Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Best of the Worst 2010 - Part III: Worst Email of the Year Revealed! (And it is VERY NSFW)

And here we go into the grand finale -- the worst email of the year! But first, some very worthy runners-up.  Again, all emails are real, and are copied/pasted verbatim except for people's names.

Strange Tasting Spams

re: Booking for a dance class

would like to book for 2 weeks classes for 3 hours each day Monday to Saturday for a group of 10. We are asking for 3 hours per day for 2 weeks - Monday - Saturday. A total of 36 hrs. We would be coming over for holiday and as part of our plans we need dance classes/private lessons in ANY of the following area Ballet, belly dance and Pre-Dance as well as Salsa, Swing,Ballroom and Tango. Do you have a training studio/facility where you conduct the classes? Do you have rooms or is there any hotel close to your facility? DATE: 6TH February 2010 TO 20TH February 2010.
The group would be performing for a group of family members over there. I would love to get the total cost or a quote/estimate. What are your payment options? Do you accept credit cards? I would be grateful if you will be willing to do the work to teach quality classes and make us happy.


Regards,

Amanda Nichole

The Korean misses the good old days when spams were about an African millionnaire dying in a plane crash.

re: Your prompt response will be appreciated

Hello,

I am Davis klean i would like to book reservation for accommodation and lunch for 10 workers that will be coming for vacation on the 12th April to 22th july 2010.

If you have vacancy for the specified period, give me the total cost of 10 single or 5 double rooms for 10 nights for the 10 guests. Please give us your rates,for the entire period, and get back to me with the grand total for the period of time i requested.

Your prompt response will be appreciated.
Thanks for your co-operation.

Regards.

Davis klean

Sure, the Korean has five double rooms for your workers ... in your mama's ass.

re: Coach Brazilian Football

Hi Mr,
Please check my resume the football.

Coach Brazilian Football - Claudio Roberto Silveira.


Along with the resume, these pictures were also attached.




The Korean would have thought fake Brazilian reporters would be hotter than that lady.

re: hello am jennifer can we meet pls

hello
My name is Jennifer Peter.I am 27yrs old,i graduated At (Arizona State University)ASU where i studied banking and finance and now am planning to work in any of the bank.I am leaving with my uncle in Liverpool, but I have been happily single,It is time to move on. Family is very important to me. I can cook, clean, I am attractive and outgoing. I consider myself to be balanced, well-rounded,and from a close family.I Believe life is not a spectator sport - Because life is short, I work hard and play hard Am a happy person, and believe happiness comes from within Find good conversation more stimulating than a strong cup of coffee Family is very important to me - Love to dance,Am a creative and good cook Volunteer because it warms my soul My favorite cities: New York, Los Angeles,London,Chicago Favorite Movies: When Harry Met Sally, James Bond movies,The Godfather, Love Story, and films that "move me" Wouldn't survive without frequent and generous doses of laughter Appreciate "marvelous imperfections", and believe we all love imperfectly Believe true love is unaffected by time,space and distance...

My love life is very real and i try to take my time to acquire one.My being single introduced me to internet dating because it worked so well for a good friend of mine. I belief in true love as it develops. Am very romantic and I enjoy dancing and dining out at least once a week especially with a partner who understands true romance. I actually love romantic men..I haven't been doing that too much lately since i have been single for a while now. I hope I found him already.

I am the only child of my family,I am looking for a man who is gentle, warm, sensitive, kindhearted, compassionate, generous, supportive,loving, understanding, honest, trustworthy, open, adventurous, strong,courageous, spontaneous, outdoorsy kinda guy, funny, playful,passionate, sensual, sexy, attractive, witty, charming, physically fit, emotionally stable, financially stable, caring, loves animals, his family,friends. Someone who is spiritual and believes in helping others. Someone who I can share my thoughts, feelings ideas with and he shares his with me.A man who is strong, yet tender; supportive, yet doesn't mind being supported and cared for. A man who wants to Love me & be Loved by me. I hope you are an honest man because the most important characteristics to me are compatibility and friendship. I'd like to know if you are an open minded person, honest and easy going. A sense of humor is a big plus. I hope we'd have some shared interests and goals, as well as some similarities in opinion about what's important in life. I would love to find out if you are a true caring someone that I could have a very deep relationship with and be able to just feel the Light when we are together. I'm hoping you would be a like minded partner to share life with. Well, I think that gives you a little idea of who I'm looking for.

