Thursday, December 29, 2011

Best of the Worst 2011

End of the year is coming . . . which can only mean one thing . . . the annual list of worst questions of the year!! Compared to the ridiculous glory of last year, this year's crop has been relatively tame -- but still, there are some real doozies.

Every email below is a real one, copy/pasted without any editing. The worst email of the year is at the bottom.

*                 *                  *

re:  (no subject)

Hi!I dont know if i am using the right address,but if its not please bear with me and help me find the right address.I just recently read some articles about korean men in the internet and got me interested.I just want to know if its possible for korean men to date a black woman especially from Africa.If so,do you have a website where somebody can go through it and check if they korean men looking for black women?Can korean men marry black women from Africa and those already have children?If you are going to use that website where you publicise the replies,please use Pee as my name.Thank you and hope to hear from you soon.Bye!

"Pee" means "urine" in English and "blood" in Korean. Either way, it won't attract too many guys.


re:  birthday cakes


Do you have a recipe for a birthday cake?
Thank you
Jane

Sorry, the Korean is a good cook, but baking is another matter. 


(More after the jump.)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.







re:  Can I give you dog articles?

Hi,

I was checking out your site [WEBSITE REDACTED] and saw that you publish articles and content related to dogs & pets.

Would you be interested in publishing more dog-related articles that would be totally unique and exclusive to your website at no cost to you?  You can find out more about it athttp://askakorean.blogspot.com


but here's a little more info.

We have a team of full time writers with extensive backgrounds in the pet industry.  What we prefer to do, instead of sending articles to the article directories, is to find other website publishers who use quality content & maintain mutually beneficial relationships.

For you, that means unique content - which means two things.  First, you'll get more bang out of the search engines when the article is exclusive to your site.  Second, your visitors won't be able to find the article anywhere besides your site.

For our partners (who pay the writers), it allows them to expand our overall reach.  When a reader likes the article, they sometimes click through to the partner site, which gives them some exposure that they wouldn't have had otherwise.

So if exclusive content sounds appealing to you, just grab a free account athttp://askakorean.blogspot.com

Here's some sample articles in the library right now (there's usually at least 200 articles in there at any given time):

The ABCs of Puppy Classes
Preventing the Theft or Loss of Your Dog
Massage - Rubbing Your Dog the Right Way
Tips for Exercising Your Dog
Health Issues for Senior Dogs - Eyes, Ears & Tumors


The articles will have a link back to one of our partner's sites.  That's what's in it for us.  You get fresh new unique content, we get some extra eyeballs to our partners.  We only partner with high quality sites.... examples are Dogster, Oh My Dog Supplies, Facebook, and Youtube.

Remember - once you publish an article, we will NEVER send it anywhere else.

If you have any questions, you can certainly reply to this email.  Or read more & sign up for your free account at:


Thanks,

[NAME REDACTED]

Editor - [WEBSITE REDACTED]

Unless the website also features proper ways of cooking dog meat, the Korean is not interested. (Upon learning about this email, the editor of the website emailed to apologize -- apparently it was a mix-up by a company that handles PR for the website.)


re:  ROKMC Pohang HQ

Dear Korean,
How can I contact the ROKMC HQ in Pohang to inquire about someone?

I don't speak Korean, just English. And I'm not in Korea.

Here's my story:
I'm going mad. I haven't heard from the boyfriend for 3 weeks now and I don't know what to think of it. Could he be in training? He's been in the service for a little more than a year now. Do they still have trainings that last for a month? Could he have left me cold-heartedly by not talking to me instantly? Could there be something wrong with him right now? Injured?I'm a mess. Been trying to call but his phone just keeps on ringing. We almost always talked daily. I really don't know what to do. Calling the parents is not even an option.

Please help! Sound advice would be very much appreciated, or ROKMC HQ     details, whichever is more appropriate with this madness!

TIA,
GK



Your boyfriend went to the military, not to a boyscout camp. What's the point of calling his phone?

re:  How act and look like a korean fob

Can you tell me everything to do with acting and looking Korean fob. Like what they wear, how they talk, what their hair looks like, what they eat,  what music they listen to and more stuff like that...? I might be a wannabe but i don't care.

