Thursday, December 23, 2010

Best of Worst 2010 - Part I: The Heartbreak Hotel

Best of the Worst
Best of the Worst 2009

'Tis the end of the year, which can only mean one thing -- time to anoint the worst question of 2010!

The volume of email increased significantly this year, as AAK! was getting featured in the New York Times and CNN. So this year, the best of the worst questions will be done in a series. First up: all the heartbroken lovers pining for a Korean. All emails are real, and are copied/pasted verbatim except for people's names.

(Let this be a lesson for a would-be questioner: the Korean HATES relationship questions.)

re: hi

Hello,

nice to c that there are such blogs who can help one to find particular queries about koreans.
This is bharti, 28 y female from india.
U may find it funny but i m highly fascinated by korean guys,since my young age. For the reason i never been in to relationship with any indian guy, m single n still waiting for my mr. right from korea..
how to go in way where i can find one ...pls help


Going to Korea would be a good first step, bharti.

re: help plz

there's this korean guy that i really like in my colege. he works at the convenient store there. last week i asked him if he was free the next week so we could go out for some coffe, but he said he was busy at the moment. then i corrected him saying not ttoday, NEXT WEEK but he still was like im busy today can u plz ask me next time once more?? :S
is he letting me down gently?? plz help me. should i ask him out again???
thanks mr.korean


Here is what you shouldn't ask -- your dumb question to the Korean.

re: i'm an indonesian girl


hey,i'm an indonesian girl who studies in an international school in kuching .
I have an older brother who studies here,too .
I'm quite close to one of his friend who is a korean .
In my opinion,he's just the right guy. He has good sense of humour,he's hardworking and funny.
I started to like him recently ,and then i found out that he's not interested in any girls .he's getting serious in his studies because he's already in form 5.
However,from what i heard ,he never love a girl before,
that destroys my hope,obviously .
So what do you think i should do now?
Just give up or go for him ?i'm just scared that he thinks i am bugging him ..
Thanks before .

You are welcome after!

re: Dear Korean

Do Korean guys think white woman are attractive?
I have a few Korean pen palls, I have shown them my pictures, they all say I am Beautiful.
I look on the internet and people say Korean guys think white woman are not attractive.
I have also heard my pen palls say some American Celebrities are pretty.


No, Korean guys think white women are hideous. No matter who they are. Megan Fox? Angelina Jolie? No, all heinous. Except for the Korean. Who is married. Dammit.

re: korean guys

hey im a black girl..but i love korean guys,I really want to date a korean guy, but I dont know if they like black girls or not. Do korean guys really go for black girls or what?


No, Korean guys think black women are hideous. No matter who they are. Beyonce? Rihanna? No, all heinous. Except for the Korean. Who is married. Dammit.

re: (no subject)

hi I m a girl from mexico and I want ask you a question so.....here we go ^.^
maybe you heard this question a lot of times but i´ll be direct
I like a korean boy but I dont know him yet because I feel very nervious and I want to know a little more korean to have a good conversation well, I know that at first instance which called the attention of a man is the appearance. I am tall (5´6 ft) , weight 113 lb, long dark brown hair, skin very white ( that says the people who know me ) big eyes but have the form of almond and are dark brown too, small mouth color pale red and some people said that I look like a little more asian that latin.
well, do you think that I can call the attention of the guy who likes me ?
thanks for you help and sorry if the question is silly but I´m really nervious and scared T__T


Around the horn for all races! Who else likes Korean men? Ugandans? Papua New Guineans? Martians?

re: Question!

Dear Korean,

I was recently in a relationship with a Korean girl for about two months. Things seemed to be going very smoothly. Each date seemed to be better than the last. Then, one day, all of a sudden she called me saying she had no feelings for me anymore. It was an utter shocker. She seemed to be very emotional about the subject. She even cried over the phone. Something tells me that there was something else that came in the way of our relationship. She mentioned to me earlier on that she never told her father that she was dating me (who is not Korean). However, she said that the portion of the family she did tell was aware and alright with the fact that she was dating me. Another sad aspect is that she is leaving for college in a few weeks... I really don't know what to do about this. I feel like I must do something to make it right. I've contemplated sending her a message describing how I felt. She hasn't spoken to me since the day she said she had no feelings (three weeks ago). If anything, I feel like I should make things right but I don't know if it really was her family that came in the way or not. What should I do to make this right? I would do anything for her.

Alex


Here is one thing you can do, Alex -- man up and quit asking a total stranger about your relationship.