My hobbies are listening to music,reading,playing table tennis,cooking and hanging out with friends and relatives,watching movies and traveling.
I was born in Illinios, my Dad was killed in a construction accident when I was quite young. When I was still a teenager, my Mother had cancer and I took care of her until she passed away. I was still under 27 before both were gone.I am presently residing with my uncle in Liverpool,UK does it sound familiar?

So I guess thats that about me you can as well ask me any other thing you want to know i will be more than glad to answer any of your questions as for you please tell me more about yourself lets start with your full name?location?kind of work you do for a living?about your family?hobbies and tell me about your dream woman,seeeking casual or serious relationship?Do you have any Pic you can email to me?

My pics is attached below..

Would love to hear from you soon.....


Here are some pictures of Jennifer Peter.

The Korean might have cheated on his wife and flew over to Liverpool if Jennifer Peter did not name her pics "Graphic 1" and "Graphic 2".

Korean Wave Hit You in the Head

re: Hello

How can I find someone who look like Gu Jun Pyo of Boys Before Flower?

Maria G.


Two words: human cloning. It will only take 20 some odd years to grow a Gu Jun Pyo.

re: from Brittany

Hi, my name is Brittany, nice to meet you. I have a questiion. I'm think of meeting SUper Junior Sung Min and wanted to ask him out on a date secretly, What should I do to keep a secret so people I trust won't scandalize about all over the public? It scares me and makes me very angry when people do that. What should I do to date Sung Min secretly when people don't know nothing about it. I can meet Eun Hyuk and Lee Tuek and ask EUn Hyuk to go with him to his dorm and meet Sung Min.


Brittany, do you see this nice little cart here? You do? Good. Now look back. The tiny dot waaay behind that cart is a horse. And inside that horse's behind, there is your head.

re: HI

Do you know how to get ahold of Rain? The man in Ninja Assassin?

Gigglez Rose


Sure, the Korean will just look through his speed dial... Dammit, never mind. That number is for Rainn Wilson.

More ridiculousness after the jump. (WARNING -- R-rated materials ahead.)

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.



re: question about korean fan’s gift

THE KOREAN,

hi, Girls generation, a korean girl group idol is coming to singapore and i would like to give one of them a fan gift. What gift would you think is good when they are flying around the planet busy with their schedule?

Vincent W.


Your personal schedule, so that they can make sure to avoid you.

re: (no subject)

hello! I would like to translate this letter from english to korean, could you help me? your help will be greatly appreciated!

[ATTACHED LETTER]