Here is one thing you can do to act like a Korean -- stop emailing this blog.

re:  ask korean girl

ask korean girl for short time play.howmuch money i pay...thank's

You're welcom'e.

re:  (no subject)

can you speak Korean?

아니요.

re:  asking for the frequent used words in italy


Ho we say in italy

good day, good bye
please
the menu please
can you please help me

You should ask an Italian.

re:  hey

My name is elena and I am looking for old korean man that wants to have hot sex with sexy woman. Please contact me I live in korea town ca.

Didn't know there was a city called "Korea Town" in Canada.

re:  OK, I'VE STUDIED YOUR BLOG/WEB SITE & THE JURY IS IN


Bonjour,
Nearly 4 years ago, in response to my reading about French racism on your site, your response to me was I needed to study your blog site and kiss your ass (sorry, I'm not gay and have nothing against gays, but I don't kiss guys in the "mouth").
Regarding the French being racist, no I'm not going to defend or justify it. It is absolutely shameful.  However, when I see the racism exhibited by Koreans......! Well, let's just say they should start an organization calledKKKKKorean Ku Klux Klan!
NOW I DO HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU: Believe it or not, I took your advice, and spent quite a bit of time reading the blogs at your site. NOW HERE'S THE BAD NEWS: While reading and studying the articles at your site, I did so while comparing it to what I consider to be the gold standard of "Ask A....." blog sites: Gustavo Arellano's "Ask A Mexican".
My conclusion: Your site is like quite a number items imported from Korea: A cheap, knock off imitation!
Now go criticize and stop the racism in your Korean culture, as well as in the culture of your adopted country of America (and once you're completely done with that, you can then take on the racism of anyone else you damn well want)!
A bientot,
Ai-Chi Hua Hua

Wow, you held a grudge for 4 years against some random dude on the Internet? Your life must be wonderful.

re:  (no subject)


I have a Korean boyfriend. Which sentence that Korean boys want to listen to the most. I just know only one which my boyfriend taught me " ne namja chingu changsaengnim " = my boyfriend is handsome hahahahaha.. He is such a baby. Thanks in advance 

The Korean is pretty sure that the sentence is "Take off your pants."

re:  (no subject)


Hello, i have a Q...
actually, it's not so easy, but ....my craizy dream is find korean boy friend, please, help me to find way ... how???
i am in USA, Omaha, NE. Maybe attend to some churches?  
/ I am single, but have a doughter (3 years old). also have PhD degree! 
thank you so much (Avietta, 29)
please, e-mail me back, if you need I give u more details, why looking for korean and e.t.c.

The Korean only wishes he could firebomb the college that gave you a Ph. D.

re:  rape in Korea

Hi, why do so many young, unmarried women in Korea get pregnant? I understand why the babies are sent all over the world – because of Koreans strong cultural emphasis on blood relations. But are these young women being raped? What is the history of rape laws in Korea? Thanks for any information you can give me. Linda

Sometimes, stupidity is so staggering that there simply is nothing else to say in response.

re:  marrying young Korean girls

I am a thirty year old American white who has lived in Korean for three years and can speak Korean, not perfectfully, but I want to marry a Korean girl and raise a family in Korea. My question is, is it possible for a thirty year old American guy to marry a twenty to early twenties year old Korean girl, or does the age difference and the fact that many girls these days are marrying later make this impossible? What if the guy had an excellent income and could buy a nice apartment? How likely would he be able to find a "good” girl that could commit to a husband and family? What if he could pay for her education, so that she could start a career if she wanted? Yes, I know that I am old fashioned and traditional. That is one reason I left America.

This is the Korean's favorite kind of bad email -- an email that begins pretty normally, then slowly degenerating into creepiness.

re:  My wifes parents

my s.korean girl and I both have mental illness and we made a baby and her parents wont relax and im mix with im confused but im light colored and my childs mom and I are both americans I dnt speak any other laguage and we kill for eachother wats her parents prob

Laugh? Cry? Both? My goodness.