More after the jump.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.




re: 여자

So I have an on-going problem with a Korean girl and I 'd like to hear your opinion.

I've dated her, been dumped by her, and now met her again and gone out with her again a few times. My problem begins with me liking her a lot. I'm sure you are aware that foreigners in Korea have plenty of opportunities to meet and date Korean girls but no one 한국인 or 외국인 that I've met has generated a reaction like this one particular girl. The problem continues with the way she behaves towards me. She has, at least four different times, suddenly and inexplicably stopped communicating. And I mean total stone walling. No responses to texts, ignoring phone calls. Zero contact. But then, usually after a week or so but most recently after many long months,she will just as suddenly come back.

My question to you is this: As a Korean male how would you interpret and react to a girl who routinely broke off contact with you and then responded again? I've known this girl for a significant period of time and our relationship is more than just a foreigner trying to score with a Korean chick. If this girl were American, or if I ha just met her, I would assume that it was over, but I've often heard it said that Korean girls greatly enjoy the chase and I've been through this crap with her before so I know it doesn't necessarily mean things are finished. Is this behavior common or at all typical among Korean girls? I haven't had any relationship experience with Korean girls outside of this one so I'd like to understand if there is some cultural dating nuance that I'm missing. Or am I just dealing with a foolish and thoughtless girl?

Also any advice on how I can get her to respond again and/or put an end to these goofy games would be awesome.

I know you're not a dating counselor and I know every relationship has its own dynamic and that problems must ultimately be resolved by the two people involved but I'm bored and I'd like to hear the opinion of a Korean guy.

Sorry the question is so long... .


As an adult male, the Korean would say that no girl is worth that much trouble. But then again, the Korean does not even remember his wife's birthday.

re: Question
what do you think korean men like receiving on their one year
anniversary with their girlfriends?


Something they like?

re: I need Help

I am an American ,
I fell in Love with a Korean woman and we have been dating for about a year and 4 mo . I love her very and was planning on proposing to her this Xmas . I have always been faithful to her , never called her any names, got drunk or disrespected her when we were together . She told me I was her everything and wanted to get married to me .
She did not want to live with her sister anymore so we started looking for a place together , she wanted to rent a house which was extremely expensive . I wanted to move into a Townhouse which was a low move in then save for a house to buy later . She would not compromise .
I was in a bad relationship before and it put me in debt and it took me a year to get out of it . I did not want to get into the same situation . Her sister found a new place and she did not want to go with her so this added more pressure on me to find a place .
Here is where everything went wrong.
She had one week to go , so she wanted to come live with me for a month before her daughter got home . For some reason I said it wouldn't be a good Idea because her commute to work would be 2 hours and it would be uncomfterabe with my roommate and son there .
She was furious , she told me not to call of text her . 2 days later she got a room with an old coworker . 1 day later she broke up with a TEXT message .
I called her and tried to reason with her but she said I was selfish and was not there for her even though I changed my mind
I tried for a month to fix this by apologizing and then she said that she didn't Love me anymore and has moved on in her heart . That was very quick , I didn't understand .
She has always wanted thing her way , been stubborn , and has been cold to me in the past . But that's ok because I love her .
Here are my questions:

1. Is this normal behavior for a Korean Woman ?
2.Is there anything I can say to her that would speak to her Korean Heart ?
3.Is there a way I can get her respect back ?
4. I want to get her something special from her country that would show her that I really care about her feelings . What can I get her ?, I am not trying to buy her Love back I just want to be remembered as the man that always thought she was special .
She is the Love of my life and I feel that I have lost her .

I hope you can shed light on my problem


Here is something that would speak to her Korean Heart:  KIMCHI. Just scream that word over and over again at her. It will totally work.

re: hi

Hi! I would like to ask things about Koreans. . :)
I've had a relationship with a Korean guy and lasts only for a month.. He is 35, an only child, living with his parents here in the US. I've met him personally after 2 weeks of knowing each other through chat. We've been together for 2 consecutive weekends. He travelled for 4 hours just to meet me. All the while, I've thought of that as a "plus"..We get along so well, to the point that we decided to get married so fast..Only to find out that he's not yet ready for a relationship, as he told me when he got back in his place. He reasoned out that he has to attend his schooling every morning and a full time job in the afternoon, and a part time job every other weekends. He even added that he really need to work his ass off to pay for the mortgages and utilities at home. Not to mention the problems they've had before (regarding his mother, had an accident caused by an American, and lost the case)and the dramas he experienced with his ex-girlfriend 5 years ago.
He told me frankly that he was annoyed by my mood swings and that I don't understand his situation. And worst than that, he emailed me saying, better to end our relationship .I apologized for my behavior and still continue to send emails to him, which he just rarely answered.
Do i have to move on, and forget everything about him?
I still love him because he's so caring and gentle..
Thank you and hope to hear from you soon.