dear taemin,
How are you? First of all, I would like to thank you for everything that you are doing. I love all your
songs and dances, your jokes and wisdom words, they give me strength and hope. Secondly, I love
you. I’m not quite sure if it’s right and if it’s normal to love the person you never met and probably
will never meet, but the feeling is too strong. I feel attraction towards you, a huge admiration and
desire to be with you. Sometimes I can’t even stand this feeling, because I realize that everything is
for nothing, I will never be with you and I will never see you in my life, it hurts but I keep supporting
you. Lately, I feel jealous of you, that you have so many positive and incredible things in yourself that
I don’t have in me, and it bugs me, I feel like I’m doing something wrong in my life and like I’m not
worth anything. But then I look at you and realize that if I work hard I can be as perfect as you and
if I do right things and be good to others I can make my dreams come true, this gives me strength
to go on and work hard. You give me hope. Please keep up with what you are doing and good luck
with all that you are planning to do in future. I love you. No matter what I will always be on your
side. I have always been a fan of you. I make it a point to go on the computer to check out updates
of you so as to make sure you are safe when you're away in other countries performing! I love your
smile, because whenever you smile, your eyes sparkles and smiles too! You are an innocent boy,
who catches my heart the moment i saw you. Nothing is better than me watching your videos every
day and downloading your pictures. No matter what my other friends say, I always think you are
the best. I will always be the most loyal fan and i will support you in whatever you do! Believe me,
you can do it! One day, you shall become the best dancer in Korea or maybe even worldwide! As
long as you put your heart in to it, nothing else matters! I will always trust that you are the best
dancer! I always talk to my friends about you, about how wonderful you are! Because that is the
way you are! No matter what I talk about, it is always about you! Looking at you is enough. I love
you Taemin! When i watch SHINee videos, my eyes are only on you. You are the only one i see in the
music videos, because to me, you are the most outstanding one! I will always be here for you my
dear taemin!
However, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I can’t be the one whose shoulder you cry on.
I’m sorry I’m not there to share happiness and laughter with you.
I’m sorry I’m not the one you can run to when you need advice.
I’m sorry I can’t share be there to congratulate you when you win an award.
I’m sorry that I can’t be the one to dance with you.
I’m sorry for keeping me away from you.
I’m sorry I can’t find you.
I’m sorry I’m not your perfect dream girl.
I’m sorry I can’t be the one to capture your smiles.
I’m sorry for loving you.
I’m apologizing to you and it probably won’t make a difference to you because you don’t even know
who I am.
I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself for falling in love with someone who I won’t be with no
matter how much I wish for you. I feel like sometimes it’s just better loving you because everyone
else will leave me one day. In this case, I don’t really have you, so there’s no way of you leaving me.
Therefore there’s no way of you hurting me.
When I see you smile, my whole day brightens up. You’re someone I could watch from far away
and not be sad about it because I’ve been doing that from the start. I want to only love you and no
one else. Is that bad? Just wanted to let you know that I will love you no matter what you look like.
I won’t care if your hair is purple, or if you lose those muscles, or if you cross dress. I love the way
you look, but I love who you are on the inside more. That’s something that will never change and
my love for you is also something that will stay the same. I remember that there is a time you went
to a radio station and you cried. That moment , i really want to hug you and tell you ” my dear , it is
okay ! ” I want to be there to wipe away all your tears and take away all your misery . You inspired
me to sing and dance, and I love the way you dance. All the way taemin, I love you. Don't give up
okay? i will always be here for you. I don't know if I am suppose to say this to you, or if it is the right
choice, i hope it doesn't scare you. I just love you too much, you're my dream boyfriend. I know it is
impossible but can you please try to make it impossible? I hope to be able to talk to you online or at
least communicate? I don't know Korean words, I am translating it, I don't know how to write them
but I am learning to write this long letter for you. i hope you are touched. I'm from Singapore and
I am 15 this year, I guess the age difference is not that big and i have a chance to be your girlfriend
right? I will try my best to show you that I will love you forever. My name is xueqi. I really wish to
talk to you, I hope you can email me but you can keep your email private? I wouldn't tell my friends,
because I know you still need your privacy. I hope you will take this in to consideration, my email is
[REDACTED]@hotmail.com I just hope to be able to talk to you.
I hope you will not feel uncomfortable that I am sending you this letter. Because I have put in my
hearts and souls to write this letter! :) You are someone I love from the bottom of my heart, I love
you not because you are cute, manly or whatsoever but because i know you are pure in your heart
and you have a good personality. It is not that I am desperate, I know there are many fans out there,
loving you as much as i do, but, perhaps i am not the first one writing you a letter, I hope you won’t
take this as an ordinary letter. I hope you are touched, because I am crying as i am writing this letter
to you. You are a sweet boy, I have always loved you, when i saw you cry, i just have this feeling
to go over and give you a hug, just like how a girlfriend would do to her boyfriend, and assure him
everything is okay. And that she will always be there for him. This definitely helps him to pick himself
up and work towards his goal. I hope you will feel the urge to move on after this letter, and you will
be more energized to work hard. I will be looking forward to see your next album! Press on, I love
you :) And I am sorry if this scares you, considering you are an innocent man, but i hope it does not
scare you. I don't like to hide my feelings, so I think it is better if you know someone out there in
Singapore loves you okay! I think of you as someone who is innocent, yet cool. Nobody can replace
you in my heart! I may not know how to speak in Korean, but I know when you are upset, I am
definitely always here for you, and I am the one whom you can trust and talk to. I am learning how
to speak and write in Korean, so we can communicate when time comes!