And now, for the worst email(s) of the year...

re:  men

why do korean guys hold grudges against the girl they supposed to have loved..will not text me ..i did nothing wrong he saw some texts on my cell phone and thought that i was cheating on him.. i never cheated on him if any i cared about him alot ..now its been 10 months and he will not talk to me..i think about him alot and i worry because i do not want anyone do anything to him..what should i do'''i fell in love with him.and i;m not seeing anyone i still care...some advice would help...thanks debbie


re:  I have this cute guy.I love him tp much right now he is not. Speaking to me.I k.ow me not deleating those texts made it look but l was not cheating with any p

I know what I did was. Wrong. I was not trying to b a player.I never cheated on him.I fell in love with him.he's the lucky onr
I tried to tell him.I miss him so much.if I can have one night with him I b happy.I told him I was ready but in all reality I was scared.but if I can have that one chance he woil
Know.just to say I love you baby.I really do I would tell the world that I love you.

- Debbie S.

If you recall, this is the same Debbie S., the "worst emailer of the year" of 2010. Obviously, she was not content with the second-best title of the "worst emailer" -- she decided to gun for the worst email of the year! Like a clockwork, Debbie S. has been sending an email of this kind every three months or so. In a weak field this year, persistence is victorious.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

18 comments:

  1. Holy sh$t, TK!
    I hope you're getting some sort of hazard pay for this...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow, the 'My wifes parents' one was absolutely gold. I always love reading these, though I can only hope the majority of them are just trolls.

    ReplyDelete
  3. after last year's picture of a cock, you might just have to retire this annual column, TK. Everything after will be anticlimax.

    ReplyDelete
  4. LOL This made my day! Thank you! haha :)

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  5. So many good reasons to be misanthropic, but my favourite is: "Your site is like quite a number items imported from Korea: A cheap, knock off imitation!"

    I hope The Korean will keep up his cheap imitation in 2012!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You actually think wanting to get married to a girl while she is still young and not going to be old in ten years is creepy? Parents in Korea are seriously set on the husbands of their daughters being well established financially, and considering that Koreans generally care more about education than nearly everything else, the only chance a foreigner would stand a chance marrying a girl while she is still young would be on the conditions of the so called creepy questions which address such issues.

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  7. But you probably would not know much of Korean attitudes these days having lived in America so long. Even so, I would really like to hear your logic on this..

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  8. All I can say is "LMFAO!!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jason:
    It's creepy as fuck. End of story. If you don't understand why, that is your problem.

    ReplyDelete
  10. @jason

    I have to say I was creeped out by his email too. It's not that its wrong for a 30 year old white American man living in Korea to marry or want to marry a twenty year old Korean woman...but the fact that he inquires about it in that kind of way to TK is creepy. I mean, hello he's like would I be able to marry one if I have enough money to buy an apartment and put her through school? WTF? seriously? is that how he would talk to other women in America? obviously not, cause any normal woman in America OR Korea or ANYWHERE would be like WTF.

    Was that your question? Hahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Was that your question? Hahahaha!

    Well, the questioner for that question was a Jason...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Funny! At least you aren't dying of boredom.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wow, I lost a few brain cells while reading these...but the laughs I got were totally worth it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. No, you're right. It's not the way you would approach a woman on a first date. But it's a strategy, much like some women who seduce a man to marry them for his money. But when all else fails it's worth considering, since the first response I always get from women is, "I do not want to get married now until I have finished school and started my career". Finally it was a question sent by email from one man to another to get some insight on the situation. But The Korean likes to talk a lot but does not seem to understand much; he simply regurgitates information like the thousands of notecards in cute little boxes that he studied in his dorm room.

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  15. @Jason - As a woman, I can guarantee you that you come off as a creep. If you want a wife, you better look at her seriously as a person first, not some object of desire.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm dying right now at some of your answers, lol!

    Thank you for another great year of insightful, poignant and entertaining posts! Happy New Year and 새해 복 많이 바드세요!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ugh! The misspellings and poor grammar are painful to read. Then there is the fact that the content of all of this is just so stupid it's embarrassing. They obviously don't have much going on. Poor things and poor you because, this stuff is emailed to you with hopes that you will answer.

    ReplyDelete

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