Kind Regards,
Bianca m.


He is not the only one who is annoyed, Bianca.

re: (no subject)

Hi, im sorry for my long newspapper letter haha, I know that you only a REGULAR korean guy but sometimes it's good to ask someone who MABY gust know the answer...

oki, im very pretty and outgoing girl, can easily get what i whant, because as long as I whant somethink I will put it in nummber one and work for it until I get it, semes so easy. Secound I can make people like me so easy, but if we talk about a realationship and boyfriend then i'm too ceareful as 30 years singel womman and i'm only 21.
Maby I'm selfesh but i'm single until now because I only like korean guys and that's it.... no else...
And by any chanse this year a new rich and handsome guy start in our university and he is from Korea so many girl in the university had an eye on him and so did I. So I desided to be his friend and now we are good friends... the story semes to perfect so farr.
But the fact is we are good friends and we like each other much, but I think he is to perpect for me because, so I discovored that I can have feelings for him very soon, and maby it's what I whanted before but not now because I think of him more and don't wanna make trouble for him because he already have a girlfriend in korea,,, and i'm not such bad girl aswell. . . But I think it will be so hard for me because he is gust what I whant. How happy and strong i look outside i'm definitly a girl inside so I think one day soon I may cry, but im so sceared for that, so for changing the sad future for me when time steel enough I can ask you what to do??? how can I stop my feelings for him?
I thought I won't hang out with him more than before maby could be a seloution because then I wont' have much memory when I come home every day... But in the same time I feel I whant to hang out with him because he is goin back to korea in january so it's not much time until he goes, amd ofcource we wanna have a good memory together aswell, so how shhould i act and what should I do when we hang out togehter..????

and his birthday is soon too, do u have any idea what korean guy may like as a present from a girl (friend)??


The Korean knows -- an email without ridiculous misspellings. But it was nice of you to underline them.

re: help me please

hi there
i realy like one korean guy and i dont know if he likes me couse he is realy diffirent everyday how they act korean guys when they like same gril (non korean )is it common in korea touch hands or her back while walking when the boys like grils and i told him you wont be date any other grils and he didnt say any thing i dont know realy what to understand i know you may think i m an idiot but i realy need help offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff


Evren O. 

Would adding punctuations to your email would have changed its fate of being ridiculed? Probably not.

re: Questions

Dear Korean,

I am a Filipino, 31 years old, still single and currently residing in the Philippines. June of last year, I met this Korean guy who became my work colleague. I taught in an English language center before. There came a time when his teacher was absent and I was assigned to be his substitute teacher for two days. As part of the usual "getting to know you" teacher-student talk, I got to know him better. To tell you honestly, the very first time I saw him, I thought he was snobbish but I proved to myself that it wasn't true. In fact, he was very friendly to everyone, even to the "small people." Almost everyone in the office would agree that he's a really kind, nice guy except for his lacking skills of communicating and expressing himself in English. In fact, he's only level one.

In one of our classes, he asked me if I have a boyfriend and I answered him like this, "I'm still praying for him," which I still do up to now. Days passed by and almost everytime that I saw him, he would always ask me like this, "Did you pray?", followed by his assurance that he's also praying for me that I'd soon find a boyfriend.

For about the past three months, I just saw him as an ordinary guy, just like any other guy in the office. One of the Korean managers had to go back to Korea for personal reasons so he was appointed to be the officer-in-charge for our department. Since then, I noticed that his treatment towards me changed. One time, he called me up asking me how's my condition and if I was going to report for work since a strong typhoon hit the country. I asked my co-workers if they received a call from him and they said no. He became my seatmate because he chose to have his table put beside mine. He would occasionally tell me that I should not resign from work because he's going to give me more students and would promote me to a higher position if I stay in the company. I didn't put any malice in whatever he's doing and saying. I just said to myself that maybe he had a growing fondness over me. Plus the fact that he's about six or seven years younger than me. When I told him that he's my "dongsaeng" and I'm his "noona," he smiled and said "no."