The Korean hopes that Taemin personally comes to you to slap you hard in the face. Just once is all the Korean asks.

You Are Asking Too Much

re: math problem

hi i juat have a math question

-5r+14 =11

what is the value or R
correct me if im wrong but this is my work
-5r+14 =11
14-11=5r
3=5r
3/5=r
R=3/5

Thanks in advance.
Roy


Ponder this -- the math is right but Roy is still an idiot.

re: Question

Good morning,

Would you please write the following word below for me in Korean handwriting. I've tried using several online Korean software's but since Korean is written in sounds and not actual letters like English, it does not come up correctly.

Miami

Thank you,

Jose E.


Jose was writing from a major international law firm that has nearly 40 offices worldwide. And somehow they could not find a single Korean speaker in their ranks. The Korean's respect for that firm dropped significantly.

re: help please

hi
i live in pakistan. i bought a used washing machine of daewoo electric. but its all in korean i guess. can u translate the images attatched.ii shall be very thankful to u.
regards
amir



No, Amir. You must pay your dues with trial-and-error for buying a machine that you do not understand. Hope you don't have to wash too many white clothes.

re: (no subject)

Hi, I need help writing a letter. I don't understand Korea and I does not how to read,write, speak but I need to wrote 13 letter in Korea. Need help!
Cheers.

- G.Y.J.


Why? Why?? Why would ANYONE need to write 13 letters in Korean when she does not know Korean???? ANSWER ME!!!

Straight Up, Plain Weirdness

re: LG CEO

Hi,
If I write a letter to the CEO of LG Koo Bon Moo regarding issues with LG here in Australia and address it to him at the LG twin towers in Seoul do you think he would read it? Would a CEO be interested in that?

Thanks

Rolf


Sure. Make sure you address it to Mr. Moo.

re: I have a specific question

Hi my name is Nathan I'm planning to teach English in Korea
However I have schizophrenia
I need to know how much it costs a month for paliperidone or in Canada it's also known as Invega.
I take 2 pills a day at 6mg each so thats 60 pills a month at 6mg each
Does South Korea have this medication and how much will it cost a month there

I'm planning on leaving for Korea soon
Please help
I need to know
Thank you
Nathan


The Korean really, really wants to be sensitive to mental health issues. But he probably will keep a safe distance from a Canadian ESL teacher named Nathan. Sorry, just can't help it.

re: do i have a child in korea

i was with miss il song uijongbu do we have a child

Art L.


Only you and Miss Uijongbu would know, Art.

re: information on free medical care system in DPR Korea
Dear Korean,
I am from India working in development sector our organisation is compliing best practices in primary health in south east asian countries. We want to include 'free medical care system of DPR Korea' but we have not been successful in finding information on what was th objective of the system, what all agencies were involved, what were the outcomes and challenges etc. We would appreciate if you could provide us the relevant information or could guide us to links where we can find related information.
Thans
Regards
Meeta
India


Sure, North Korea has free medical care system -- as long as one takes out the words "medical" and "care", the system costs nothing.

re: Ethnicity question
Melissa Lee, attractive anchor on CNBC.........Korean or Chinese? We
are having a dispute at work and would like your opinion.
I tried emailing her but she did not respond.

Regards
Bob G.
Fairfield, CT


You are a real winner, Bob. Can't believe Melissa Lee wouldn't personally answer you back.

re: Question
Hi, This is Rio. I am looking for somewhere I can get a placenta injection in NY Manhattan.
If you knew some info, price or clinic, please let me know.

Thank you

Rio


Rio, let's make a deal. You procure your own placenta, and the Korean will post your email here. How does that sound?

re: chicken slaughter method
I want to ask that what is the method of slaughtering the chicken? is it electrocution or slaughtering with knife?

Please reply asap. (I live in KAIST, daejeon)

- R. M.


