Blogging About Blogging

(Back from vacation! Thank you all for waiting.)

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TK recently had an occasion to speak with a close friend, who was thinking about starting a blog for his start-up company that would mix the business and the personal. AAK! is not much, but it's not nothing either--and in the near-decade that TK has been running this blog, he has gleaned a few pointers that might help one's voice be noted a little more. 

Below is some of the pointers. Please note that these are aspirational, and should not be taken to mean that TK actually has followed or is currently following all these pointers.

- You have to be a good writer.  This is a prerequisite; without good writing, you cannot hope to have an impactful blog. You don't have to be a good writer right now, but you must at least grow into one. There is so much writing on the Internet for people to read, and people will not spend their time deciphering a confused piece of article. Your writing should be well-organized and clear, with carefully selected diction and examples.

- You have to write a lot, regularly.  Keep writing, and write regularly, even when you don't want to do it. Writing regularly makes you a better writer. More writing means more content, which means more opportunity to be noticed through search engines, Facebook shares, retweets, and so on. Regular writing also means regular readers, who expect and anticipate what you have to say next.

- Nothing beats clickbaiting.  If all you ever wanted was to have a website with a lot of traffic, sell your soul and get into clickbaiting. There is a reason why so many of Buzzfeed, Upworthy, Distractify, and other garbage sites of their ilk exist--it is because when they publish a million pieces of trash, people click them a million times every time. Write fishing headlines, put out "listicles," put up cat pictures and set up search engine optimization. Write only about bullshit evergreen stories, like weight loss, interracial dating, and crap that what people should do in their teens to prepare for their deathbed.

If you prefer not to sell your soul, don't get discouraged just because a clickbait gets more traffic than your site. McDonald's will always sell more hamburgers than you, but it does not mean your burger tastes worse than McDonald's.

(More after the jump.)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.