One time, we came across each other in the hallway and I asked him how he was. I was surprised by his answer, "I'm happy now because of you." That was the time when I started to develop feelings for him. Even if I was with a group of people, he would only greet me. Almost everyday, he would just pass by my classroom just to say hi to me. Everyday, I felt inspired to come to work knowing that I would see him. His birthday came and when I was about to leave the office, he reached for my hand and thanked me because he was very happy. I couldn't explain how I felt at that time. Another incident, I was doing my report when he suddenly told me that wherever I will go, if I decide to transfer to another company, he's going to follow me. He even suggested that we will have a drink sometime. At first I said yes, but later on I told him that I don't drink because I have a low tolerance for alcohol. So, the promise of a future date wasn't clear for both of us.

I heard a bad news from one of my male friends. He told me that one time, when I wasn't in the office anymore, he brought along with him his girlfriend. He even introduced her to almost everyone in the office but not to my friends. The girl was also a Korean and they said she was pretty. I heard that they became a couple because the girl told him that she liked him so he agreed to be her boyfriend. I must admit that I really felt bad upon hearing that and thought of him as a very stupid person to do that. For about a week, I gave him a super cold treatment which I thought he also noticed. I even thought of taking revenge against him but I realized that it wouldn't do me any good. My male friend advised me to stop giving him the cold shoulder. I thought about it and realized that he's right. I followed his advice. I made the first move to "befriend" him again. He welcomed the move...so that's it.

The next days, I tried to go on with my life and distanced myself from him. I kept myself busy so that I wouldn't have the chance to think of him. But since we worked in the same company, it's very difficult for me to avoid him. There were instances when he would pass by my classroom just to say hi to me, asked me jokingly if I already had a boyfriend and I would catch him staring/looking at me.

Christmas was already coming near so I thought of using the holidays as a good excuse to give him a gift. I was planning to give him the gift before Christmas but I couldn't find him.

On December 29, I was having a class when he suddenly passed by my classroom. Since I had been looking for him the whole time, I took the chance to call him and to give him the gift. The next event was totally unexpected. It is still very clear in my memory. I greeted him "Merry Christmas!" He opened the gift. He shook my hand. He thanked me, said he'll pray for me and uttered the words, "I love you," right in front of me and my student. I was shocked with what I heard but instead of remaining speechless, I changed the topic. I joked around and said that the car is just parked outside. By the way, my gift is just a simple but elegant looking car key chain. He also answered jokingly. After that, he just turned away without saying goodbye to me. Then, my student mentioned that he'll be going back to Korea the next day, December 30. I was totally shocked and almost wanted to run after him so that I could talk to him even for the last time but I couldn't since I was still having a class. After my class, I tried to look for him but I couldn't find him anymore.

Up to now, I feel sad and lonely whenever I think of that incident. I still miss him so much. I try to connect with him through Facebook but I am not successful. Maybe he's busy with many things. But to tell you honestly, whenever I think of him, which I always do, I can't help but smile because we shared many happy memories in the six months that he stayed here in the Philippines.

What did he mean when he said "I love you" to me? Is it a romantic love or Christian love? Do you think he really loved me? Do you think he felt a special feeling for me just because his family was away from him and I was just used as a cover up for his longing? And what do you think is the reason why he didn't say goodbye to me? Some said his mother was sick of cancer that's why he needed to go back to Korea. Maybe that's one reason... I need your honest opinion about what happened to us.

Do you think he really loved me despite our differences?
He's Korean, I'm Filipino.
He's Christian, I'm Catholic.
He's six or seven years younger than me.
Lastly, I'm not sure if his parents will approve of our relationship if we decide to become a couple.

Only a Korean like you can fully understand a Korean like him. I hope you can answer all of my questions.

Thanks a lot. More power. I hope you can answer my letter in the soonest time possible. Your opinion means a lot to me.


Desperately in need of your advice,

Korean Looking Me


tl;dr.

Got a question or a comment for the Korean? Email away at askakorean@gmail.com.

26 comments:

  1. You are a courageous person sure...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Just for the record, if Halle Berry or Alicia Keys jumped into my bed, I'd kick her right out.

    ReplyDelete
  3. And this is just a sampling, right? Do you actually read all your emails? I don't think I'd have the heart to o through them all; it would leave me with some serious depression.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I get a feeling that the Korean - with a benefit of doubt in his mind - approaches all e-mails in the same manner, never ruling out the possibility of worthy questions at the very end even when chances are looking slim. Otherwise, he wouldn't have bothered to read many of the e-mails featured in this very post.