Choking it. Sometimes with the left hand only. But make sure you don't go blind.

re: Korean women Caucasian men

They are seen as whores and Korean women with blacks are seen as actual whores. One problem that I find with Koreans is that they talk out of their ass too much. Jews are on point with their knowledge.
Happy thanksgiving.
James
Sent from my iPhone


Shouldn't there be an app that detects the stupidity of an outgoing email?

Totally NSFW (Children under 17, please stop reading.)

re: (no subject)

This is a wierd question but, why do korean men have small penis's, and would i feel out of place if i went and lived in korea with a korean male?


Only if you plan to walk around naked all the time.

re: please help

i was wondering about any information regarding the adult film industry in korea. i would like to get some contact info for any company in korea. i know they are underground sort of but how can i get into that industry.please let me know

- Brian S.


Here is an ancient Korean proverb, Brian:  Give a head to get ahead. You know what to do.

re: hi

Hi friend, I'll visit Seoul next week and i want to ask where can i meet eastern european escorts (russian)? Which Anma is best and foreigner-friendly ?
Thanks a lot.

- Joe B.


There is a place near Seoul Station where your mom works, Joe.

re: Good day

Hi

im don..
i soo much love korean guys..
everytime i watch a porn of korean is it real that in korea there is fucking in the bus, train and and there a sometimes walking naked alone in public place??
is it normal on korea?
pls im curious

Hoping to hear from you. more power for your blog!
(cool blog i love reading it)


Yes, yes it is totally normal to walk around naked alone in public places in Korea. You should try it, especially right now when the temperature is in the negative.

re: Korean Women

Is it true Korean women reach climax with more ease than other women? I had never heard the stereotype before, however I recently began dating a Korean woman and a friend of mine (who strictly dates Korean women) alluded to it, and my experience with the woman has been that it is completely true, almost to the point of absurdity. Obviously I'm drawing on a small sample size here, so...is it true or did I just get lucky?
Thanks~

- William F.


Orgasm tends to come easily when you are paying for it, William.

::DRUMROLL::The Worst AAK! Email of the 2010!!!::DRUMROLL::

re: from onyekachi

HI
my name is onyeka from africa base in malaysia asia country.i was searching through google i get across your ad i decided to get intouch with you.i am 24 years of age and i am here to inform you that i am very much interested to work with your industry for adult film like hard core porn softcore porn linking any kind of adult film. i am fully interested to work with you industry and if you are also an agent i will be so much happy to sign contract with you so that you can get me a very nice adult film industry and you become my manager please here attacch is my nude pictures and i hope my reguest will be consider and i hope to hear from you soon.

Cheer
onyeka




While there were many worthy competitors, a picture of your own penis sent to a complete stranger will win the Worst Email of the Year every year.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

26 comments:

  1. I actually feel a bit sorry for Amir in Pakistan. Perhaps he didn't really have a choice when he bought that Korean washer(?) Here's the translation of the buttons, starting from the leftmost column:

    - Standard
    - Blankets
    - Save electricity
    - Wool
    - Soak

    Course

    - Wash

    Wash

    - Rinse
    - Rinse in running water (?)

    Rinse

    - Spin-dry

    Spin-dry

    ReplyDelete
  2. Please, please, please put NSFW warning at the beginning of this post. I tend to scan the entire post to see how long it is before I read it. This morning you caused me to spit my hot cocoa across the room.

    Thanks to you, I learned that people need to learn what boundaries are and use some damn discretion.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree about needing a NSFW warning. I'm glad I'm still on vacation.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Done, with NSFW warning. The Korean did have some warnings in the middle of the post, but upon reflection the warning probably should be right up there.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Christmas is also a time for introspection. And let's be honest here: don't we all have a huge crush on Gu Jun Pyo?

    ReplyDelete
  6. After the epic three-part installment this year, I'm going to suspect that there will be a lot of trolling directed at the Korean in attempt to be featured on the "Best of the Worst" series for the years to come (either that or to simply annoy TK).

    While I don't doubt TK's troll-filtering abilities, in addition to knowing that most creepy/WTF-esque e-mails will still be real, I do wonder if the quality of the series will degrade due to e-mails from trolls. Hope that won't be the case.

    [I do understand that all of this is ironic coming from a commenter named Troll.]

    ReplyDelete
  7. What the hell kind of name is il song uijongbu?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think you crossed a line by posting the photos even if they are fake.

    ReplyDelete
  9. dear lord I can't even bear to read some of these fully because I feel so embarrassed for you, for me, for them? no just for you.... wow the things you deal with.....WOW

    ReplyDelete
  10. Goog golly!! people actually ask "how to get a hold of XXX" to a perfect stanger?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Wow...very interesting how weird and off topic some of these question really get...they're crazy as shit. I bet you often feel extremely uncomfortable.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm fwd-ing the letter to Taemin to my friends before I even read half of it, I'm sorry xiaoqi(?), you are just too wonderful <3

    ReplyDelete
  13. Man, I don't know if it's just me but out of all the crazy emails, the one that concerned me the most was of the schizoprenic man trying to teach English in Korea...I work for a Federal agency that requires me to speak with and assist people with disabilities, and I must say having to work with those diagnosed with schizoprenia is really one of the most unpleasant and scary/creepy experiences..on meds or not...I wonder how far Korean teaching agencies go to screen their potential employees...

    ReplyDelete
  14. 13 letters to Korea perhaps one for every Super Junior member? if they have 13 still.. I can't keep up with the amount of members they have

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow. I liked your site and I respected it... but I think criticizing the email from Nathan the schizophrenic and putting it up here as one of the worst emails was really belittling and offensive. I would think you'd have a lot more sensitivity and tact towards this person. Even if it freaks you out that someone with schizophrenia would be teaching in Korea, you could at least reply kindly, not answer if it frightens you or not post it. People with schizophrenia don't have any choice in their illness and they are completely ostracized in moments such as these. Is he someone to be laughed at? In what way are you improving society's view of people with mental illness by making fun of this person?
    Also in reply to commenter "S", it makes me feel completely disappointed and saddened that someone who chooses to work with people with disabilities for a living could be snooty towards schizophrenics. Without meds, they're scary but even on meds? I guess they'll always retain the image of some inhuman, beastly type creature to you. Come on, have some compassion. You're there to ASSIST them, not judge them. Should they just roll over and die instead of trying to get help? Do schizophrenics not have lives? Do they not deserve to live the best life that they can without all the alienation and disgust?
    I am completely horrified. Both of you ought to be ashamed.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thank you for giving me a whole hour of laughter this morning! I really needed that! This is definitely my favorite post of the year (or even a decade). THANK YOU! Comsameedah!

    ReplyDelete
  17. If I were Xueqi and I read that letter to Taemin again 5 years from now, I think I'd be so embarrassed that I'd either (a) swear to be a celibate for the rest of my life and serve society as a nun or (b) jump off a bridge. I'm blushing FOR her.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  19. And people wonder why foreigners dislike Americans. Dear goodness...
    Thank you for the laughs, AAK!

    ReplyDelete
  20. this is soooooooo hilarious.....wow!

    ReplyDelete
  21. The math question was a good trolling actually :p

    ReplyDelete
  22. I work at LG. AK, please feel free to send me that letter to Mr. Moo. And if Mr. Moo doesn't respond, I'll ask Mr. Joo and then Mr. Soo. Eventually, it should get to Mr. Koo.

    Ken H.
    LG Electronics
    Seoul, Korea

    ReplyDelete
  23. The cart before the horse response? ABSOLUTELY EPIC. Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
  24. OMG the fanmail to taemin had me rolling on the damn floor

    ReplyDelete
  25. I don't see how the fanmail to taemin should be something to laugh at. This girl is 15 and to her it is very real. Shouldn't her feelings be treated with respect?

    Maybe she doesn't have anyone to talk about it in real life to give her some perspective.

    TK - you are older than she is you shouldn't laugh at her - you should give her compassion and guidance. That is your role.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought it was a bit cruel to tell her that Taemin should slap her, but it was a pretty harmless joke response to a stupid email.

      Delete

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