    At least the ones from teenage girls seem to be short & harmless, making them easier to filter, but the walls of text (especially when they are coherent!) produced by folks who are wee bit older... can't imagine them being fun for the Korean.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You would think these people who read your blog would know that these kind of questions demand ridicule.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Stop fighting it. Just change the name of your blog to Dear Korean Abby and be done with it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Gotta admit - kinda felt sorry for a couple of them. Their desperation was tangible. Did I laugh at TK's remarks? Yes, but I still felt that twinge. But really, I can understand TK's frustrations. These questions are not only impossible to answer but borderline offensive (maybe they've already crossed the line for some).

    Having said that, bring on part 2, baby! I find them absolutely fascinating. Sorry TK, but I hope these people continue to flood your box with these emails because they're too fun to read.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm hanging my head in shame for the deplorable English on display here. If you're from a country where English isn't your native language, fine; from presumably native English speakers, there's no excuse.

    Keep up the good (bad?) work.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This reminds me of watching the auditions for American Idol.... it's so bad that you feel less intelligent for watching.. but you keep looking because it just gets worse and worse...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Well stuff like North Korea, Korean names, and beef imports are pretty trivial when it comes up to a thing such as love questions, which is a very serious matter. Then it goes to asking everyone friends, strangers, horoscopes, Internet sites questions. Ridiculebe damned; bad advise is just as welcome as good advise, as long as its advise. Such is the way as things.

    ReplyDelete
  11. These people obviously know that The Korean likes it when others objectify Koreans.

    Waiting for part 2!

    ReplyDelete
  12. So the real reason I was popular with the ladies in my younger days was because of my half Korean blood.)

    ReplyDelete
  13. This question is for Korean Punk Professor. If Heidi Klum or Megan Fox jumped into your bed would you kick them out as well?

    ReplyDelete
  14. So uhm, I'm kind of confused. Last time I checked, TK wasn't writing a Korean Dating Advice Column. :-| Seriously, they should just stop asking a complete stranger for personal advice and make a trip over to Match.com.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You know, the guy with the question about the sudden breaks in communication.... that's fair enough. That bit is part of the dating culture, with the younger crowd. And it's confusing as fuck to work it out. Of course, it's meant to have that effect....

    Wow. I don't feel so bad about some of the emails I get sometimes now. I think 2010 was definitely The Year Korean Men Broke Hearts Around the World.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I bet you those girls were watching Korean dramas. They do not really want Korean guys. What they really want is men who would treat them the same way those male characters in Korean dramas treat the girls. If they only knew the truth about Korean society that values men so much more than women or their domestic abuse issues, they would be more specific and more careful when wording their messages.

    ReplyDelete
  17. v -- Considering how different men around the world are from the men portrayed in every kind of romantic comedy or drama, you would think that adult women would be able to work out the reality for themselves. Thinking that Korean men will somehow be the sole exception is more than a little embarrassing.

    ReplyDelete
  18. AAK,

    I dare you to rename your blog "Korean Love Line."

    I dare you. I double dog dare you!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Edward, if the Korean does that, it will be purely for ensnaring hapless people to ridicule them. But that would be too mean, even for me.

    ReplyDelete
  20. to I'm no Picasso - :) As a recovering drama addict, I must admit: I also like Korean guys (in certain dramas and movies).

    ReplyDelete
  21. Well,even this is seriously hilarious but your tittle says "ask a korean and ask everything"....
    So i think this is the root problem..
    People ask truly everything and it turns out many ridiculous question.
    I'm sure the person that asked the question didn't think anything wrong because it's a public blog.

    BUt TK, really has a highly sense of humor!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I have seen a few comments about problems guys are having with Korean women. The whole "commumication breakdown" thing like someone who suddenly stops responding to emails, texts and whatever, seems to be a KOREAN girl thing. IT SUCKS.
    If anyone out there finds themselves in a similar situation, CUT it OFF NOW. They will only lead you on, and at the end of the day, won't talk with you anyway. They are RUDE and INCONSIDERATE when it comes to being a friend with them. I t seems it's easy to be their friend, however don't ever expect them to reciprocate your kindness, cuase it's not in their benefit, it doesn't matter to them. Nothing matters to them but their own selfish wants/needs.

    "Been There Done That"

    ReplyDelete
  23. hmm..does that means korean drama offers fantasy-not going to happen in real life-only??

    wow, if that's so, I think I have to reduce my likeness on K-drama..too good to be true isn't it? T.T

    But I think it is good for Korean to produce such great drama, and it will be better if it also happens in their real life.

    ReplyDelete
  24. lol that last one though :D
    i think someone's been watching too much K-Drama lol!

    ReplyDelete

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